Finding Hope at Lighthouse Cove

by Jessica Redland

  Mother grabbed my drink and gulped it then pulled a face when she realised it was water and not a gin and tonic as she must have hoped.

  ‘I hope you’re not expecting me to come to your wedding,’ she shouted as we paused at the bar for Stevie to hand over his drink. ‘Because I’m not sure you’re worth the price of a new nightie.’

  ‘And you’re not worth the price of a meal,’ I shouted back, ‘so don’t wait for an invite.’ I grabbed Stevie’s hand and dashed for the door.

  ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Stevie asked when we were safely inside Bertie.

  ‘Can we go to your house first?’

  ‘We certainly can.’

  We drove to Bramble Cottage in silence while I re-played the conversation in my head. I hadn’t handled it well, but she’d started it. My anger had started at Jess’s wedding and had been steadily simmering since the twins had been born and she’d made no attempt to visit them. I found out on Christmas Day that she hadn’t sent cards or gifts for their births or Christmas either. Jess broke down in tears when she told me that. Dad had just stared at her helplessly, a haunted look in his eyes. I suspect he’d been replaying the wedding conversation, knowing exactly why she hadn’t bothered with the twins, yet unable to voice the reason.

  ‘You put your feet up and I’ll make you a hot drink,’ Stevie said when we arrived back at Bramble Cottage.

  ‘Thanks. I feel quite drained now.’

  I must have dozed off because I opened my eyes to find a throw over me and the room in darkness, except for a warm glow from the log-burner and several candles. I stretched as my eyes adjusted to the light.

  ‘Hi sleepy-head,’ Stevie said, leaning forward in the armchair near the window. ‘I brought you a tea, but you were spark-out.’

  ‘Sorry about that. I only planned to close my eyes for a moment, but it was clearly longer than that. What time is it?’

  ‘About half four.’

  ‘I’ve been asleep for three hours? What must you think of me? This is becoming a habit.’

  Stevie smiled. ‘You and baby obviously needed it. How are you feeling?’

  ‘Embarrassed about earlier.’

  ‘With your mum?’ Stevie put his book down and joined me on the sofa. ‘Please don’t be. I thought you were very restrained in pouring her drink on the floor rather than her head.’

  I cringed. ‘You have no idea how much I wanted to pour it over her, swiftly followed by your pint. I’m sorry that she was rude to you.’

  ‘Don’t be. She’s obviously a bitter woman.’

  ‘Very bitter. And I’m sorry she kept going on about us getting married. I lost the energy to keep correcting her.’

  Stevie smiled and my heart melted at the sight of those gorgeous dimples of his. ‘Please don’t worry about it. Although if you start going out wearing a nightie, I might have to re-think our friendship.’

  I giggled. ‘If I start going out in my nightie, you have my permission to ship me off to Dignitas and put me out of my misery.’

  ‘It’s when I start going out in your nighties that we really need to worry.’ He stood up. ‘Let me go and get you a fresh brew.’

  I stretched then gazed round the room. I could happily stay there and never leave. There was something about Bramble Cottage and its owner that felt so right. Was I brave enough to tell him that?

  41

  ‘Happy New Year!’ Stevie took my overnight bag, closed the door, then gave me a hug. ‘Come through to the kitchen. I’ve made some fruit punch. Non-alcoholic, of course.’

  In the kitchen, he handed me a drink. ‘On tonight’s menu, we’ve got warm wild mushroom salad with feta, but I Googled it and apparently feta’s okay in pregnancy if it’s made with pasteurised milk which this one is. But I’ll understand if you would rather not have the feta.’

  I smiled. ‘Sounds like you’ve gone to a lot of trouble. Pasteurised feta is fine, thank you.’

  ‘For mains, I’ve made an aubergine and chickpea curry, and for dessert we’ve got raspberry and rhubarb crumble. I apologise that none of the courses go together. I got a bit carried away with the recipe book and only thought about the clash of tastes after I’d bought everything.’

  ‘It all sounds delicious and I like variety in a meal so don’t worry about it. Thank you for cooking. We could have just got a takeaway.’

  ‘I enjoy cooking,’ he said, ‘and it’s better for you and baby.’

