Listen to the sound of yourself eating an apple, a celery stick, or a carrot. Not only is it good for you, but you'll also hear interesting sounds. Eat slowly and hear each crunch. Notice the initial sharp sound of biting and the more muted chewing.
Following your experience, wait one minute. Then reproduce the sounds in your mind. Hear them again. Don't worry if you can't do it. With practice, you're likely to get better. Increase the wait between the actual experience and your recollection a little each day.
Remembering tastes
Which foods do you associate with comfort and relaxation? Many people think of chicken soup or herbal tea. One of us spreads peanut butter on toast when really stressed, and the other occasionally indulges in ice cream — especially chocolate and caramel swirls threaded through rich vanilla. Are you salivating yet? If not, try playing out this imaginary scene:
1. Imagine an exquisite chocolate truffle.
You're not sure what's inside, but you look forward to finding out.
2. In your mind, you bring the truffle to your lips and slowly bite off a corner of the truffle.
The rich, sweet chocolate coats your tongue.
3. Imagine taking another bite and detecting a creamy, fruity center.
You've never tasted anything so rich and delectable yet not overpowering. The sweet but slightly tangy cherry flavor fills your body with satisfaction.
Could you taste the truffle in your imagination? Perhaps you found it easier than the smell. Either way, you can improve your ability to recall tastes with practice. Try one or more of these exercises:
Bake some fresh, iced brownies. Okay, you can pick some up from a bakery if you must. First, taste the brownie with the tip of your tongue. Hold it in your mouth and move it to different spots on your tongue. Then chew it and notice the icing and the cake flavors mixing together.
Open and heat up a can of your favorite soup. Pour a little into a cup or bowl. Put a small spoonful into your mouth. Be sure it's not too hot. Notice how the soup tastes on every part of your tongue.
You can do this taste-focusing activity with any food that you want. The key is to take some time and focus. Savor the flavors and pay attention to the nuances — sweet, sour, bitter, or salty. Again, try to call the tastes to mind after about a minute. Then stretch out the period between the actual experience and the recall a little longer each time you practice.
Conjuring up smells
Our dogs have a far better sense of smell than we do. They seem to know exactly which bush on their walking route needs re-marking. We're pretty sure that they know exactly which rival dog did what to which bush. Perhaps the fact that we can't smell as well as they can is a good thing.
But smell has a powerful influence on people as well. Certain smells alert us to danger, such as the smell of smoke or spoiling food. Other smells inevitably conjure up pleasant memories and feelings, such as the aroma of your favorite baked delight or the perfumed scent of a loved one. See whether this description brings a smell wafting into your mind:
1. Imagine that you're sleeping on a screened porch in a country cottage nestled in the forest.
You've been aware of a slow, steady rainfall through the night. When you awaken, the sun is shining.
2. In your mind, you can smell the sweet aroma of freshly cleaned air, crisp and cool.
The earthy smell of the forest floor washed by nature reaches your awareness.
3. You stretch and breathe deeply.
You detect the musty odor of fallen leaves. A pleasant, refreshing feeling engulfs you.
How did this scene smell in your mind? Smell is a primitive sense and may not be as easy to consciously produce with your imagination. That may be because a description of smell is more difficult to put into words. However, with practice, you're likely to improve.
Try a few of these activities to help you develop your imagination's sense of smell:
Make a cup of hot chocolate. Before drinking it, spend a minute taking in the aroma. Focus on the smell as you take each sip.
Bake dinner rolls. Don't worry; you can buy the ready-made kind that you pop out onto a cookie sheet. Sit in the kitchen while they bake. Open the oven door a couple of times to intensify the experience.
Visit a department store, go to the perfume counter, and test several different scents. Try to describe the differences.
Now try to remember what smell you experienced a minute later. Take a little longer each day before trying to recall the odors.
Painting pictures in your mind
Many of our clients report that scenes of anticipated disasters and doom invade their imagination. These scenes cause them more anxiety than actual disastrous events usually do. Visual imagery can fuel your anxiety, or you can enlist your visual imagination to help you drown the fires of anxiety. Try painting this picture in your mind:
1. Imagine that you're at a mountain resort in late spring.
2. In your mind, you spent the day trekking through a forest. Now, you're relaxing on the deck of your cabin overlooking a valley lake ringed by mountain peaks.
