Ember

by K. T Fisher

  Somehow, I am able to hover over the toilet and hold the cup in place while not getting anything on my hand. Once I’ve washed my hands and made myself decent again, I knock on the little window on the wall, and it opens. The doctor helpfully told me that once I had my sample, I just need to pass it through the little window on the wall so I’m not carrying around a cup of wee. Thank god!

  The hand appears through the small window, and, thankfully, I can’t see my doctors face and she can’t see mine. That would have made it worse.

  I quickly exit the toilet and go back into the doctor’s room where Lacey sits, waiting for me.

  “How did it go?” she asks.

  “So embarrassing,” I whisper.

  “Don’t be silly. I bet she’s done this hundreds of times,” she assures me.

  “Yeah, but I haven’t,” I grumble.

  Lacey just laughs, but stops when the doctor returns to the room. She sits back down behind her desk and smiles across at me. I can see her judging me by the way her harsh eyes don’t match her fake smile, I don’t like it.

  “So Roxie, the test has come back positive. Congratulations,” she says and smiles.

  “What happens now?” I ask.

  “That depends on what you want to do.”

  “I’m keeping this baby,” I reply firmly.

  “Well then, I will be in touch with the pregnancy department, and your midwife should contact you with your first appointment.”

  “Oh,” I say. “So, we can’t see how far gone I am today?”

  I really wanted to narrow down the dates today.

  “Not until your first scan. Why? Do you have some worries?” she asks, a thousand judgemental thoughts running through her head I bet.

  “No,” I add. “I just wanted to see how far along I am.”

  “When was your last period?” she simply asks.

  “I think I’ve missed two.” I’m not totally sure. I was preoccupied while at rehab to really notice. I’m praying that I have missed two because that means the baby has more chance of being Mason’s. When I slept with Joe, I knew he used a condom, but with Mason we forgot most of the time. If I have only missed one period then there’s more risk of Joe being the father.

  The doctor gets a little graph out and asks me what I think the date might have been on my last period. This is tricky, because they’re usually pretty irregular, but I’m able to work out a rough date.

  “Ok,” the doctor adds as she looks at the paper in front of her. “That makes you roughly nine weeks pregnant.”

  My breath hitches. Nine weeks...my baby could be nine weeks along. A little happiness washes over me when I think about that.

  “Of course, that’s not one hundred percent. The scan will be more accurate,” the doctor adds.

  “When will that be?” Lacey asks for me.

  “They are usually when you’re around twelve weeks pregnant. So if the midwife agrees with me on how far along you are, you could have it in three weeks’ time.”

  Hearing that makes me so excited. I can see my baby in three weeks’ time! Yes, on a screen, but I can’t wait!

  We thank the doctor and leave. The drive back to the house is spent with me daydreaming as I look out of the window with a grin on my face. For the first time in a long time I am happy.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Roxie

  The next day Cole decides to have a spur of the moment BBQ. So seeing as it’s a lovely day, I get dressed in my blue summer dress that ends just above my knees.

  When I head downstairs, I’m grabbed in a bear hug by Booker.

  “Looking good,” he says and assesses me.

  Booker is a very good-looking man but there’s nothing there between us. We’re just good friends. Besides, my heart is too invested in Mason to even think about anyone else right now. Plus I think there’s something going on between him and Crystal. I might have to ask her about that some time.

  “Thank you, Book.” As I make my way through the house, I see the guys are all here apart from Mason. I haven’t seen him yet. I doubt he will even come because I’m here.

  “Come sit down Rox!” Lacey shouts at me from the other side of the pool.

  When I reach the table she’s sitting at, she holds up a hot dog for me and the sight of it makes me feel sick. My eyes widen and I cover my mouth with my hand. Oh fuck.

  Lacey sees my reaction and shoves the food away from sight. “Sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “No, it’s fine.” I sit down next to her. I haven’t been sick this morning, thank god, but the sight of that hot dog nearly made it return quickly. “I guess some foods are starting to make me sick now.”

  “All the perks of being preggers,” she whispers.

  We’re alone for now so we’re able to gossip about the baby. But then I hear Tate shout a name that makes my stomach fill with butterflies.

  “Mason!” Tate shouts in a greeting.

  Mason walks out into the garden and my stomach crunches with the love I have for this man. When I see how fucking good he looks, too, a tingling sensation begins between my thighs.

  He’s wearing a huge smile with his black aviator glasses on. With his tight black shirt, showing off his sleeved tattooed arm and his denim jeans that cling to his ass and thighs, I crave him. Fuck, I want him so bad! Damn these hormones, but they’re not entirely to blame. Mason just looks that good!

  I watch him as he walks over to Cole and slaps him on the back. My sickness has all gone and replaced with a feeling much stronger. Lust.

  “You better close that mouth of yours because you’re going to make a puddle,” Lacey giggles.

  “Shut up,” I laugh, but cautiously wipe the corner of my mouth. Lacey laughs loudly and I can’t help but join along with her.

  Eventually, Mason begins to walk up to me and Lacey gives me a bullshit excuse and quickly leaves me alone.

  “Hey,” he greets, standing over me.

