Finding Home

by Kelley, Aine

  Jenny bends down and cups my face. “Listen. We will not let you go down this path again. You won’t return our calls and texts, and you look pathetic. Sam won’t respond either, and since I can’t get on a plane right now, I’ll deal with your ass first.” My body comes alive at the sound of her name, and of course Asshat One and Asshat Two notice. “See Jack, I knew the mention of her name would cause his ass to perk up.”

  “I should have never doubted you, Bean Pole.”

  “Aww … thanks Jack. It’s nice when you admit I’m right.” As much as I would like to watch this little love fest play out, my irritation is reaching its crest.

  “If you two could wrap this up, I should probably take a shower.” I start to get up, but Jack knocks me back down.

  “Sorry bro, just sit your ass down for five minutes, and let your sister speak.” Jenny touches his arm and looks softly at him before unloading on me.

  “Now listen, the two of you mopes suck at being apart, so get your ass in gear and fix this. Talk to her!”

  “I don’t think I can do it. She ran. Maybe all of this is for the best. It’s easier being alone; less hurtful in the end.”

  Jenny’s look tells me she’s about ready to tear my head off. “Now, you listen to me…”

  Jack reaches out and gently lowers her commanding finger. “I got this.” She steps back and allows him to talk. I’ve never seen her back down to him. Whack! Whack!

  “What the fuck, Jack!” My hand rubs my head where he decided to take out his frustration of me. “Why does everybody think smacking me upside my head will help?”

  “Maybe because you need some sense knocked into you. Stop being a pansy ass and a miserable prick and get on a plane. Go get her, man.” Jack bends down so we are eye to eye. “Some people never get the chance to fall in love, but you’re a lucky bastard. You got to fall in love twice. Don’t fuck this up. So she ran—big friggin’ deal. May I remind you that you did it, too? Fuck that shit! Let go of whatever crazy shit is going on in that head of yours. Let Sam all the way in. Love her, man. Just love her.”

  Letting their words seep in, I know they’re right. Now what do I do about it? Exist like I am or start living again. A slow smile creeps across my face because I know what I need to do. It’s time to man up.

  This past week’s been brutal. Jenny keeps trying to call me, but I only spoke to her once. She didn’t tell me anything that I didn’t already know. Yes, I know I sound like shit, and yes, I’m an idiot for leaving. I know that. I do not need for her to remind me it. When she calls now, I reply with a text message. It’s easier this way. She can’t hear the pain and sadness in my voice.

  So here I am—back at my mom’s house. Stuck in what used to be my old bedroom. It’s been turned into some kind of reading/guest room. There’s not one trace showing I ever lived in it. But, that’s my mother for you. I take a glance out the window and look up into the sky. The late August moon glows big and bright. A sure sign that fall is coming.

  Moving over to the bed, I lie down and hope that sleep will come easy tonight. Chances are good that it won’t. Since I left Ben, my mind has been a jumbled mess. I’m invaded by thoughts of second guesses.

  For the past year, I’ve worked so hard at protecting my heart, so my natural instinct was fight or flight. Stupidly, I chose flight because I didn’t think I had the strength in me for the fight. Deep down, I know I should have tried to stay. We would have been able to talk about it, but I’m a wimp. What if he didn’t choose me? For my heart’s sake, it’s not a risk I can take. Being alone is better, because being together and getting hurt is far worse.

  I decide that reading may be my best option for tonight. Just as I’m finishing up chapter three, I hear the faint sound of music coming from outside. It’s too low to hear what it is. Great. Someone must be having a party.

  Trying to ignore it, I focus back on my e-reader. I only get a few sentences in before the music gets louder and the beat of the song is a familiar one. “Are you serious? Of all the songs they could play, it had to be that one!”

  Throwing my reader down, I jump out of bed and look out the window to try and see where it’s coming from. What I don’t expect to see is Ben standing out on my front lawn holding up an iHome. When he sees me, he raises it higher above his head, just like in the movie. My smile turns into tears as I watch him watch me. He looks so determined and sure. I didn’t think it could be possible to fall a bit more in love with him.

