In the beginning, take a little longer than five minutes to go through the steps of progressive muscle relaxation. Taking 20 or 30 minutes several times at first usually works better. However, the more you practice, the more quickly you'll find that you can slide into serenity. Shorten the procedure as you progress. For example, you can tense all the muscles in your lower body at once, followed by all your upper body muscles. At other times, you may want to simply tense and relax a few body areas that carry most of your tension. Most often, that involves the neck, shoulder, and back muscles. Some folks discover that they can relax in a single minute after they become proficient.
Applying Relaxation in Tense Situations
Discovering how to relax using breathing techniques or progressive muscle relaxation may help you reduce your anxiety. But if you just do these activities when you're lying around in bed or spending a quiet day at home, you miss the opportunity to challenge your fears with a powerful tool. Applied relaxation means taking the techniques that you've practiced and putting them to work when you're under the most stress.
The key to success lies in the mastery of the technique in nonstressful settings before taking the next step. For example, maybe you've practiced the progressive relaxation technique many times, and you can tighten and loosen your muscles, achieving a state of relaxation in just a few minutes.
Now that you've mastered the technique in a nonstressful setting, think of a particular situation that frightens you, such as public speaking. For example, say you've scheduled a speaking engagement for a large event with an audience of several hundred people. Before your speech, you practice your favorite relaxation technique. You try to maintain that state as you walk up to give your speech, but you panic anyway. What happened? You tried to take on too much all at once.
Applied relaxation works best if you break the tasks into more manageable steps. For example, you could practice relaxation while thinking about giving your talk. Then you could practice relaxation just before giving your talk to a small audience rather than a large group. Continue your practice in small, graduated steps.
Relaxing through Your Senses
Your path to finding relaxation may lead you through a variety of experiences. We can't possibly know which direction will work best for you. You have to experiment with various approaches to discover your own relaxation remedy. In this section, we ask that you allow your senses to soothe you.
Sounds to soothe the savage beast
Ever since people have populated the planet, they've turned to music for comfort. From primitive drums to symphony orchestras, sound elicits emotions — love, excitement, fear — and even relaxation. An entire profession of music therapists has capitalized on the power of music. Music therapists work in hospitals, schools, and nursing homes using sounds to soothe.
But you don't need to be a music therapist to make use of music's power. You probably already know what type of music calms you. Perhaps you love classical music or jazz. You may not have thought of trying out a CD of ocean waves, babbling brooks, whispering wind, or other sounds of nature. Many people find those sounds quite relaxing.
Visit any well-supplied music store or Web site and you'll find an extensive array of possibilities. Experiment with new sounds. Many of these recordings boast of containing specially mixed music for optimal relaxation.
Buyer beware! Don't buy just any recording that promises relaxation. Unfortunately, some of these products are rather inferior. Either get recommendations or listen to a sample.
Only the nose knows for sure
Ever walk through a mall and smell freshly baked cinnamon rolls? Perhaps you were tempted to buy one just because of the aroma. We suspect that the smell of the delicacies is no accident; rather, we think that the bakers must pump the air up and out from around their ovens into the entire mall ventilation system, knowing the powerful effects of aroma.
In addition to making you hungry, the cinnamon roll scent may also elicit pleasant emotions and memories. Perhaps it takes you back to Sunday mornings when your mother baked fresh rolls or to a pleasant café. If so, the aroma automatically brings back memories — no effort required on your part.
A huge perfume industry uses the power of aromas to attract and seduce. Manufacturers of deodorants, lotions, powders, hair sprays, and air fresheners do the same, and you can explore the ability of aroma to calm your jangled nerves.
Aromatherapy makes use of essential oils, which are natural substances extracted from plants. These substances ostensibly affect both physical and emotional health. We can't vouch for these claims, because good studies on their effects are lacking. However, the theory behind aromatherapy isn't entirely wacky, because our bodies have nerves that transmit messages from the nose into the parts of the brain that control mood, memories, and appetite.
If you're physically sick, please consult a qualified doctor, because aromatherapy isn't likely to cure you. No one knows whether aromatherapy promotes good health. Also, don't use these substances if you're pregnant.
However, if you want to experiment with various aromas to see if any of them help you relax, go for it. Preliminary studies have suggested that certain aromas may alleviate anxiety and decrease nicotine withdrawal symptoms and headaches.