  I smiled and automatically stroked my small bump. ‘We appreciate it.’

  Stevie cooked the mushrooms while I laid the table, then we ate our starter and main courses.

  ‘Given that it’s the last day of the year, it’s tradition to look ahead,’ he said over our curry. ‘So, what are your hopes for next year?’

  ‘To find somewhere nice to live, to have a healthy little girl—’

  Stevie dropped his fork. ‘You’re having a girl?’

  I grinned. ‘I had my scan on Christmas Eve and decided to find out.’

  He sat back in his chair and smiled. ‘A baby girl. Congratulations. Are you pleased?’

  ‘I am actually. I’d had a couple of dreams about it being a girl so it was quite surreal getting it confirmed.’

  ‘I’m delighted for you,’ Stevie said. ‘So, other than a place to live and a healthy daughter, do you have any other hopes?’

  ‘Not to be alone.’ What I really wanted to say was, ‘To have you love me as much as I love you,’ but I was nowhere near brave enough. That was the sort of thing I needed alcohol to say. But if I could have alcohol, it would mean I wasn’t pregnant, which could mean Stevie and I would have got together long before when he was keen on me as something more than just a friend. ‘What about you?’ I asked.

  ‘Not to be alone would be up there for me too. I was wondering—’ A firework banged outside. He blinked and glanced towards the garden. You were wondering what, Stevie?

  He looked back at me and cleared his throat. ‘Other than that, I want to finish decorating my third bedroom, grow my own veg, and work more collaboratively with Nick. He’s put some work my way and I’ve put some his way. I reckon we could do really well if we properly joined forces.’

  ‘Sounds good. Nick’s a great guy. I bet he’s really easy-going to work with.’ But I’d rather have known what he’d been wondering.

  ‘He is.’ Stevie stretched. ‘Can you face dessert yet or shall we move into the lounge and have it a bit later?’

  I pondered for a moment. ‘Later, I think. I could squeeze some in, but I think it may push me over the edge so I’ll let the rest settle. It was delicious. You’re an amazing cook.’

  ‘Thank you. It was my pleasure.’

  We moved into the lounge and Stevie put on some soft music. ‘Maddy and I would have had a girl.’ He sat beside me on the sofa. ‘We called her Rebecca.’

  I lightly touched his arm. ‘I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it now?’

  He fixed his eyes on mine. ‘I do, actually.’

  We talked about everything: his parents, his Uncle George, my relationship with my mother, what went wrong between him and Maddy, what went wrong between me and Gary, and whether he’d seen much of Rob recently.

  ‘Did you know they’ve moved into an apartment on Sea Cliff?’

  I nodded. ‘Gary phoned to tell me. He didn’t want me to hear it from someone else.’

  ‘I’ve never seen Rob look so happy. They make a great couple.’ He put his hand over his mouth. ‘Was that insensitive? Does it bother you?’

  I shook my head and smiled. ‘Not anymore. Gary seems like… another lifetime ago. My life has changed beyond recognition this year. Some of it’s been bad. Some of it’s been good. Although I was devastated when things ended with Gary – particularly how I found out – I can look back now and know it was for the best. Not because I have baby bean – although she’s an added bonus – but because Gary and I weren’t working. It was like treading on eggshells trying not to upset him. He needed out fo
r obvious reasons, but I think I did too. I just couldn’t see it at the time.’

  ‘Do you ever see him?’

  ‘We saw a lot of each other while we were packing up the house, but I’ve barely seen him since it sold. I miss him. We’ve been friends since school so it’s strange not having him in my life. Maybe that’s another hope for next year.’

  ‘Does he know about the baby?’

  ‘Not yet. I want to tell him in person so I’ll probably arrange to meet him before school returns.’

  ‘I’ve got another hope for next year,’ Stevie said. ‘I want to run a half-marathon. I might as well put all the running to good use. Sarah didn’t have time to come as regularly in the run-up to the wedding so I started doing longer distances.’

  ‘That’s brilliant,’ I said. ‘You’ve really taken to running, then?’

  ‘I never dreamed I’d like anything remotely athletic, but I’d actually call it my main hobby. I couldn’t imagine not running now.’ He got up and put another log on the burner. ‘Did you manage to find a new interest?’

