Damaged

by Jody Holford

  “Well, maybe some other time. Thank you for the coffee, Maddi.” He set the cup in the sink, watching her as she watched him. Her body circled as he moved, so her back wasn’t to him, and his jaw clenched, wondering how close Maddi’s story was to Natalie’s. She covered that small show of nerves with ease. As though she`d had practice.

  “You’re welcome. Thank you for bringing up my materials.”

  Her smile was as tight as her words were clipped. He walked to the door, sensing her need for him to go first. The ding of the elevator arriving reminded him she’d left the door ajar for his whole visit. Granted, she hadn’t meant for him to visit, but that wasn’t the only reason. Noah stepped through the threshold into the hallway before turning to face her. She gripped the door with one hand, placing herself mostly behind it.

  “I’ll see you around,” he said casually.

  It might be just curiosity about the secrets behind those stunning eyes but he’d find a way to cross paths with her again. Shouldn’t be hard given that he planned on keeping close tabs on Nat. Maddi said nothing in response, but the faint curve of her lips seemed to say, “That’s what you think, buddy.”

  From his sister’s door, just down the hall, he looked back to see Maddi still watching him. Her eyes were hooded, confusion clouding her face. His stomach jumped. One quick flip of recognition that warmed his skin. Likely, she wanted to be sure he was really visiting his sister. He was positive she’d felt the burst of heat that had flared when they’d laid eyes on each other. Hopefully, that heat was why she still stood there, staring after him. Noah waved, and she jerked back as if just realizing she was still watching. She shut the door, audibly. Chuckling, he let himself into Nat’s. Yeah, she’d felt the connection. She didn’t like it. But she’d felt it loud and clear, just as Noah had. Whistling, he reminded himself to thank his friend Ryan for suggesting this building for Natalie. The view was definitely worth the money.

  Chapter 2

  Noah’s day started out bad, and by noon he would have bet money that it wasn’t getting better. He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel, almost in time to the Marianna’s Trench song playing. Owning his own business, seeing the name Evans Construction on his truck and signs, filled him with a pride he couldn’t adequately put into words. He had worked hard and steady for a guy named Brent Daley when he’d first arrived in Denver. Brent had been a great boss, fair and honest, but didn’t put up with any bullshit. Noah had sucked up every bit of advice Brent had offered. He could have stayed with Daley Construction, but Noah had wanted to build something of his own.

  The DJ’s voice burst through the truck, warning of heavy traffic on the road Noah was on. Like he couldn’t tell when he was stalled because of it. He sighed, reached over to the passenger seat and grabbed a granola bar, tearing it open with his teeth. There were days he’d trade the pride of succeeding for the relief of having someone else be the boss. Days like today, where he wished he could clock out at five and file the day under ‘someone else’s problem.’

  Noah flipped his signal and made a hard right. There was more than one way to the hardware store. Especially when you knew the downtown streets as well as he did. His brain rolled through the list of things he had to iron out. There’d been a problem getting the work permits for the latest job, a screw up on a city building they were finishing. One of his crew called in sick. Thanks to Facebook and stupid employees, Noah had just found out it was due to a case of the overindulgence “flu.” He’d given the kid a one-time warning instead of firing him outright. Noah smacked the steering wheel, letting out a frustrated groan at the sight of traffic coming to a stop. Construction. Of course. When the phone rang, he answered on the first ring, not looking at the caller ID.

  “Evans,” he snarled, swallowing down the last of his granola bar.

  “Um, Noah? You okay?” Natalie’s voice was small. Timid. Shit. He exhaled and hoped his voice came across gentler.

  “Hey. I’m fine. It’s just been a rough day. You all right?” Horns honked behind him, like that would move traffic faster. Like he could do a damn thing about it.

  “Yes. Everything is good. Do you want to come for dinner tonight?”

  Anger churned in his stomach, swirling like the start of a tornado at the hesitation in her voice. The ready-made apology that lay under everything she said. What Noah wanted, when this day finally ended, was an ice cold beer, a hot shower, and something extra greasy from whatever fast food place didn’t have a line up.

