Every Inch of You

by Kayley Loring

  And then I realized I knew that voice.

  I slowly turned around to face him.

  Connor.

  It was him. I barely recognized him. I wasn’t the only one who had lost weight in the past few months, but he didn’t look fit. He looked tired. He looked sad. He was wearing a suit, as usual, but it hung a little loose on him.

  “Hey,” he said. “You look amazing.”

  He was so bereft when he said it, I almost didn’t know if I should thank him or not. “Thank you. Hi.”

  He pulled me in for a hug before I knew what hit me. It was a real hug. A nice hug.

  Before he pulled away, he said, “You look really, really amazing.”

  “Thanks again. How are you?”

  He shrugged. “How are you?”

  I shrugged.

  “I heard you were bringing some hunky sex god to the wedding.”

  “Yeah, he, um…He couldn’t make it. Where’s Langley?”

  “Who?” He was staring at my bare legs.

  “Haha.”

  His eyes snapped back to meet mine. “She couldn’t make it.”

  “Oh.”

  “I moved out last week.”

  “Oh. Sorry.”

  “Are you?”

  I was. I wasn’t mad at him anymore. It felt like another life. He cheated on me in the end, but at least it was a real relationship. He’d loved me, he’d said so, and then he didn’t love me anymore and he told me so. Eventually. After he’d repeatedly banged another woman. But I wasn’t mad at him anymore. “Yeah, I mean, I don’t want you to be miserable.”

  He laughed. “You were always too good to me, Viv…Too good for me.”

  “I agree. Wait, so you aren’t engaged anymore?”

  “That would be a no. Nope. She dumped me. I found out she was cheating on me, actually. Shocker.”

  “Oh. That sucks.”

  “How’s JT doing?”

  “He’s good. He’s always good. The house is good. My job is good. Portland’s good. Did you come with anyone else?”

  “Nah. Meeting up with everyone there. You?”

  “Same.”

  “You got a car?”

  “No, I think I can walk to the inn from the dock.”

  “I’ll give you a lift. I’ve got my car.” He reached for my carry-on bag.

  I hesitated.

  “Just let me give you a ride to the inn. I think we’re all staying at the same place. We have a whole weekend to get through, you’re gonna have to put up with me.”

  I studied his face. He had the humble demeanor of a man who was heartbroken. I just couldn’t quite tell who he was feeling sad about right then—me or Langley. Maybe both. Maybe he was just tired. “Okay.”

  I checked my phone before we went down to the parking deck.

  No messages from Brad.

  My phone battery was at 30%. I’d have to remember to charge it as soon I got to my room.

  Needless to say, there were a lot of confused faces when my family and soon-to-be brother-in-law and his other friends saw Connor and me emerging from his car in the parking area of the inn, without Langley or Brad.

  The last thing I wanted was to cause a stir and take attention away from the beautiful bride, but my sister immediately grabbed my hand and led me up to her room.

  “Tell me everything. Quickly. We have to be at the restaurant soon.”

  “How are you? Do you need me to do anything?”

  “I need you tell me why you’re here with Connor and not Brad.”

  “I’m not here with Connor. I ran into him on the ferry. He said he moved out of her place last week.”

  “What?! I had no idea. If I find out Eric knew and didn’t tell me I’ll kill him.”

  “I’m sure he didn’t tell Eric—you know what Connor’s like.”

  “Yeah. I do. So do you, right? You’re not…”

  “Oh my God. No. NO!”

  “So what happened with Brad?”

  I told her the abbreviated version.

  “No.”

  “Yeah well, he hasn’t called since then, so.”

  “But I mean…You didn’t ask him to explain?”

  “No.”

  “Why not?”

  “I don’t know. Because I’m not you.”

  She kept shaking her head and checking her hair and lipstick in the mirror. “Well. I’m sorry. We were really looking forward to seeing him and seeing you and him together, and seeing you happy.”

  “Don’t worry about me. Seriously.”

  “I do. I can’t help it.”

  “Well, I look good in my bridesmaid dress, so you don’t have to worry about that.”

  She turned to face me and put her hands on my shoulders. “Oh Vivvy, I set up that whole personal trainer thing so that you’d feel great about yourself when you saw Connor and Slutface. I didn’t really care how you’d look in the wedding pictures. Well—I mean I do care, but…God, You’re the most beautiful woman I know. I just wanted you to feel good again. I certainly didn’t expect that it would create even more drama.” She cleared her throat. Twice.

  I hugged her. “Don’t cry.”

  “I’m not going to cry.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you. I want you to be so happy because you so deserve it.”

  “I am, I’m happy for you. Let’s go eat a rehearsal dinner, I’m starving!”

  “Okay,” she said, running the tip of her finger along the bottom of her right eye. “But don’t eat too much. I still want you to look good in that dress tomorrow.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  BRAD

  “Who cares?”

  Larry was jogging on the treadmill when he called me over to talk to him. He said I looked like I’d gotten the shit kicked out of me and asked: “Who started it? You or the woman?”

  I told him she started it and that it was over, and I started to tell him why, and he interrupted and said: “Who cares.”

  “Do you want it to be over?”

