Overcoming Anxiety For Dummies, 2nd Edtion

by Smith, Laura L.

  Soothing the Body

  The most distressing aspect of anxiety is the way that it makes your body feel — tense, queasy, racy, and tight. Quick ways to temporarily break through the tension include the following:

  Soaking in a hot bath for a good while.

  Taking a long, hot shower.

  Enjoying a 15-minute massage, such as in a chair or on a mat with an electronic heating and vibrating massager. Of course, if your budget allows for a longer massage performed by a professional masseuse, that's great too!

  Drinking Tea

  Keep a selection of herbal teas in your cupboard. Certain teas, like chamomile, reportedly have relaxing properties. Stay away from caffeinated teas, however, especially if caffeine bothers you.

  When you feel anxious, heat up a favorite tea. Hold the cup in your hands and breathe in the warm scent. Spend a couple of moments enjoying the comfort of sipping tea. Concentrate on the soothing sensation and the luxury of sitting quietly.

  Challenging Your Anxious Thinking

  The way you think strongly influences the way you feel. Anxious people inevitably think about things in ways that increase their anxiety. One of the best ways of dealing with anxiety is to examine the evidence for your anxious thoughts.

  First, write down what you're worried about. Afterwards, ask yourself some questions about those thoughts, such as

  Is this worry truly as awful as I'm thinking it is?

  Could some evidence contradict my anxious thoughts?

  In a year, how important will this event be to me?

  Am I making a dire prediction without any real basis?

  After answering these questions, try to write down a more realistic perspective. See Chapter 5 for discovering more about how to write out your anxious thoughts, analyze them for distortions, and replace them with more realistic, calmer thoughts.

  Listening to Music

  Sounds influence the way you feel. Think about it. If you listen to fingernails scraping across a blackboard, how do you feel? Most people (us included) report that it gives them a creepy, anxious feeling. Just as unpleasant sounds jangle the nerves, soothing sounds can calm you.

  Select music that you find relaxing. Get comfortable and close your eyes. Turn the volume to a comforting level. Relax. Listen.

  Finding Distractions

  In general, avoiding your anxiety isn't a good idea. But until you discover better ways of dealing with it, sometimes distractions can help. Remember, they're just a temporary bandage and won't last. However, once in a while, distraction helps. Consider the following:

  A good book

  A movie

  Television, mindless as it may be

  Video games

  Having Sex

  If you have an available, willing partner, sex is a wonderful way to relax. It can certainly take your mind off anxiety! And, like aerobic exercise, it burns off adrenaline. What a perfect combination.

  On the other hand, some anxious people get anxious about their sexual performance. If that's you, don't try this strategy — at least until you overcome your anxiety about this issue. And, if you don't have an available, willing partner, we don't recommend hiring one.

  Staying with the Moment

  What are you worried about? Chances are it's something that hasn't even happened yet and may never occur. The fact is, almost 90 percent of what people worry about never actually happens. And if it does occur, it rarely ends up being as catastrophic as the worriers predict.

  Therefore, we suggest that you focus on the here and now. What are you doing? Look around you. Notice how the air feels as it goes in and out your nose. Feel your feet and the muscles in your legs as you sit. If you still feel anxiety, study it. Notice the various sensations in your body, and realize that they won't kill you. They'll pass eventually as you observe them. If you accept feeling just a bit anxious, the feelings abate more quickly than if you tell yourself that you must get rid of them at once. Read Chapter 13 for more ideas about mindful acceptance.

  Enjoy the moment.

  Chapter 22: Ten Ways to Deal with Relapse

  In This Chapter

  Realizing that anxiety happens

  Understanding the process of change

  Getting a booster shot

  If you're reading this chapter, you've probably made some headway with your anxiety. Maybe, after all your hard work, you've experienced a setback, or perhaps you're worried about one. Not to worry. We have ten ideas for you to use when anxiety pops back.

  Expecting Anxiety

  Perhaps you've worked hard to overcome your anxiety, and now your hard work has paid off. You've beaten it. Congratulations! But alas, one day you wake up suddenly with anxiety staring you in the face. You turn it into a catastrophe and assume that you've failed.

  Oh, get real. You'll never totally annihilate anxiety. That is, until you stop breathing. It's bound to show up from time to time. Expect anxiety. Look for its early warning signs. But don't compound matters by getting anxious about your anxiety. If you understand that anxiety happens, you can lessen the impact.

