by Wendy Smith
“You make it messy. It’s hard to get close to you, and you push people away when they get too near.”
“Really?”
“I’m not sure if you realize you’re doing it. I’m not talking about Darryn Phillips, as that guy is a pushy asshole, but when you’re overwhelmed, you isolate yourself and you use the games as an excuse to do it. I’m sure that’s why you live alone in that big house rather than closer to work in an apartment like the rest of us.”
I swallow hard. She’s right. Living out here makes it easy to retreat.
And that’s exactly what I’m doing right now.
“What do I do, Miranda?” I ask.
“After you’ve had some rest and worked out what to say to Brad, we’ve got two weeks to finish preparation for E3. I know how important that is to you, and maybe some time away from Nettle Downs will give you more perspective on the whole thing.” She taps on her phone to open my gate and drives in.
I’d lost track of where we were, I’m that exhausted.
“But you need to talk to Brad too. You need to explain how you get overwhelmed sometimes and do dumb things.” She shoots me a smile.
“If you were anyone else, I’d fire you.”
Miranda laughs. “I know, but you love me.”
She pulls up in front of the house and brings the car to a stop. “You know, once you opened up about Lane, you used to tell me what a good person she was. You’re a good person too, and you never give yourself enough credit. Mollab is the family it is because of you. Don’t ever forget that.”
I grip her arm. “Thank you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Are you sure you don’t want a drink?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
As I take the steps to my front door, my phone buzzes, and I pull it out of my bag to see what messages I’ve missed while I’ve been in the air.
Where the hell are you?
Why did you leave?
I thought this time was different.
Shit.
23
Brad
When Mom’s gone, my anger subsides, but I can’t get the look on Molly’s face out of my mind. She had every right to leave. Mom needs to back off and mind her own business.
Grace sits on her bedroom floor, playing with her toys. I watch her for a moment. This kid is my whole heart.
I’ll do whatever’s best for her. But I have needs too, and there has to be some way for us all to get what we want.
“Come on, pumpkin. Let’s go and see Molly.”
Her eyes widen, and her small mouth forms an O. “Really?”
I nod. “Really. Why?”
“I like Molly. Can we show her Mommy’s scrapbook?”
“Sure. I told her about it. But I bet she’d love you showing her what’s in it.”
Grace stands and takes my hand. “Daddy?”
“Yes?” I smile down at her.
“Is Molly coming to live with us?”
I nearly choke on my own saliva. “What?”
“Granny doesn’t like her. She said Molly lives in a big house by herself, and I said she shouldn’t be alone.”
My heart lurches. Grace is Lane to a T. She’s got a huge heart. I think she sees Molly as some kind of hurt animal who needs rescuing.
“Well, I don’t know about that, sweetheart. I’d like to ask Molly to stay in town longer.”
Grace nods. “I’d like that too.”
“Then we’ll both go and ask her.”
She beams, grabbing hold of the pink and blue bunnies. “I need these.”
Taking my hand, she follows me to the car. Once she’s jumped into her booster seat, I buckle the seatbelt.
Grace grins, and I stroke her cheek with my thumb. With Grace’s permission, I am going to ask Molly to live with us. I’m not sure how that will work with her company and the job she does, but the short time we’ve had together was perfection.
I want that in my life.
I want Molly. I’ve always wanted Molly.
Lane was my life. But my life has changed, and there’s no going back.
There’s only going forward with Molly.
I pull into Molly’s parents’ yard and jump out of the car. I open the back door and hold it while Grace steps out. When I take her hand, I squeeze it.
My heart races. Molly always did have that effect on me. Now the excitement and thrill are back in my life.
I knock on the door, and my stomach falls when Molly’s mom answers. It’s in her eyes. Something’s happened.
“Brad. I’m so sorry. If you’re looking for Molly, she’s gone.”
“Gone? Gone where?”
“She’s on her way home. I’m not sure what happened, but she said she had to go back to work, and she left.”
“Did she go to the airport?”
Mrs. Beckham shakes her head. “The next flight is tomorrow, so she drove.”
She drove. Molly, who hates driving long distances, drove to get away from me. To get away from us.
“Thank you.”
I turn, walking back to the car with Grace in tow. She says nothing until she’s buckled in, and I’m in the front seat.
“Daddy? Where’s Molly?”
Pain rises in me, just as it did all those years ago when she left the first time. I slap the steering wheel in anger. “She’s gone home, baby.”
“Our home?”
I shake my head. “No, her home.”
She sniffs, and I turn my head to look at her. Tears well in her eyes. Fuck, this kid has been through so much. A few weeks ago, she lost her mother, and now, she’s lost Molly.
I did this. I gave her hope.
“I’ll give her a call, okay? We’ll talk to her.”
She nods, but that lower lip wobbles.
“Let’s go home, sweetheart. We’ll work something out. Okay?”
I’m the shittiest parent in the world. I trusted Molly.