  “Sure. That sounds good. You want me to bring anything?” He hadn’t been there when she had needed him, so he would damn sure be there from now on. He wouldn’t fail her again.

  “No. It’s fine. I went out this morning to get everything.”

  “That’s good. I think you made a good choice with the apartment. It’s nice and close to everything.”

  “It took me about fifteen minutes to walk there. It was nice to not have a time limit.”

  Noah gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles lost color. He would not fail her again.

  “No time limits, honey. Listen, I’ll do my best to be there by six, okay?”

  “Sure.”

  He tossed his phone beside him, his chest tight as he pulled into a parking space at Home Depot. The messes he still needed to unravel today were small in comparison to the emotional fucking web that Natalie was tangled in. At least he knew how to fix the problems at work. He had no idea how to fix his sister. Or if he could.

  Maddi fired up the torch, smiling at the whoosh of the flame, the anticipation of melting the glass. She took the long, thin piece of glass in one steady hand and a metal bar in another. Leaning them both into the heat, she gently curled the glass as it melted. Her pulse quickened as the shape formed, molded around the bar. Sweat trickled at her temples as she continued to spin the glass, the deep green shimmering. Cutting off the tail, she dipped the bar, with the bead formed around it, into a jar of water. She liked the hiss of the heat as it cooled. Cutting the flame, she glanced down at her design book.

  She would weave copper wire around the lentil-shaped bead that was resting. The bead’s aqua hue would suit the tone of the metal perfectly and look like it was trapped within thin strands. The pendant would hang from a 12” copper chain, and she’d do her signature twisted heart closure. She swiped at her temple with her forearm and stretched her neck to each side. Contentment hummed in her veins. This is where she was happiest. When the doorbell chimed through the sound of Taylor Swift’s singing, her shoulders stiffened. The large wall clock read 3:37 p.m. If she didn’t have the time visible while she worked, she’d forget herself completely.

  “Cutting it close,” she said. Most of her deliveries were in the morning, but they weren’t always predictable. Which made them the only thing in her life that weren’t. Delivery drivers usually buzzed from outside, but it was possible someone had let them in. Again. Ingrained habit had her checking the peephole. Instinct made her stomach tighten when it wasn’t UPS. Instead, Natalie stood, glancing up and down the hall before staring down at her feet. Her blond hair spilled over her shoulders. Maddi sighed. As if she’d heard, Natalie’s head popped up, and her eyes stared at the door. Putting a hand on the wood, Maddi took a few deep breaths, trying to keep her pulse normal.

  Noah’s visit last week had disrupted her day, her routine. It had thrown her off balance. But she couldn’t very well let his sister stand in the hallway wringing her hands. Squaring her shoulders, Maddi unhooked the chain, released the lock, and opened the door. If she wasn’t hunched inward, Natalie would be almost Maddi’s height. While Noah’s eyes sparkled with happiness, Natalie’s were shadowed with doubt and unease. Maddi didn’t need to be strong at reading people to see the hurt written all over Natalie. She wore it like a heavy cloak.

  “Hi,” Maddi said, leaving the rest up to her neighbor.

  Natalie inhaled deeply. “Hi. I’m Natalie. I live next door. I’m sorry to bug you, really. It’s just, well, I’m actu
ally that neighbor borrowing a couple of eggs.”

  As Maddi had with Noah, she swallowed her own disquiet in favor of manners. Or in Natalie’s case, empathy. The young woman was like a wounded puppy whimpering on her doorstep. Maddi was jaded, but she wasn’t heartless.

  “Oh. Okay. That’s okay,” Maddi said. The soothing tone of her voice was rusty but using it was like riding a bike. Maddi smiled and opened the door farther. Natalie hesitated, which somehow, made it easier to invite her in.

  “I’m Maddi. Come in for a minute.”