Consider the following aromatherapy scent suggestions, but be sure to shop around because prices can vary substantially. A trusted local health-food store may be a good place to start.
Chamomile
Eucalyptus
Lavender
Neroli (citrus aurantium)
These essential oils may help relieve anxiety and combat sleeplessness. Besides, they smell pretty good, so put a few drops in your warm bath or on your pillow. Have a good sleep.
Massaging away stress
About 15 times a day, one of our dogs sticks his nose under one of our arms to indicate that he's overdue for a rubdown. Dogs unabashedly beg for touching, petting, and rubbing. Our dogs are pretty good at getting it, too.
People need to be touched, too. It's great to be hugged and stroked by the people we care about. However, one wonderful way to satisfy the need to be touched and relax at the same time is through a professional massage. If you've never indulged, consider treating yourself to a massage. In years past, only the elite sought massage therapy. Today, people flock to massage therapists to reduce stress, to manage pain, and to just plain feel good.
Another way of getting a massage is to sit in a whirlpool for five minutes. This can be relaxing because, in addition to the massage that you get from the force of the water jets, the feel of the warm water that's forced into the whirlpool and the sound of the water rushing around also has a calming effect. Although some homes have whirlpools built into their bathtubs, most health spas and YMCAs/YWCAs also have whirlpools that patrons can enjoy for a small fee in addition to the cost of a basic membership.
Everybody needs touching
In the 1940s, many European babies ended up in orphanages. A shocking number of these orphans failed to grow or interact with others, and some appeared to wilt away and die for no discernible reason. They had sufficient food, clothing, and shelter. A physician named Dr. Rene Spitz investigated and found that their failure to thrive appeared to be due to a lack of human touch. In other words, the caregivers provided nutrients but not contact.
This early finding has been supported by numerous studies conducted by psychologist Tiffany Field and her colleagues. One of these studies found that premature infants who were given regular massages gained more weight than those who merely received standard medical care. Other studies by this research group have included normal babies, as well as infants born with HIV or cocaine addiction, and young children with diabetes, eating disorders, and asthma. Babies and children who receive a massage regularly have lower amounts of stress hormones and lower levels of anxiety than those who don't. Other benefits that were identified include pain reduction, increased attentiveness, and enhanced immune function. If it's this good for babies, we fi
gure that it's pretty good for you, too. Indulge!
Chapter 12: Creating Calm in Your Imagination
In This Chapter
Honing the powers of your imagination
Imagining your way to relaxation
Creating your own images
People who have a vivid imagination (perhaps this describes you) can think themselves into all kinds of anxious situations. Just give them a moment to play with an idea, and they're off on another anxiety trip.
But the good news is that you can backtrack and rewind your mind to a calmer place. One way to do that is through guided imagery. Guided imagery creates a calm place by using your imagination to put yourself into a state of relaxation and peace. Your mind takes you to a pleasant, beautiful, serene time or space. The best images incorporate all your senses. When visualizing them, you see, hear, smell, feel, and possibly taste them. For example, you might imagine hearing birds, smelling flowers, feeling a slight breeze, and enjoying the taste of chocolate in the middle of a beautiful meadow.
Some people find that breathing exercises or progressive relaxation don't get them sufficiently relaxed. In those cases, guided imagery is often a good alternative. The following example demonstrates the usefulness of guided imagery.
Tense thoughts fill Shauna's every waking moment. From the time that she springs out of bed in the morning to the last gripping thought before restless sleep mercifully overtakes her, Shauna thinks. She replays every anxious moment at her job and dwells on each imagined error that she's made during the day, turning it over and over in her mind. She visualizes every flaw in her makeup, dress, and complexion. Images of incompetence, inadequacy, and unattractiveness flood her mind's eye.
To reduce the stress and anxiety that saturate the scenes in her mind, she decides to seek the services of a counselor. The counselor teaches her several breathing techniques, but Shauna can't hold back the avalanche of anxious images. She tries progressive muscle relaxation, massage, and then music and aromatherapy to no avail. Finally, her counselor has an insight. "Shauna thinks in pictures; she needs guided imagery!"
In Shauna's case, her day-to-day images were full of anxiety-arousing situations. When she tried other relaxation techniques, they failed because anxious images still filled her mind. With guided imagery, however, the richness of the peaceful experience pushed aside all other concerns.
