Make Me Whole

by Marguerite Labbe

  Nick began to push into him, fighting the urge to thrust into him with one stroke. He grabbed Galen’s wrists, holding him down as he pushed deeper inside of him, his weight pinning Galen to the bed. Galen groaned, his body tensing at the invasion after so long. Nick nipped the back of Galen’s neck, hard little bites followed by licks and kisses. With each scrape of his teeth Galen shuddered, and as Nick continued to play with his neck, Galen relaxed until Nick was fully inside of him.

  Then it was Nick’s turn to shudder. Galen’s heat grasped him, the muscles tightening and relaxing around his cock. He began with long, deep thrusts instead of the hard and quick way he knew Galen liked. Galen cried out, writhing underneath him, trying to push back and unable to. He circled his hips, clenching around Nick, chanting his name.

  Nick toyed with him. He whispered endearments as he brought Galen close to the edge, then pulled back to give them both a chance to calm down, only to start again until both of their bodies were damp with perspiration, and Galen was trembling and pleading, crying out into the pillow with each thrust.

  “Please… so close… harder, dammit.” Galen’s voice was raw, aching, and it made Nick crazy inside. Galen was a madness that had sunk into his bones and blood, that elusive spark Nick had finally caught a hold of and wanted to keep by his side forever.

  Nick let go of Galen’s hands and slid out of him as he rose to his knees. Galen whimpered and stiffened, but didn’t move other than to give Nick a pleading look over his shoulder. “Stop stopping.”

  “I love you.” Nick hauled Galen up by his hips and thrust into him with one hard rock of his hips. Galen cried out, his hands fisting in the sheets.

  “Yes. Nick, please.”

  Nick pounded into him, the room filling with the sounds of flesh slapping against flesh, Galen’s sharp cries for more, and Nick’s groans. Nick’s fingers tightened on Galen’s hips as he stared at the back of Galen’s neck covered in dark red marks. He couldn’t believe he’d done that, much less that Galen had let him. For all that Nick was ostensibly in control, it was really Galen who had the string around his heart.

  It didn’t last long enough. Both of them were too close. Galen shifted, stroking his cock with quick jerks until he came with a hoarse shout, his body tensing around Nick’s cock as he tried to rock back on him. Nick’s hands tightened hard enough to bruise as his hips snapped. Feeling Galen contract around him was too much, and the tension shattered. Galen lowered his shoulders, arching his ass up higher in offering as Nick buried himself inside of him, riding the hard, hot waves of his orgasm.

  GALEN traced his fingers down Nick’s arm, his body replete and more than content to lie wrapped up with him as his mind kept going. I love you. Every time he remembered Nick saying those words he trembled a little inside. It was humbling, the trust Nick showed him even though he’d been hurt in the past, and Galen hoped he was up to that faith. It made him want to show Nick a little of that trust in return.

  “You still hungry?” Nick murmured. “There might still be some pizza left.”

  “No, I think we pretty much killed it.” They’d spent the entire evening in bed, exploring, learning new things about each other and themselves. Even now the memory made his cock stir. They’d played until hunger drove them to order in, and then they’d taken the pizza to the bed, fed each other, and screwed around some more, letting out weeks of pent-up frustration.

  “You seem restless.” Nick rolled onto his stomach and gave Galen an assessing look by the light of the bedside lamp. His expression was neutral, which Galen had come to understand meant what Nick was feeling was far from neutral. “It’s getting late. If you want to head home, I’ll understand.”

  Galen shook his head and tangled his fingers with Nick’s. “No, I don’t want to go home. I’d like to stay.” He didn’t want to go back to his cold, empty bed when he could stay right here, warm, content, and aching with the weight of all he wanted to say.

  A grin broke out over Nick’s face, transforming the neutral mask, and it made Galen ache even more to see it. He wanted to see that smile for a long time to come. If he only dared to take the next step, to open himself up even more…. He’d made a promise to himself this morning, before everything had gone to hell, that he would tell Nick everything about the accident. “Good, now stop looking so sad, or else I’ll start to think I’ve done something wrong.”

