Ember

by K. T Fisher

  He looks really concerned. He probably thinks it’s something much worse than it is. Well, that’s assuming he’s going to take the news as a something positive. I look into his eyes and my heart swells with love for him. I’m so glad everything is looking great for us again. If I keep this lie any longer, it will ruin everything, and I want my baby to have its father. That’s if it’s Mason’s, because my baby will have nothing to do with Joe. No fucking way!

  Then there’s the health risk I have put the baby through just because of my drinking. He’s going to hate me.

  “You really want to know?” I ask him.

  “Yes,” he urges me on.

  My body starts to shake from nerves and my nausea returns with a vengeance.

  “Ok,” I begin, trying to gather as much courage as I can.

  “Rox.” Mason smiles at me. “You can trust me.”

  Oh god, I’m really going to do this. What if he’s pissed? What if he’s disgusted with me and tells me to get the fuck out?

  Whatever is going to happen, I have to tell him, and right now seems like the best chance I will get.

  “Ok, but can you try not to react too quickly? I haven’t known this for that long myself and I was just so scared to tell you, especially after our first meeting when you got back from the tour,” I ramble.

  “Roxie,” Mason interrupts.

  “Right.” I take a calming breath but it does fuck all. “Mason, the thing is...” My body shakes a little more and my hands are starting to sweat. “I’m pregnant.”

  Mason doesn’t react at all. He sits and stares at me like I haven’t said a thing.

  “Mason, did you hear me?” I ask.

  He blinks and runs his hand through his hair. “Yeah, sorry.”

  He suddenly stands and starts to pace back and forth in front of me. This is when he’s going to kick off.

  “How far along are you?” he asks me.

  “Erm,” His question surprises me. “Around ten weeks, but the scan should confirm the dates.”

  Mason stands still. “Scan?”

  “Yeah, to check the baby. It’s in a few weeks,” I tell him. I have no idea what’s going through his head.

  “I’m coming with you,” he tells me, and I nod.

  As Mason continues to not show any kind of emotions, I look down at my hands in my lap and the tears start to fall. Mason crouches down onto his knees in front of me and places his large hands on top of mine.

  “Why are you crying, babe?” he asks me, and I’m shocked to hear him still call me “babe”.

  “I’m so sorry,” I cry. “I didn’t plan this.”

  “Why would I think that?” he asks me.

  “I don’t know. I just don’t want you to be mad.” I try to wipe away my falling tears but they won’t stop.

  “I’m not mad.” he laughs. “Surprised yes, but I’m not mad, baby.” He grabs hold of my face so he can see me properly. “We’re having a baby.”

  A huge smile lights up his face. I was not expecting this.

  “You’re not mad?” I sniffle.

  “No, why should I be? I told you, Rox, I’m here for you, for everything.” His words make me so happy I cry even more. “Besides, I’m partly to blame too.”

  “How so?” I ask him.

  “Rox, think back to how many times we didn’t use protection. I’d say it was a lot more than when we actually did use a condom.” He smirks. “I always seem to lose control with you, so much that I forget to use anything. Which is always my number one rule.”

  “So, you don’t get like that with anyone else?” I dare to ask.

  His naughty smile falls and is replaced with a frown. “What? No of course not, you think I would?”

  I shrug my shoulder and bite down on my lip, a little ashamed that I had to ask.

  “Rox, like I said. You make me lose control, when I have you in my arms I forget everything. It’s just you and me and yes it’s stupid but I forget about the basics.” He smiles again and I can’t help but return it.

  “That’s not entirely your fault.” I admit. Sadly, that’s not the only thing to discuss. “There’s another thing I have to tell you.” I brace myself. “Because of my drinking, I’ve put the baby at so much risk.”

  “Everything will be ok,” he tries to reassure me.

  “No it’s not, Mase. It’s serious, and I’m scared.” I wipe away my tears and tell him everything the midwife told me. “I’ve fucked up our baby’s life before it’s even had a chance to live.”

