Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove

by Jessica Redland

  As I backed into the en-suite, my stomach churned at the familiar sight of the man I loved rejecting me yet again. I brushed my teeth while tears poured down my cheeks like rain and my heart ached at the overwhelming feeling that something between us had just irrevocably changed.

  2

  ‘Please say you’re joking.’ I stopped brushing my damp hair and twisted round on the dressing table stool so I could face Gary the following evening. ‘I thought you were showering to get ready for the party.’

  He whipped his towel from around his waist and started drying himself. ‘No. I was showering because I smell of the surgery. Then I’m meeting Rob for a personal training session. I told you that when you mentioned the party.’

  ‘I thought you were going to cancel it, though.’

  ‘You assumed I was going to cancel it. I didn’t say I would. I’ve been saying for ages that I wanted to get back into shape after packing in hockey. This is my chance. Why should I cancel?’ Gary finished drying himself then wandered into the walk-in wardrobe.

  ‘Because it’s Kay’s sixtieth,’ I called.

  I heard the opening and closing of a few drawers then Gary re-appeared with what looked like his sports kit in his hands. ‘So what? She’s your best friend’s auntie, not yours. I barely know her.’

  ‘That’s a bit harsh. You know she’s always been more of a mother to me than my own has.’

  ‘I know that and I know you think the world of her, but the fact remains that this was last minute and I already had plans.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘Li, I suggest you drop this now unless you want another ugly scene like last night.’

  My stomach lurched as my mind took me back to the previous evening. He was right; it had been very ugly. He’d already left for the surgery when I awoke and had been gone all day, jumping straight into the shower on his return. I’d spent the day washing and cleaning and going over everything we’d said or done, trying – but failing – to find some answers. I couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d spoken the truth when he said he didn’t want a baby and I was too scared to raise the subject again in case I was right. I’d felt sick all day thinking about it. Granted, I’d also had a bit of a hangover, but the uneasy feeling in my stomach was definitely Gary-induced rather than alcohol-induced.

  Gary pulled a navy T-shirt over his head. ‘This is my first session with Rob. I booked it two weeks ago and I’m not cancelling it for a party that was organised two days ago. End of story.’

  I bit my lip and blinked back the tears that seemed to be ever-present these days.

  ‘I’m sorry, Li,’ he said in a gentler voice. ‘If it was the other way round, I wouldn’t expect you to change your plans for me, would I?’

  I shook my head. ‘I’m just a little…’ I searched for the right word, one that hopefully wouldn’t start another ‘ugly scene’, ‘… surprised that you booked a session on a Saturday night when you knew you’d be at work all day. I thought we’d spend the evening together.’

  ‘I didn’t realise there was a rule about it. We spent last night together. With your sister. Wasn’t that enough?’ He pulled his shorts on. ‘Sarah will be there. You two always have loads to gossip about. You don’t need me.’

  Trying my hardest to keep my voice steady and not to sound needy or whiney, I said, ‘It’s just that I barely get to see you these days. You’re always at the surgery or I’ve got something on at school.’

  Gary sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on a pair of sports socks. ‘We always knew it would be tough with your departmental headship and the surgery expansion, but we both wanted good careers and to be financially stable, didn’t we? We knew this would happen. We knew it meant sacrifices and one of those is time spent together. This just proves how wrong the timing would be to have a baby, though, doesn’t it?’

  I couldn’t agree with him, but I certainly couldn’t challenge him on it without another ‘ugly scene’. Turning round, I picked up the hairdryer and kept my head down as I switched it on so Gary wouldn’t be able to see my tears. What was going on with us? Our days used to be packed with laughter but now it was all tension and, more recently, tears. The sooner the surgery expansion was finished, the better.

  In my peripheral vision, I saw him pick up his trainers then leave the bedroom. A few minutes later, the front door slammed, followed a moment later by his car starting. I muttered, ‘Bye, Elise, hope you have a great evening. I love you.’

  The function room above Minty’s – my favourite bar at the top of town – was packed. There was no sign of my best friend since primary school, Sarah, or her boyfriend, Nick. Thankfully, there was no sign of Clare either: Sarah’s close friend from university, and my nemesis.