  “No, you’ve done everything right, and that’s the problem.” Galen had fallen in love with him, and it was too damn late to turn away and run. He’d tried that, and it hadn’t been enough to get Nick out of his mind. All it had done was hurt him, even if Galen had needed that time.

  “What’s bothering you?” Worry crept into Nick’s eyes. “I didn’t take it too far, did I?”

  Galen laughed and kissed the corner of Nick’s mouth. “Oh hell no. In fact, I wouldn’t mind if you took it a bit further next time. Though, if you tell anyone that you got me to beg like that, I will retaliate in kind.”

  Nick cupped his face, and his thumb brushed across Galen’s lips, silencing him. “What is it? Something’s bugging you. Is it Suzane?”

  Galen stared at Nick and drank in his steadying presence. He could do this. He could put his trust in Nick, hoping he would understand why he brought this up tonight. “You asked me once why I avoided relationships, and I said that I wasn’t ready to talk about it.” Nick’s admission of love had changed that. If Galen was going to go forward with their relationship, Nick deserved to know why Galen had closed himself off for so long.

  “And you’re ready now?”

  “Yeah, but it feels a little weird bringing up Bryan when I’m naked with you. Actually it feels pretty rude and disrespectful. This is something that’s not easy for me to talk about.” Remembering that night, the cold rain lashing through the broken windows, the hot blood between his fingers, chilled him inside and out. Memories should fade after time, but those were still stark and raw. He couldn’t pass an accident on the road without getting that hard, sickening jolt every time.

  Nick’s expression became thoughtful. “Are you bringing it up now because you feel safe talking about it now or for another reason?” His hands continued to cradle him, giving Galen the comfort and intimacy he craved.

  “I’m saying it because you deserve to know and because I’m so tired of holding onto it. I need to let it go ’cause it ate me up inside for too long. It made me dead and afraid and….” Galen paused, the weight in his chest becoming heavier. It wasn’t the mourning. He’d done that, let Bryan go. It was the fear that held him prisoner. Fear that it could happen all over again. Fear that he would lose someone else too soon.

  Nick wrapped his arms around Galen and pulled him close. “Hey, I meant what I said earlier. This is me, not the sex talking. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”

  Galen laid his head on Nick’s shoulder and smiled wistfully. How had he gotten to be so lucky not once, but twice? And this time the difference was Galen was certain what he had with Nick could last until they were old and gray if given the opportunity. “I was in a relationship for four years. I wanted it to be permanent, and Bryan wanted what he wanted, and at the time it was me.”

  “You didn’t think he would stick around?” Nick asked, his fingertips skimming down Galen’s back.

  “Bryan… didn’t take life seriously; everything was a lark or a game.” Galen lifted his head and looked at Nick, finding comfort in the other man’s steady gaze. “It was raining the night of the accident. I was driving, and we were arguing over his latest scheme. I was pissed because he wasn’t being serious, and he thought I was being oversensitive and wouldn’t listen to my concerns.”

  Galen closed his eyes, and every angry word came back to him. “A truck suddenly tried merging into our lane, and I swerved to avoid it and lost control.”

  Galen could still hear it, that angry high-pitched drag of the tires trying to find purchase on the road. He still felt the same hot spike of adrenaline as he fought to straig
hten the car. He remembered how the car skidded, heard Bryan’s shout just before the terrible crash, the silvery cymbal clash of glass breaking and Bryan’s scream.

  Nick’s hand touched his cheek, drawing his attention back. “Hey, you’ve gone cold. Come back to me. It’s okay. You’re not there. You’re here.”

  Galen drew a shuddering breath. “It happened so fast. There was nothing I could’ve done.” He kept telling himself that, but it didn’t stop him from going over the details again and again. What if his attention hadn’t been half on the argument? Would he have reacted sooner? Would he have seen the truck drifting back and forth in time to know it was a hazard to be avoided?

  “It took the emergency workers far too long to get through the mess of backed-up cars on the highway, and by then it was too late. I’d tried to stop the bleeding, but there was so much. He bled out while I held him, and there was nothing I could do. Even knowing that if they’d come sooner it wouldn’t have helped wasn’t a comfort. Knowing that the guy in the truck had been drinking hadn’t helped either. We were mad at each other. Our last words had been angry, and I can’t forgive myself for that.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Nick said, drawing him close again.