  “We will tackle this head on together,” he says and kisses me over and over.

  “No, I will have to cope with this alone because this is my fault! Our baby could have a number of disabilities all because of me,” I cry into his chest.

  “We don’t know what’s going to happen, Rox, but you will have me all the way. You’re not facing this alone.” He squeezes me tight and it’s just what I need. “You hearing me?”

  I shake my head and try to believe his words, but the guilt is still there, and I know it always will be.

  For the rest of the day I’m tormented. Yes, I have told him that I am pregnant, but I haven’t mentioned that this baby might be Joe’s. I don’t think I can bring myself to tell him at all, though, because he looks really happy. I’m just so shocked. I wasn’t expecting his reaction. I thought for sure he would be mad or upset that he’s having a baby so young when his band have so many commitments.

  As we talk over all things baby, I decide that I won’t tell him. I will wait for the scan, and if the dates don’t match up, then I will have to tell him. Until then, I’m going to finally let myself be happy. If only for a little while.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Roxie

  It turns out that Mason was mad about one thing. After I told Mason that I was pregnant, he wanted to spend another night alone with me. If I had it my way I would always be with Mason, but, ideally, I know that’s not the right decision. We don’t want to push ourselves too soon.

  When we woke up the next morning, Mason wanted to go to Cole’s house and let his brother know that he’s going to be an uncle. When the girls all watched on with dreamy smiles instead of jumping up and down for joy when he picked me up yesterday, Mason figured out for himself that they already knew. And that’s the part he did not like.

  He wanted to be the first to find out, but when I quietly reminded him that our first meeting wasn’t so great, and that I was scared, his anger faded.

  Cole has called Booker and Tate and told them to get their asses round here to hear the news. They were just as happy as Cole was.

  “Congratulations.” Tate hugs me.

  “I’m sorry,” Booker jokes, and he kisses my forehead. He and Mason will forever love to annoy one another.

  Not long after his arrival, Booker notices that Crystal is not here. She was present when I first got back, but she disappeared without a word.

  “Where’s Crys?” he asks me.

  “I don’t know, her room maybe?” I guess, and he wanders off upstairs.

  “I am so happy for you, Rox.” Lacey beams at me. “Have you told him that maybe…?” she leaves the question hanging in the air for my sake. I know what she’s trying to say and I’m thankful that she doesn’t say it out loud.

  “No,” I quickly reply. “I decided to see what the scan says.”

  Lacey agrees with me that it’s probably the best way. Booker comes back down looking confused. “She’s not up there?” He says.

  “Who?” Ria asks.

  “Crystal,” Booker growls. “Where is she?”

  “Oh,” Ria smiles. “She ran off on a date.”

  Wow, that surprised me, and it looks like Booker isn’t pleased with the news. He doesn’t say anything as he storms off, but he doesn’t need to. You can feel the anger pouring from him.

  About half an hour after Booker sulks his way home, I get a call from Crystal.

  “Hey you, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you had a
date!” I laugh into my phone.

  “Rox?” My happy mood crashes down around me when I hear her voice. She sounds like she’s crying.

  “Crystal, what’s wrong?” I rush into a quiet room so I can have some privacy.

  “Please come and get me,” she cries.

  “Tell me where you are,” I demand and she quickly gives me the address. I manage to grab Mason’s car keys and drive away without causing suspicion.

  Something dark is clinging to Crystal, I can see it. Nobody else can because they haven’t risen from the bottom like I have done. I can see it clearly, but she just needs to tell me, or anybody else, what’s going on in her life because it’s eating at her. The only thing is that she has to want to confess her problems and not be forced.

  When I find Crystal, she’s standing outside the restaurant she gave me the address of, hugging her arms around her stomach and crying. I’m about to get out of the car to calm her down, but she doesn’t give me a chance. She runs towards the car before it’s completely still and climbs in.