  “Hi.” I shuffle in my seat at the intense feeling happening down below.

  “Listen, Roxie, I’m-“

  “Don’t say you’re sorry,” I cut him off.

  “But I am,” Mason continues with a sorry frown.

  “I know, and so am I, but I think we need to move on from saying sorry,” I laugh.

  Mason takes Lacey’s seat next to me. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  We need to move on from all of that now, and, besides, I don’t think I can bear to hear him say Natasha’s name. It’s too soon. Probably the same reason why Mason doesn’t like to hear me say Joe’s name.

  “So what have you been up to since you got out of rehab?” he asks,

  My mind runs to the doctor’s appointment yesterday. “Nothing exciting. It’s just nice to relax and be with my friends again.”

  Mason turns in his seat to face me a little more. “You look really well, Rox.”

  “Thank you.” I look down at my hands because I can’t look at him.

  Mason reaches over and lifts my head with his finger. When I look back up at him, his eyes are shining and his dimples are deep.

  “Don’t be embarrassed, babe. You did good, and you should be proud. You look like the Roxie I first met, and it feels good to have her back.”

  “It was hard, hell, it still is, but I know that I’m better now. I won’t be going back there, I promise you that.”

  Mason lets his hand drop. “Good for you.”

  “Thank you again for what you did for me.” I take hold of his hand. “If you didn’t, I don’t know what would have happened.”

  “You still would have been here, healthy, with me. You were already going to rehab, I only made sure you went to a better one.” He smiles and my cheeks heat as those gorgeous dimples pop.

  “I know, but you helped, and you didn’t need to.” I was about to add, especially seeing as what I did to you, but I just told Mason not to bring the past up, so I better not, either.

  “But I did.” He places his elbows on his knees and lea
ns in. “I loved you, no I still love you, Roxie. I would have, and still will do anything I can to help you.”

  All I can do is smile, because he’s made me speechless. He loves me?

  “Do you want a drink?” he asks me and quickly adds, “Shit!”

  His raised voice makes me jump. “What?”

  “Fuck, I’m sorry, Rox. I didn’t mean a drink with alcohol, I meant just a normal drink, not that.” His face looks so guilty and worried, I can’t help but laugh.

  “I’m sorry.” I laugh some more. “Mason, you can say the word alcohol, it won’t kill me.”

  “Oh god.” He angrily rubs his face. “Sorry, Rox.”

  “I know. It’s fine.” I can only imagine how weird it would be from his point. “And I’ll have some water, please.”

  Mason nods his head and runs off to fetch me my drink. I watch him and I don’t even realize I am smiling, until I catch Lacey and Crystal watching me with amused looks. Mason quickly returns, and for the first time since I’ve seen him, he asks me about my time in rehab.

  “So, how was it in there? Is it like a hospital?”

  “Yes and no,” I reply. “There’re the doctors, obviously, but they’re more relaxed, and only certain rooms look like they belong in a hospital. After my first week there, I was able to go into the common room and into the gardens. It was surprisingly nice there.”

  “It should be, given to the costs,” Mason laughs.

  “Shit, I didn’t mean to sound ungrateful.” God, I feel bad now.

  “I didn’t mean it like that and you ought to know that.” Mason smiles sweetly.

  “When are we going to be able to talk without apologizing?” I ask him, because it saddens me that we were once so comfortable and in love with each other, and now look where we are.

  “Let’s add that to the things we put behind us.”

  “Agreed.” I start to become a little breathless with the way Mason is looking at me. His words repeat in my head, “I loved you, no I still love you, Roxie. I would have, and still will do anything I can to help you.”

  “I’m sorry I didn’t keep in touch,” he apologizes again.

  “You’ve broken the rule already,” I laugh.

  “But I mean it,” he insists.

  “Look, I didn’t even talk to Lacey. I was in no fit state to speak with anyone, and I believe it helped me. So don’t worry, honestly.”

  “I’m glad we can still be friends.” He smiles and I’m surprised that I am able to, because the words rip my heart out. “I would hate it if we still couldn’t be at least friends after everything.”

  “Me, too,” I whisper back.

  I thought that maybe we could give it another try, but I was obviously fooling myself. Who am I kidding? Mason will never take me back, especially not when he finds out that I’m pregnant and it might not be his baby.

  “No weirdness, just being us. I want to help you, Rox. I will be here for you for whatever you need, whenever you need me.”

  Tears fill my eyes and I can’t take this anymore. I leave him at the table and run inside. I ignore the girls shouting my name and the guys looking at me. I don’t stop when I reach the inside of the house. I’m about to run up to my room when a hand catches me. I’m stopped and spun around to face Mason.

  “What the fuck?” he asks, and he doesn’t look very happy.

  “I can’t do it,” I whimper.

  “Can’t do what?” Mason asks, and I hear the worry. He probably thinks I’m referring to drinking, but he has no idea.

  “Ignore what we had,” I finally answer.

  Mason’s eyes widen. “Rox...”

  “I know, I heard what you said. You want to be friends, and I will be your friend, but just know that it won’t be easy for me.” I try to pull away from him but he pulls me against him.