  Counting the Swallows

  The proverb "One swallow doesn't make a summer" reflects the fact that a single sign doesn't necessarily indicate that something more is inevitable. Anxiety has an ebb and flow. Having an anxious episode or two doesn't mean that you're back to square one. You figured out how to handle some of your anxiety, and that knowledge can still help you. You don't need to start all over again. You do need to move forward and reapply what you practiced. Thinking of minor setbacks as catastrophes will only increase your anxiety and immobilize your efforts. Regroup, reorganize, and go back at it!

  Checking Out Why Anxiety Returned

  Minor relapses are a great opportunity to discover what gives you trouble. Figure out what events preceded your latest bout of anxiety:

  Have you had some recent difficulties at work, such as deadlines, promotions, problems with co-workers, or financial setbacks?

  Have you had recent problems at home, such as divorce, problems with a child, or other stressors?

  If so, understand that an increase in your anxiety is a natural response and likely to be temporary. Use the new information about your anxiety triggers to challenge your anxious thinking, as we describe in Chapters 5 and 7.

  Seeing a Doctor

  If you've looked high and low for situations or events that may have set off your relapse and can't come up with anything at all, consider making an appointment with your primary care physician. Anxiety can have a number of physical causes, such as side effects from prescription medication or over-the-counter medications and supplements, excessive caffeine, and physical problems (see Chapter 3). Don't try to diagnose yourself. If you experience anxiety with absolutely no apparent cause, please get a complete physical checkup.

  Revisiting What Worked Before

  If anxiety creeps back into your life, review the strategies that worked for you previously. Some of those techniques may need to become lifelong habits. Keep relaxation in your life. Exercise on a regular basis. Review Chapters 5, 6, and 7, and do a few of the exercises from time to time.

  Anxiety isn't a disease that you can cure with a one-time injection, pill, or surgery. Anxiety is a natural part of life. When it mushrooms to a distressing degree, you merely need to reapply your strategies for managing it.

  Doing Something Different

  We've presented a variety of strategies for overcoming anxiety. Most likely, you've picked a few that have felt compatible with your lifestyle. Now consider looking at some ideas you haven't yet attempted. We urge you to do something different. Take a look at the list that follows, and choose one you haven't gotten around to trying yet:

  Rethinking your anxiety (see Chapters 5, 6, and 7)

  Facing fear head-on (see Chapter 8)

  Engaging in relaxation strategies (see Chapter 11)

  Exercising (see Chapter 10)

  If you've simply dabbled at one or more of these techniques,
pursue it more aggressively and see whether it works better that way. Anything in this book that you haven't tried yet is worth considering.

  Getting Support

  You don't have to face anxiety relapses alone. Talking with others helps you deal with emotional distress. A great source of such support can be found in your local newspaper. Most city newspapers list support groups for just about everything: various health concerns, emotional problems, relational problems, and, of course, anxiety.

  But what if you live in Pie Town, New Mexico: population 55? Pie Town may not have an anxiety support group. But all is not lost. You can go to an Internet search engine, such as Google (www.google.com), and enter "chat rooms for anxiety." You'll find more than enough interesting sources of support. Try out a few and see whether you can find a group that feels compatible. Millions of people suffer from anxiety, and they have great advice and support to offer you. You don't need to suffer alone.

  The best support groups give you ideas for coping. Beware of groups that seem to encourage whining and complaining.

  Considering Booster Sessions

  If you've seen a professional and later experience an unexpected increase in your anxiety, think about calling for a few booster sessions. Your therapist isn't going to think you failed. Usually, a second round of therapy helps and doesn't take as long as the first. In addition, some people like to check in every few weeks or months as a kind of prevention. Again, anxiety isn't a disease with a single, one-shot cure.

  On the other hand, if you've never seen a professional and you experience a relapse, you should consider it now. If you've had previous success on your own, you're likely to improve rapidly with a little assistance.

  Looking at the Stages of Change

  Any kind of change involves a series of steps or stages. These stages don't necessarily occur in a straight, linear fashion. As we discuss in greater detail in Chapter 2, these stages include

  Pre-contemplation: Not even thinking about change. Obviously, you're not in this stage if you're reading this book.

  Contemplation: Thinking about change but not being ready to do something about it.

  Preparation: Making plans to do something about your problem.

  Action: Meeting the problem head-on.

  Maintenance: Continuing your efforts to deal with your problem.

  Termination: Only a lucky few reach this point; you no longer even have to think about your problem.