  ‘I don’t have to. I’ve been able to breathe fresh life into an old one.’ Stevie listened intently while I told him about Gary’s discovery in the attic. ‘It needs a bit of work, but I think there are the makings of a series in there.’

  ‘Will you try to get it published?’

  ‘I think so, but I don’t think it will be polished enough by the time baby bean arrives, so this could be a long-term project.’

  Some loud bangs outside made Bonnie whimper and Stevie stroked her ears. ‘She’s not really scared of fireworks. She’s just a drama queen and sees it as a chance for attention.’

  A ping from a clock on the wall made us both look up. ‘Midnight,’ Stevie said. ‘Happy New Year, Elise.’

  ‘Happy New Year, Stevie.’

  ‘I’d suggest we go out and watch the fireworks, but it’s started chucking it down.’

  ‘Then I’m happy to stay in here.’

  ‘There’s no need to miss out. I’ve got something for inside instead.’ He reached over the side of the sofa and lifted up a box of Christmas crackers. ‘Would you do me the honour…?’

  ‘Ooh, crackers! I never win the prize, though. I’m always a little scared to pull hard.’

  We pulled the first cracker and Stevie won a small sparkly pink notepad. ‘More you than me, I think.’ He passed it to me. ‘Not sure it’s quite big enough to write another Ellorinia book in, though.’

  I smiled. ‘Perhaps not.’

  We pulled the second cracker. He won again: a mini set of screwdrivers. ‘I don’t wish to be sexist by giving you the pink notepad and pocketing the “man tools”. Would you like these too?’

  I laughed. ‘No. They’re yours. You won them fair and square.’

  ‘One last cracker and you get to keep what’s in this, no matter what it is, because you’re my guest. Deal?’

  I smiled. ‘Deal.’

  Giggling, I pulled the cracker with him. ‘Yay! I won!’ I cried as an object tumbled into my lap.

  ‘What is it?’

  ‘A keyring I think.’ I picked up the silver fob and held it in front of me. Several silver charms hung from a chain.

  ‘What’s on it?’ Stevie asked.

  I studied the items. ‘It looks like a dog, a buggy, a jigsaw piece, a blackcurrant, a house …’ Oh my goodness! My heart started to race as I spotted the connection and my hands shook slightly as I continued to separate the items. ‘It might actually be a cottage rather than a house. And perhaps the blackcurrant is a bramble? There’s an apple.’ For the teacher perhaps? I swallowed on the lump in my throat. ‘And there’s a bean.’ Tears rushed to my eyes as I stroked the kidney-bean shaped charm between my fingers. Could this mean…? I didn’t dare finish the thought in case I was way off.

  ‘That’s a pretty random set of items,’ Stevie said, reaching for the keyring. Electricity fizzed through me as our hands briefly touched. He lay it on his palm and spread the charms around. ‘Or is it? What do you think?’

  I bit my lip as I chose the right words. I needed to be brave. ‘I think that they might initially seem a bit random, but when you put them all together, it’s like the missing jigsaw piece has been found. What do you think?’

  ‘I think you could be right. And if we add one more element…’ Stevie pulled a shiny brass key from his pocket and placed it on his palm beside the keyring then released a nervous laugh. ‘Sorry. I’m going to have to put these down because my hand’s shaking.’ He placed the key and keyring on the leg of his jeans instead. ‘The first time you came here, you described it as a family home. It is a family home, but the family I expected to live here didn’t quite materialise and Bramble Cottage has always felt like it had a missing piece of the jigsaw. I know two people – well, I’ve only actually met one of them so far – who could be that missing piece and could make it into the family home that it should be.’

  I chewed on my lip as I waited anxiously to hear where Stevie’s speech was going to take us.

  ‘That same day,’ he continued, ‘I told you that I was scared of getting hurt again, or being the one to cause pain, so I’d been cautious with relationships, which was fine because I’d never met anyone worth taking the risk for. As soon as I met you, I knew you were worth taking the risk for. You were with Gary at the time so I put it down to a classic case of unrequited love that I’d get over eventually. Perhaps. With a lot of time. Then your marriage ended and I found myself alone with you in Stardust and you kissed me and… have you any idea how much restraint it took not to run after you that night?’

