Beastly Lights
Page 44
I didn’t hear her reply because I was already out the door and hailing another cab. It was sad to admit, but I was thinking the same thing as the little monster. It was going to take a miracle for Freya to take me back, and I was hoping Ryan and Ant would be able to rustle one up for me.
* * *
“I wondered when you were going to show up,” Ryan smirked as he opened the door to his and Ant’s apartment.
Today his hair was a festive green, with green contacts to match, and his pajamas were a bright festive red trimmed with silver and gold. It was a wonder there was any glitter left in the world with the amount that covered this man.
“Good morning, Ryan,” I smiled, and I saw him falter for a second.
“He’s inside making hot cocoa,” he answered skeptically. I was just about to push past him when I paused.
“You know I appreciate all you do, right?” I frowned, wondering if there was a person I hadn’t hurt. Ryan seemed to recoil from me in shock before he recovered and regarded me with an amused expression.
“Thanksgiving was last month, pretty boy, just get your cute tush in here before it freezes in this bitter cold.” I quickly accepted his invitation, cursing myself for not remembering to bring a coat with me.
“Why were you expecting me?” I frowned, following him into the apartment. The hall was lined with photos of the two of them. They were all black and white of them smiling, hugging, and just being together. It was a stark reminder of my own apartment that was completely bare of any of these personal touches. My apartment was cold and without personality. I had thought that was how I liked it but after having the white wall reinstated, I knew it wasn’t what I wanted anymore.
“Well, pretty boy, it’s hard to miss what your problem is. There are photos of you racing around New York City all over social media. The rumor is a certain redhead has left you lonely this Christmas morning,” he smirked, looking back at me over his shoulder.
“Great,” I grumbled before I thought of something. “Did they say where she went?”
“Nope, just that she was spotted at the airport and there was a probability that her flight was an international one. For all we know, she could be headed to Middle Earth.”
“What?”
“If you don’t get that reference, then I’m not explaining it to you.” I let out a tired sigh, angry that what Freya’s father and brother had said was true.She was gone.
“Ant, we have company,” Ryan announced as we rounded on the kitchen.
“God,” I cried.
“Ryan,” Ant shouted over the top of me before he bolted from the room as I covered my eyes. “You could have warned me.”
“You should have warned me,” I hissed, not daring to look.
“It’s my Christmas present,” Ryan said innocently. “I’ve always wanted him to cook for me in the nude.”
“Shut up, please just stop talking,” I ordered, keeping my hand safely pressed against my eyes. I could never unsee what I just saw.
“Ryan, I can’t believe you did that,” Ant hissed as he came back into the room.
“Yes, you can,” Ryan answered dismissively.
“Is it safe?”
“Yes,” Ant groaned.
“You owe me,” I glared at Ryan, who simply shrugged and moved over to sit down at one of the kitchen stools.
“So, what brings you to our humble abode, pretty boy? You do realize it’s Christmas, right?”
“I need your help,” I said, letting out the breath I had been holding and feeling a tightness in my chest.
“You want my help?” Ant asked, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
“Yes, I…Frey left.”
“We know,” Ryan sang, and I shot him another glare. “She’s better off without you.”
“I am aware, but…”
“But? But what?” Ryan prompted with a mischievous smirk, and I let out a frustrated groan.
“But I love her,” I ground out, hating every second of glee he was getting out of my pain.
“I knew it,” he shouted, pumping his fist in the air triumphantly.
“A-plus genius, now how am I going to get her back?”
“Liam, what happened?”
“I slept with her.”
“This is better than a TV drama,” Ryan gushed, moving to the edge of his seat.
“Then she left while I was asleep.” I was met with roaring laughter from the soon-to-be dead man.
“Ryan,” Ant hissed, but he was beside himself.
“I always knew she had a flair for the dramatic.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I groaned, running my hands through my hair furiously. “I’ve ruined everything. I thought after last night…I thought we had fixed everything.”
“You really are blind,” Ant frowned, shaking his head at me as his boyfriend tried to compose himself.
“What?”
“You have put her through hell. How could you think that forcing her to attend your launch party the day after she was attacked in an alley outside your apartment while you were upstairs having a party getting pissed would fix all your problems? Not to mention how you treated her on tour. You really think after all that, she would stick around?”
“How do you know what happened when she came with me on tour?”
“My boyfriend has big ears,” he frowned, looking over at a smug Ryan. He had no shame.
“I get it, okay?”
“What do you get, Liam?”
“I’m selfish, and she had every right to leave me,” I answered quietly.
“Why, you’ve never believed that before. You always believe that it’s their fault when people leave you. Why is it different now?”
“Because I know now that it’s my choice to convince her to stay. I want her to stay.”
“Well, I’m glad you’ve finally found someone worth fighting for,” Ant answered in a clipped tone, and I frowned at his mood change. “You better get a move on if you hope to find her.”
“I was hoping for your advice,” I answered hopefully.