  Natalie complied but stayed by the door, eyes flickering around the room like a firefly, as she continued to wring her hands together. Heaviness settled in Maddi’s chest at the reminder of how hard she’d worked to stop that very same nervous movement. Walking to the kitchen, she grabbed her last two eggs then returned to Natalie, comparing the girl to her brother.

  Similar defined cheekbones, same straight nose, though obviously smaller than Noah’s. Natalie was like a miniature, female version of her brother, physically. Emotionally, whatever had brought her to Denver had not finished taking its toll. But that was none of Maddi’s business, and she didn’t want to know.

  Maddi handed Natalie the eggs. “Is two enough?” Not that she had more. Natalie nodded her head and smiled. She had a sweet smile that brightened her eyes and curtained some of the nervousness.

  “Yes. Thank you. I told my brother I’d make him dinner. Told him I didn’t need anything and then dropped the eggs I did have on the floor.” Natalie’s cheeks flushed as she explained herself.

  “Well, now you have more and he never has to know,” Maddi said, hoping her tone belied dismissal in favor of friendly banter. Out of practice in that area as well. Maddi could handle empty conversations in the check-out, in the elevator, and in the park when she stopped to pet a friendly dog during her run. But the need emanating from Natalie was pushing Maddi into her self-made protective shell. She fought the urge to say, “Okay, see you” and shut the door. Instead, she gripped the door handle and put Natalie’s obvious anxiety before her own.

  “What are you making?”

  “I’m making spaghetti for dinner, but I was trying out a cake from scratch. Now I know why people just buy the box. Noah’s a big eater and he’s done so much for me so I wanted to thank him, you know? Noah’s my brother.”

  Holding the eggs with care, Natalie spoke without pausing, like she was expelling air rather than words. His sister had not inherited any of Noah’s social grace, but she was just as charming. Not that Maddi should judge social graces of any sort.

  “I met him last week actually. I’m sure he’ll appreciate the effort you went to,” Maddi said, confident that he would. He hadn’t said much about Natalie, but the emotion in his face and voice when he spoke of her made his feelings clear. Natalie had the same pride and affection in her voice when she said Noah’s name. Maddi felt the pang of longing jab her hard and quick right beneath her rib cage. She’d once had a tight bond with her own sibling, but that door was closed. Nailed shut. And some things were better left behind.

  “We’ll see what he says after he eats it.” Natalie gave an awkward giggle then thanked Maddi again, backing out of the apartment.

  Maddi leaned her head against the door, heart beating hard, and took slow, measured breaths. For most people, a drop-by visitor was not a big deal. Maddi was not most people. The energy it took to engage with Noah and Natalie was a good reminder of that fact. Most people reached out for the friendship her neighbor craved; some might even take the young woman under their wing. But Maddi’s wings had been broken long ago, and they’d never healed properly.

  So Maddi kept to herself, regardless of the different cities she temporarily settled in. The internet made it easy to run a successful business from the safety of her home. That luxury nurtured her resolve to isolate herself. It was the surest form of protection. It was best not to forget her own needs, just because Natalie was sweet or because Noah was … compelling. Closing in on thirty she’d kept to herself, completely, for twelve years now. A few more deep breaths and the feeling of loneliness slapping at her ribs like a trapped bird would pass. She pushed off the door. And if the feeling didn’t go, she’d bury it, like she had all the others.

  Chapter 3

  Noah wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin smaller than his hand. “I didn’t know you could cook. That was really good.”

  Natalie beamed. There was no other word for the way her eyes lit up. And damn, it was good to see. Even if it knocked the wind out of him to know that the measly amount of praise brightened her spirit. They had a good relationship, and he was here now. Those words were becoming a mantra. He couldn’t go back or change the past. Accepting that was akin to choking down cough syrup, but promising himself nothing would ever happen to her again rinsed the bitter taste away. He’d never get so wrapped up in his own wants, as he had so many years ago, that he didn’t consider others—consider her.