  A warm tear slipped down my cheek. ‘Why didn’t you?’

  ‘It was too soon. You weren’t over Gary. I’d have pushed you into something you weren’t ready for, and potentially lost you forever.’

  I nodded. He was right. Much as I’d been hurt and humiliated at the time, I’d have resented him for taking advantage when I was so confused. ‘How’s the risk assessment looking now?’

  Stevie smiled. ‘I think I’m about to take the biggest risk of my life.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Sorry. I’m making a mess of it. This is harder than I thought. I’m so scared of saying the wrong thing.’

  I wiped at another tear and smiled encouragingly at him. ‘In the time I’ve known you, I don’t think you’ve ever said the wrong thing. Whatever it is you want to say, please just say it.’

  ‘Okay. Here goes. Big risk time. I want you to move in and make Bramble Cottage your home. When baby bean arrives, I want it to be her home too and I want to help you with her. I really hope you’ll say yes and help turn this place into the family home it should be. However, I can’t be certain that you feel the same way about me as I do about you. You said no once before, but I know why. I guess I said no to you too in Stardust too so we’re equal in the rejection stakes.’ He reached into his pocket again. ‘I love you, Elise, and I want to be with you, but I love our friendship too and, if that’s where you want the relationship to stay, I completely understand. I hope you’ll accept the keyring and everything that means, and I’d like you to pick one more charm to add to it.’ He opened his palm and arranged two more charms on it. ‘The hands shaking are for friendship or you can go for broke and have my heart. Or you can tell me I’ve completely overstepped the mark and I can shove my keyring where the sun doesn’t shine.’

  I wiped my wet cheeks and slowly reached out my hand. ‘If you’re absolutely sure, I’d like to accept these.’ I picked the keyring and key off his knee. ‘That cottage I saw before the wedding was perfect, but I couldn’t bring myself to say yes to it when all I could picture was bean and me living here with you and Bonnie. I’d love to move in.’

  Stevie grinned, dimples flashing. ‘That’s a relief. I wasn’t completely off the mark.’

  ‘No, you weren’t. As for the extra charm, I’d like to go for this one please.’ I reached forward and picked up the hands shaking.

  Stevie’s dimples disappeared as he l
owered his eyes to see the heart left in his palm. ‘Oh well. It was worth a try.’ He curled his hand into a loose fist and smiled weakly at me.

  ‘Not so fast on jumping to conclusions,’ I said, placing my hand over his fist. ‘I’ve picked the friendship charm because I personally believe that a strong friendship is the basis for all successful relationships. I know it may not have ended well, but my marriage to Gary worked for a long time because we were best friends and my brief encounter with Daniel didn’t work because we weren’t. You and I have a great friendship, which is why our relationship is going to work. At the risk of being labelled greedy, I’d like this too.’ I unfurled his fist and took hold of the silver heart. ‘And I give you mine in return. But I have to be absolutely sure you know what you’re doing. I’m carrying Daniel’s baby. That’s a huge ask. Have you really thought it through?’

  Stevie reached out and tenderly stroked my cheek. ‘I’ve done nothing but think about it since I found you at Lighthouse Cove with your first scan picture and you said you’d have chosen me if things had been different. That one comment gave me so much hope. I know I ran away like a startled rabbit, but it was only because I knew that, if I stayed any longer, I’d blurt out how I felt and I wasn’t sure the timing was right for you to hear it. I want to be with you and I don’t see your pregnancy as a problem. For me, that baby girl is an added bonus. Not only would I get to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love, but I get a baby daughter too. It doesn’t get much better than that. So stop worrying that it’s a huge burden, will you? Because you couldn’t be further from the truth. Do you believe me?’

  I nodded as another tear slipped down my cheek and Stevie wiped it gently.

  ‘Are you sure I haven’t pushed you into this?’ he asked. ‘Was the keyring too much? Clare said suggesting you move in here might scare you off but it was killing me viewing those houses with you when all I could do was picture you and baby bean here with Bonnie and me. I wondered if I should have just asked you on a date again, but I didn’t think we had the luxury of time. You needed somewhere to live before the birth and I just thought why not let it be here?’