Vow of Silence
Page 17
I try to pull away, believing he has no intention of seducing me, but he pivots me quickly and tells me to place my hands on the carved threshold. I’m left looking out into the hallway we just ducked in from. It is empty. I gasp when I feel him shimmy my dress up in the back. “What are you doing?”
“Exposing your ass.”
My long dress is hiked up, my panties are pulled down and I feel as though my heart will surely explode. The cool air traveling across my bare bottom leaves me shaking. “W-what if someone sees?”
Molding against my side, he whispers, “Isn’t that the point?”
“No!”
“Then what?”
“The secrecy of it. The naughtiness.”
“Is that what I am, sweetheart? Your naughty little secret? Dating the baddest boy in town a turn-on for you?”
He slides his hand over my ass, the heat coming off his palm seeming scorching. I back up into the weight of it. “Y-you’re not so bad.”
“Do you know how badly I want to spank you right now?”
Spank me? Not finger me or fuck me but spank me? I close my eyes. Why do I keep forgetting that he’s a sadist? “Not here.”
“Not never,” he says, “just not here?”
Dear Lord, what he does to me. “I can’t think properly around you.”
“I could spank you for being such a naughty little slut.”
My knees buckle, and he holds me steady. He rubs his hand in a slow circle over my right cheek. He taps it lightly, and the sound created by his palm barely smacking my ass seems to echo off the marble walls.
“Oh God. Please don’t. Not here,” I beg.
“At home?”
“Yes,” I agree. Right now I’d agree to anything. In the distance I can hear whistling. “Someone’s coming.”
“Perfect.” He slides a finger deep into my pussy and starts massaging my G-spot. Oh no! Not that. The last time he did this…
He hits the perfect spot inside me and bliss arches my spine. “Oh God!”
He fucks me hard and fast, hitting the spot again and again.
“I’m coming!”
“Yes, baby. Come now. Come hard.”
I can feel the wetness on my thighs. I’m squirting and there’s nothing I can do about it. “God, George, please stop! I’m so embarrassed. I’m making a mess!”
The whistling grows louder and I see a security guard coming. I fly backward, out of sight, pushing George with me. I’m so terrified that the guard saw me, must have guessed what we were doing. I’m shaking hard and panting when George readjusts my clothing and pulls me into his arms.
I don’t even pull down my own dress. George does it for me.
“Shhh,” he whispers against my face. “Shhh.”
* * * * *
We didn’t get caught, but we did have to sneak out through the back exit. The front of my dress is soaked through and wet chiffon shows everything. I am mortified the valet will notice and think I pissed myself. I use George as a shield and believe he finds humor in the situation. “You have to stop doing that!”
“That?” he asks, sounding too amused as he opens my car door for me. The valet hustles to the next waiting patrons.
“You know what that.”
“Say it.” He pulls me against him. “Say ‘squirting’.”
“I can’t.” I look over my shoulder to make certain no one heard him.
“Say it.”
“Squirting.”
He crushes his mouth to mine, assaulting me with his teeth and tongue. I think I will be bruised but as the onslaught continues, stealing my breath and all cognitive thought, I don’t care. I kiss him back with an equal brutality. I feel like an animal caged too long finally set free. George is the one setting me free.
He says roughly against my face, “Tell me you like it when I make you squirt.”
“I don’t,” I deny, but I know he knows it’s a lie because my body responds to just the word.
“It makes you feel dirty? Used? But that only makes it more exciting when it happens?”
“I like being in control. I’m not in control when that happens.”
“Say the word, Lin.”
I duck my face, burying it against his shoulder. I whisper, “I’m not able to control my body, I can’t prevent myself from—squirting.”
He slaps my ass.
“Ouch.” I realize half a dozen people or so saw him do it, but they can’t hear what we are saying to each other because they are too far away. Still, they saw! I climb into the passenger seat, but I’m shaking so badly I can’t fasten my belt and George has to do it for me when he’s settled himself.
As we drive down the freeway, he asks, “Are you afraid of me?”
I shake my head. I don’t know what I am, but scared isn’t it. I’d say aroused, but how could I admit that? “I was terrified we were caught.”
“We shouldn’t have stopped. I wasn’t finished.”
“I was.”
“I wanted to slide my dick inside you. I wanted to fuck you while you worried that the guard might start poking his head into the shadowed places.”
“He could have arrested us for indecency.”
George shifts gears and accelerates. He’s smiling like a kid in a candy store.
“Why does the thought of being arrested make you so damn happy?”
“It doesn’t. I finally figured out your kink. You’re an exhibitionist.”
“I hardly think so.”
“You aren’t hearing the excitement in your voice. I am. You’re so hot to be watched you can’t stand it.”
“You’re crazy.” I shift nervously in my seat. I won’t admit that my pussy is throbbing at the thought. He would make it happen. I have no doubt about that. He has no shame. He has no moral conscience. The rest of the drive is in complete silence. I start to imagine all of the places he might take me and publicly humiliate me but he pulls to a stop in front of my loft, leaving me relieved—and slightly disappointed.