  “It’s just a recipe. I didn’t make up the sauce or anything. I’m good at following directions.” Her eyelashes lowered and she stood to clear her plate, reaching for his as well. Noah placed his hand over hers until her eyes, so much like his, looked up.

  “You don’t have to wait on me, Nat. When someone gives you a compliment, it’s okay to believe you deserve it. Maybe even say thank you,” he said.

  “I know.” She shrugged, tried to tug her hand away, but he gently held it still. She sighed dramatically. “Thank you, Noah.”

  He chuckled, released her hand. It would take time before she believed him. Before she believed in herself. Yet another thing he hadn’t given her: time. He stood and gave her a side hug, nudged her back into her chair so he could take the plates. Her eyes laughed, and it settled the ache in his chest. She would be okay.

  “So, I was thinking,” Noah said, opening the dishwasher. The idea had come to him during one of the several moments today when he’d needed about eight arms to get shit done. He hoped Nat would be receptive.

  “That was never a good sign when we were kids,” she said.

  He tilted his head and looked at her, amusement curling his lips. Now that sounded like his kid sister. He shot her a teasing older brother ‘watch it’ glance and was rewarded with a genuine smile; one that lifted the weight from his chest. He rinsed their plates, keeping his voice casual. “Funny girl. Things are getting busier at work. This is great, except for the fact that little things are starting to get overlooked because I can’t be everywhere and do everything at once.”

  Unable to sit still, Nat stood to hand him dishes.

  “I need an assistant, and I thought maybe you’d be interested,” he said. He watched her expression from the corner of his eye. She stopped smiling and her brows scrunched together. Her fingers tightened on the plate and she bit her lip, giving away her uncertainty.

  “I don’t need your pity, Noah. I can get my own job.”

  Hurt flashed in her eyes, stabbing his chest. He closed the dishwasher with deliberate care. “I wasn’t trying to say you couldn’t, Nat. It’s not pity. Trust me. You would be doing me a favor.” Natalie’s eyes narrowed as she tried to judge the truth in his words. Noah stayed still, held her gaze, reminding himself it would take time for her to trust anyone. Even her own brother. She was making him fidgety. He grabbed the dishcloth and went to the table to give them both a minute.

  By the end of high school, Noah was bursting with the need to get out of his parent’s house, away from his father. When his high school girlfriend decided to move, he had wanted out of Utah badly enough to label his lust “love” and follow her to Colorado. Noah was the kind of selfish only a nineteen-year-old can be, not considering how his family, how Nat, would feel about him moving out of state. His focus had been on freedom and getting laid regularly. Though that didn’t last for long. Turned out that following a girl across state lines, telling her you love her, encouraged her to plan for the future. What nineteen-year-old guy knows about the future? He h
adn’t. The only thing he’d known for sure was that he wanted to stay in Denver. He’d never regretted the decision. Until he found out what Natalie had been dealing with. He ground his teeth together, wringing every drop of water from the cloth.

  “So you’re saying that now that I’m living here, you suddenly need an assistant?”

  Her tone pulled him out of his thoughts. “It’s not sudden. I need some help. If it’s not you, I need to find someone else. Someone I can trust. I figured, two birds, one stone, you know?”

  She pursed her lips, her hands running over each other. When she looked up again, suspicion and interest had pushed away the hurt.

  “What kind of help?”

  Pleasure filled him, making him grin. “Filling out and following up on permits, arranging site visits, scheduling client meetings, reaching out to the clients, and fielding questions. Administrative. A lot of it you could do from home. I figure if you come into the office one day a week, you could do the rest here,” he said casually, knowing when to back off a little.

  She uncovered an interesting and somewhat scary looking cake. It was lopsided and oval, dipping down in the middle. Taking time to think, she cut pieces and placed them on small plates. Trying not to add pressure, Noah grabbed a pop out of the fridge.

  “I haven’t done administrative work in a while. I haven’t done much of anything in a while. I’m going to be rusty, but I could probably manage.” She spoke quietly, more to herself than him. Taking the plates to the table, she shook her head when he offered her a drink.