  “No.”

  “Then what are you doing about it?”

  “Nothing. She said she didn’t want me to go to her sister’s wedding.”

  “And?”

  “And that’s it. She’s there. I’m here.”

  “Do you want to be there?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Because she doesn’t want me there.”

  “How do you know?”

  “Because she said I probably shouldn’t go. Or that it would probably be best if I didn’t go.”

  “Uh huh. Did you tell her you wanted to go?”

  “No.”

  “There you go.”

  “What?”

  “You should have told her.”

  “But I think she might be messing with me.”

  “Why would she mess with you? You know what—who cares. So what if she was. You wanted to go you should have told her. Women need words. They need to hear them. From you. Every day. It’s a thing. I’m just some old asshole who’s been divorced four times, but I’m also a guy who’s been married four times.”

  “Five times a charm, right?”

  “God-willing.”

  Larry adjusted the speed on the treadmill, picked up his pace. “I’ve seen the girl. I’ve seen how you look at her when she isn’t looking at you. I’ve seen how she looks at you. Just go to her and put it all out there—put your balls on the line! What have you got to lose?”

  Duh. “My balls.”

  He waved his hand dismissively. “If you’re not telling a girl like that how you feel because you’re afraid of losing your balls then you don’t deserve to have them. The girl or the balls.”

  I knew he was right.

  “You want her, go get her. All there is to it. Get outta here.”

  “What are you doing here?” Sebastian walked in. It was early Saturday morning and I hadn’t seen him in a week. “I heard you took the weekend off.”

&
nbsp; “He’s leaving!” yelled Larry.

  “Why do you look like a steaming pile of gorgeous shit?”

  When Sebastian examined my face, I watched his turn from concern to realization to horror to guilt in a matter of seconds. “Oh. Crap. I have to tell you something.”

  He led me back to my office.

  As soon as I shut the door, I said: “Did you fuck a client?”

  “No…Well…We’ll talk about that later. Last week I sort of accidentally let it slip to Vivian about your whole revenge fantasy thing.”

  “My what?”

  “What you told me. About wanting to get her to fall for you and then break her heart like she did to you?”

  “Why would you do that?”

  “I wasn’t thinking—I had a fever—it just came out, it was toxic word vomit. I am so so so sorry! I’ll call her. Should I call her? Tell her I was confused?”

  “No. Don’t bother. I have to tell her to her face that it was true.”

  “Oh.” He looked surprised and impressed. “Bold move, Mitch.”

  “This isn’t a Mitch move,” I said. “I’m definitely Brad now.” I didn’t bother to explain anything to him, because I was out the door to fast.

  After changing into my suit at home faster than Superman, I flew to Seattle (on a plane) and chartered a seaplane to Orcas Island because I couldn’t wait for the ferry. It was a shame, because it was a gorgeous early June day, and prior to a week ago, I had really been looking forward to riding the ferry around the San Juan Islands with Vivian. It’s one of the things I missed most about living in Seattle. It was also a shame, because flying in a seaplane made me so fucking nauseous I wanted to die.

  It was around three-thirty when I got to Orcas Island, and the invitation was for four pm. I still had the information that Vivian had emailed me a couple of weeks ago, so I knew where she was supposed to be before the ceremony started. What I didn’t have was a response from Vivian. I had texted her five times to tell her that I was coming and that Sebastian had just told me what he said to her and I needed to talk to her. I called her five times and left her two messages. It kept going straight to voicemail. I didn’t know if she had gotten the messages or if she was ignoring them. I had no idea what to expect when I found her.

  I definitely did not expect to walk into the lobby of the Inn where the wedding was being held and see Vivian down a hallway with her arms around a guy who was kissing her neck.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  VIVIAN

  I had never seen Connor cry before.

  He had been very friendly, but somewhat reserved at the rehearsal dinner and all day Saturday when we were with the wedding party, posing for pictures. I guess his hands had lingered a little longer than necessary on my arm and my back a few times, but I didn’t think much of it. We were all tipsy here, and weddings do that to people. Then suddenly, when we were heading up to Aubrey and Eric’s rooms, he suddenly let out this little wail and stopped in the middle of the hallway and started sobbing. I had no idea what was happening.

  When he grabbed me and told me that he couldn’t take it anymore, that he felt so bad for leaving me the way he did, and for cheating on me. His whole body was heaving. I was worried that he was having some sort of breakdown.

  “It’s okay, Connor,” I said, rubbing his back. “It’s the past, I’ve moved on. I don’t want you to feel bad.”

  “But you’re such a good person. I’ve been watching you since yesterday and you’re so fucking beautiful and I fucked up so bad. I don’t know what I was thinking, I lost my mind.” He was crying into my neck.

  This was everything I wanted to hear half a year ago, but I just didn’t care anymore. “Connor, the ceremony’s going to start soon. You need to get your shit together.”

  That’s when I looked up and saw a man in a navy blue suit exiting the lobby in a hurry, and I was sure that it was Brad.

  I had to wriggle free from Connor’s grip and push him aside before I could run to the front porch and look around, but I couldn’t see the man in the navy suit anywhere. He had vanished. I had to wonder if I’d imagined it.

