by Gerri Hill
“I see.”
“Maybe...well, maybe if it’s a quick trip, maybe I could come back here,” Cameron said.
For a moment, Andrea’s blue mood faded, a part of her hoping that maybe they would see each other again. But reality set in. Any time they spent together would always be temporary.
“Or maybe that assignment will end, and you’ll have another one even farther away,” she said. “Let’s don’t try to pretend we’ll be able to see each other, Cameron.”
“I’m not ready to say goodbye.”
“Neither am I. But, the reality is, we have to.” She cleared her throat. “I have a lot to thank you for,” she said, holding up her hand when Cameron would have protested. “You brought me out of my funk. You made me feel alive again. I won’t ever forget you.”
Cameron bit her lip and looked away, and Andrea was surprised to see that Cameron was fighting to control her emotions.
“I didn’t think it would be this hard,” Cameron said.
Andrea slipped into her arms, wrapping her own around Cameron’s strong shoulders, holding her tightly.
“Oh, Cameron, me either,” she whispered. “I’m going to miss you.”
They pulled apart, their mouths only breaths away from each other. Cameron hesitated as she must have known that Randy and the others were watching. Andrea didn’t care. She leaned closer, her lips finding Cameron’s with ease, memorizing their taste, their softness, her mouth saying its own goodbye.
She felt tears dampen her eyes when she stepped away. She blinked several times. “You know, you could send me the occasional picture of Lola,” she said, the mention of the kitten’s name bringing a whole new set of emotions to the surface. “Let me know how she’s growing and all.”
Cameron nodded. “You know I hate that name, right?”
Andrea smiled. “No, you love it.”
Their eyes held for a long moment then Cameron smiled too. “Yes, I love it.” She squeezed Andrea’s hand again, then let go completely. “I should get going.”
“Yes. Please...please be careful,” she said. “I won’t be there to watch your back.”
“And I’ll miss that.” She paused at the door to her truck. “Take care of yourself, Andi.”
“I will.”
Cameron backed away without another word and Andrea stood there, watching her drive out of her life as quickly as she’d come into it. She crossed her arms and leaned against her Jeep, staring up at Thunder Mountain, seeing...not the red rocks, but images of Cameron as she filtered in and out of Andrea’s life so easily, it was almost as if she’d always been there, leaving Andrea to wonder how she could possibly exist without her now.
How long she stood there, she didn’t know. Long enough for Randy to come out and check on her.
“Andi? You okay?”
She rolled her head to the side, trying to smile and failing. “Yeah, I’ll be okay.”
“Is she gone?”
She met his eyes, noting the concern there. “Yes. She’s leaving.”
He nodded. “That’s why you look sad again.”
“Again?”
“When you first got here, your eyes...you always looked so sad. Since Cameron’s been around, well, you were happy. There wasn’t any sadness there.”
She just stared at him, saying nothing.
“But it’s back,” he said quietly.
She looked away, back to Thunder Mountain. “For a completely different reason though.”
He leaned against the Jeep beside her, saying nothing for the longest. Finally, he bumped her shoulder lightly. “So, did you fall in love with her or what?”
She gave him a half-smile. “What makes you think we can start discussing my personal life now?”
He shrugged. “I thought you might need someone to talk to. You know, girl talk.”
She smiled again, then linked her arm with his, resting her head on his shoulder.
“I think maybe I did fall in love with her.”
She felt him nod. “It shows,” he said. Then he paused, as if considering his next words carefully. “I think maybe you weren’t the only one.”
Andrea closed her eyes. No, probably not. And she could tell herself that Cameron probably did this at every stop she made, but Andrea didn’t believe that. She could see it in Cameron’s eyes when they made love. She could see it each time Cameron looked at her. And she knew it the other night when Cameron chased her down in bare feet, not wanting her to leave. She knew it then. But none of that mattered.
Cameron was leaving her.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Cameron sat at the steering wheel, staring out into the desert. The four slides were pulled in, the leveling jacks were up, the diesel engine was idling, yet there she sat, her hands gripping the wheel tightly.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she whispered. She took a deep breath. “Stupid.” She glanced over at Lola who sat importantly in the passenger’s seat, staring at her. “I don’t want to leave her.”
She leaned back in the seat, taking her hands off the wheel. “Rules, Lola. There are rules. Never, ever fall in love with them. Rule number one. It’s there for a reason.” She raised her hands. “This reason. Because I can’t leave.”
She stood up, pacing in the small confines of the motor home, made much smaller with the slides closed up. “What am I going to do? Just what the hell am I going to do?” She stared at Lola who was watching her every move.
She ran her hands through her hair, trying to decide. Of course, she and Andrea hadn’t talked about anything. Their affair had blossomed so quickly, the attraction so strong, there wasn’t really any chance to back away from it. It had taken its natural course. And now she was just supposed to pack up and leave and pretend it had meant nothing to her.
Well, she couldn’t do it. She’d had plenty of affairs in her day, some short and some lasting months. But she’d always been able to leave. In fact, she had a hard time recalling names and faces of the women who passed through her life.
Not this time. She couldn’t do it.