Did she mean a single word she said?
Her mobile goes straight to voicemail, and I fire off a couple of angry texts when I probably shouldn’t.
Where the hell are you?
Why did you leave?
I thought this time was different.
When she doesn’t reply, I throw the phone on the kitchen counter and go to the bedroom. Grace fell asleep straight after dinner, tired out after I took her to the park for the afternoon.
I needed some time to think and I got that while Grace played.
But everything brings me back to Molly and what it was like to be with her again.
She slept in my bed, and the sheets and pillowcases smell of her. I close my eyes, and I see her, worn out from sex, fighting to stay awake.
I’m sure she was hurt by Mom’s attack, and I understand that. I was hurt by it. I’m old enough to live my own life, and I’ll never do anything that would hurt my own daughter.
This time, instead of being broken by Molly leaving, I’m angry, worried, and hurt.
Angry she didn’t stop to talk to me.
Worried I can’t get hold of her.
Hurt that she could be so selfish as to just up and leave.
When she left last time, I knew I might not see her for months. I hated it, but I was ready for the separation. I wasn’t ready for the breakup that came shortly afterward. Our time apart turned into ten years.
This time is different.
I doubt I’ll sleep tonight, and I don’t know what I’ll say to her if she does call me.
Everything’s a mess.
24
Molly
The night I came back from Nettle Downs, I barely slept.
Every time I picked up the phone, I froze.
Brad loves me, and I know it, but he’s no doubt angry and hurt all over again.
The last thing I want is for him or Grace to suffer because of my presence.
At the same time, I know my kneejerk reaction to his mother freaking out will have left him feeling deser
ted.
My heart aches. I don’t know what to do.
I’m such an idiot.
I logged into Facebook the following day and messaged Brad.
I’m sorry.
I love you.
Please forgive me for leaving. Our timing’s all screwed up.
They get seen, but I receive no reply.
I guess he’s struggling with this as much as I am, and maybe some space between us makes sense.
Is this how he felt when I left the first time? I made a phone call to tell him it was over and then ignored the calls and messages from him so that I could make the break.
Maybe I’m just getting what I deserve.
We’re about to go to E3 to show off our new game, and my focus should be on that. It’s the premier trade event for the gaming industry in the US, and one we need to be at.
“Are you okay?” Miranda asks. The rest of my team has stayed well away from me since I’ve been back, probably sensing my mood. I need to pull myself together.
I shake my head. “No.”
“Want to go for a drink after work? Let’s get a night out before we have to schmooze at E3.”
Letting out a long breath, I check my phone for the millionth time. “I’d love to.”
“You two will work things out. I’m sure.”
“I wouldn’t blame Brad if he never wanted to see me again. I’m such an idiot.”
She shrugs. “Sounded pretty hardcore.”
“It was.”
My mood doesn’t improve over drinks.
Miranda fusses and makes sure I have something to eat, but once we move onto shots, I’m a lost cause.
She walks me out to the cab rank herself and puts me in a taxi, giving the driver my address.
We’re five minutes down the road when I lean forward. “Can you take me back to that bar?”
“Are you sure?” the driver says.
“I think I left my phone behind.”
With a sigh, he turns around. I let out a long, slow breath. Every year, I’m so excited about industry events. It gives me the opportunity to show off everything my team has achieved, and as we’ve grown, the reaction has gotten better and better.
Despite my new game release being just around the corner, I’m jaded. My heart’s just not in it. I left it back in Nettle Downs.
“Do you want me to wait?” the driver asks as he pulls up outside.
I hand him more cash than the fare’s worth. “No. Keep the change.”
He nods, and reaches into the ashtray, pulling out a card. “When you do need a ride, call that number. I’ll make sure you get home safe.”
“Thanks.”
As he pulls away, I tuck the card into my jeans and head back into the bar.
Miranda’s gone. I just want some time for myself, and one more drink before I actually head home.
“You’re back?” the bartender asks as I climb on a barstool. He’s cute, but there’s only one man I want.
“Just for a quiet one. Can I have a beer?” I point at the tap.
“You probably shouldn’t.” He laughs. “As long as you go home afterward.”
I nod. “Look at you being all responsible and stuff. Sure.”
Brad.
I’m such a bitch. No wonder he doesn’t want to talk to me. I broke his heart. Twice.
The beer appears in front of me, and I hand over the cash to pay for it.
I take a long sip and close my eyes.
None of this is good for me. I’ve got half a mind to abandon my E3 plans and go to Brad—beg for his forgiveness. But is this what life would always be like? Torn between love and duty?
I just need to hear his voice.
Pulling out my phone, I choose Brad from the list of contacts and press the button. It rings, rings, rings, and I’m about to hang up.
“Molly?” Brad’s voice is thick with sleep. He answered. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”
Shit. “No.” My words are slurred.
“You’re drunk?”
