That was comforting to me and so, I was able to turn back around and completely ignore Valerie and her wonder boyfriend until after the movie.
Unfortunately, when the movie was over and we were making our way out of the theater, Dalilah decided that she just had to go to the bathroom before we left, despite the fact that I told her I was uncomfortable and really wanted to go.
“Stop being such a baby,” she teased and then made her way into the bathroom.
The cynical side to me thought about leaving her there, but I knew that I couldn’t do something like that. It just wasn’t right.
So, I waited, right outside of the bathrooms, so paranoid, that obviously I actually had no earthly idea what I was doing; because when I turned around, I was completely surprised to see Valerie standing there.
“Hi,” she said cheerfully, staring directly at me so that if I were to ignore her now, I would, once again, be a total jerk.
“Hey,” I nodded, wondering what her game was. “Where’s Zachary?”
She smiled at me and shrugged. “You know me…always forgetting something. I left my purse in the theater. He went back to get it for me.”
I smiled, knowing full well the extent of her forgetfulness. “Good man…” I said, nodding my head, even though I knew she didn’t need my approval.
However, before either of us could say anything else, Dalilah returned. Immediately, she began to start trouble. “Well, if it isn’t the traitor…” she mocked, glowering at Valerie in a way that made me feel automatically defensive toward her.
I spun my head around and glared at Dalilah menacingly, but Valerie was already on top of it.
“Excuse me?” she demanded. “I don’t believe you were a part of this conversation.”
“Yes, well, after the other day, I was under the impression that Shawn had nothing more to say to you.”
“Dalilah!” I exclaimed and then looked at Valerie with an apology in my eyes.
It was at that time that Zachary showed up. He saw who Valerie was with as well as the distress on her face and was automatically defensive. “What’s going on here?”
“We were just leaving,” Dalilah spat. “We don’t associate with such two-faced people.” Grabbing me quickly, she pulled me away.
I couldn’t believe she had actually done that and I was appalled. I turned toward her once we were outside and demanded, “What was that?”
“That was me, sticking up for you in a time of weakness,” she answered with a bite to her tongue that was sour.
“What?” I demanded. “No! You were just rude.”
“Yeah, well it looked like you were cozying up to the enemy and I would hate for you to fall back into her maniacal little trap.” Carefully, Dalilah’s hand rose and she placed it against my face, as though she was trying to make a caring motion. She dragged the back of her hand down my jawline. “I just can’t bear to see you hurt again, when that woman turns around and stabs you in the back. You know she will…” She smiled. “As long as you remember that I’m the only girl for you, then you’ll be okay.” She grasped my hand and pulled me toward the car, saying, “Come on! Let’s go home.”
While she pulled me away, I thought about what she had said and suddenly, I wasn’t so sure.
Chapter Thirteen
Valerie
I hadn’t said much on the ride home. In addition to being completely angry over what Dalilah had said to me and about us and the fact that Shawn had just stood there and took it, even though there was no way he actually thought that was true, caused me to not only be lost for words, but severely hurt.
I had said goodbye quickly to Zachary when we arrived at the house and went in after just a brief kiss. I hoped he understood that my sudden plummet in mood had nothing to do with him, but right now, I was even too upset to care what he felt.
He had done what I had hoped he would and that was to care for me, without engaging with either Shawn or Dalilah and so, I was actually very happy with him. I was just far too upset to show it.
I raced up to my room as soon as I got in the house, thankful that I didn’t have my mother standing there waiting for me again. I decided that the best thing to do was just to go to bed.
Another saving grace was that tomorrow was Saturday and therefore, I didn’t have to see anyone if I didn’t want to. I could sleep in, forget about what had happened and hopefully be good to take on another week by Monday.
However, when I went to plug in my phone, I saw a text message on it from Shawn. I thought that was strange and wanted to ignore it, but my curiosity got the best of me.
I opened the message, which read: I am so sorry. I don’t know what got into Dalilah. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do…I know it’s a lame excuse, but it’s the truth. I know this is random, but I want to talk to you. I miss you and I think that maybe we can work something out.
In that moment, I went from feeling like I was drowning in the changing currents of my life, to being able to see a light.
I knew that I was far from safe and my life was far from going back to what I would consider normal and had considered normal since kindergarten; but at least now, there was hope and that was really all I needed.
I texted back: Meet you tomorrow at noon. After all, I still wanted to sleep in as much as I could. If he was still anything like the Shawn I grew up with, he wouldn’t have to ask where.
When I woke up the next morning, I was happy to see that I had not received a text back from him. It made me feel as though, despite the craziness in our lives, I had not completely lost him. I was excited to get ready and meet him.
Still, I didn’t tell my mother where I was going. I was very aware that everything might not work out and so, I didn’t want to get both of our hopes up. I also knew that if I didn’t say anything, I wouldn’t have to explain myself when I got home.
I figured if things went really well, I might mention that I saw him and that we were trying to work things out, but that certainly wasn’t a guarantee.