She quickly grabbed her headset from the console and called Murdock. She walked back and forth, impatiently waiting for him to pick up.
“Murdock.”
“It’s me.”
“Are you on the road already?”
“No. I need to talk to you about something.”
“Okay. What’s up?”
“Well, I’ve been thinking,” she said.
“Oh, great,” he said dryly. “That’s never a good sign.”
“Very funny, Murdock. I sometimes forget you have a sense of humor.”
“Well, I try.”
“Yeah.” She paused, then, “I need a partner.”
“You? You hate partners.”
“I know. But since this case, I realized I work better with a partner. You know, someone to bounce ideas off of,” she said, again pacing as there was a lengthy silence.
“Okay,” he said slowly, drawing the word out. “So who do you have in mind?”
Again she hesitated. “Andrea Sullivan.”
“Oh, Cameron, please say you didn’t get involved with her.”
She smiled. “No, of course not. What do you think I am? Stupid?”
“Well...”
“No, Murdock. It’s just...we worked well together. She’s the best partner I’ve ever had. I think we would make a good team.”
“And she would travel in the rig with you?”
“It’s big enough for two people. And the loveseat folds out into a bed,” she added, hoping to appease him. “Of course, I haven’t asked her yet. She may say no.”
“And this is strictly professional?”
“Of course. Absolutely,” she lied, knowing he would kill her if—when—he found out.
He laughed. “Do you seriously think I believe you, Cameron?”
“You know me, Murdock, there’s never anything personal.”
He sighed. “I don’t suppose you want to give me tim
e to think about this?”
“No. I’d like her to go with me now.”
“Okay, let me get this straight, you’ve not even talked about this with her? What makes you think she’ll agree?”
“Because she’s a good cop with elite training from LA. Her skills are wasted here.” That much was true, at least.
“Okay, Cameron. Trial run. Entry level.”
“Entry level? Come on, Murdock, she’s got more than ten years experience.”
“Not FBI. She hasn’t been through our training.”
“Neither have I.”
“Cameron, don’t try to compare your military training with that of LAPD. And she gets temporary credentials.”
“Jesus, Murdock, is this like super secret probation or something?”
“I can only pull so many strings.”
“You always tell me you can pull whatever strings you need. Give her mid-level, not entry. She’ll fit in perfectly with your teams, Murdock. She’s as dysfunctional as the rest of us. Hell, she pulled her weapon on her captain,” she reminded him.
“Yes, and let’s hope you don’t piss her off to the point where she pulls it on you.”
She smiled. “Thanks, Murdock. You’ll e-mail me with her account information and access credentials?”
“I’ll see what kind of clearance I can give her. When you get settled in Utah, I want a video conference with her. I want to know who the hell I’ve just hired.”
“You’ll love her. We’ll call.”
She disconnected, knowing she had a damn silly grin on her face but was unable to stop it. She got back in the driver’s seat, this time her grip on the steering wheel was light and effortless as she was no longer dreading driving away.
“Now let’s go see if Andrea wants to go with us,” she said, pausing to scratch Lola behind the ear. She was still smiling as she pulled the big rig onto the service road and headed out of Red Rocks Park.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Andrea splashed water on her face, trying to wash away the evidence of her tears. Yes, she knew it would be hard when Cameron left. She just didn’t realize it would be this hard. She met her eyes in the mirror, acknowledging the sadness in them. It never occurred to her that Cameron would take her heart along with her when she left. And now Andrea was left to wonder what could have been. Was Cameron the one? Andrea had dated enough to know that she was still left searching for that one person to fill her soul completely. Erin wasn’t that person, and Andrea hadn’t been content enough to pretend she was, even though after her death Andrea tried to hold on to some belief that they’d had a loving, lasting relationship.
Could Cameron be that person? Was Andrea just letting her walk away without telling her how much she’d come to mean to her? Did Cameron have any idea how deeply Andrea’s feelings went? Yes, she supposed she did. But what could Cameron do? She had a job. She had an assignment. At least she’d offered to come back. Maybe she should have taken Cameron up on that. She could come back after her assignment and they could see where they were. Of course, she would just leave again, and they’d have to say their goodbyes all over again.
“Andi?”
She turned and stared at the closed door, her eyebrows drawn. Then she moved, jerking it open quickly.
“What are you doing here? I thought you’d be on the other side of Flagstaff by now.”
Cameron studied her face, and Andrea cursed her earlier tears. She turned her head away, but Cameron touched her face, forcing her to look at her.
“You’ve been crying,” she stated unnecessarily.
Andrea shrugged. What could she say to that?
Cameron moved into the bathroom and closed the door, giving them privacy. She leaned back against it, watching her. Andrea’s mind was buzzing as she tried to read the look in Cameron’s eyes.
“Why are you still here?” she finally asked.
“Why were you crying?”
Andrea tapped her chest. “I get the first question.”
Cameron nodded. “Fair enough. I got a call from Murdock,” she said. “I tried to talk him out of it, but he’s forcing me to get a partner.”
Andrea’s heart fluttered to life as her eyes locked with Cameron’s.