  Sarah’s parents, Sandra and Chris, waved at me from the far side of the room, but were engrossed in a conversation with Kay’s best friend and travel companion, Linda. Kay and Linda had just returned from six months travelling around the world. Kay spotted me and also waved, but was chatting to a man I didn’t recognise. Normally at ease in a group of strangers – a typical scenario for a teacher – I suddenly felt very lost and alone without Gary by my side.

  The beads on my clutch bag dug into my palm, but I couldn’t seem to release my grip. Each burst of laughter made me jump, my head thumped, and I still felt sick. Either this was the worst hangover ever or I was coming down with something. Placing the gift bag containing Kay’s birthday present by my feet, I hesitated as to what to do next. Go to the bar, hide in a darkened corner or make a speedy exit? Snuggling up under the duvet in an empty house seemed very appealing compared to mingling with strangers and pretending I hadn’t just experienced twenty-four hours of hell courtesy of my increasingly distant husband.

  ‘Thank God you’re here,’ said a voice behind me. ‘I don’t know about you, but I don’t recognise anyone.’

  I turned around to face a tall man with big brown eyes, slightly spiky sandy-coloured hair and a cheeky dimpled smile. ‘Stevie! I didn’t realise you knew Kay.’

  ‘I don’t.’ He kissed me on the cheek. ‘Nick invited me. I usually go out for a few beers with Rob on a Saturday, but he ditched me tonight because he’s—’

  ‘—got a personal training session with Gary. That’s both of us ditched, then.’ Rob had been Stevie’s best mate since school but had left the area to go to university in Bristol where he’d stayed, only moving back to Whitsborough Bay a year ago following a relationship break-up.

  ‘You look stunning, by the way.’ Stevie smiled, dimples flashing. ‘Or is that an inappropriate thing to say to another man’s wife?’

  I could have hugged him, but instead I kept my hands occupied smoothing down the front of my new dress – a pretty cream maxi dress with flowers and butterflies across the hem and the bodice – that Gary hadn’t noticed before storming out of the house earlier. So much for thinking he might pay more attention to me if I splashed out on some new dresses and underwear.

  ‘Not sure, but you’ve just made my day and I’m very happy to hear it, especially as the husband in question never seems to notice himself these days.’ I bit my lip. Perhaps I’d shared too much. Oh well, it was what I felt so why make out that everything was perfect when it wasn’t? I couldn’t bear lies, even if they were only white ones. They had a way of catching up with people. Stevie was really Sarah’s friend rather than mine. I’d only met him a couple of months ago, although I’d warmed to him instantly and, after a few more evenings in his company, had felt like I’d known him for years. I could trust him.

  ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’ Stevie’s eyes fixed on mine. ‘Can I be even more inappropriate and offer to buy you a drink?’

  ‘Best offer I’ve had all day, although I’m driving so I’m afraid you won’t be able to get me drunk and take advantage.’

  ‘Shame. I thought it might be my lucky night.’

  I laughed and linked Stevie’s arm as we headed for the bar. Sod Gary. He wasn’t going to ruin my night as well as
my day, although the headache and churning stomach might ruin it instead. The warmth and noise in the function room weren’t helping at all.

  A few minutes later, Stevie and I managed to grab a recently vacated table near an open window. I closed my eyes for a moment and breathed deeply, grateful for the cool breeze whispering round me.

  ‘I was surprised when Rob said he was still doing PT with Gary,’ Stevie said. ‘I thought he’d have been here with you.’

  Shaking my head, I sighed. ‘You and me both, but it would appear that a day at work and an evening of pumping iron – or whatever it is they’re doing – is infinitely more desirable than spending time with me.’

  Stevie grimaced. ‘I don’t want to pry, but if you need to talk…’

  I took a sip on my tonic water. ‘Thank you. There’s really not much to talk about. Boy meets girl at fourteen, gets engaged at sixteen, and married at eighteen. He becomes a GP, she becomes a head of department, and they’re meant to live happily ever after with three or four children. Except boy seems to find every excuse under the sun, moon and stars not to start a family and girl wonders if the problem is that he doesn’t want to be with her anymore, but she’s too chicken to ask because she’s terrified of the thought of life without him.’

