He took a deep breath, time to get to work. Walking round the corner to the West End Hotel, he asked the barman for an old burlap sack.
The barman replied, “What no beer today Jimmy, and very posh we are with that jacket.”
Jimmy could not help grinning, “I have work to do.’
He set to work, gathering the mouldering boards and papers, broken branches, cast off rags and all the other detritus which filled the yard.
He was conscious of not getting his best clothes dirty or smelling like a tramp for his afternoon tea. He stepped back and examined himself. Only a few specks of dirt so far that he could brush off. The burlap bag was already three quarters full.
But the rest would have to wait for tomorrow; he would get to work then in his old clothes. He knew what he would do, tonight he would call to see his Mum and Dad, and ask if he could borrow some tools to fix the house and then start living there. Perhaps they could even lend him a few pounds to buy paint for it; in his mind he pictured the house a soft lemon colour and Maria sitting with him, outside, wearing a sky blue dress.
It was time to go. He suddenly realised that the day had flown. In haste he found his way back to Darling St and the shop, hoping she had waited. The shop was closed and he felt mild panic. He came around the side into the shade. There she was, sitting in her carriage, surveying him with a cool stare; as if assessing whether he had failed his first test.
He just grinned; nothing could spoil his day now. She made space for him to sit alongside her, up front, and headed the horse down Darling St towards East Balmain.
He found himself talking to her, telling her about himself and what he had been doing, his grandmother and how he missed her, the old house and his dreams for it, his rough life and troubles. It all came spilling out. She listened quietly, taking it all in, as if she knew and understood half already.
Finally she said. “My Maria is a bit like you. Her life should have been easy, she was given much. But sometimes that is not enough and you have to find your own way. Sometimes things do not go right. She too has had her troubles, but now she is grown and moving beyond that. She is a good girl but often she wants to fight the world. You and she, I think, could help each other.”
So absorbed was Jimmy that he barely noticed the road. With a start he realised where they were, as they pulled up to a stop in East Balmain. It was just above the cobbled street that led down to the ferry, past the graveyard where his dear grandma, Sophia, was buried.
Again he found himself telling this to Alison, and of how Sophia had been placed there to look out towards where her husband’s ship would come in, even when it never had.
Alison smiled and looked kindly at him. “This I know. She too was my friend when I first came back to Balmain, and I was the lonely one. She told me the awful news on that day when she found out that her husband’s ship was lost, far out to sea. We cried together on that day.
Then I saw you standing there, after all the others had left, when they buried her, and I knew your sadness. My mother, my little brother, my sister and my dearest second grandparents lie next to her. They too loved the view. On that day I could feel your hurt and I felt, perhaps, it was you who would make my Maria happy.
Today, when you did not come back, I feared that you were not strong enough for her and had returned to your drinking. Now I feel I know you better and that you and she will make each other strong.
We will go to our house soon. But first I want you to see another most special house.”
She dismounted from the carriage and led him off Darling St down a small lane to the east where the view opened out to Sydney town. Perched on top of the hill was a weatherboard cottage, with a sandstone fence and lots of roses growing in the front garden.
“This now is my daughter, Heather’s house, where she lives with her two children. But, once, it was my parent’s house and then it was my house. Here I found and knew love, and this house shared it all. It is like the love you feel for the house in which you first lived, and where you hope to live with Maria someday. Now Charles and I live in another house that I love too, but this house will always be most precious for me.”
Jimmy felt a surge of affection for the lady who stood beside him; it was as if they had known each other all of his life.
She turned and took his hand in her own small hand and led him back across Darling Street, to where the land fell away to the other side, down another lane. She passed him the reins to lead the horse as they walked side by side. Around a bend in the lane stood a grand sandstone house, its bulk rooted to the earth and its towering sandstone walls holding up the sky. He saw the name ‘Ocean View’ written on an ornate plate next to the door.
Chapter 14 - Maria
Jimmy looked up at the house in awe. His mother and father lived in a grand house in Montague Street, which perhaps was larger. But this house had a presence which riveted him. It belonged so completely in its landscape, stone rising from stone, honey coloured hues, embedded within its gardens. This house belonged to and completed this land, giving it living continuity.
Through the open front door he could hear a voice singing, it sounded like an Irish folk song. Alison put a finger to her lips. They came along the passage, out into a sun filled room.
She stood, her back to them, small alongside a broad shouldered older man, working side by side on a bench. Sunlight cascaded through her hair, flashes of red and gold. The older man was humming softly but her voice lilted and soared with a pure ethereal beauty.
He and Alison stood transfixed, caught in the joy of the moment. It was like an invisible signal passed between Alison and the man. He straightened, squared his shoulders and slowly turned round. As he saw Alison his face moved from simple contentment, working alongside his daughter, to a full infectious delight as he saw his beloved wife, there, before him. Despite their years love radiated between them like a stream of pure light.
Jimmy saw this but it almost passed him by, so transfixed was he by the glowing hair and song. On her father’s movement Maria stopped and turned, a half smile to her mother and a look of puzzlement that there was another person here as well. Then a burst of radiance as recognition hit her face, frozen by a flash of uncertainty, self-conscious in the moment.
He could not help it, Jimmy just grinned at her with a forlorn puppy grin, completely lost in the moment. Suddenly they were all laughing to hide their mixed joy and embarrassment.
Alison stepped forward to break the moment. “I think you have met before, but this is Jimmy. He has come to see you, to thank you for helping him the other day.”
Another flash of embarrassment by both of them, but Alison continued on. “He brought me a lovely strawberry-cream cake, so I invited him to join us for afternoon tea”. Then, addressing Maria, Alison said, “Perhaps, dear, you would help me set up the tea things.”