  My feet stay frozen in place as I lean out the window and watch him. He begins to mouth the words and I follow his lead. “… But whichever way I go, I come back to the place you are.” The song continues, and we keep singing to each other. His arms must hurt from holding that radio up, but I’m captivated by him and his grand gesture. Then comes my favorite line and he mouths it perfectly. “I look to the time with you to keep me awake and alive.” It’s in that moment that I know without a doubt that line is made for us.

  My feet fly out the door and run straight to him. I want to leap into his, arms but I hesitate. He puts the iHome down and reaches to touch my face. “You ran.”

  “I ran.”

  “I missed you, babe.”

  “I missed you, too. I love your Say Anything moment. But John Cusack has nothing on you. You look so much better doing it.”

  Laughing, he moves closer to me, and I fight the urge again to jump into his arms. My heart feels like it’s on some crazy ass drug—it’s beating out of control. He strokes my cheek while speaking softly. “Are you done?”

  My face leans into his touch, and it heals me. “Done what?”

  “Done running?” The conversation mirrors ours from weeks ago.

  I reply tentatively, weary of my heart, “I want to be.”

  He takes his hand off my face, and I feel the loss. His face scrunches together before he speaks. “I wish you had talked to me. It took me a week before I could open that letter. Jenny told me about what I said. If you had waited, I could have explained everything.”

  I cover his mouth with my hands. I don’t want to hear what he says without telling him how I feel. “Let me talk first. Please.” He nods his head while reaching for my hands to hold them. It’s just what I need to continue. “I’m not Beth. I know you loved her and wanted a life with her. I’m sorry that it didn’t work out that way for you. But I’m not sorry that I fell in love with you.”

  Bringing his hands up to mine, I kiss them gently. “I should not have run. That was a mistake. But I want you to know that I’m here. Right here. I have a lot of love to give, and I want you to receive it. Tell me that you want it.”

  Ben winks at me, and it melts me like it always does. “Are you finished?” I nod my head as he pulls me in for a quick kiss, and the familiar feeling of his lips soothes me. “First, let me answer your question because it’s easy. I want you.” He kisses my hands before telling me more. “Now, if you had given me a chance to explain why I said Beth’s name, you wouldn’t have run.”

  “I wouldn’t?” His smile reaches his eyes as he kisses my nose.

  “You see—ever since Beth died, I’ve had a recurring nightmare that replays the accident in my head. But this time, it was a dream. It started off the way it always does, yet it ended differently. Beth appeared to me and said goodbye. She told me to be happy.”

  This time I reach up and kiss him before he can say anything more. “She told you to be happy?”

  “Yep, and I’m happy. So very happy. I came here to take the path with you. I’m ready to take the one that leads us home.”

  “So what you’re saying is I make you happy and you want me?” My voice is trying to come out self-assured, but I’m afraid it’s lacking.

  “Want you? Babe, I love you. You’re my gift. You’re my everything. My heart is your heart. My home is your home.” I let his words wash over me and set in. He loves me. My momentary silence must have gone on for several minutes because he nudges me back to the present.

  “Well? A
re you going to say anything back? Usually your filter isn’t turned off.” I shove him back playfully, but he takes me with him. Somehow, we end up in each other’s arms, and I welcome it. We stand there in the moonlight while “In Your Eyes” continues to play. Our bodies dance and move together while we feather each other with light kisses across our faces. Letting out the breath I’ve held since first meeting him, I allow myself to fully and completely love again.

  “I love you, too.” Picking me up, he kisses me soundly on the mouth before putting me down.

  “Thank God. You left me hanging there.”

  “Sorry. I just needed to let your words wash over me.”

  Chuckling, he swings his head toward the car. “Now can we go home?”

  I place our hands over our hearts and smile knowingly. “I already am.”