  Stevie’s eyes widened and he gently touched my shaking hand. ‘That sounds like a lot of things to talk about. I’m listening if you want to.’

  I blinked away my tears yet again. ‘Maybe not tonight. My sister announced last night that she’s expecting twins and, while I’m thrilled for her, I’m feeling a little delicate about my own situation and might turn into a soggy mess if I start now. I’ve also got a really bad headache so I don’t think the emotional stuff will help that either. Maybe another time? I’m thinking I might have to bail early tonight.’

  ‘That would be a shame, but the offer’s always there.’ His eyes seemed so full of sympathy – such a contrast to the anger in Gary’s eyes. He held my gaze as he took a sip on his pint. ‘I have something to tell you that should cheer you up.’

  ‘It’s not about babies, is it?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Then yes please. I could use some happy non-baby-related news right now.’

  ‘I was chatting to one of my neighbours, Lorraine, last week. Her son’s got ADHD. He was doing well in primary school but started senior school this year and got no support. He changed schools this term and has come on leaps and bounds thanks to something called the EGO programme that a certain head of department designed.’ He grinned at me.

  I felt my cheeks flush at the compliment. ‘You must be talking about Brandon.’

  ‘Brandon. That’s it! I couldn’t for the life of me remember his name. As soon as she realised that I knew you, she couldn’t give enough praise. I was nearly late for the dentist.’

  ‘That has cheered me up,’ I said, smiling. ‘Thank you. I mean the praise, by the way; not the being late for the dentist.’

  Stevie smiled back. ‘Tell me more about this EGO programme.’

  ‘You’re sure I won’t bore you by talking about school?’

  ‘Of course not. I’m intrigued.’

  I took another sip of my drink. ‘Okay. You asked for it. You must stop me if I go on for too long because I get pretty passionate about this. EGO stands for Everyone Gets an Opportunity and it’s all about making drama accessible to all students, regardless of ability…’

  I’d created it when I became Head of English and Drama at Kayley School three years ago. Roles on regular school productions were still fulfilled through auditions, selecting the best students, but the EGO programme ran alongside this. Pupils who were shy, had learning difficulties or weren’t naturally gifted at drama were encouraged to participate in shorter performances, mentored by the stronger students. It wasn’t about building up to a grand performance in front of parents; it was simply about inclusion and confidence-building.

  Running this alongside regular productions meant doubling my after-school commitments, but the rewards for the students and the school had been invaluable. I’d known it would mean another delay to starting a family but, as I’d vacuumed that morning while Gary was at the surgery, I’d started to wonder if that had been the only sacrifice. Had I failed to give Gary enough attention and was his lack of attention towards me the resulting payback for that? Had I brought it on myself?

  ‘That all sounds amazing,’ Stevie said when I’d finished explaining. ‘You obviously love your job.’

  ‘I do love my job, but that’s mainly because I love children, which takes us back to the predicament with Gary. I plan to teach for life, but it’s not enough for me to just look after other people’s children and watch them grow. I want to watch my children grow and develop into adults.’ I felt the tears welling again. ‘Let’s not go there.’ I glanced around the room. ‘I still can’t see Sarah or Nick. Can you?’

  Stevie turned round and looked. ‘No, but they must be here because I can see Clare.’

  My heart sank at the mention of her name. ‘Where?’

  ‘Opposite the bar. Talking to the guy in the red tie.’

  I looked towards where he pointed. ‘Oh. That’s Chris – Sarah’s dad.’ And it was probably flirting rather than talking. I decided against saying that aloud, though, because Clare was Stevie’s friend and I wasn’t sure how much he knew about our mutual contempt for each other.

  The paracetamol I’d taken hadn’t touched my headache and, with the increasing heat, I now felt even more nauseous. Hopefully Sarah would appear soon because, despite Stevie’s great company, handing over my gift and making an early exit for my bed was becoming more and more attractive by the minute.

  The sound of a knife tinkling against glass silenced the crowd.

