Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove

by Jessica Redland

  The only family he had left? I hadn’t realised Stevie’s parents had passed away. Why didn’t I know that? Had I been told and forgotten? I’d have to explore further, but now wasn’t the time.

  ‘What about you, Philip?’ Stevie asked.

  ‘Kay’s invited me to have lunch with her family, then she’s joining Michael and me for tea.’

  ‘Then Philip’s taking me away for New Year’s Eve.’ Kay couldn’t hide her excitement. ‘I’ve just found out, but he’s keeping the location secret.’

  ‘UK or overseas?’ I asked.

  ‘He won’t tell me that, either.’ Kay smiled widely. ‘It could be the garden shed for all I care, as long as we’re together.’ She gazed lovingly at Philip and my heart melted. I had no idea things had moved on quite so quickly but they weren’t getting any younger and they’d both known love before so were certainly going to recognise it when it came along again.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen,’ a female voice announced over the microphone, ‘we hope you’ve enjoyed your wedding breakfast. Mr and Mrs Derbyshire would like to welcome you into the bar area for about half an hour. They’ll then invite you back into The Briar Room for their first dance as husband and wife followed by your evening’s entertainment. Thank you.’

  Clare stood up and grabbed her wine glass and a part-finished bottle. ‘I’ll be going to freshen up. See you later.’ Without waiting for a response, she marched off.

  ‘Is she okay?’ Stevie said, staring after her.

  I shrugged. ‘Hard to tell. Sarah says Clare gets funny whenever the subject of her family comes up. She never talks about them. I suspect she said too much and needs a bit of time alone. Speaking of family, I’m so sorry about yours. I didn’t know you’d lost your parents.’

  He indicated that we should head towards the bar area so I walked beside him, wondering if he’d give any more information or whether I should change the subject. Thankfully he spoke. ‘You don’t know because I don’t usually talk about them. It’s not the first thing you can blurt out as soon as you meet someone and, after that, the timing never seems right.’

  Bad timing? Now that was a concept I understood. ‘You don’t have to tell me now if you don’t want…’

  ‘No. I want to,’ he said. ‘Okay. Here it is. My mum lost her battle with breast cancer when I was fourteen. My parents were devoted to each other and my dad took it really hard. He couldn’t bear to live without her so, two years later, he took his own life and, unfortunately, I was the one who found him hanging in the garage.’

  I stopped walking and grabbed his arm, tears rushing to my eyes. ‘No! That’s awful.’

  ‘Uncle George, my mum’s brother, took me in. He’d never married or had children. It must have been tough for him to suddenly have a bereaved hormonal teenager thrust on him, but he was amazing.’

  ‘I don’t know what to say. I can’t imagine how difficult that must have been for you.’

  ‘He made a pretty good guardian actually.’

  ‘I don’t mean living with your uncle.’

  Stevie smiled. ‘I know what you mean. I’m being flippant. I’d like to talk about it some more with you, but maybe not today. Today should be a happy day. Do you mind?’

  ‘Of course not. I just feel so bad that I didn’t know. I’ve had loads of negative things to say about my mother and you’ve probably been thinking I’m a right ungrateful cow to feel that way when you’ve lost yours.’

  Stevie put his arms round me and kissed the top of my head. ‘I could never think anything like that about you. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. I hope you know that.’

  I felt my whole body tingle as he held me close. The urge to kiss him was overwhelming. I moved my head slightly. I have to do this. I have to…

  ‘Sorry, but could we ask you to move into the bar,’ said a voice. Stevie let me go, apologised to the waiter and did as instructed. Damn! Moment lost yet again!

  We joined Ben, Skye and Stuart in the bar. I got chatting to Ben about my house-hunt and he told me about his new kitchen. The chit-chat seemed very lame after what Stevie had just told me. Clare appeared after twenty minutes or so and seemed to be back on top form. There was no point asking her if she wanted to talk about it because she never did.

  Ten minutes after that, the wedding compere called us back into the main room for the first dance. The tables had been cleared to the sides, the curtains were drawn, and disco lights threw coloured patterns across the floor and walls. Sarah and Nick took to the floor for their first dance.

