Dirty Stepbrother

by Alycia Taylor

“It’s nice to have someone helping me with this part the service,” he said.

  “I’m happy to help, Dad. It goes quickly when there’s two of us anyway. You did great, by the way. I was so impressed.”

  “That’s good to hear. You know, to this day I worry that I’m going to bore the crowd. I remember going to a lot of boring services when I was younger, and it’s worried me ever since. I want to spread the word and not bore people with the word.”

  I chuckled. “Seriously? I didn’t know you worried about that. You’re always so confident.”

  “Oh, that’s only what I want you to think.”

  “You’re not boring at all, Dad. You’re amazing. And I’m not the only one who thinks that. I looked around the room, and not one person looked like they were falling asleep. And there’s always someone in service that doesn’t want to be there, so that’s impressive.”

  He laughed. “You’re great for my ego, my darling. And you enjoyed it too?”

  “I sure did.”

  “Thank you. Now, I think we’re done here. You’re right. That went a lot quicker with the two of us working on it. How about we go home for some lunch? I could use a cup of tea as well.”

  “Lunch and tea sound great.”

  I was feeling good that morning. The service had gone well, and my father was in a particularly good mood. I wondered if today would be the day that I finally told him about Xavier. If there was ever a good time for it, today would be the day. I felt nervous and excited at the same time. I just wanted to get it all over with. We made our way back home, and I continued to talk to my father about the service. I wanted to keep him in a good mood no matter what it took.

  When we got home, I made us both toasted cheese sandwiches while he made the tea and then we made ourselves comfortable in the living room to eat.

  “Dad, I’m going to start looking for a job soon. I think I’m finally ready to move on. I’ve had a good break, but it’s time for me to work again.”

  “I’m glad that you took a break at least. So, any chance you’re thinking of sticking around?”

  I smiled. “Actually, I think I will. I like it here, and I missed home more than I thought I would. I’m going to start looking in this area, and I might need to hang around here a little bit longer until I get myself back on my feet again. Do you mind?”

  He grinned. “Are you kidding me? That’s the best news ever. You know you can stay as long as you want.”

  “Thanks, Dad. You’ve been great. Super supportive. I really appreciate everything you have done for me.”

  “How lucky am I? Not many dads get to hear these words from their daughters. So thank you. I’d love to see you settle down here. Get a great job, find a nice man, maybe even marry in my church. How wonderful would that be?”

  My heart was racing out of my chest. I took a deep breath. Now was the time. It was now or never. I had to do it.

  “I’ve fallen for Xavier, Dad,” I blurted out and then stared at him in shock as I realized what I’d just said. He looked back at me. He was holding his sandwich about to take a bite and it now just hovered in the air.

  He slowly lowered the sandwich. “Excuse me?”

  I gulped. It was just shock. I just needed to explain myself, that was all.

  “Look, Dad, I know this comes as a surprise to you. But it shouldn’t. You know that I’ve always had a soft spot for Xavier. I never realized how much I liked him until I came back, though. And he likes me too.”

  “Tell me you’re joking, Holly.”

  “Joking? No, I’m not joking, Dad. This is real. I’ve wanted to tell you for ages now, but I just haven’t known how to talk to you about it.”

  “Ages? Exactly how long has this been going on?”

  “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that I want you to support me.”

  “Honey, I can’t support something that goes against what I believe in. This is morally wrong.”

  “Is it, though?”

  “Of course it is. And if you think it’s not, then you are just fooling yourself. This is a sin, and you know how I feel about that. A sin’s a sin, no matter what shape or form it takes. Come on, darling, don’t look so upset. You should’ve known I would react like this. I’m only looking out for my daughter.”

  “You mean you’re looking out for yourself! That’s what you’re doing. So much wanting what’s best for me. You don’t care about anyone else but yourself.”

  “That’s not true, and you know it.”

  “You even made me go on a date with a man that you know would be awful to me. And he was terrible to me, Dad. Did you know that he tried to force me to kiss him? Did you know that? Did you know that Xavier was the one that came by at that moment and saved me from him? Of course you didn’t know that. Because Xavier is the bad guy in this equation according to you. You’re so busy preaching that you can’t see what’s really going on right in front of you. I need to get out of here,” I said and grabbed my coat.

  “Where are you going?”

  “I just need to be alone. I’ll be back later.”

  I got into the car and ignored my father’s pleas. I needed some fresh air, and I drove without knowing where I was going. Without even realizing it, I ended up at my mother’s grave. I got out and walked to her tombstone. I sat down and looked at her name engraved on the stone. Why wasn’t she here for me? Where was my mother when I needed her the most? Fresh tears welled up inside me and dripped down my face. I thought when my mother left my father it was the worst thing that could’ve ever happened to me. I remember being so angry at the two of them for what they had done to me. Then she died and I was angry all over again. Angry that she had left me. When the anger was gone, I was just left with a deep sadness that I knew would never fully go away again.

  “What must I do, mom?” I said. “Tell me what to do! I need you.”