  “I’d never told anyone before, that we were fighting.” Galen laid his head down on Nick’s shoulder and relaxed, feeling as if a huge, terrible weight had come off him.

  “You need to forgive yourself, sweetheart. It was an accident. You had no way of knowing what was going to happen,” Nick said in a soft voice.

  “I know, at least in my head I know that. It doesn’t seem to make much of a difference.” Galen thought that he might’ve started himself on the road to self-forgiveness with his confession.

  His arms tightened around Nick. “Thank you for listening.”

  Nick’s rubbed his hands up and down Galen’s back, offering more comfort. “So that’s why I never see you drive.”

  “Oh God no, every time I get behind the wheel I freeze up. I can’t breathe. I can’t unlock my hands. I tried several times, and then I gave up.”

  “Well, I guess the next step in moving on would be getting you to drive again.”

  Galen stiffened, going cold all over again, and Nick tightened his arms around him. “Don’t worry. We don’t have to rush, and we can do it together, okay?”

  Galen didn’t answer at first, until bit by bit he began to relax in Nick’s arms. He was right. That was the next step. He needed to do it for himself. “Okay.”

  Neither of them said anything else. Nick held him, and Galen held him back, vowing to himself that this time it would be different. He wasn’t going to take one day with Nick for granted.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  GALEN stirred, and the unfamiliar weight of an arm across his stomach accompanied by the sound of a soft snore drew him out of a comfortable dream. He opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Nick. Sandy lashes fanned against his cheek and his fingers curled into a relaxed fist under his chin. The sexy dominating fire had fled, making him seem far more vulnerable in sleep. Galen was drawn to both the fire and the vulnerability. One made him ache with need, and the other had him all tied up in knots.

  It had been a long time since he’d been tied up in knots like that. He rather liked it. A slow smile crossed Galen’s lips as he tucked an arm under his cheek and turned so he could continue to watch Nick sleeping. The last time Nick did this to him all Galen could think of was running and putting some distance between them while he sorted it out.

  Now, the last thing he wanted to do was run. His heart twisted with a little ache of recognition. He was in love with Nick. He had been for a long time, and he’d fought it and fled from it, and neither had done any damn good. And the funny thing was, after last night, he wasn’t afraid anymore. There was always the possibility of losing someone. You couldn’t hide out in a bubble forever. The scare with Suzane had reminded him of that. He’d thought he’d made himself safe by burying himself in the museum, and somehow he’d gotten attached to people anyway.

  Nick’s eyes fluttered open, and for a moment confusion shadowed his eyes before he gave Galen a sleepy grin. “You’re still here. I thought you would’ve slipped off by now.”

  “Not going anywhere.” Galen brushed his thumb over Nick’s jaw, the morning stubble scraping his skin and reminding him fleetingly of Dexios. “I have absolutely zero interest in leaving.”

  “Words I love hearing first thing in the morning.” Nick brushed his mouth over Galen’s. “Thank you for staying.”

  “Thank you for listening to me last night.” There hadn’t been one nightmare to haunt his dreams. Galen thought that maybe, just maybe, by unburdening himself to Nick, opening himself up to what he offered, it might’ve let him finally start to put his memories in the past where they belonged.

  “You know how long I’ve waited for you to trust me enough to let me in?” Nick kissed Galen again. “Thanks aren’t necessary. I’ll listen anytime you need me too. I love you.”

  Galen’s heart did that hard little lurch of happiness again. He’d forgotten what it felt like. “I—”

  “Don’t.” Nick brushed his thumb over Galen’s lip, stopping his words. “You don’t have to say anything, I’m not expecting it. And if it would make you more comfortable I won’t say it anymore until you’re ready to hear it. I wasn’t planning on it. It just kind of blurted out of me.”

