Friends with Benefits_A Steamy College Romance

by Hazel Kelly

  “Like I do those things at the same time.”

  He blew on the piece of wood to clear the sawdust before setting it on his desk. “Why don't you want to go out?”

  “I drank too much last night.”

  “Alone in your room doesn't count.”

  “My liver disagrees.”

  “Whatever,” he said. “If any guy in this house heard you say that, you'd probably lose your membership.”

  “Like I care.”

  “I know,” he said. “That's your biggest problem.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “When you were with her, you cared about stuff. Your appearance, your friends, your relationship. You actually gave a shit.”

  Did he want me to put a fist through his wall? “Everything isn’t about her, ya know?”

  “No?” he asked. “’Cause it kinda feels like the day you stopped caring about her, you stopped caring about pretty much everything else.”

  “I care about stuff.”

  “Besides your pride.”

  “Fuck you.”

  “Okay,” he said, raising his hands in surrender. “Just let the record show that I think you should call her.”

  “And say what?”

  His palms turned towards the ceiling. “I'm miserable without you, Nina. Please forgive me so I can sleep at night and stop being such an asshole to everyone I love.”

  “Too desperate.”

  He nodded. “Mmm. Plus, it requires balls, which you don't seem to have anymore.”

  “I really don't need this shit,” I said, standing up and heading for the door.

  “Shame you can't admit what you do need.”

  I slammed the door behind me and headed towards my room, strangling the neck of my beer bottle until a buzz in my pocket interrupted my rage.

  “Hey, Mom,” I said, answering the phone as I closed myself in my room, which I'd become fucking sick to death of. “What's going on?”

  “Great news!” she said, her singsong voice sounding surprisingly sober. “I found the perfect hat for you to wear to the wedding.”

  Oh fuck.

  “It'll match your navy suit perfectly, and I even found a silk handkerchief that matches the band on it.”

  I didn't know what to say.

  “You're going to look so dapper! I'll text you a picture as soon as I get home.”

  “You already bought it?”

  “Of course!” she said. “I couldn't risk some other shopper snapping it up!”

  “No. I suppose you couldn’t.”

  She groaned. “You'll be more excited when I send you the picture.”

  I scratched the back of my head.

  “Do you know what your date's wearing?”

  Probably green. “No.”

  “I guess that's okay. There's enough color on the band of the hat that it should work regardless.”

  “I wish you'd called me before you bought it.”

  “Why? Don't you trust me?”

  “Yeah, of course,” I said, pacing. “It’s just…I don't know if I'm still invited to the wedding.”

  “What?”

  I could tell by the way her tone dropped that I had her attention.

  “What do you mean you don’t know if you’re still invited?”

  I sighed. “The girl who asked me isn't exactly speaking to me right now.”

  “What did you do?”

  “What makes you think I did something?”

  “Because I was a twenty-year-old girl once.”

  I scrunched my face. “Right.”

  “And even then, I knew better than to pick a fight with someone right before they did me a favor.”

  “Unless you’d rather someone else did you the favor.”

  “Did she say that? Did she say she wanted to go with someone else?”

  I kicked my toe against my dresser. “No.”

  “Well, if you said you would go, it's not right to leave her high and dry. Especially for a wedding.”

  “But-”

  “No buts,” she said. “I didn't raise you to stand girls up and embarrass them in front of their families.”

  “What if she doesn't want me to go?”

  “Then I'll send her a picture of your new hat, and she’ll change her mind.”

  “I'm being serious.”

  “So am I,” she said. “If she really doesn't want you to go, I need you to call me right away so I can return the hat.”

  How could a hat cause me this much stress from so far away?

  “It was 300 dollars.”

  “What?!”

  “That’s nothing for a hat of this quality, but it won’t fit your father so-”

  “I really can't deal with this hat shit right now, Mom.”

  “You won’t feel that way when you see how timeless it is.”

  I pinched the bridge of my nose.

  “Kind of makes me wish you were invited to the royal wedding.”

  “Mom!”

  “Sorry, honey, I’m just excited. You’re going to look so handsome.”

  “I'm trying to tell you I don't need the hat.”

  “Trust me. You need the hat.”

  Were we actually still talking about the hat?

  “Call her,” she said. “Call her and say you're sorry.”

  I dropped my head back.

  “Tell her she'll forgive everything when she sees you in this hat.”

  T H I R T Y N I N E

  - Nina -

  After hitting the gym, putting away my stretchy pants, and reinstating Marple’s scones into my daily routine, I was finally starting to feel like myself again. Not better than myself, which is how I felt when Carter and I were together, but at least I was making progress.

  After all, Zoey was right.

  Having my heart broken didn't make me special, and wallowing in self-pity wasn't going to heal me. Only stoic resolve- and time- could do that.

  But I did miss him, even though he ended up being a jerk.

  I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I should’ve been trying harder to forget the good times we had, the way he made me feel. But the whirlwind affair I had with him was so deliciously unpredictable that I wasn’t sure I wanted to forget about it.