  This is it. No turning back now. Getting on that plane to come back home, I knew I was going to marry her. There’s never been a doubt in my mind. I just had to figure out when I would ask her. I didn’t want to do it too soon and freak her out, although I’m sure she would have said yes. But I chose to wait an entire year. As Jack would say, I’m “manning the fuck up” and proposing tonight.

  Everything is set up and in place. I took Red up earlier and laid everything out. If all went according to plan, we were going to celebrate, make love, and sleep under the stars. It seems fitting to ask her to marry me the same place we first kissed, the place where my life began again.

  So much has happened this past year. We grew together as a couple. She learned to trust in love, and I learned to let things from my past go. It wasn’t always easy, but love never is. Believing in each other and us kept us moving forward. I have no doubt in my mind that she’s made for me.

  She got a job subbing at the local elementary school, and they loved her so much that they offered her a permanent job for the next school year. She still helps around Moon Dance and likes to keep my paperwork organized for the expansion that’s opening soon.

  We made the decision not to live together out of respect to my parents, but honestly, they could have cared less. Sam didn’t feel comfortable, so I accept it. It’s not like she never spent the night, but she said we had plenty of time to live together. Besides, she likes it when I throw pebbles at her window or sneak into her room.

  I have to admit it’s pretty sexy and nerve-wracking all at the same time when I kiss her goodnight. She often leaves me begging for more. However, I know she’s just as worked up as I am. She usually attacks me the next time I see her, and that makes up for my blue balls.

  Deep down, my girl’s a total romantic. Well, tonight I hope to give her the happily ever after movie ending she’s always wanted.

  Ben won’t tell me where he’s taking me. He said to dress casually and bring a sweatshirt. He’s been very serious the last few days like something is weighing on his mind. It makes me a little jumpy that he’s being so vague, but the romantic in me is telling me to chill out.

  The sound of pebbles hitting my window lets me know he’s here to pick me up. He likes to call for me this way ever since I told him how much I like it. He’s sweet like that. He seems to pay attention to the little things I say and remembers them for later.

  We take Red out to our favorite spot. Ben shuts off the engine, and his eyes are everywhere but on me. Touching his face, I force him to look my way. “Babe, what’s going on? You’re acting really strange.”

  He kisses my offered hand and then slides me across the seat to the driver door. “It’s all good. Just want to make sure tonight’s perfect for you.”

  “Aww … that’s nice, but I’m just happy being with you.” He kisses my hand again and helps me out the door.

  “See. When you say stuff like that, it makes me love you even more. Come on. I’ve got something to show you.” Ben takes my hand and guides me to our spot. What I expect to see is the usual picnic basket and blanket, which are there. What surprises me is that there is so much more. He’s transformed the space into something out of a movie. Fairy lights and lanterns hang all around, and soft music plays in the background. Pillows and blankets are laid out along with a vase of my favorite flower—Gerbera daisies. Off to the side I see a movie screen and projector. My stomach starts flipping in knowing he planned such a romantic night for us.

  “Oh my God, Ben, this has always been a beautiful place, but you’ve turned it into something magical.” Turning into him, I place my lips on his neck and kiss it tenderly. I don’t want him to see the tears forming in my eyes.

  Ben pulls me away from him to look deeply at me. “Do you like it?”

  “There are no words to describe how I feel about it. All I can think to say is that I love it, and I love you.” He brings me in for a kiss that starts off innocent enough but rapidly changes to pure sinfulness. Just as I think we’ll take this to the blankets, he stops. He keeps looking at me as if he’s going to say something but can’t seem to make up his mind. “Babe, are you okay? Is there something wrong?”

  He shakes his head, taking my hand and leading me to the pillows. “Everything’s great. I just need to put a halt on where things are heading. There’s plenty of time for that later.” He winks at me and gives me one of his naughty smiles that I’ve come to know and love.