  ‘Ladies and gentlemen, Mr and Mrs Derbyshire would love it if you could join them on the dance floor,’ announced the compere as a second ballad played.

  I thought about what Clare had said about giving him a sign and turned to Stevie to ask him to dance, but he was already looking at me. Without words, he took my hand, led me onto the dance floor then wrapped his arms round my waist. I put mine round his neck.

  ‘You look radiant,’ he said.

  My heart raced. ‘Thank you. You look pretty good yourself.’ Very, very good. Weren’t the chief bridesmaid and best man meant to get together? Well, the best man was engaged and there was no chief bridesmaid so how about the regular bridesmaid and the usher? I liked the sound of that.

  ‘Thank you,’ Stevie said.

  We moved slowly in silence for a verse. ‘I should have complimented you earlier,’ Stevie whispered. ‘But I didn’t want to embarrass you in front of everyone.’

  My heart thumped faster. ‘Thank you,’ I whispered again. Give him a sign! I pulled him a little closer, laying my head on his shoulder. He responded by tightening his grip. Closing my eyes, I snuggled further into his shoulder. I heard his breathing quicken. I wanted to kiss him more than I’d ever wanted to kiss anyone before. And I didn’t want to stop there. Was Clare right that he was waiting for a sign from me, something more than holding him more tightly? I’d have to say something, wouldn’t I? But what if she was wrong? What if I suggested something and he turned me down? He’d done that once before and, back then, I barely knew him and certainly hadn’t fallen in love with him. I opened my eyes, loosened my grip, and stepped back. Fallen in love with him? Had I?

  ‘Are you okay? Stevie still had hold of my arms. He looked concerned.

  ‘Just a little tired.’ Oh my goodness. I loved him. Really loved him. I had to say something. But that scene in Stardust filled my mind again. What if he rejected me? I couldn’t do it. Not now. I wasn’t brave enough.

  I stepped away from Stevie. ‘I may just go to my room and have a lie down for a while. Would you excuse me?’ I needed to think things through. Could I risk making a move tonight or not? Could I take it if he rejected me for a second time?

  ‘Do you want me to come with you?’ He laughed. ‘To keep you company, not to have a lie down with you. Don’t want you to think I’m trying to take advantage. Friends don’t do that.’

  My heart sank. So that was it, then. He really wasn’t interested. ‘No, it’s okay but thanks. I’ll be back down in an hour.’

  When I opened my eyes again, it was to see daylight pouring through a gap in my curtains and a note under my door from Stevie:

  Didn’t like to disturb you. You must have been exhausted. I have to leave early in the morning so won’t be at breakfast. Happy Christmas xx

  38

  My stomach rumbled as I made my way downstairs to the dining room the following morning. The smell of bacon wafted up to me and, despite being a vegetarian for sixteen years, I could happily have wolfed down a bacon sarnie at that very moment.

  ‘What happened to you last night?’ I turned to see Clare descending the stairs behind me.

  I shook my head. ‘Disaster. Realised my feelings for Stevie were a bit more than fancying the arse off him as you put it. Went to my room to psyche myself up to doing something about it. Fell asleep. Woke up an hour ago to a note under my door saying he’d gone.’

  ‘That’s just bollocks bad luck, that is,
especially when your man spent the evening moping around waiting for the love of his life to re-appear.’

  ‘I’m not the love of his life. He just thinks of me as a friend.’

  ‘Yeah right. Pull the other one.’

  We reached the restaurant. Even though I’d received his note, I couldn’t help scanning the room for Stevie in case there’d been a change of plan. No such luck.

  Clare took a seat, but I apologised and headed straight for the buffet table, grabbed myself a croissant, and eagerly took a huge bite on it. The nausea may have gone, but it came back if I didn’t eat regularly and, after a rather sparse dinner last night, I was ravenous.

  As I was about to take my next bite, a hand on my shoulder made me jump. Stevie? But it wasn’t. ‘Kay! You frightened me.’

  ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to,’ she said. ‘Particularly given your condition.’

  I bit my lip. There was no way I could deny it, especially as I knew my shocked expression would have given me away immediately. ‘I …’ But no words came.