  I mean, just because he wasn’t the Prince Charming I imagined him to be didn’t change the fact that I'd never had a nicer Valentine's Day than the one I spent with him.

  Wasn’t I entitled to that memory and the good feelings it stirred in me?

  So what if happy thoughts of him all came to the same disappointing dead end? Wasn’t it better to have loved and lost than to live my whole life without knowing what it was like to have a handsome, chiseled frat boy eat candy off my naked body?

  Forgoing the elevator, I took the stairs up to my floor, finding myself less out of breath than ever. I smiled to myself, as if my fitness was proof I was going to be okay, proof that my heart still worked even after being so thoroughly bruised.

  When I rounded the corner, I blinked a few times, convinced I was seeing things since there was no reason some random guy should be outside my room with flowers, trying to stuff them between the doorknob and the doorframe.

  “Hey,” I said, stepping up to him. “Can I help you?” I recognized the guy from the Beta house and was pretty sure he was one of the newer pledges.

  “Oh great, you're home,” he said, handing me the flowers without shifting the goofy bangs that hung down in front of his eyes. “These are for you.”

  I admired the fragrant arrangement of purple and white flowers mixed in with tight green buds that hadn't opened yet. “You mean Zoey?”

  “No, they're for you,” he said, pulling something from his back pocket and holding it out to me.

  I dropped my eyes to the plain white card, my chest tightening when I saw the handwriting.

  “Take it easy,” he said, abandoning me in the hallway with the unexpected delivery.

  I wanted to call after him and ask who they were from, but I already knew
in my bones.

  I unlocked the door and crossed over to my desk, forgoing the fluorescent overhead lights in favor of my desk lamp, which reflected off the plastic around the flowers when I set them down. Then I took a seat and ran my hand over my name in the center of the card before studying the “return address” in the corner, which simply read, “The Dog House.”

  “The dog house is fucking right,” I mumbled, opening the card.

  I don't know what I thought would be written inside, but I was definitely expecting more words. Instead, I was left with one sentence, which I found myself reading over and over until it made sense.

  “When do you want to leave for the wedding?”

  I collapsed back in my chair, trying to decide if he was fucking with me. I mean, why the hell would he want to go to the wedding? He'd avoided being in the same room with me for a month!

  I wasn't even going to bring it up. I was just going to show up solo and tell everyone my date had a family emergency. Or whooping cough. Or a bad case of pinkeye. I hadn't quite decided.

  Regardless, I had to know if he was for real because I'd been fucked around enough.

  Now I just wanted the truth.

  I scrolled through my phone to the contact I'd renamed “Don’t Do It” since I didn't have the venom to delete his number entirely and hit the call button before I could chicken out.

  His voice was deep and raspy when he answered. “Hey.”

  I pressed my knees together. “Hey.”

  The silence between us was so tangibly awkward it was like he was in the room with me.

  “I got the flowers.”

  “Good.”

  “And the note.”

  “I know.”

  “They were…unexpected.”

  “Nina-”

  A lump formed in my throat at the sound of him saying my name, and I made a fist so I could dig my nails into my palm to keep from crying.

  “I know I'm probably the last person you want to see right now.”

  You're not, though. You're not at all.

  “But if you still want me to accompany you to your cousin's wedding, it would be my pleasure.”

  I took a deep breath and held it in.

  “I promise to be on my best behavior.”

  I exhaled slowly, trying to think. Of course I wanted him to come with me, wanted him to take back everything he said, wanted things to be cool between us. But I also didn't want to be stupid for him anymore, even if every body part below my neck was up for it.

  “You still there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Look, Nina-”

  I closed my eyes.

  “I know I hurt you.”

  I pressed my lips together.

  “I know I hurt you, and I'm sorry.”

  The lump rose in my throat.

  “That wasn't what I wanted.”

  I looked at the flowers.

  “Hurting you…it hurt me, too.”

  “Good.”

  There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the phone.

  “What do you want, Carter?”

  “What do you mean, what do I want?”

  “I mean, are you just offering to go to the wedding so you can fuck me around some more? Because I really don't need that shit right now.”

  “No. I'm not trying to fuck you around.”

  I nodded. “I really want to believe that.” But I'm too fragile right now. What if I crumble when I see you?

  “Please.”

  Please?!

  “You have no idea how badly I want to take back those things I said.”

  I scoffed. “I might've believed that three weeks ago, but you haven't so much as-”

  “I know. I know what a shithead I am. Trust me.”

  I did.

  “And I know you probably already found someone else to go with.”

  He had no idea how wrong he was, but I was flattered he thought I had a little black book of brilliant wedding dates to call on.

  “But if you haven't, I really want to take you.”

  Why was I so weak for this guy?!

  “Not only because I've missed you like I've never missed anything.”

  I could feel his words cauterizing the cracks in my heart.

  “But because my mom got me this super-dapper hat, and she thinks you'll forgive everything when you see me in it.”