  “Brad?” I yelled out his name a few times, but nobody came back around. I was about to step out to the parking lot when my Mom came out from the lobby.

  “There you are—we need to get up to Aubrey’s room. We’re taking pictures, come on.”

  I craned my neck and looked everywhere, but I didn’t see Brad.

  “What’s wrong, Darling? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  Maybe I had. “I’ll be there in a minute, Mom, I have to find my phone.”

  “Now?”

  I ran up the stairs to my room. I didn’t have my purse with me but I was keeping my room card key on the side of my bra. I was hoping to find my phone on the dresser where it was being charged, but alas—I found it in my purse. Totally dead. I’d forgotten to charge it and had been so busy with everyone last night and all day that I didn’t even bring it with me. I frantically plugged it in, but it didn’t come alive.

  There was a knock at my door. It was one of the bridesmaids. “Vivian? Everyone’s looking for you.”

  “Be right there!”

  I counted to ten, but my phone’s screen was still black with the image of the empty battery.

  I left my phone plugged in, and went to Aubrey’s room.

  As much as I was dying to talk to Brad—whether he was there at the Inn or not—I did manage to devote my full attention to my sister and her beautiful wedding. The ceremony was held in the garden on the grounds of the historic inn by the bay. Birds were singing, we could hear the waves beating against the shore, I ignored Connor who was staring at me the entire time, and my sister Aubrey actually cried while Eric was reciting his vows. She basically exploded in a trembling fit of tears and snot and she was a perfect mess. It was incredible. All of the seated guests were taking pictures of her because it was such a rare and marvelous sight to behold.

  It wasn’t until the middle of the dinner party, after I had given my maid of honor speech, when I finally allowed myself to think about Brad again. The sun hadn’t set yet, and the ferries were still running. I considered my options.

  I finally noticed my sister leaning forwards trying to get my attention. “What’s wrong?” she mouthed.

  “Nothing!” I mouthed back. My mouth twitched as I tried to form a smile.

  She gave me that look. That You Know I Know Everything Why Do You Bother Lying To Me You Idiot look.

  I got up and bent down next to her and told her that I thought I saw Brad walking out of the inn when Connor was crying into my neck before the ceremony.

  Her eyes widened. “What the fuck are you doing here? You’ve done your duties—go find him!”

  “But I don’t know for sure if he—”

  “Viv. Go find out for sure. I’ll explain to Mom and everyone, don’t worry about it.”

  I hugged her. “I love you so much.”

  I ran back to my room without making eye contact with my mother so I wouldn’t feel the need to stop and explain things to her. I heard Connor call my name, and I heard my sister tell him to stay put. The DJ was playing Ain’t No Mountain High Enough and my heart was racing even faster than my feet and nothing could keep me from getting to Brad and telling him I loved him no matter what.

  When I got to my phone, it was charged and I could finally see that he had sent me five text messages that he was coming to find me and that he had talked to Sebastian. I saw that he had left two voicemails but I didn’t wait to listen to them. I called him. I didn’t expect him to answer. I was planning to leave a long rambling message. He picked up after the first ring.

  “Hi.” His voice was soft. Hearing it gave me butterflies.

  “Oh my God, Brad. I’m not with Connor, he was crying and I was comforting him!”

  “Oh. Okay. Good.”

  “Where are you? I’m coming to find you.”

  “Did you get my messages?”

  “I
did just now—my phone died last night and—”

  “Right. Okay. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for what you heard from Sebastian and I’m sorry that it was true.”

  “It was?”

  “I’m not going to lie to you. It was true up until it wasn’t. For whatever reason, trying to hate you was the thing that motivated me. Because it was the only thing that could keep me away from you. I didn’t seek you out so that I could break your heart. When you came to me, I…like I said, that idea was the only thing that kept me from losing myself in you all over again.”

  “Again?”

  “You really don’t get it, do you?”

  “You really can’t tell me how you feel, can you?”

  “Oh God, this again?”

  “Sorry. Go on.”

  “Once we started…” His voice lowered. “Once we started sleeping together, I just wanted to be with you, I swear. I need you to believe that.”

  “Okay.”

  “Do you believe it?”

  “Yes. I mean, I don’t like it, but I understand.”

  “It’s not something I’m proud of, believe me.”

  “Where are you?”

  There was a long pause.

  “Brad? Where are you right now?”

  “Open the door.”

  “What?”

  I heard a knock on the door to my hotel room. “Open the door.”

  I dropped the phone, ran to the door, and found the most beautiful man I’d ever seen, in a gorgeous navy blue suit and green tie that matched his eyes. He put his phone in his pocket, grabbed me and kissed me. I never wanted to stop kissing him, ever.

  Finally, he pulled away from me so he could speak.

  He led me back into the room and shut the door before cradling my face in his hands and looking me straight in the eyes.

  “I love you, Vivian. I always have. I was so head over heels in love with you in high school. You’re the only girl I’ve ever loved. I never stopped loving you.”

  I looked at him, disbelieving. “Really?”

  “Of course really. Idiot.”

  “I thought I’d lost you.”