  Kay sighed. ‘Have you got a minute?’ Without waiting for me to answer, she marched out of the dining room.

  I threw a worried look in Clare’s direction. She widened her eyes and shrugged. Taking a deep breath, I left the dining room and found Kay in a lounge area full of high-backed armchairs and leather sofas. She indicated that I should close the door. I couldn’t read her expression. Was she angry? Disappointed?

  ‘How long?’ she asked.

  ‘Twenty-one weeks.’

  She paused. I could tell she was working out the date of conception. ‘Daniel’s?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Does he know?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Is he interested?’

  ‘No.’

  She shook her head and sighed. ‘No surprise there, then.’

  ‘Are you angry with me?’

  Her face softened. ‘Yes, I am, but not for the reason you think.’ She looked round the room and indicated a pair of chairs in the corner of the room. ‘Let’s sit.’

  I realised I was still holding the croissant, although it was now crushed. I lay it on a nearby coffee table and brushed the crumbs off my hands before sitting down.

  Kay sat forward in her chair. ‘I’m not angry with you for falling pregnant or making any sort of judgement about it so please don’t think that for one minute. I’m actually really thrilled for you… if it’s what you want. I’m assuming from conversations we’ve had that it is.’

  ‘It is.’

  She smiled warmly. ‘Good. Then huge congratulations. You’ll make a wonderful mum, Elise. You really will.’

  Her kind words meant a lot to me, especially as I wouldn’t hear any such praise from my own mother. ‘Thank you. How did you know? I’d have assumed Daniel told Philip, but you wouldn’t have needed to ask if it was his if that was the case.’

  ‘Daniel hasn’t breathed a word. I know I haven’t been around much lately, but you don’t live with someone in a two-bedroomed cottage and not notice things. There’ve been changes in your eating habits and your appearance. I’ve even heard you being sick. I didn’t have to be Miss Marple to work it out but I didn’t want to ask. I figured you’d tell me when you were ready.’

  I fiddled with a loose thread on my jumper. ‘Is that why you’re angry with me?’

  ‘Angry may not be the right word. It’s a bit strong. I’d say… a bit miffed.’

  ‘So is that why you’re a bit miffed with me? For keeping it secret? I’m sorry, Kay. I should have told you, but—’

  ‘I’m not talking about me, sweetheart. I’m talking about Sarah. This is huge news and you haven’t shared it with your best friend. Yet, if I’m not mistaken, both Stevie and Clare know. And I believe Michael might too. A couple of comments he’s made make sense now. Am I right?’

  I lowered my eyes. ‘You’re right. I didn’t set out to tell any of them. They all stumbled upon the news somehow. Nobody else knows. Not even my family.’

  Kay reached forward and took my hand in hers. ‘You’re one of the kindest, most selfless people I’ve ever met, so I know that you’ll have had good reasons for keeping this a secret and I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the reasons was avoiding stealing the spotlight.’

  I looked up, surprised. ‘It was.’

  She smiled. ‘It’s so like you to think about others like that, but secrets have a way of surfacing and, no matter how good your intentions were, this is one secret that should probably have been shared with your family and your best friend at least.’

  ‘Has Sarah said anything?’

  Kay let go of my hand. ‘Not directly. She hasn’t guessed you’re pregnant, if that’s what you’re thinking. However, she has noticed the closeness between you and Clare and is confused by it after years of bad feeling between you both. She knows you’ve been confiding in each other and she suspects that Clare’s opened up about her past. Understandably, she finds that hurtful. She has no idea it’s you who has the secret.’

  My stomach sank. Poor Sarah. I’d really screwed up. ‘I was going to tell her after her honeymoon.’

  ‘I think you should tell her now.’ Kay stood up. ‘Actually, I want you to tell her now. I can’t make you, of course, but you should be prepared for the repercussions on your friendship if you leave it any longer.’

  ‘You think it’s that bad?’

  Kay nodded. ‘I do. Would you like me to see if she’s come down to breakfast and ask her to come and see you?’

  I stood up, shaking my head. ‘No. This isn’t the time or the place.’

  ‘Will there ever be a right time or place?’