  ‘Good evening everyone,’ shouted Kay. ‘Thank you all for coming, especially at such short notice. I really appreciate it. Tonight is a very special evening for me. As you know, it’s my twenty-first birthday.’ She paused for laughter. ‘Okay, you’ve got me, it’s actually my sixtieth birthday today and I know you all think that’s the reason for the party tonight, but I lied to you as that’s not the main reason for inviting you all here. I’ve had some amazing birthday gifts but I wanted to share the best one of all with you. Nick…?’

  Nick, looking very dapper in a dark grey suit with blue shirt and tie, stepped forward and gave Kay a hug. I looked round for Sarah and saw that she’d also appeared and was standing next to her parents. She looked gorgeous in a short, flared, peach dress with silver detailing round the waist, nude heels, and her dark curls tumbling down her back.

  ‘Thanks Kay,’ Nick said. ‘For those of you who don’t know me, my name’s Nick. Kay’s always believed that I’d be the perfect partner for her niece, Sarah, and I’m delighted to say that she was right. Sarah, will you join me?’ Nick held out his hand, smiling. My breath caught. Oh my goodness! Was he about to propose?

  ‘I’m even more delighted to say that, this afternoon, I asked Sarah to marry me. And she said yes!’

  The room erupted. I leapt to my feet and turned to Stevie as I applauded the amazing news. ‘Did you know?’

  He shook his head. ‘No. You?’

  ‘No.’ I could tell from his huge grin that he was as thrilled as me.

  The cheering and applause finally died down.

  ‘The bar staff are making their way round the room with glasses of champagne,’ Nick said. ‘Once everyone has one, I’d like to propose a toast.’

  Stevie took two glasses from a passing waitress and handed one to me.

  ‘How did he propose?’ shouted someone, quickly supported by several cries to tell the story.

  Sarah beamed as she exchanged a few words with Nick. He nodded, then she turned to address the guests.

  ‘It was very romantic. Nick turned up at Seaside Blooms at lunchtime today with a picnic basket and Auntie Kay. He’d arranged for her to cover the shop while he took me down to South Bay for lunch. He told me it was to celebrate our fir
st week of living together. There were some beach artists down there who’d drawn the words “will you marry me?” into the sand, using garlands of flowers and hearts. It looked like they were finishing things off so we stood on the prom and watched them for a while, discussing how romantic it was and wondering which of the couples on the beach it was for. They were doing something at the top of the message and it was only when they moved away that I saw that…’ Sarah’s voice cracked. ‘Sorry… I…’

  Nick put his arm round her and kissed her head. ‘When they cleared the area,’ he continued, ‘we could see that they’d been writing the name Sarah. Sarah stared at it for a while then turned to find me down on bended knee with a bunch of flowers and a ring.’

  Sarah wiped her eyes. ‘He’s selling himself short. It was a stunning hand-tied bouquet of white roses – our favourites – and there was an open ring box nestling among them containing the most perfect engagement ring ever. And he gave the most beautiful sp…’ Her voice cracked again.

  Nick laughed and hugged Sarah to his side. ‘I think the word was speech, but I’m sure you’ll understand that I’m not going to embarrass myself by repeating it in front of an audience. I’m relieved to say that it worked and Sarah said yes.’ He looked round the room. ‘Has everyone got a glass? Then I propose a toast to Kay on her sixtieth birthday and to Sarah on our engagement. To Kay and Sarah!’

  ‘To Kay and Sarah!’

  ‘And to Nick!’ called Kay.

  ‘To Nick!’ shouted everyone.

  ‘I can’t believe he organised all of that,’ I whispered to Stevie. ‘What a romantic proposal.’

  Stevie smiled. ‘It was. How did Gary propose?’

  ‘Nothing quite as romantic as that, but I liked it. Funnily enough, it was on South Bay too but at the other end, near the caves at Lighthouse Cove. Whenever I feel sad or want to think, I go there. It holds good memories for me.’

  ‘Sounds pretty romantic to me.’ Stevie stood up and reached for my hand. ‘Come on. Let’s offer our congratulations.’