“Why? You’ve never wanted it before. You’ve never wanted anything from me before. In fact, you’ve tried to keep me as far away from your life as possible. Maybe I’ve finally taken the hint. Maybe I don’t want to help you.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, Liam, I am. I have been there for you most of your life, and at every turn, you have pushed me away. You’re a bastard,” he shouted, his body trembling with anger. Did everyone have the same word of the day toilet paper?
“Really? Tell me something I haven’t already figured out,” I hissed, narrowing my eyes and stepping in his direction.
“You’re selfish, you’re conceited, you’re a fame-hungry, self-absorbed brute, and I hate you,” he shouted, swinging out at me with his fist but missing by inches. I didn’t move. I couldn’t move. How could I deny what he was saying?
“I don’t want you to hate me," I muttered, pushing a hand through my hair before looking at him again.
“Why did you never understand that we just wanted to help you? That we wanted to be friends with you? Why did you try and push us away?”
“Anyone else would have given up on me years ago.” I slumped in the armchair in their living room and buried my head in my hands.
“You aren’t my friend, Liam,” he continued to shout. “You’re my brother.”
Slowly, I lifted my head from my hands and looked up at Ant. He was watching me closely, his eyes tired and sad.
“I’ve always thought of you as my brother,” he whispered, and I couldn’t miss the tear that fell. Nor did I miss the fearsome glare Ryan was shooting me.
“Shit,” I cursed, getting to my feet. “Ant, I didn’t know.”
“Yeah, well, now you do,” he grumbled, swiping angrily at his tears.
“I guess only a brother would put up with me. No one else has ever stuck around.”
“Why don’t you two just hug it out already?” Ryan grumbled, drawing absent circles on the bench. I let out a begrudging sigh before I did something I really didn’t want to do.
“Ryan, would you like to-”
“A group hug sounds like a marvelous idea,” he beamed, jumping from his chair and crushing the both of us in a too-tight hug.
“That’s enough Ry, you’ve caused enough trouble for one day,” Ant groaned, trying to break the hold of his overzealous boyfriend.
“First he ruins my present and now this. You are the worst company we’ve ever had,” he announced haughtily.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. How about I just get out of your hair," I smiled.
“Wait, but I thought you wanted advice on Freya?” Ant frowned.
“I think I figured it out.”
“What are you going to do?” Ant frowned.
“Nothing.”
“Are you sure? If you don’t find her, she might never come back,” Ant worried, watching me as I started to leave.
“I’ve been ‘Liam Henderson’ for so long I’ve forgotten what it means to be myself. There are so many memories from the past buried beneath this persona, and it’s about time that I dealt with them.”
“So, you’re going to let her go?”
“No, I’ll find her. I won’t stop until I do. I would do anything to get her back, but right now what’s best for her is time. It is what she needs, and I’ll respect that. I’ve caused her enough pain. I see that now.”
“Really?” Ryan chuckled. “That’s very…decent of you."
“It’s been a strange day.” I smiled weakly, feeling weary from everywhere I had been. Especially tired from the full spectrum of emotions I had experienced.
“Are you sure you want to be alone right now?” Ant asked, moving to where I stood by his front door.
“Yes, I think it’s exactly what I need,” I answered, my smile slipping. “Besides, Ryan still has a few hours of his Christmas present left. I definitely wouldn’t want to deprive him of that."
“Liam-”
“I’ll be fine, Ant,” I sighed, shooting him a look. He watched me warily, but he didn’t stop me when I left. He knew, just from looking at me, he knew, like always. I was anything but fine. I didn’t even know how I was going to make it through the rest of the day without her. How would I ever be able to give her space?
Not when all I wanted to do was hop on the next plane out of here and search every country looking for her. Why couldn’t she have just talked to me before disappearing off the face of the planet?
“Because you wouldn’t have listened,” I muttered to myself, flagging a cab down and slipping inside. When we were on our way, I pulled out the letter she had left me and reread the words. For now, this was all I had left. She had taken everything else with her. How could I have been so selfish?
It was easy to admit the truth in her words, but there was one I knew was a lie. I could never forget the girl who had changed the game completely.
Chapter 47: Finding Home
It was peaceful being this high above the ground. Despite the crying children and the loud snorers, I found the flight across the ocean calming. It was as if I could take a break from the world. I could ignore everything that was happening down below and instead, I was nothing but stationary in my thoughts.
In fact, I didn’t think about anything. Not about him, not about who I left behind, not even about where I would go once I landed. I knew I couldn’t stay in London, my intended destination. It would be too easy for him to find me. I needed to disappear. I needed to be invisible. I wanted to be lost.
I knew as soon as I landed, the big screens in the airport would be reporting the latest news. I could only imagine the things they would be saying about me. I didn’t miss the few paparazzi that were loitering around the airport nor the flashes of their cameras as I walked by. It astounded me that even on Christmas Day, they were out on the streets looking for the next scoop. Apparently, I was it.
I didn’t want to see any of it. I didn’t want to know what others thought of me and my decision. I wanted to keep them silent. I didn’t want any part of his world. He was the only reason I put up with it and now that he was no longer in the equation, it only made it twice as maddening.