The water on the lake is still; the dark blue surface reflects surprisingly clear images of the trees and mountains. The sun sinks behind a mountain peak, painting the clouds above in brilliant hues of red, orange, and pink. The mountains remain capped with snow from the winter. Dark green fir trees stand proudly above a carpet of pine cones and needles.
How did this scene look in your mind? If you practice sharpening your visual imagery, you'll become an expert eyewitness. Wherever you are, take one minute to inspect the view in front of you. It doesn't matter what that is. Scrutinize the image from every angle. Notice colors, textures, shapes, proportions, and positions. Then close your eyes. Try to recollect the images in your mind. Focus on every detail. You can practice this anywhere and anytime. It just takes a few minutes. Each day, delay your imagery retrieval a little longer after turning away from the scene that you just studied.
Mindfulness: Finding peace in the present
Our sense-sharpening exercises actually form part of a more powerful approach to overcoming anxiety — mindfulness, which we discuss in greater depth in Chapter 13. A technique that has been used for several thousands of years in both the secular and religious settings of the Far East, mindfulness involves immersing yourself in the present with full awareness. When you fully attend to your immediate surroundings, catastrophic predictions about the future fade and anxiety drops.
Mindfulness has only recently found its way into Western psychology. However, in the past few years, researchers have discovered that training in mindfulness can substantially supplement other approaches to anxiety reduction. We recommend that you work on sharpening your awareness of your experiences, and then read Chapter 13 to discover more.
Full Sensory Imaging
The best and most effective guided imagery incorporates multiple senses — not necessarily every one, every time, but for the most part, the more the better. If you aren't as adept at using one or two senses, try to focus on using your more-developed senses. We have a couple of imaginary scenes in the upcoming sections for you to try that use most of your senses to recall an experience.
If you like our scenes, use them. Perhaps you'll want to make a recording of one or both of them. If you do, feel free to modify the scene in any way that helps you to imagine it more vividly or feel more at peace. At a time when you're feeling relaxed, make an audio recording of yourself reading the following sections. Then listen to the recording at a later time to help you relax. Perhaps you can play a recording of ocean sounds in the background as you read and record the "Relaxing at the beach" exercise. Similarly, you may play a recording of forest sounds as you tape yourself reading "A forest fantasy." Commercial recordings are also available.
Relaxing at the beach
Let this scene transport you to a quiet beach where your cares can melt away.
1. Imagine that you're walking barefoot through a sandy beach on a warm, s
unny day.
The sand feels warm between your toes. Reaching the ocean shore and feeling the cool, refreshing water lap over your feet, you smell the crisp, salty air and take a deep breath; calmness comes over you.
2. You walk farther and reach an area where rocks jut out into the surf.
A wave crashes onto the rocks and sends a fine mist high into the air; small droplets spray on your face and feel delightfully refreshing.
3. Seagulls glide effortlessly high above and then dive, skimming the surface of the water.
They look like acrobats of the sky, gracefully soaring in and out of sight. The surf and the seagulls orchestrate a soothing soundtrack. A wooden Adirondack chair beckons you farther down the beach.
4. You stroll over to the chair and stretch out on it when you get there.
The wood warmed by the sun is smooth against your skin.
5. Magically, a frosted glass of your favorite beverage appears on a small side table.
6. Sipping and feeling the cold liquid fill your mouth and slide down your throat, you feel refreshed and satisfied, serene and content.
7. You take a look out at the horizon and see a couple of sailboats floating lazily in the distance.
You feel the warm sun bathe your skin; at the same time, a gentle breeze cools your skin to a perfect balance. You've never felt so relaxed in your life.
8. You lie back and close your eyes.
You can feel all the muscles in your body let go. You feel sleepy but alert at the same time. Nature's beauty fills you with awe, melting your worries away.
A forest fantasy
Sometimes a walk in the woods, even an imaginary one, can do wonders for your body, mind, and spirit.
1. Imagine that you're walking through pine trees and brush.
The sap of the trees gives off a sweet, pungent aroma. You hear the branches rustle in the breeze. Sunlight filters through the branches of the trees, making shadows dance across the ground.
2. Your feet can feel the spring in the path covered with years of fallen leaves.
You hear a brook babbling in the distance.
3. You reach into your backpack, take out a container of cold water, and sip.
As you sip, you feel at peace and start to relax. You hear birds overhead.
4. As you proceed, the trees begin to thin.
You reach a stream with clear water flowing swiftly over and around the small rocks in its bed.