Parked at the curb, he leaves the car idling and doesn’t unbuckle. I’ve become so accustomed to him walking around the car to open my door, it seems an odd change of character that he makes no attempt to. “You aren’t going to see me in?”
“I’m trying to decide what to do with you.”
“Do with me?”
“You don’t fit the tidy little package I fabricated for you in my mind anymore.”
“What does that mean?” I can feel my ire rising, and I’m sure it’s evident in my voice. It wouldn’t be the first time a man treated me like garbage after learning the truth.
“I’ve been so afraid of offending you, of scaring you away, and now it seems we are on a more even playing field.”
“I’m not kinky.”
“You called yourself a nymphomaniac—a slut—and that’s telling in itself. You’re ashamed of your past promiscuity.”
“Regretful.”
“If that were true you’d be pursuing someone who could make you clean again, not someone who will sully you even more.”
I don’t know what to say.
“I think you thought if you could turn my life around, it would in someway prove that you could be a better person too.”
“Are you analyzing me?” Nothing like having my every thought thoroughly examined to cool the flames of desire. He arches his eyebrow. “I’m attracted to you.”
“Yes, but why? Maybe subconsciously you want to be sullied. Maybe you’re tired of living in an uptight world with too many rules.”
I blink at him, wondering if he’s right. “Or we were connected in a previous life and our souls long to be reacquainted.”
“Or you just want someone to tell you that it’s okay to give in to your sexual fantasies.”
I pull my bottom lip between my teeth to keep from screaming. I don’t have any sexual fantasies. “You give me too much credit.”
“Are you sure about that?” he asks, though I’m positive I didn’t say that aloud.
“You have to tell me what you want. What you need. I can’t guess, Lin.”
I look away, unable to keep gazing into his eyes and unwilling to let him see into mine. Why do we always keep ending up back at square one? “I leave tomorrow night.”
“Exactly. All the more reason to stop playing games. I love you. I want to spend every second with you until you get on that plane. I want to bring some of your fantasies to life.”
I’m so tempted. I lick my lips, which seem suddenly too dry. “Can we start with one of your fantasies?”
When he doesn’t answer I turn my head to face him once more. He smiles wickedly at me, and I wonder what he’s thinking but I’m too afraid to ask.
I insist, “At your house. Not here.” He gives me a strange look that forces me to explain. “Grandmother lives on the ground floor. I don’t want her to hear us.”
“Did she comment the last time I was here?”
“I don’t think she realized, but I can’t risk waking her. Surely you understand?”
“You’d be more comfortable at my place.”
It doesn’t seem like a question, so I don’t answer. He’s right. I need to start opening my mouth and expressing my needs.
“Have you even considered I don’t want you to be comfortable? That maybe I need you to feel vulnerable?”
His questions take me by surprise, making things low in my belly needy. I squirm in my seat, not meeting his gaze.
He strokes my cheek, lifts my chin and claims my mouth with an intensity that steals my breath. I respond, matching his force, leaving us both gasping into each other’s mouths.
I admit, “I keep thinking about earlier, having sex on the floor of your office.”
He nuzzles my neck, dropping kisses that send jolts of electricity racing down my spine to leave my pussy dripping. “Because it seemed like a public place, even though no one was watching?”
“Someone could have intruded,” I insist. “I felt so naughty.”
“I like being naughty with you.” He unhooks the halter closure of my dress.
“We can’t.” I catch his hands just before the fall of fabric would expose my breasts. “Someone might see.”
“I’m counting on it.”
George jerks the fabric down and lowers his lips to one of my breasts. When he sucks my nipple, pleasure rips through me from tit to womb. “George!”
He stops drawing on my flesh only long enough to ask, “What part did you like best about being in my office?”
Being on my knees with him standing over me immediately comes to mind. I was so worried…the anticipation of not knowing if he would spank me…or fuck me. Cars drive by and I imagine anyone who looks over will see what he’s up to. “I can’t think with you doing that!”
He stops sucking. He pinches and pulls the tight buds. Looking down at my breasts, I see that they are caught in the spotlight of the overhead streetlamps. I try to cover myself but he bats my hands away. He pulls my nipple harder, pinching cruelly.
“George!”
“You tell me you are a slut but you don’t act like one around me. What is the truth?”
I struggle against his hands, which are painfully everywhere all at once.
“Is this your dirty little secret? You like being in public places? You’re only a slut with complete strangers? Maybe you like the fear that comes with worrying you might get caught but when you’re under the magnifying glass—like when the photographers took our photos together—it becomes too much and you think you can cry uncle and escape unscathed.”
When I don’t answer him he exits the car and comes around to my door and pulls me from the car roughly. I think he will throttle me but he only walks me up to my loft.
I allow him to come inside with me but stand facing him awkwardly in the small foyer. I’ve already made my stand. We won’t be having sex here.
“You can’t play games with me, Lin.”
“I’m not playing.”
“You knew I was falling in love with you when I broke things off the first time. You knew that you would have to make a commitment to explore the lifestyle with me if you wanted to keep seeing me. I didn’t even insist on making you my slave—I just wanted you to try kink on for size.” He shakes me.