  Mason leans down his forehead onto mine. I hear him breathe me in and my body softens against him.

  “I still love you, Mason. I don’t tell you that to try and get you back, but I tell you because this is hard for me. I don’t expect you to forgive me, because what I have done is unforgiveable.”

  Mason lifts his head and tilts mine to look up at him. He caresses my cheek softly. “I still love you, Roxie, don’t mistake that. But I’m scared that my world will hurt you again, and I can’t take that risk.” He takes a deep breath as he wipes away my lone tear. “For now, we stay friends.”

  His words are harsh but are a reality. Our reality.

  I soon realize that this is my best offer. If I want Mason to stay in my life, and seeing that there’s a great possibility that he’s going to be the father of my child, I need that.

  “Ok.” I nod.

  Mason smiles down at me. “You wanna get out of here?”

  I recognize that cheeky look. “What are you up to?”

  “Look behind you.” I do and see that we have an audience. They even have the cheek to turn away when they see me looking. “Let’s get away from their eyes for a bit.”

  I laugh at our friends, but agree to go wherever Mason wants to take me. He takes my hand and quickly leads us out of the front door and to his car. He doesn’t tell me where we are going, but as he drives, a strange feeling of normalcy settles over me.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Roxie

  “So where are you taking me?” I ask Mason with excitement.

  He flashes me a cheeky smile. “You’ll see.”

  We drive for about forty minutes and I love every single one of them. Mason turned the car stereo on soon after we left Cole’s house, and we have spent most of the journey singing loudly to the songs. I can’t remember laughing so much! My cheeks even hurt from smiling.

  When he turns down the volume, I know that we are here. I still don’t know where we are yet, and I stretch my neck around to get a good look from my view out the windows.

  “Where are we?” I ask him.

  “Home.” He smiles as he looks at his surroundings.

  Home? I carry on looking around. Wherever we are, it’s pretty. Tall, green bushes hug the black gates, and when Mason gets back into the car after having unlocked them the old-fashioned way with a key, we drive inside. I laugh as Mason runs back out to lock them again but then we’re soon driving up the long cobbled road to the house that makes my eyes widen. It looks like a house picked right from a fairy tale. It’s so pretty and I’m jealous of whoever lives here.

  “Come on,” Mason says excitedly and gets out.

  I step out onto the gravel that crunch under my shoes and I follow Mason to the front door. Green grass surrounds the house and there’s a red brick wall separating the back yard. I hear the jingling of keys, and I’m shocked to see Mason is unlocking the front door.

  “Who lives here?” I quietly ask as we step inside. It’s not a large house, not like his place next to his band members and brother, but it isn’t small by a long shot.

  “Me.” He beams. “Well, and Cole. This place belonged to our parents until they wanted to move. We didn’t want to sell it, so we kept it.”

  I ignore the fact that Lacey and I sometimes struggle to make the rent on time, and here’s this guy who has two mansions and has more than likely bought his parents’ home, too.

  “Wow, this place is amazing, Mason.” I look around in awe.

  “That’s why we couldn’t let it go.” He looks around and nods his head.

  “Why are we here?” I ask him. “Not that I don’t appreciate you bringing me here, but still...?”

  “I know, I just thought you might want a break from everyone.” He looks a little unsure so I quickly reassure him.

  “You’re right, that does sound good. Thank you.” I walk into the kitchen and look out at the garden from the window. This house really is beautiful.

  “I’ve noticed how you never get a minute alone, so I thought you might like to spend the night here.” Spending the night alone, with Mason, sounds like heaven.

  “Sounds like my kind of night,” I grin.


  Mason scratches the back of his neck. That’s his sign of nervousness, and I realize what I just said, and how that might sound.

  “Look, Rox...,” he begins but I stop him.

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” He immediately relaxes and I silently swallow down the feeling of rejection.

  That night, Mason and I are snuggled up on the sofa with a takeaway pizza and a film. I really couldn’t be happier. Being alone with him like this reminds me of the time before I fucked everything up. When Mason isn’t looking, I cradle my stomach and make a silent wish that Mason is my baby’s father. I want more nights like this.

  Mason

  I hear the sound of heavy breathing and notice that Roxie’s head feels a little heavier. Trying not to disturb her, I look down at her and see that she has fallen asleep. I carefully take the can of Coke from her hands, and then decide to carry her up to bed.

  It’s not a difficult task, because she’s a small woman, and I’m used to holding her in my arms. I make the journey to the bedroom as slowly as possible, just so that I can hold her a little bit longer. The feel of Roxie in my arms again feels so natural, it’s scary. She sighs and her breath spreads onto my neck, covering me in goose bumps.

  I don’t even bother lying to myself that I don’t want her. That I don’t crave her touch and desire her, but I can’t let myself down that path again. Roxie has the power to crush me. I’ve barely been able to put myself together after the last time, and I don’t think I could do that again.

  I lay her down on the bed and watch over her as she dreams. Her black hair stands out against the white sheets and her lips are so red that I feel the need to bite them. She’s my own Snow White, but I can’t allow myself to be brought down by her beauty. I have to be stronger than that.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Roxie