  Galen suppressed a chuckle and nipped Nick’s thumb. “You can say it as much as you want. It doesn’t make me think of bolting at all. I wasn’t ready six months ago. I am ready now.” He slid his hand down to Nick’s, linking their fingers. “What I’m trying to say is that I lo—”

  This time Nick stopped him with a kiss, taking possession of his mouth as Galen’s thoughts spun. How was he going to tell Nick how he felt if the other man kept interrupting him? Not that he minded this kind of an interruption at all. His body ached, desire awakening him as memories of last night flooded through him.

  “Don’t say it.” Nick pulled back, his eyes haunted as he touched his forehead to Galen’s. “Don’t say it until you mean it.”

  Galen started to say that he did mean it, but Nick kissed him again, a hard, desperate kiss that told Galen how raw Nick’s emotions were when it came to him. It was crazy. For all of Nick’s talk, now he was the one not ready to hear the words. It made Galen wonder if there had been somebody else in Nick’s past who had walked out on him after claiming to love him. If that was the case, Galen was going to have to show Nick he loved him and keep showing him until Nick was ready to believe.

  Galen tightened his arms around Nick, softened his mouth with a moan as Nick plundered his mouth, kissing him more deeply and taking claim. It had been such a turn-on when he offered to let Nick take control last night. He’d forgotten how exciting it could be, especially with someone he trusted. And maybe that total surrender would help Nick to see that Galen did love him. He’d never let Nick go that far before, let him get so close, and Galen craved more of that now.

  Nick broke the kiss, a bit breathless as he looked down at Galen, who smiled back at him. He seemed to relax when Galen didn’t try to admit his feelings again and nipped Galen’s jaw. Galen shivered, arching up into him, turning his head so that Nick could get at his neck.

  Instead, Nick touched Galen’s throat with his fingertips. “I think I may have left a couple of marks.”

  Galen’s cock throbbed as he pictured them against his skin, reminders of where Nick’s mouth had been and how much it had driven him crazy. Galen’s neck was his weakness, and once Nick started playing with it, he was a goner. “I’m sure you left more than a couple, and I don’t mind at all.”

  “Well, you did ask for it, quite insistently and often.” Nick grinned at him, his dimples coming out. “And then there was all the squirming and cursing.”

  “Remember last night when you smacked my ass?” Galen shuddered, going weak inside at the memory of those two hard stinging slaps. “I’d like
for you to do it again because you want me squirming and cursing. You can pull me over your lap any time you want.”

  Nick’s eyes heated, and before Galen could offer any more encouragement, Nick had them both sitting up. Galen gasped as he was pulled over Nick’s lap, his hands pinned against his back. He could break the grip if he wanted, but he had no desire to. Nick’s hand squeezed his ass, and Galen moaned in anticipation. This was further proof that Nick was the right man for him. Nick wasn’t at all turned off by Galen’s desire for a little kinky play. He understood it and wanted it too. It was like the missing puzzle pieces of his life were coming together bit by bit.

  “Are you sure?” Nick asked roughly, and Galen nodded, rocking his hips to show Nick how hard he was.

  “Oh yeah.” Galen looked over his shoulder at Nick, love and trust tumbling inside of him. The words he yearned to say burned on his lips, but he didn’t want to bring this morning’s fun to a screeching halt. He’d have to show Nick how much he wanted him, how much he felt safe with him, how much he reveled in this new dynamic between them, how much he enjoyed Nick’s company and friendship. “Believe me, if I didn’t want it or if I decide to change my mind, I’ll let you know.”

  Nick squeezed his ass again and kept his hand locked around Galen’s wrists. He liked that illusion of helplessness, and he wondered how much it would take to get Nick to try a bit of bondage with him. Probably not much. Then his thoughts fled as Nick’s open palm cracked across his cheek.

  The sharp sting flooded Galen’s body with heat, and before he could process that, another hard slap followed. His cock throbbed. He shouldn’t like that so much. All those thoughts he’d had over the years that had kept him from pursuing this side of himself flooded his mind. He was a grown man, not a disobedient—his breath left him in a rush as Nick set a hard rhythm, and all Galen could do was writhe, lifting his ass in offering and anticipation of the next blow.