“Do I know you?” the girl beside me frowned. She had been looking at me for the past three hours out of the corner of her eye, and I knew she was trying to place me.
“I doubt it,” I grumbled, shifting so she couldn’t really see me anymore. I wanted her to return to watching whatever teen drama was playing on her screen, but she was insistent.
“No, I do know you,” she insisted, and I rolled my eyes in annoyance. Why couldn’t she just let it go?
“You’re her,” she said in awe, and I turned back in curiosity, only to see her face turn into a scowl. “You’re his girlfriend,” she sneered, and I sighed in annoyance, pulling out my face mask and securing it over my eyes.
“You’re a bitch,” she continued.
“Good to know,” I muttered, turning back to my side, hoping she would take the hint.
“He could do so much better than you.” Apparently, she was inept at reading social cues.
“Now he can,” I muttered, hating that even my solace had been intruded on. This wasn’t meant to reach me up here. I had left him. I was free.
Yet, I knew no matter how I spun it, there was a part of me that I had left behind. There was a part of me he would always have no matter how much distance I put between us.
Thankfully, my nosy neighbor grew tired of telling me that I was beneath her precious rock star and went back to watching whatever rubbish she had been watching previously.
Instead, I was left to pretend I wasn’t thinking of the very man she was talking about. I would forget him when I got off the flight. For now, I could remember his hands on me and his mesmerizing smile. I would lock the memories away the moment I landed on foreign soil.
* * *
“-waking up on Christmas morning to find a distraught rock star running around New York. The news is that his girlfriend, Freya Coleman, has run out on him.”
“I’ve never been his biggest supporter, but even I feel she was a little heartless.”
“What about everything she went through? There were rumors she had a stalker who attacked her the night before the Christmas Eve party and the big bad rock star was nowhere to be seen.”
I couldn’t ignore the three women on the giant screen as I waited for my bags on the carousel. They were scrutinizing my actions and his. Despite everything, I still couldn’t believe the news had moved so quickly. I bet the world knew I had left even before Liam did.
Every time they showed the picture of him getting in and out of various cabs, I felt my heart twist. I knew he would be hurting, but it was hard to justify my actions when I was constantly confronted with the image of him suffering.
After the seventh time they showed his image, I was almost tempted to jump a plane back to New York and tell him we could work this out, but then reality hit. I needed to find my own place in this world. Liam already had his, and now I needed to find mine. I didn’t want to be defined by him for the rest of my life. I wanted to find my own home. The place where I belonged, no matter how long it took me.
“-he’s a big boy. I’m sure there will be many others after his brief escapade with this girl.”
“Serves him right for how he probably treated her. Not once before has he ever showed any inkling of being faithful. For all we know, he has been cheating this entire time.”
Finally, my familiar purple bag clattered down the conveyer belt. I snatched it up, tuning out the British women on the TV and heading for customs. The queue was impossibly long, but I took the time to consider my next move. I didn’t wan
t to stay here because I knew if Liam was determined enough, he could definitely reach me here. I needed another plane out of here. Somewhere I could get lost on the streets of a big city or haul myself away in the countryside. Where all I had to keep me company were my thoughts and my sketches.
* * *
Rock Star Meltdown
January 1 8:45 amThe London Scoop
America’s No. 1 export has lost his marbles at an L.A. nightclub. After the final show before the New Year, he seems to have finally gone on the bender we have all been waiting for. Rumors have been leaked of the infamous party boy living it up in the popular nightclub well into the early hours of this New Year’s morning.
While all of us were heralding the New Year in the traditional fashion, making resolutions we were already breaking. Liam Henderson was trying to forget the world altogether. Unfortunately, the world will always remember him, and his latest escapade could only be a result of his tumultuous relationship with his most recent ex, Freya Coleman. Never before has an ex had such a damaging effect on the rocker, but it seems this time may have been different. This girl has left her mark on the poor boy, and he doesn’t look like he’s getting over her anytime soon.
* * *
Sold!
Pop WatchMarch 5
Were you hoping to catch a glimpse of a certain rock star on your next trip to NYC? Or maybe you were going to not so discreetly sit outside his famous New York apartment? Well, that apartment has just been sold for more than most of us will make in a lifetime. The boy is on the move, and the rumor is that it’s outside the city.
There is speculation that our favorite resident rock star has purchased a not-so-humble house in the ‘burbs‘. The Golden Triangle in Greenwich just found itself a new resident, and a move like this suggests the famous rocker’s partying days may be behind him.
You can’t help but wonder what caused this dramatic change of events or more importantly, who?
It is common knowledge that the biggest player in the music industry has benched himself from his favorite game over the past few months. Many believe this happened after the end of his relationship with artist Freya Coleman over Christmas last year. No one has seen her since she fled on a flight bound for England early Christmas morning. Her departure sent the gossip world into chaos as Liam seemed to descend into madness in his pursuit.