  I playfully swat him on the ass as we move to the blanket. “Okay, then what’s your big plan for the evening?”

  He motions for me to sit down while he moves over to the projector. “This is my plan.” He presses the start button as he positions himself behind me. He takes one of the blankets and wraps it around us—our own personal cocoon. My body instinctively molds into him as I lean back into his body. I feel his lips graze my cheek and earlobe whispering, ‘I love you.’

  Then the white screen changes into a perfect image of the winery. Words appear on the screen and kick my heart rate up several notches, because suddenly I feel like I know what’s coming.

  I look back at him and he kisses me softly on the forehead. Turning my head back to the screen, I can’t stop the tears from trickling down. Ben has mashed parts of my favorite movies. All the ones that we’ve seen together with some he just watched because he loves me. Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Dirty Dancing, Pretty in Pink, Notting Hill, The Notebook, and more, all from my classic collection.

  Next, photos of Ben and I appear on the screen. There are baby ones and embarrassing ones from high school and college. I will get Jenny for this. Then it rolls into us. Pictures of our time together this past year display on the screen. Our wrapped arms squeeze each other as I watch our story unfold through images that capture our relationship.

  The slides stop, and I think that it’s finished, but then a familiar song plays and the scene from Say Anything begins. Sobs overcome me as I recall the critical moment in our relationship when he came for me, and we laid it all on the line. Ben turns my head toward his while he kisses away the moistness from my tears.

  When the clips end, he gets up to move in front of me. He wipes the tears away with his thumbs then replaces them with tiny kisses. I know without a doubt that I will love him forever.

  Sitting back on his legs, he removes something from his pocket. It’s a wine cork with a sparkling ring set on it. My breath hitches as I try to stop the tears from coming back.

  “I know I’ve told you before that you’re my gift,” Ben says as his voice catches with emotion. “Sam, I thank God every day that He sent you. I was a shell of a man, just going through the motions, believing my life was over.” He pauses and closes his eyes briefly, as if recalling a memory, but then re-opens them. “The first time I heard your voice you calmed me. Then I met you, and my body came back to life, and when you touched me my soul was reborn.” A lone tear trickles down his face, and I reach up and wipe it away. “You made my life worth living again. You are my everything. I’m complete. My heart is your heart. My home is your home.” I watch him pull the ring off the cork and hold it up. “Please say you’ll keep walking our path with m
e.” He kisses my hand and then throws in a wink for good measure. “Samantha Cole, will you marry me?”

  Big tears fall down my face as I stare at this man who has made me believe again. Walking the path together is all I ever wanted. I touch his cheek tenderly before answering him. “Yes. Of course I’ll marry you. I love you more than anything and can’t imagine living my life without you in it.” I place my hand over his heart and say, “My home is your home, Ben Foster.” He places the ring on my finger. It’s a perfect antique round setting with smaller diamonds surrounding it. He kisses the ring on my hand then holds up the cork.

  “I’ve been saving this cork for a long time now. This is from the day we first kissed. He chuckles and shrugs his shoulders like he’s embarrassed. “I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. That kiss changed me, so I knew I needed to keep it close to me.”

  Taking him into my arms, I pull him down with me. We place light kisses on each other as we look up into the night sky.

  “I love you, Sam.”

  “I love you, too, but can you hit play again? I cried so much the first time I think I missed half of it.” Laughing, he reaches over and presses play again. Letting out a heavy sigh, I relax into his arms as we watch the story of us with my very own happy ending.

  Stay tuned for Jack and Jenny’s Story.

  Book 2 in the Home series, coming spring 2014.

  This book would not be possible without the love and support of my husband and our two amazing daughters. Their lives were turned upside down when I started this process and I'm forever grateful for their understanding of my passion and craziness.

  Another big shout out to my parents who encouraged me and told me I could do it.

  For my friends. They had to listen to my constant blabbering about my book and how the characters had completely overtook my head. Thanks for always having a smile on your face and cheering me on.