  ‘Probably not, but there’ll be better ones than this. I promise I’ll tell her before she goes and hope it’s not too late.’

  ‘I shouldn’t have left this until today.’ Sarah planted her hands on her hips the following day and shook her head at the piles of clothes on the bed. ‘I hate packing. Especially when it’s last minute like this.’

  ‘I thought you weren’t driving to the airport till teatime.’

  ‘We’re not. I’ve got six hours, but I’m still feeling that it’s too last minute.’

  ‘To be fair, you have had a wedding to think about, a shop to manage, and Christmas.’

  She rubbed her hands across her face and shook her head. ‘What was I thinking, getting married so close to Christmas when I own a shop? Durr!’ She moved a pile of clothes aside and sat down on the bed. ‘I need to sit down and relax for a moment or I’m going to forget to pack something vital.’

  She leaned across and moved a pile of clothes on the other side of the bed so I could sit down beside her. We both plumped the pillows and leaned back against the headboard.

  ‘Where’s Nick?’ I asked, wondering whether he was likely to walk in on me mid-confession.

  ‘I sent him out to The Old Theatre with Stevie for a full English. He’s rubbish at packing. He somehow manages to fill a suitcase with only three items of clothing. It’s quite a talent.’

  My pulse raced at the mention of Stevie’s name and I hoped Sarah wouldn’t notice the colour in my cheeks. ‘I bet he does it deliberately so you relieve him of his packing duties.’

  ‘You may have a point.’ She picked up her mug of tea and took a slurp. ‘So what happened to you on Saturday night? Stevie said you were tired and had gone for a lie down, but I didn’t see you again.’

  ‘I managed to fall asleep and not wake again till morning. I’m so sorry, but I missed everything after your first dance.’

  ‘No! Nightmare. You must have been exhausted to sleep right through.’

  ‘I was. But there’s a reason why I was exhausted.’ I took a deep breath. ‘I’m pregnant.’

  Sarah’s eyes widened. ‘Oh my God! Who? Where? When? How? Actually, scrap the last one. I know how. But … oh my God! I need details!’

  ‘Who? Daniel. He knows, but he’s not interested which is fine by me. Where? On the beach at Lighthouse Cove.’


  The smile slipped from Sarah’s face. ‘On the beach? But that happened in the summer, which would mean you’re—’

  ‘Five months pregnant and a rubbish friend for not telling you sooner. I’m sorry. With the twins being born and you getting married, there never seemed to be a good time to share the news.’

  She grabbed my arm and gasped. ‘Your family don’t know? You’ve gone through more than half your pregnancy on your own?’

  I squirmed. ‘A few people knew. Mainly by accident.’

  She let go of my arm and twiddled with one of her curls. ‘Oh my God! Clare knows, doesn’t she? That’s the secret you’ve been sharing.’

  As I curled up under my duvet that night, I couldn’t stop picturing the hurt expression in Sarah’s eyes as I told her about Clare finding out and how she’d joined me for my scan. With Kay’s warning that secrets had a way of surfacing heavy on my mind – especially with it being the same warning I’d given to Gary about confessing his sexuality to his mother – I’d told her everything about who knew, how, and what they’d done with that information.

  She’d cried. She’d actually cried. She thought she’d failed me as a friend if I felt I couldn’t open up to her about something so important. I’d then jumped to defensive mode and reminded her of her reaction to Callie’s pregnancy announcement. We argued. We cried. We argued some more. I’d never argued with Sarah, even as kids. It was hideous.

  ‘It’s been a heck of a year for both of us, hasn’t it?’ Sarah had said, hugging her teddy bear, Mr Pink. She wiped tears from her cheeks. ‘I don’t want it to end with me losing my best friend.’

  ‘I don’t either. I really am sorry. I wish I could turn back the clock, but I can’t. I thought I was protecting you, but I think I was really protecting me.’

  We talked some more then I helped her pack before driving back to Seashell Cottage. Peace was restored, forgiveness was granted, but damage was done. I prayed that Sarah would have such an amazing honeymoon that things would be back to normal when she returned. I’d certainly make every effort to include her in my pregnancy and my life in general to try to repair the damage I’d caused. No more secrets.