  I sat there for a while, just thinking about my life. I thought back to those times at school when I had been bullied by people who thought they were better than me. Just because I didn’t conform to their way of life, they had singled me out and teased me. And I had just let them. I was smarter than them and nicer than them, and yet I had let them walk all over me. I’d done the same when I’d gotten a job. I’d let those people do the exact same thing to me. I would pretend like I didn’t care, but of course, I did. Of course I cared. I’d done everything in life that I was supposed to do. I’d been a good girl. I’d gotten good grades; I’d kept my head low; I hadn’t ever tried to become friends with the popular kids. I’d listened to my father and made sure that he was always proud of me. But where had all of this gotten me? I had never done anything for myself. I was always thinking about other people. Now I was sitting here, crying at my mom’s tombstone. I had never felt more alone in my life. If I stayed with Xavier, my father would hate me. But if I listened to my father, then I would never see Xavier again. I lost no matter how I looked at it.

  I wished, for the first time, that I had the balls to simply stick up for what I wanted in life, and I wished that for once someone would let me do something that I wanted to do. I wished that for once, someone would put me first instead of than the other way around.

  I wasn’t ready to go home yet, and I knew Xavier was working all weekend. So I made my way to Andrea’s house. The moment she saw me, I burst into tears again, and she took me into her arms and embraced me. She let me in, and we sat in the living room with hot cocoa while I told her what had happened. It was the first time I had officially come clean to her about my feelings for Xavier.

  “Am I a bad person?” I asked.

  “A bad person? Why? Because you fell for Xavier? No way, Holly. You’re not a bad person. Your father is being unreasonable. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and Xavier being together. You’re not related. And you didn’t even live with him your whole life. That was such a small section of your life. He was never your brother, not even then. Tell me, does he make you happy?” she asked.

 
I nodded. “He does.”

  “Then you should be with him.”

  “What about my father?”

  “Your father should know the difference between right and wrong. You should go after what you believe in. The two of you should fight for one another. Once your father realizes how serious it is, he will come around. He just needs to change his mind, that’s all. You might not have seen Xavier as a brother, but maybe he saw Xavier as a son. But he’ll realize that he’s not. It’s good that you’ve told him.”

  “You think? Because I feel like I have messed everything up.”

  “No. You haven’t. You did the right thing. He probably just needs time.”

  “I hope you’re right, Andrea. Mind if I stay here a little bit longer? I’m not ready to go home and face him yet. I’m too emotional right now, and I don’t want to get into another argument with him.”

  “You can stay here as long as you want. And we can talk about it all night if you want to or we can talk about something else. I’m here for you.”

  I smiled at Andrea. I’d missed her so much. “I wish we had stayed in touch, you know. All these years without you. I was so lonely. I liked to pretend I was out there leading this great life, but the truth was that I missed having someone to talk to.”

  “I missed you too. I’m glad we found each other again. Want to talk or do you want to watch a stupid comedy with as much chocolate as we can stuff in our faces?”

  I laughed. “The chocolate option. Definitely the chocolate option.”

  “Chocolate coming right up!”

  I smiled gratefully at her. I wasn’t sure if I believed her that my father was going to come right, but I was glad that I had told him regardless. The truth had to eventually come out, and it was better that it had come from me.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Xavier

  “Okay boys, I think we’re done for the day.”

  Kenny looked at me as if to say, ‘it’s about time, ’ and we all walked gratefully outside. Kenny immediately got out his cigarette and leaned against his truck.

  “That was exhausting. I’m going right now and climbing into bed.”

  “You are? Not going out?” I asked.

  Kenny laughed. “Not this time. I must be getting old.”

  “I could stand to have a date with my bed too, and a good shower. But I think I’m going to go and talk to Holly and Rick. I can’t leave this any longer. It’s been on my mind the entire day, and I know I won’t sleep unless I go.”

  “Oh wow. Good for you, man. I think you’re doing the right thing. You’re going to drive yourself crazy if you don’t sort this out.”

  “Yeah, that’s what I think too. It’s gone on long enough. All right, wish me luck, man.”

  “Good luck. Although I don’t think you’ll need it. I think it’s all going to go fine,” Kenny said.

  “I hope you’re right.”

  I climbed onto the bike and rode off, wishing I had the same amount of confidence that Kenny had. When I arrived at Rick’s, I was surprised to see that Holly’s car wasn’t there. It was getting late, and I assumed she would be home. I wondered if I should wait for her or call her first, but perhaps talking to Rick without her present would actually be better. I took a deep breath and made my way to the door. I was going to prove to him that I was serious about his daughter. Rick was a good man, a decent man – he would listen to me.

  Rick’s face was like thunder when he opened the door, and I gulped. That was before I had even said anything. Something was clearly up.

  “Uh, Rick, are you okay?”

  “What are you doing here?” he boomed. Rick had never spoken to me like that before, and it took me by surprise.

  “I . . . uh . . . can we talk? Mind if I come in?”

  “I’m not sure I really want to talk to you right now.”

  “Rick, please. Can I just come in?”

  Rick didn’t answer, but he stepped to the side, and I walked in. I was sure he just didn’t want to make a scene on the street. The neighbors lived close by and they would definitely hear us if we stood there any longer. I took a seat on the sofa and Rick took a seat on the one opposite me.