  I give her a sideways glance as I continue to drive, but she shakes her head at me. I get the hint and drive in silence, and it’s not uncomfortable either. I just feel heartbroken for her.

  When we get to the band’s private estate, she asks me to take her to Tate’s house rather than Cole’s. I kill the engine when we pull up outside her brother’s house, and I finally have to say something.

  “I know you don’t want to tell me what happened, Crys, but you need to sort out whatever is going on with you. The others might not see it, but I do. I’m here, remember?” I remind her. “I don’t like seeing you like this.”

  She wipes her eyes and tries her best to smile before getting out of the car. I watch her as she makes her way inside the house and I hope and pray that she’s ok.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Roxie

  The day of the scan has soon arrives, and, again, just like with the midwife, I am a nervous wreck. More so than before because Mason is coming with me, and the dates will be confirmed. This is it. The day I find out if my baby was made from love or evil. I am praying so hard for the better.

  Of course, if the baby is any less than around twelve weeks I believe it is, then there’s a possibility that the baby could be Joe’s. If I want this to all work out, the baby has to be further along than twelve weeks. I’m also thinking that even if the baby is Mason’s I should come clean anyway. I don’t want secrets; they’re not good for a person like me. The only thing keeping me sane is the fact that I am now an expectant mother and will not bring my child down with my crap.

  I do have some good news. Well, great news, actually. I got the results from my blood tests back, and the baby is perfectly healthy so far. Today I’ll find out if my drinking has put the baby in danger, though, and I’m really fucking scared.

  I don’t eat anything, which doesn’t make Mason happy, but my nerves have me feeling queasy and I want to play it safe. I will eat after the scan is over. I also need to have a full bladder so that the scan will be clearer and even though I already need to pee, I will not risk anything. I’ll hold it in.

  Lacey tries her best to calm me, but it’s no use. Mason just thinks it’s funny because I am so nervous, where he is so excited he almost looks like a child on Christmas Eve. Lacey knows exactly why I’m not acting like Mason, and she does her best, but it doesn’t change a thing. This is a really big day for me and for the baby.

  With a hug from the girls, I leave with Mason and try to cheer myself up. I am about to see my baby for the first time, after all, and at that thought, a smile forms on my face and my nerves settle just a little. I’m going to see my baby.

  Of course, when Mason found out about me being pregnant, he wanted to have the best care possible, and just like he did with my rehab, he took charge. So it’s no surprise this place doesn’t look like the standard hospital; it looks so fancy that I feel a little out of place.

  We sit side by side in the waiting area, holding hands, and at this moment I really am happy. I have pushed all thoughts of Joe from my mind, that is, until the nurse calls me in. My terror returns and I regret not really noticing Mason as he kisses my hand.

  I may be scared about the results, but when I see my little baby on the screen, tears of joy stream down my face. Mason’s grip on my hand tightens, and I continue to smile at my baby as the nurse clicks away and measures the baby.

  “Is everything ok?” Mason asks.

  “Just give me two more minutes,” the nurse says and smiles.

  Two more minutes and my life can be drastically changed forever.

  The screen then freezes, and the nurse turns to face us and hands me some paper towels, explaining, “If you would like to dry your tummy.”

  I take them and wipe the cold gel from my stomach as I watch her with my notes in her hand. “Ok, it says here that you’re estimated at twelve weeks,” she begins.

  “Yes,” I answer her, sitting up on the bed.

  “Well, from your baby’s measurements, I don’t think that’s possible.” She looks between me and Mason, still smiling.

  “What do you mean?” Mason asks, and I start to feel myself shake.

  “What I mean is that your baby looks be around seventeen weeks, not twelve.”

  A huge breath releases from me that I didn’t realize I was holding.

  “Are you sure?” I ask, shocked.

  “There’s a chance that I could be wrong, the baby could be a couple of weeks plus instead,” she assures me.