5. You bend down to touch the water; it's cold, clean, and pure.
6. You splash a bit of the brisk water over your face and feel cleansed.
Just ahead, you notice a grassy meadow, filled with wildflowers. The flowers' fragrance gently fills the air with sweetness.
7. You reach a grassy, soft spot and sit down.
From here, you can see for many miles in the distance. The air is pure and clean. The sun feels warm on your skin. The sky is a brilliant blue backdrop to a few white, billowy clouds.
8. Sleepiness overtakes you and you lie down.
You can feel your entire body relaxing. Your everyday concerns seem trivial. All that matters is the moment. You cherish the experience of connection to the earth.
Customizing Your Own Images
You may want to create your own imaginary journey. It can be somewhere that you've been before or somewhere you've never seen. Try a few out to see how they work for you. Many people use guided imagery to help them go to sleep. Others use these images to help them relax before a stressful event, such as taking a test. We have a few helpful hints for designing your own guided imagery for relaxation:
The most important hint is to enjoy yourself.
Be creative; let your mind go wild, coming up with any scene that might feel good to you.
Use multiple senses.
Add descriptive details. Consider using a thesaurus for rich adjectives.
Make your scene long enough that it lasts a little while. It takes some time for your body to relax.
Consider playing soothing music or sounds in the background as you make the recording.
Be sure to include relaxing suggestions, such as "I'm feeling calmer," "My worries are melting away," or "My body feels loose and relaxed."
Realize that there's no right or wrong way to design an image. Don't judge your scene.
If creating your own imaginary journey doesn't work for you, don't sweat it. You can find many other ways to relax.
Imagining a positive outcome
Athletes commonly use images to reduce their performance anxiety. In addition, many of them create images of success. For example, a gymnast may envision himself making a perfect dismount off the balance beam over and over. Or a runner may see herself pushing through pain, stretching her legs out for a first-place finish again and again. Various studies indicate that imagery can give an athlete an extra boost.
Another way to use imagery is to face your fears in a less stressful way than meeting them head-on in real life. You do this by repeatedly imagining yourself conquering your fears. We tell you more about exactly how to do this in Chapter 8.
Chapter 13: Mindful Acceptance
In This Chapter
Accepting the struggle of life
Giving up ego to make life easier
Focusing on the present
Practicing mindfulness
Cultivating your spirituality
Has your car ever been stuck on a muddy road? What happens if you gun the accelerator harder when the wheels start to spin? They spin even harder, the mud flies everywhere, and the rut gets deeper. Anxiety can be like that: The harder you try to break free, the tighter it seems to grip.
In this chapter, we explain how to use acceptance as one way to get out of your anxiety trap. Threads of what we call mindful acceptance show up throughout this book. We weave the threads together to form a tapestry. We show how acceptance helps you stop spinning your wheels so you can calmly consider productive alternatives. We discuss how too much concern with ego and self-esteem can make seeing the way out difficult, and we explain how living in the present provides a roadway to a more balanced life. Finally, we give you some thoughts about the possible role of spirituality in finding serenity.
When you find yourself stuck in the rut of anxiety, don't slam down on the accelerator. Sit back, let the wheels settle a bit, rock back into the rut, and then gently push forward. Eventually, you'll discover a rhythm of going forward, then rocking back, and your efforts will lead you to solid ground.
Accepting Anxiety? Hey, That's a Switch!
So why is it that after showing you how to get rid of your anxiety, we tell you to mindfully accept it? Have we lost our minds? Isn't this book supposed to be about overcoming anxiety?
Well, yes, of course we want you to overcome your anxiety. But the paradox of anxiety is that the more you feel you must rid yourself of it, the more anxious you feel. The more your anxiety disturbs you, the more it ensnares you.
Imagine going to a carnival or birthday party where someone gives you a Chinese handcuff — a little, decorative, woven straw tube. You put both index fingers into the tube. Then you try to extract your fingers. The tube closes tightly around your fingers. The harder you pull, the tighter the handcuffs squeeze; a way out doesn't seem to exist. So you pull even harder. Eventually, you realize that the only way out is to quit trying.
Anxiety mimics the squeezing of Chinese handcuffs. The more you struggle, the more trapped you feel. Insisting that your anxiety go away this second is a surefire way to increase it! Instead, sit back and think about your anxiety. We describe how in the following sections.
Taking a calm, dispassionate view
Anthropologists study the behavior and culture of human beings. They make their observations objectively from a dispassionate, scientific perspective. We want you to view your anxiety like an anthropologist — coolly detached.
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