  “Rick, I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’m here to talk to you about Holly.”

  “Why can’t you just leave my daughter alone? Why are you doing this me?”

  “Uh, where is Holly?” I asked.

  “Xavier, why are you here?” he said, ignoring my question.

  I cleared my throat. “I’ve fallen in love with your daughter, Rick.”

  “Excuse me? What did you just say?”

  “I’ve fallen in love your daughter. I love her. And I want to marry her.” There, I’d said it. I’d said the words I’d been wanting to say for a long time. I didn’t just like Holly, I was in love with her, and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It felt good saying the words out loud even though I could see how angry Rick was. I knew he’d take it badly, but I had no idea he would be this angry.

  “You mean you want to marry your sister? You’ve fallen in love with your sister? That’s not right, Xavier. That’s not right, and you know it.”

  “Rick, she’s not my sister. We’re not related by blood. Come on, don’t be like this. There’s nothing wrong with the two of us being together. She’s an amazing girl, and I’m in love with her. Nobody thinks it’s wrong except you.”

  “That’s what you think.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I talked to Holly about it before you got here. She told me that you were in love with her. And we had a nice long talk about it.”

  “What . . . what did she say?”

  “She told me that you had fallen for her and that she thought she had fallen for you too. She said the more she thought about it, though, the worse she felt. She said she couldn’t get past the idea that you were her brother. The more we talked, the more disgusting she thought it was. She sat here crying about how you pushed her into getting into something with you. She said it’s not what she wants and she just wants you to leave her alone. So that’s why I’m mad, Xavier. I’m mad because you’re trying to force my daughter into being with you even though it’s wrong. You’ve messed with her head.”

  “She didn’t say that.”

  “But she did. How can you do that to her? You claim to love her and yet you’re making her do something that she doesn’t want to do. You’re the disgusting one.”

  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Holly didn’t want to be with me? Holly thought of me as a brother? That’s not what she told me. Had she been lying to me? Or had her father simply changed her mind? Either way, the words stung. I stood up.

  “Where is she? I want to talk to her.”

  “Well, she doesn’t want to talk to you. She told me that she wants you to leave her alone. If you really care about her, I suggest you actually listen to her this time.”

  I walked to the door without saying anything and walked to my bike. Norman was the only one that was there for me, and as I climbed on and rode off, I didn’t look back. I rode fast and furious, and the adrenaline made me feel alive again. I road until I found myself at Silas’ place. I hadn’t gone there on purpose, but the moment I saw his house, I knew I wanted to see him. I needed someone to tell me that everything was going to be okay.

  “Xavier? What’s going on?” Silas asked.

  I saw that Silas was a having a small gathering. A party. A few girls lingered in the hallway and looked at me curiously. I sighed.

  “I’m sorry,” I said as I backed away. “I’m interrupting. I had no idea.”

  “Want to join us?”

  “No. I don’t really want to see people right now. I’m sorry, Silas. I’ll catch up with you some other time.”

  “Don’t be crazy,” Silas said. “The party is practically over anyway. Some people left a little while ago. Give me a second.”

  I watched as he walked over to the girls to speak to them. They reached over
and kissed him on the cheek, gathered their bags and coats, and headed out. I looked at my feet as they walked past, feeling bad that I was the cause of their party being over.

  “I feel terrible that you just did that.”

  “Don’t. I was totally ready to call it a night anyway. So you did me a favor. Come on in. Let me make us some coffee. You look like you probably need a beer, but I think coffee is the smarter choice.”

  I smiled. “You always were the smarter out of the two of us.”

  “You’re giving me a compliment? Something must be up, then.”

  He made coffee, and the two us sat in the living room. The place was a mess from the party, but I didn’t care. It reminded me of a more carefree time. A time I could barely remember. After a full weekend of drills at work and a fight with Xavier, I needed the coffee to keep me awake. I told Silas exactly what had happened, from the start to the end.

  “And then I went to talk to Rick to finally tell him how I felt about his daughter. I’m just coming from there now.”

  “Uh oh. That obviously didn’t end too well, then.”

  I shook my head. “I didn’t think he’d be happy, but I didn’t think he’d go off quite the way he did.”

  “You need to stop caring about what that man says. I’ve stayed away for a reason, Xavier. Maybe you should too. I don’t see why you have to worry about what he says about this when he’s clearly not even thinking about anyone but himself. He’s turned this whole thing into something that it’s not, and it’s not fair. You should live your own life. You and Holly don’t need his permission you know.”

  I sighed. “That’s the thing; it’s not just Rick that feels that way.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This is the part that I’m battling with the most. Rick had a long talk with Holly too. Looks like she spoke to him before I did. They had a big heart-to-heart about the whole situation. She’s decided that the whole thing is wrong and disgusting and she doesn’t ever want to see me again. She said that I’ve been forcing her into doing things that she is not comfortable with. Which is crazy. I haven’t done anything like that. You know I’m not that type of guy. Holly told me that she felt the same way about me. I don’t know why she said something like that to him.”