  “Why did the midwife get it wrong?” Mason asks, and I’m surprised to see he doesn’t look happy.

  “Well, when Roxie went to see her midwife, she gave a rough idea about her periods. It was possible you had very light periods during your first months but I read in your file that you were sent to rehab for drinking?” I nod at her question and feel like shit. “It might be because Roxie wasn’t paying attention to her cycles as much as she would usually do, or it might be a sign of FAS as it can stunt the growth of the baby.”

  “But the baby is healthy?” he asks again.

  “From what I can see, yes, and all of Roxie’s blood samples have come back good; other than what we have discussed, the baby looks perfect.” She smiles to assure us. “Would you like photos?”

  “Yes, please,” I respond eagerly.

  Mason kisses my cheek and I turn to face him to see he looks the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time. I giggle as he rains my face with kisses and only stops when the nurse interrupts with the scan photos. I hold them like they’re the most precious thing in the world. Well, they are to me at least. Mason looks over my shoulder and smiles down at our baby because it is our baby. The dates more than confirm that. Seventeen weeks!

  I couldn’t have dreamed a better result. I am for sure carrying Mason’s baby, and I couldn’t be happier.

  “I love you,” Mason whispers in my ear and I burst with pride.

  The nurse smiles at us like we’re the cutest thing she’s seen today. “Seeing as you are a lot further on than we thought, you will be having your next scan in around four to five weeks’ time.”

  “I can’t wait,” I reply, because I really can’t. I want to look at my baby on that screen some more.

  “During that scan, you will have the choice to find out the sex of your baby,” she tells us, and the thought fills me with even more happiness.

  It’s silly, but up until this point I’ve been thinking as the baby as a baby, but now it will either be a boy or a girl. I’m too excited.

  Chapter Thirty

  Roxie

  The day after my scan, I should be happier than ever after confirming that the baby nestled in my belly is Mason’s, but it turns out that I’m not. The guilt is still eating at me.

  I woke up this morning with the decision that I have to tell Mason about my scare about Joe being the father. I have a feeling that he might already suspect.

  Last night I slept at Mason’s place, and
we had a very special night. When we were in bed together, it was the closest we have ever been. Not even at the beginning of our relationship were we ever like that. The baby has brought us closer than I could ever imagine. So what I’m about to tell him today fills me with dread.

  Right now, I’m lying naked in Mason’s bed, satisfied and exactly how he left me half an hour ago, and every minute since then, I have thought of how I would do this. None of them matters when Mason walks into the room, looking so happy and oblivious to the news I’m going to deliver.

  “How’s my girl doing?” He jumps onto the bed beside me.

  “Mase,” I begin, and his smile drops.

  “Shit.” He drops his head. “This ain’t good news, right?”

  “No,” I whisper.

  “Is it bad?” he asks.

  “Yes,” I reply as quietly as last time.

  “Go on,” he grinds out, and I don’t like his tone, but I’m not mad at him. How could I be?

  This is going to be so hard! Tears are already gathering and my heart is beating too fast. It’s taking every ounce of self-control to not run downstairs and away from this problem. To hide away and drink until it disappears. But that’s not the answer. It never is.

  “I have to tell you this, Mason. If I’m being honest, I wasn’t going to, but I can’t live with the guilt. If I want to start fresh with you, I have to be honest with you about everything. It’s the only way, for the sake of us and my health.” I wipe away my years and Mason looks up at me with a small smile.

  It encourages me to continue, however hard.

  “Well, when I found out that I was pregnant I wasn’t very happy about it at first.”

  “Why not?” he asks, frowning.

  “I didn’t know how far along I was, and I was scared that you might not be the baby’s father,” I speak in a quiet whisper, afraid of his reaction.

  “What?” he asks, sounding as angry as I feared.

  “Until we had the scan yesterday, I was scared that you weren’t the father,” I cry.

  “Why don’t you just come out and say it, Rox?” he shouts. “You thought that your baby was Joe’s!”