When I got to the park around the corner from my mom’s old house, where Shawn and I had spent most of our afternoons during childhood, I continued to feel excited, but also nervous. I was scared of what might happen with the two of us and in a way, I didn’t want to go through with the conversation; I didn’t want it to end badly.
Still, I knew that if things really were going to work out, it would probably rank as one of the best days ever.
I was happy and encouraged to see that Shawn was already at the park when I arrived.
He walked up to me awkwardly, though, and smiled in a goofy way. “Hi. How are you?”
I smiled back at him and wanted to give him a hug, but I resisted. “I’m good…really happy that you texted me.”
“Yeah, I am so sorry about that…”
I shook my head. “No…Please…Don’t be. I know that had nothing to do with you. Not after the text you sent last night.” I looked at him seriously. “I know you aren’t really one for conflict.”
“Yeah…She’s crazy.” He cleared his throat. “Um…Speaking of conflict, I am also sorry about what happened the other day. I was just angry and confused.”
I thought about this before I answered, “Are you still? Angry and confused?”
He shrugged. “I’m not really sure. A little…” He paused before he turned back to me. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Anything.”
He stopped and clasped his hands together, and thought about what he was going to say. Even when he began to speak, he did so slowly. “Please just answer the question, okay? Don’t ask me about it. Just answer.”
“Sure. I promise.”
“After the other day…I didn’t hear from any of you. Not you, which I get, but also not your Mom.” Then he rolled his eyes before he added, “And I haven’t heard anything from my father since the day I moved out. So, are you guys…done with me?”
“What?” I asked genuinely outraged, “Not at all!” I almost asked
who put that stupid idea in his head, but then stopped short, remembering my promise. I didn’t particularly like that he had made me promise, because I suspected that it had to do with Dalilah, but I also figured that was a conversation for a very different day. So, I just told him the truth. “We just wanted to give you your space, like you asked us too. Honestly.” Then, without meaning to, I reached out and grasped both of his hands in my own. “We love you! We want what’s best for you, but we also know that you need to find your own path. After what happened the other day, I wasn’t going to continue to bother you and you did hurt me, but that didn’t mean that you were not on my mind every second of the day.” I looked at him with genuine concern and I honestly felt that we were bonding. At least, I hoped so.
He smiled back, but in a sad manner. “Yeah, I am really sorry. I never meant for any of that and I feel stupid…” He sighed. “I did try to avoid you, but we just kept running into one another.”
I was pleased that he didn’t recoil his hand from mine, but was surprised when he turned his hands, so that we fit together securely. He gazed into my eyes and I knew that I was not mistaken. We were definitely having a moment. I was sure of it.
Our eyes locked and while the feeling of friendship was in the air, there was also another, more serious and probably problematic vibe coursing between us. Still, I was just happy for any emotion to be sparked again and so, I let it play out.
After a long moment of just sitting there, staring at one another, I heard words I had longed to hear for a very long time.
“I miss you…” he said earnestly, shifting closer to me.
I beamed with contentment. “I miss you too. You have no idea how much.”
We took in the moment silently for a little while longer, before he said, “You know, once upon a time, we were more than just friends.”
I smiled and nodded, knowing well the implications of where this conversation was headed, but just didn’t care. “I remember.”
His eyes widened at this and I felt his hands squeeze mine before he replied in a sincere tone, “I think…part of the reason I was so angry when our parents finally got married, was because I missed that too…and knew that it would be impossible…given the circumstances.”
It was about now that I came to my senses. I realized later, that it was only moments before I did something that I would likely regret.
I didn’t want to push him away, but I did want to set boundaries. “I know how you feel…” I then detached my hands from his grasp and said, “But unfortunately, you’re right. That is impossible.”
Before he could say or do anything that would change my mind, I added, “I’m sorry, Shawn. I want to be your best friend again. I miss you and I would give anything to have us back, but…” I shook my head, feeling panicked. “I’m just…sorry.”
Within a second, I found myself turning around and bolting in the other direction, afraid of what would have happened had I stayed even just another moment.
Chapter Fourteen
Shawn
I watched her walk away and immediately was overcome with a sense of anger. I knew that there was a lot more to the feelings that I was having then just simple rejection, but I didn’t want to think about all of that right now; in fact, I knew that I couldn’t think about it.
If I did, I would go crazy, plain and simple.
So I watched what could have been walk away and silently steamed from the intense sensation of emotion that I felt.
Then again, I didn’t have too much time to wallow in my pity, because just as Valerie was eclipsing from my sight, I heard my cellphone ring. It chimed just the right tune to let me know that Dalilah was summoning me.
I knew that if I didn’t answer, which I really didn’t feel like doing, she would continue to call until I got fed up. That would only equate to more problems and so, I let it ring for a minute before I picked it up.
“Hey baby…” Dalilah answered slowly after I said hello.
“Hi,” I replied, not in the mood to be lovey, considering I felt as though Valerie had just dangled her affection for me, just close enough so that I would take the bait, before snapping the trap closed on my heart.