  Relapse can occur during any of these stages. For example, you may move back from action to contemplation or even pre-contemplation. Just remember, it's normal. Stepping back for a while doesn't mean that you can't gather the resources to make another run at the problem. Most people who succeed have to try a number of times before they get there.

  Accepting Anxiety

  With this tip, we come full circle — back to the top of the list: Anxiety happens. It will return. Welcome it with open arms. It means that you're still alive! Appreciate the positive aspects. Anxiety tells you to pay attention to what's going on around you. Go with the flow.

  We're not suggesting that you need to feel horrendous amounts of anxiety, but a little anxiety is unavoidable. And anxiety, when not overwhelming, may help mobilize your resources during difficult challenges.

  Chapter 23: Ten Signs That You Need Professional Help

  In This Chapter

  Contemplating suicide

  Slogging through work troubles

  Saying "No" to excessive drug and alcohol use

  Some people find that self-help is all they need. They read about good ways of dealing with their anxiety, and then they apply what they've discovered. Voilà! Their anxiety gradually fades to a manageable level.

  However, no self-help book is intended to completely replace professional help. And anxiety sometimes requires the assistance of a professional, just like complicated tax matters may call for a certified public accountant or deciding to draw up a will may send you to an attorney. We hope you understand that seeking a mental-health professional's assistance is a reasonable choice, not a sign of weakness.

  This chapter tells you how to know whether you should consider professional assistance for yourself or someone you care about. It's not always an obvious decision, so we give you a list of indicators. And if you still aren't sure, you can always talk with your primary care doctor, who should be able to help you decide.

  Having Suicidal Thoughts or Plans

  If you find yourself thinking about harming yourself, get help now. Take these thoughts very seriously. Call the national suicide hotline at 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433). If your thoughts become overwhelming, call 911 and get to an emergency room. Help is available. And when you do access professional help, be honest about your thoughts; hold nothing back. A professional can help gather other options and solutions that seem out of reach when someone is feeling tremendously anxious or depressed.

  Feeling Hopeless

  From time to time, everyone feels defeated. But if you begin to feel hopeless about getting better, thinking that the future looks bleak and you can't do much to change it, get professional help. Feelings of hopelessness put you at greater risk for suicide. You need to know that you can feel better. Let others help you.

  Handling Anxiety and Depression

  You may be experiencing depression mixed with anxiety if you find yourself having some of the following symptoms:

  Feeling sad most of the day

  Losing interest or pleasure in activities

  Change in weight

  Changes in your sleep patterns and habits

  Decreased interest in sex

  Feeling keyed up or slowed down

  Feeling worthless

  Feeling excessively guilty

  Poor concentration

  Thoughts of death

  If you do have anxiety and depression, seek professional help. Depression is a treatable condition. Having the energy to fight both can be hard. You may also want to pick up a copy of our Anxiety and Depression Workbook For Dummies (Wiley).

  Trying to No Avail

  Perhaps you've read this book and given the recommendations your best shot at overcoming anxiety, but for whatever reason, they just haven't worked. That's okay. Don't get more anxious because you didn't get rid of worry and stress. Something else may be going on. Get an experienced mental-health professional to help you figure out the next step.

  Struggling at Home

  You're anxious. The anxiety causes you to be irritable, jumpy, and upset. You hold it together at work and with strangers, but you take it out on the people you care about most, your family. Then you feel guilty, which increases your anxiety. If this sounds like you, a professional may help you decrease the tension at home and ease the pathway to finding peace.

  Dealing with Major Problems at Work

  Maybe you have no one at home to take out your anxiety on, or perhaps home is the haven away from stress. If that's the case, work stress may overwhelm you. If you find your anxiety exploding at work, consider professional help.

  First, anxiety sometimes causes irritability and moodiness with co-workers or bosses; such behavior can cause plenty of trouble. Anxiety can also rob you of your short-term memory, make it difficult to focus, or make decisions feel overwhelming. So if anxiety affects your job performance, get help before you hit the unemployment line.

  On the other hand, if you're out of work, take a look at Chapter 14 for ideas.

  Suffering from Severe Obsessions or Compulsions

  Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) can be serious. See Chapter 2 for more information about OCD. The problem is that people with the disorder often don't seek help until their lives are taken over by unwanted thoughts or repetitive actions. Most people with OCD need professional help. If you or someone you love has more than mild OCD, get professional help. Also, consider reading Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder For Dummies by yours truly (Wiley).