“I’m scared.”
“Of me?” He stops shaking me but he holds my upper arms painfully.
“Of myself! I wasn’t lying when I said I went a little crazy. I was having sex with too many men. I was an addict searching for the Holy Grail. I’d never experienced an orgasm and I wasn’t about to go into another marriage without finding a man who could make it happen.”
George cocks his eyebrow. “And did you find such a man?”
“I orgasmed for the first time with a total stranger—in a broom closet. I didn’t know if it was the man or the fear of getting caught.” I start laughing. I can’t help myself. “I’m just like Gigi. I could be the girl in a hospital bed right now. That’s my dirty little secret.”
George leads me to the sofa and we sit. “The man in the broom closet was the same man you saw in the alcove tonight?”
“Yes. Since that night, I’ve learned his name is Johnny.”
“You learned how?”
I look away, ashamed and embarrassed, but George forces me to meet his gaze. “He told all of the men in our community. There isn’t a single man of Chinese descent who would even consider a date with me. Grandmother discovered my disgrace when she approached a matchmaker and was laughed out of the shop.”
George looks at me with tenderness and compassion, not disgust, and I am almost sorry I did not tell him the truth from the start. He strokes my cheek tenderly. “Lin. How many men other than your husband have you been intimate with?”
Oh God. Why would he ask me this? “Three.”
“Including Johnny?”
I nod, embarrassed. I assume he thinks me a fool for being so upset. I know that he is acquainted with women who have had sex with ten times as many men, but I am not of their ilk. I was raised to be modest and proper above all else.
Without warning, George pulls me facedown over his lap.
“No! George!” My heart is pounding so hard I think it will explode. I know what he intends and struggle, but he holds me in such a way that I can’t get away, no matter how hard I try. I’m gasping with exertion when his hand falls over my ass.
I can’t believe this is happening. My pulse pounds so loudly in my ears it drowns out the sound of anything else. I see white light before my eyes. Rage? Fear?
He spanks me hard, his hand alternating between my left and right cheeks.
“God! Oh God!” I feel so helpless. And when he finally releases me I flee to the other side of the room. I press up against the wall, my bottom smarting and heart racing. I think I am going to cry. “Why did you do that?”
“You wanted me to.”
“No,” I deny, but I think we are both beginning to hear my lies as just that. “That isn’t true.”
“Is your heart racing? Palms sweating? Do you feel more alive than you ever have?”
Yes. God, yes. “I feel angrier than I’ve ever felt!”
“Do you feel violated?”
“Hell, yes. You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Are you aroused?”
No! I won’t admit that having him spank me felt sexual. “I’m not kinky!”
“I disagree.”
“You think everyone is sexually deviant.”
He doesn’t argue that. Standing, he smiles and the sight of it makes me shiver. He enjoyed spanking me.
“I think you are far too inhibited for your own good. If you could just let go of all the taboos you’ve been brainwashed into believing, you could admit that you are completely and utterly horny right now, bu
t instead you worry about what your dead ancestors are thinking.”
I gasp, knowing he is right. I do worry about what my mother thinks. It’s my grandmother’s fault for always talking about how the ancestors look down on us. The first time I was kissed by a boy, I was so mortified I couldn’t enjoy the kiss because I just knew my mother was watching.
Too late I realize George has edged closer and I am startled back to awareness when he takes my hand. “Let go of your fear, Lin. There is no one here judging you.”
“I can’t.”
He wraps his arm around me, pulling me into a hug and I do cry, not sobs, but softly. I let him hold me and comfort me. His hands are so gentle as he rubs my back. I don’t understand anything that I feel when I am with him…including that I do want him to push me to do naughty things.
His hands drop lower, rubbing my ass and bringing my thoughts back to the spanking he just gave me. My skin flames beneath his palms.
He whispers against my face, “Tell me you liked it, Lin.”
I shake my head, burying my face against his shoulder. Stubborn, oh yes, I am stubborn. In rebellion my pussy tightens. I am so damn horny, but I won’t admit it.
I won’t, I won’t, I won’t.
I think that he will leave now. It is over. One hundred percent. I try to not start crying again. When he turns to face me I expect “goodbye” but instead he slides out of his clothes. He makes undressing look so easy, even taking off his shoes and socks without looking awkward. But then he’s had so much practice. I’m offended by the fact that he’s a sex worker and still…
He stands before me nude, waiting. He is pale and well defined, like a marble statue, and I want to reach out to him. I want this—so badly—but when is the point of no return? I’m supposed to be changing him but he could more easily change me. Lifting my face, I offer him my lips and become a participant. Again. All my grandmother’s warnings going out the window. I will never be a bride, a wife, a mother, not if I keep giving it away for free. When will I learn?
I’m a little surprised when the kiss ends abruptly and he stalks across the room. Power flows off him. Challenge. I can respect his strength, but does he really think I’m going to follow him if he leads me to my bedroom?
“Come here.”
I take a deep breath and stand my ground.