  A slight smile tugged at my lips. He told his mom about me?

  “What do you say?”

  I sighed. “If you think a nice hat is going to undo the hurt you caused me-”

  “I don't,” he said. “I'm going to undo it.”

  I raised my eyebrows.

  “The sexy hat is just a bonus.”

  “What does the hat look like?”

  “Sorry, babe. No spoilers.”

  Babe?! Could he really get back to that place so easily? I thought about the wedding, how tedious it would be without him.

  “I can hear you thinking about it,” he said. “And I’m getting my hopes up.”

  What was the worst that could happen? I had nothing to lose by bringing him. Except him all over again. Then again, if I didn't patch things up with him, all would be lost anyway.

  “One more night, Nina. That's all I ask.”

  F O R T Y

  - Carter -

  Knowing I was going to see her in the morning kept me up all night, and the anxiety in my chest seemed to grow heavier as I rolled up to her dorm, my mouth dry just from thinking of all the things I should or shouldn't say.

  She was waiting on the curb with a small suitcase and a large handbag, a nervous expression on her face that made me miss the days when I caught her waiting for me with a happy smile.

  “You didn't have to wait outside,” I said, jumping out of the car to help her with her stuff. “I would've called when I got here.”

  “It's fine,” she said, letting me grab her rolling suitcase so I could put it in the trunk.

  “That's a lot of Red Bull,” she said, looking past me at the case.

  “I didn't sleep great last night,” I said, turning towards her, instantly forgetting what I was talking about.

  She had a hint of makeup on and her hair was even shinier than I remembered, her green eyes even darker.

  “It's good to see you.”

  One corner of her mouth twitched. “It's good to see you, too.”

  I stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, my chest expanding against hers as I inhaled the citrus scent of her hair. “I'm so sorry,” I whispered, dropping my lips to her ear and cradling the back of her head.

  She didn't say anything, but she didn't pull away either.

  “I wish I could take it all back.”

  “Me too,” she said softly.

  I let her go, relieved to have held her after fearing I might never get to again. “Red Bull?”

  “Sure,” she said, adjusting her purse on her shoulder.

  “There's a scone in the front seat for you, too,” I said, embarrassed at how much I craved her forgiveness. “I wasn't sure if you had breakfast yet, and I thought it would be better to hit the road sooner rather than later.”

  “Thanks,” she said, studying me like a wary cat. “But you really don't have to do all this extra stuff all weekend.”

  “What extra stuff?”

  “Carrying my bag, bringing me snacks.”

  “That's bullshit, Nina.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “I was only trying to be polite.”

  “Well, don't be,” I said. “I'm sick of your obnoxious commitment to being low maintenance. If someone wants to make a fuss over you, let them. You deserve extra.”

  She nodded like she was letting the words sink in. “Okay.”

  I closed the trunk, surprised at how abruptly my frustration had overwhelmed me.

  “Just don't spoil me at the expense of your own good time, okay? That's all I ask.” Her voice was gentle, cautious. “I want you to ha
ve a nice time this weekend, too, so you don’t have to worry about me sulking or trying to punish you for the hurtful things you said.”

  I swallowed.

  “Not only because that would be a shitty vibe to inflict on my cousin's wedding, but because you were only being honest with me, which is more than-”

  “I wasn't though,” I said, fixing my eyes on hers. “I wasn't being honest.”

  She furrowed her brow. “What?”

  “We better hit the road if we want to arrive before dark,” I said, walking around to open the passenger side door.

  “Don't do this,” she said, staring at me. “Don't say you didn't mean any of it and then start opening doors for me. It's too confusing.”

  “You're overreacting.”

  “Please, Carter. I'm really trying to be tough right now, and if you're too nice to me-”

  “What?” I asked, stepping up to her. “If I'm too nice to you, what?”

  She blinked up at me. “I might fall apart.”

  I lifted her chin and dragged a thumb across her rosy cheek. “Then I'll put you back together.”

  “Carter-”

  “I promise.”

  A single tear escaped down her cheek.

  I swiped it with my thumb. “Save your tears for the wedding, babe. I don't want to make you cry anymore.”

  She pulled my hand down.

  “I never wanted to make you cry.”

  “What did you think was going to happen when you said those things to me?”

  “I wasn’t thinking,” I said. “I was trying to make you see, but…I went about it all wrong and left you in the dark instead.”

  “See what?”

  I sighed.

  “What an insensitive ass you can be?”

  “It's more complicated than that.”

  “No shit,” she said, setting her purse in the car before climbing into the passenger seat.

  “I am sorry, though,” I said, leaning against the open door. “For putting you through the last month. For lying to you.”

  Her green eyes searched mine. “What did you lie to me about?”

  “When I said I thought we should see other people, that was a lie.”

  Her eyes narrowed.

  “And when I said you were better off with me…well, I don't believe that either.”

  “Do you realize how crazy you sound right now?” she asked, her expression impossible to read.