In this chapter, we show you how to improve your imagination. Then we give you several scripts to play with in your mind. Feel free to revise them any way you want. Finally, you can customize your own special mental images.
Letting Your Imagination Roam
Some people, thinking of themselves as rather unimaginative, struggle to create pictures in their minds. These people generally feel uncomfortable with their drawing skills and have a hard time recalling the details of events they've witnessed. Perhaps you're one of them. If so, using your imagination to relax and reduce your anxiety may not be the approach for you.
On the other hand, it just might. Guided imagery encompasses more than the visual sense; it includes smell, taste, touch, and sound. We can help you sharpen your ability to use all these senses.
We encourage you to give these exercises a shot, but all people have different strengths and weaknesses, and you may find that one or more of these exercises just don't work for you. If you discover that guided imagery isn't for you, that's okay. For example, some folks have problems with hearing, sight, or smell that could impede their ability to use certain techniques based on those senses. Not to worry — this book discusses many other ways to relax.
We don't want to make you more anxious by telling you these exercises must be done in a certain order or frequency. Try them out as you wish. Our editor found herself surprisingly relaxed at work after reading about these techniques! But watch out; don't fall asleep on the job.
Just before doing each series of numbered steps for the guided imagery exercises in this chapter, do the following:
1. Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down.
2. Make sure that you loosen any tight garments and shoes.
3. Close your eyes and take a few slow, deep breaths.
Imagining touch
Imagery exercises work best if they incorporate more than one sense. Imagining bodily sensations enhances the overall experience of relaxing, guided imagery. Take the following steps to see how this works:
1. Imagine an oversized, sunken bathtub.
2. Picture yourself turning the faucet on and feeling the water coming out.
You can feel that the water is cold and wet as it pours over your hand. Gradually, the temperature increases until it reaches your perfect range.
3. The tub fills, and you mentally see yourself pouring bath oil in and mixing it around.
You can feel how silky the water becomes.
4. You imagine putting your foot in the water.
The water feels just a bit too hot at first, but you find that the warm temperature soothes you after lowering your body into the bathtub.
5. You lay back and luxuriate in the slick, smooth, warm water.
You can feel it envelop you as the warmth loosens your muscles.
Were you able to feel the sensations: the wetness and the silky warmth? If not, don't despair. You can improve your awareness by spending just five minutes a day actively participating in a real experience and then committing that experience to your memory.
Try one or more of the following exercises each day for five days straight. You can experiment with other exercises, too. Just be sure to focus on touch.
Hold your hands under different temperatures of water. Notice how they feel. Better yet, fill the basin and submerge your hands to conserve water.
Rub oil on the back of your hand and wrist. Notice how the oil feels.
Take a warm bath and notice the sensations of wetness, warmth, and silkiness. Focus on all your bodily sensations.
Put a washcloth in hot water, wring it out, and press it to your forehead. Notice the warmth and the texture of the cloth.
Sit in front of the fireplace and notice where the heat hits your body. Experience the warmth.
After participating in one of the preceding exercises, wait one minute. Then try to conjure up what the sensations felt like in your mind. The following day, do the exercise, wait five minutes, and then recall the sensations. Each day, make the length of time between the actual experience and your recollection of the experience a little longer.
Recalling sounds
You don't have to be a musician to appreciate music or to re-create it in your mind. Guided imagery often asks you to create the sounds of nature in your mind to enhance relaxation. Taking the following steps, try imagining what an ocean beach sounds like:
1. Imagine that you're lying on a beach.
You can hear the ocean waves rolling in one after the other. In and out. The soft roar soothes and relaxes. In and out.
2. In your mind, you hear each wave rolling in and coming to a crescendo as it breaks gently onto the beach.
A brief moment of quiet follows as the next wave prepares to roll in. A few seagulls cry out as they fly overhead.
Were you able to hear the ocean and the gulls? You can improve your ability to re-create sounds in your mind by actively experiencing the real McCoy beforehand.
Try some of the following exercises for just five minutes a day for five days. You may think of some other ways to practice listening to sounds with your mind's eye, too.
Listen to a short passage from a favorite song. Play it several times and listen to each note. Tune in and concentrate.
Sit in a chair in your living room and listen. Turn off the phones, stereos, and anything else cranking out noise. Closing your eyes and listening carefully, notice every sound that you hear — perhaps the traffic outside, a dog barking, a little wind, or the house creaking.
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