“Come with me,” Cameron said quietly. “Be my partner.”
Andrea felt tightness in her chest and she leaned back against the sink. “Just like that?”
“Do you want to?”
“Just pack up and leave? Right now?”
“Right now.”
Dear God, was Cameron really asking her to go with her? Could she just walk away from her life here on a moment’s notice? Her head was spinning as Cameron looked at her expectantly. Apparently, Cameron took her silence to be indecision, not shock.
“Just for a trial run,” Cameron said quickly. “If you don’t like it, you can come back. I’d imagine Jim would hold your position for you.”
Andrea met Cameron’s gaze head on, letting everything sink in—Cameron’s words, the look in her eyes, the offer she’d extended. Cameron wanted her in her life. She wanted her to go with her.
“And we’d live—,” Andrea said, clearing her throat. “We’d live in the motor home together?”
Cameron nodded. “I know it’s small, but, well, the loveseat makes into a bed. I don’t want to assume that our relationship would—”
“The loveseat?” she asked, interrupting her. “You want me to sleep on the sofa?”
Cameron stepped away from the door. “No. I want you in my bed. Our bed. But it occurred to me how this must sound to you, as if I want you along for sexual favors. That’s not it. We made a good team, good partners. We can keep this strictly business between us, if that’s what you want.” Cameron took her hand, squeezing gently. “But honestly, I don’t want to leave without you.”
Andrea released her hand and moved away, wanting to talk, wanting to make sure they were both on the same page. Sexual favors or not, she wanted to make sure Cameron knew how emotionally invested she was already.
“I was crying because you were walking out of my life,” she said, answering Cameron’s earlier question. “I didn’t want you to leave, but of course I knew you had to. And I felt so empty.” She took a deep breath. “When Erin died, I at least had my guilt to fill me. As you know, it did more than fill me. It consumed me,” she admitted. “You allowed me to let go of my guilt in my own time. You made me see how it truly felt to care about someone. Yet, you were leaving me, and I felt my heart breaking.”
“I don’t want to break your heart, Andi. I want to heal your heart. For the first time in so very long, I know what love feels like. I want—need—you in my life.”
Andrea’s breath caught. Oh, God, she mentioned the L word. Dare she believe Cameron’s words? She met Cameron’s eyes, searching for the truth.
“Love?” she whispered.
Cameron held her gaze. “I’m sorry. Was it too soon to mention that?”
Andrea laughed nervously, her head spinning. “No. Why do you think my heart was breaking?”
Cameron smiled too, reaching for her and tugging her closer. “So? Will you come with me?”
“As long as you don’t make me sleep on the loveseat...yes,” she said, giving in to her desire to kiss Cameron, their mouths meeting.
Their kiss was one of joy, love, contentment. No longer the last kiss of goodbye, rather the first in what Andrea hoped was a long and adventurous life together.
A life on the road. With a cat. She smiled against Cameron’s lips, pulling away finally.
“So? What’s this assignment we have?”
Cameron took her hand and led her out of the bathroom. “Three-week-old body found in a canyon at the bottom of a cliff,” she said.
“Cliffs again? You don’t do so well with cliffs, Cameron.”
“I fall off of one, and now I have a problem?”
“Fall? Sweetheart, if only you had fallen. Then I wouldn’t have to question your sanity.”
Cameron stopped up short, her eyes on fire.
“What?”
“You called me sweetheart,” she whispered. “I think I like it when you do that. It makes me feel—”
“Loved?”
Cameron nodded. “Yeah. Loved.”
“Good.” Andrea ignored the curious glances of Randy and Jim as she squeezed Cameron’s hand. “Because you are. And I do.”
Cameron grinned. “I do too.”
Andrea laughed. “I’m glad we got that out of the way.” She let her fingers slip away from Cameron’s hand. “Let me tell them what’s going on.”
Andrea watched her walk away in that familiar, confident stride of hers, albeit with a slight limp from her gimpy ankle. Cameron paused to speak briefly with both Randy and Jim before leaving. They then turned expectant looks her way.
She went closer, unable to wipe the smile from her face. “She kinda offered me a job,” she said.
Jim nodded. “You’re leaving then?”
She grasped his big, calloused hand, holding it tightly. “As much as I love it here, I can’t not go with her. She’s become...well ...she’s very important to me.” She met his eyes. “I let her inside my heart,” she whispered. She glanced quickly at Randy, then back to Jim. “I didn’t think I’d ever find this.”
He nodded again. “I only want what’s best for you, Andi. I always said your talents were wasted here anyway.”
“You gave me a chance, Jim. Everything I have now, it’s because of you.”
“No, I just—”
“You took me in when no one else would. I’ll never forget that. I’ll never forget you.” She hugged him, squeezing tight before placing a quick kiss on his cheek. “Thank you.”
She turned to Randy, playfully punching his arm. “And you,” she said with a smile. “Thanks for being my friend. I know it was hard. Especially at first.”
“Hell, yeah. I was scared of you,” he said with a laugh. He then reached for her, surprising her by pulling her close into a hug. “I’ll miss you.”
She squeezed him back. “I’ll miss you too.”