I let out a sob. “Thank you for answering. I just wanted to call you to say I’m sorry and that I miss you.”
He lets out a sigh. “You left again, Moll. Just like before.”
Tears sting my eyes. “I know, and I hate myself for it. Your mother was so angry, and I didn’t want to hurt you and Grace.”
“Well, you failed at that. For both of us. Grace was really upset that you left when we were on our way to …”
I wipe the tears from my cheeks with the palm of my hand. “Way to what?”
“I wanted us to have a life together. You, me, and Grace.”
“That’s what I want too,” I whisper.
“How can I trust you? How do I know that when it gets hard, and you know that at times it will, you won’t walk out the door?”
I sniff. “I won’t do that. I love you.”
“I’ve heard that before.”
The loud crash of glass shattering echoes through the bar.
“What was that?” Brad asks.
“Someone in this bar dropped something.”
“You’re in a bar? At two in the morning?”
“It’s two in the morning?” I hold my phone away from my ear and look at the screen. “Shit. Sorry. I had no idea.”
“Get in a cab right now and go home.” His tone is so serious.
“I’m just going to finish my drink.”
“Now, Molly. Go home and call me back.”
My eyebrows twitch of their own volition. “Do you really want me to call back?”
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I need to know you got home okay.”
My heart sinks. He’s being responsible. It seems like everyone around me is, but I just fail at it.
I climb off the bar stool.
“How long will it take for you to get home?”
“About fifteen minutes.”
“You need time to get a cab. If I don’t hear from you in thirty, I’ll call you. Go home, sweetheart.”
“I love you, Brad.”
“I know.”
When I disconnect the call, I look at the screen for a moment.
“Leaving already?” the barman asks.
“Yeah. I didn’t realize what the time was.”
He flashes me a panty-dropping smile. Or it might be. But mine don’t move an inch.
“I finish work in about thirty minutes if you’re interested.”
I shake my head. “Thanks for the offer, but my boyfriend’s waiting for me.”
Pulling the card out of my pocket, I dial the cab driver. He answers quickly and laughs when I tell him who it is. I guess he didn’t get far before I called him.
“On my way. Be about five minutes.”
“Thanks.”
I step outside. The cool night air sobers me up a little.
Brad didn’t say he loved me. He was concerned, but his tone was cold. It hurts. Maybe I shouldn’t have called him.
I hate second guessing myself. It’s something I haven’t done in years, but now it seems to be all that I do.
I’m relieved when the cab pulls up in front of me.
“Same address?” the driver asks. “It’s still programmed into my GPS.”
“Yes, please.”
I sink into the front passenger seat of the car. I’m so tired, and more than ready to get home. I need sleep and to sober up. Then I can tackle the mess that is my life.
We pull out of the cab rank and onto the road.
“I’ve got a daughter about your age. I wouldn’t want her having trouble getting home after a night out,” he says.
“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
His kindness brings tears to my eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
I nod. “I just want to go home.”
“We’ll be there really soon. The traffic’s not too bad.” He shoots me a smile, and I lean back.
Thankfully, there really isn’t too much traffic around, an
d our journey goes smoothly.
When we get close to home, I pull out my phone and bring up the app that controls the electronic gate. As we near the house, I press the button, and the gate swings open. The driveway’s not long, and the driver pulls up right in front of the steps.
Handing him a big tip, I smile. “Thank you again.”
“I’ll wait until I see you’re inside safe.”
I climb out of the car, mounting the steps and tapping the code that unlocks the door into the keypad. Once inside, I let out a long breath and lean against the wall.
All I want now is my bed.
When I reach my room, I dial Brad. This time, he doesn’t sound so sleepy.
“Are you at home?” he asks.
“Yes. I miss you.”
“I miss you too. Are you naked?”
I nearly drop the phone. “What?”
“Are you horny?”
My cheeks flush, even in my inebriated state. “Why are you asking me that?”
“Because I have been since you were here. I want you so fucking much, Molly. Right before you left, I ate your pussy and fucked you in that gaming chair, and it’s the hottest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.”
I swallow hard.
“So, I want you to take off your clothes and get into bed.”
“When did you get so bossy?”
He chuckles. “You’re so drunk. I’m glad you’re home and safe. Not so happy about you not being with me.”
“Give me a second.” I’m glad for the warmth of the evening as I strip down to my underwear and slip under the covers. I pick up my phone.
“I’m in bed.”
“Are you naked?”
“Not quite.”
He puffs out a breath. “Not quite?”
“I’m wearing my bra and panties.”
“Do you usually wear a bra to bed?”
I lick my lips. “No?”
“So why are you wearing one now?”
He’s got a point.
I put the phone on speaker and place it down on the bed while I unclip my bra. Lying back, I close my eyes. “Now what?”
“Did you just put me on speaker?”
“Maybe.”
He laughs. “I’m not sure I like the echo. Not when we’re talking so intimately.”