There was dead silence on the other end of the line for a moment, just before she came back and said, “What’s the matter with you?”
I shrugged, even though I knew she couldn’t see me. “I’m just…tired.”
Dalilah didn’t care very much for my tiredness, which was readily apparent when she grunted a sigh. “Well…I thought you were going to come pick me up.”
I scrunched my eyes shut as I tried not to make any noise, which would signal that I had completely forgot. “Yeah…Of course,” I told her when I trusted myself to speak. “I…I was just going to call you. Is it all right if I just hang out tonight? I’m really beat…”
“Yes, you are,” she answered after another pause. “And no, it’s not.” Her voice suddenly sounded angry, but I couldn’t understand why.
“What?” I demanded, feeling intensely annoyed. “What are you talking about?”
“Look behind you…” she answered and I felt a stab of fear run through my heart.
I turned around quickly to see Dalilah glowering at me. I could have sworn that I felt my heart stop.
I wasn’t sure what she was up to, but I was sure that whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t a good thing.
Oh God, I thought. What did she hear?
“What are you doing here?” I yelled at her through my fear and angst. At that point, I didn’t even care that she was going to probably lash back at me, fully loaded and angry. I was still caught up on the fact that she was following me and that made me livid.
“I could ask you the same thing.” She glared at me. “You don’t look like you’re too tired,” she moved in closer and added, “and you certainly didn’t look too tired when you were cozying up to your girlfriend over there.”
“Fine,” I answered solidly. “But last time I checked, I was able to hang out with whomever I wanted.”
“She is the enemy!” she exclaimed, as though by meeting with Valerie, I had done something inexcusable.
I had to laugh, but it certainly was not because I found much humor in the situation. I could not believe that she was acting so foolish and petty. “I think you’re overreacting,” I replied. “I can see whoever I please, Dalilah. What I want to know, is why you are here.”
Dalilah backed up, as though I had physically struck her. She gasped and her mouth hung for a little while, as though she was shocked beyond measure. Finally, she replied, “You were late to pick me up. You completely abandoned me. I came to look for you, because I thought that heathen of a woman might have ensnared you into her clutches once again, and I couldn’t be more accurate.”
I opened my mouth to say something. I thought, very briefly about telling her that in fact, she had it all wrong and that I was actually the one who had requested the meeting. But I quickly decided that would lead to more questions that I didn’t want to answer rather than any kind of resolve. So, I just shook my head. “I can’t believe you!”
“Yeah, well, then I guess you can imagine how I am feeling about you right about now.” She scoffed with disgust. “You leave me without even the courtesy of an explanation to go talk to your sister, who has done nothing but make you feel terrible from the moment your father tried to force one big happy family on you and shut you out?” She paused to shrug, but did not give me any more time than a quick second to respond. “You are impossible. I just don’t get it. What is her allure?”
“She was my best friend. And she is still a part of my family,” I answered her honestly, even though I thought that I probably shouldn’t. Still, considering the conversation that Valerie and I had just finished, giving this answer was still far better than having her find out the truth; that is, if she wasn’t holding her true cards a little bit closer.
Dalilah rolled her eyes at me before answering the true question that was on my
mind, even though I dared not to ask it. “So what were you two talking about anyway? It seemed pretty intense.” She scowled.
I felt my face grow red. I felt the heat of it spilling out of my pores and I wondered if she was able to see the nervousness that came over me. I was angry but having this particular conversation with her also made me extremely uncomfortable. “Not that it’s any of your business…” I said and she immediately interrupted me.
“What do you mean, it’s none of my business? Of course it’s my business. I’m trying to help you...” She glowered at me and hissed, “Do you think I’m doing this for my health? I’m doing this so that you don’t get hurt again by them…” She shook her head. “You’re so ungrateful!”
“No, Dalilah…I’m not. I’m just annoyed. I don’t like that you were following me.”
“Well, the more you talk, the more I think that personal privacy isn’t the only reason you don’t want me to follow you. Are you hiding something?” Her eyes gleamed with hate and aggravation as she stared at me with a hardened expression.
“What?” I demanded, “No! I’m not hiding anything. I just don’t want to have this conversation with you.” I pressed forward before I exclaimed, “I swear! It was nothing and I’d like for it to stay that way.”
“Then why the hell are you meeting her, not telling me, and even skipping a date with me to do it?”
“Because I…” I stopped short. My breath got caught in my throat and I gasped, as though I was trying to take even the two words I had said back. I had become so consumed with not telling her about the moment that Valerie and I shared that I almost let it slip that I had asked Valerie here to talk to me about what had happened the other night; to apologize for Dalilah’s actions.
“Because you what?” Dalilah demanded, narrowing her eyes and stepping toward me.
I bowed my head slightly. “Nothing, Dalilah. I’m sorry.”
“You will be!” she screamed, continuing to glare at me, “Because if you can’t even answer a simple question, where you were in the wrong, then I don’t have any interest in being with you!”
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