Charles stepped forward to shake Jimmy’s hand, a man of power appraising his daughter’s visitor with a searching look. Charles had felt the electricity pass between Maria and this man. Focusing on the scars and half healed cuts on Jimmy’s face, he said “Hah, a man with a penchant for trouble, by the look of that face. Better that than some namby pamby who runs away. Come with me son, I want to show you something while the ladies organise the tea things.”
Jimmy followed him across the house. They stepped out of open double doors onto a sandstone paved terrace that looked down a steep hill to a little cove of water, indented slightly into the steep rocky hillside. Near the shore a small boat was anchored, blue hull, white masts and white furled sails. Painted on the stern in bright red letters was “Alison-Heather-Maria”.
“Named after the three women I love the best” the man said. “I had it built soon after Maria was born. I have taught them all to sail in her. Perhaps one day you will come for a sail in her too.”
Tea was served, all sitting around a table on the sandstone terrace. Suddenly, both shy and not sure where to begin, Jimmy and Maria half looked at each other
from the corners of their eyes, but avoided direct eye contact. Alison and Charles carried the conversation and entertained with light banter from town. The cake was declared a great success. Maria described her purchases for the shop, hesitant and self-conscious.
Then Alison came in, “Do you know who Jimmy is? His grandmother was my dear friend, Sophia, who lived in that lovely little cottage in Smith St. You know, whose husband died in the wreck of the Adelie in that awful storm far out in the Southern Ocean in 71. She died in January this year. She is buried next to Tom and Mary, where she too can look out to the sea.”
Jimmy felt his eyes move to the far horizon as a wistful look came over his face. It was as if this broke the spell. Maria looked at him with sudden softness, the embarrassment gone. “You must still be sad, I can feel that you miss her, even now,” she said.
Then, with a flash of brightness returning to her face, “Would you show me her house? It must not be too far from the Exchange Hotel where I work.”
It was time for Alison and Charles to leave them to sit alone. They both excused themselves and went off.
Suddenly Jimmy remembered. He still had not given Maria the brooch. He said. “I bought something for you to say ‘Thank You’ for the other day.” He stood up to pull the little package out of his pocket and walked over, next to her, to hand it to her.
She stood up to face him, holding out her hand to take it, all the while looking at him with those steady serious eyes. Then, with great delicacy, she carefully peeled back the paper and opened the small cloth bag.
When she looked up there a great fondness in her manner, “Thank you, oh thank you. This is the most beautiful present I have ever been given.” She reached up, on tiptoes, and kissed him gently on the cheek.
For a second they stood facing each other. Then she took his hand and led him down the path to the cove. When they reached the beach she turned to face him again, a luminous light in her eyes.
This time she came right up next to him, her body touching his and reached up for his face, then pulled herself up and kissed him, ever so slowly and gently, on the mouth. “I so wanted to do that when I saw your poor hurt face the other day but I made myself stop. Today I just had to do it.”
He put his arms around her and held her too him. She felt so small and soft and vulnerable against him, as her body melted in to him and she clung to him and pressed herself against him. He wanted to kiss her back, and lifted her face again towards his.
But her eyes were brimming with tears and she stifled a sob. “Oh Jimmy, there is something I have to tell you. I am so scared you won’t like me after it. I can’t help myself from loving you and I want you to love me too. But I can’t pretend everything is alright and tell lies with you.”
Jimmy looked at her with puzzlement and went as if to brush it aside.
“No I mean it, just listen,” she said.
She took a deep breath and sat down on a rock. She made him sit next to her, not touching, just far enough away so she saw all of him clearly. Looking intently into his eyes, she began.
“I was born a long time after my brother and sister and they seemed grown up from when I remember. They were so clever and good at things. Heather was tall and really beautiful, with long dark hair. She was very clever at school, and she was so good at making things. She could make beautiful clothes and she could draw. By the time I was at school she was already selling her clothes for money. Everyone would compare her to Grandma Hannah, who was a famous dressmaker, and say she was just as good. People were forever saying how wonderful she was. Before long she had opened a big millinery shop in the town. She was so beautiful, she always dressed in beautiful clothes and she had lots of money for jewellery, buying things and going out.
“My brother John was just the same, good at everything; school, sailing, making things. He often helped Dad with his new electric machines, and he mixed with lots of other clever, handsome boys. These boys swooned over Heather, always wanting to ask her out or seek her advice. She was always nice to me her small kid sister, and John was just the same.
“But, after a while, I started to feel angry. Why they should get so much attention and so many good things. I felt I was just a plain little mouse; not very clever in lessons, not beautiful or successful. I did not want to be called ‘Nice, Good Maria’, while they laughed at my silliness and dullness.
“It was not that Mum and Dad favoured them, or did not give me things or love me. But I felt the ugly duckling alongside two beautiful swans. I began to behave badly, to get in trouble at school, be rude to teachers, argue with Mum, tell her she was stupid and what would she know.
“One day, when I was fifteen, I went to a party in Sydney with my family, at the Governor’s house. There was a man about ten years older than me. He had been a soldier and sailed on ships. His father was some Lord in England. He was nice to me and danced with me for half the night. He made me feel so special. Mum and Dad were happy to see me having a good time and did not pay too much attention.
“At the end of the night he made me secretly promise to meet him after school the next day, and then the day after. He was witty and charming and would take me to quiet places where we could sit and talk, just the two of us. He would bring me little gifts and hold my hand. And then he would start to kiss me. Before long he was doing things to me, when we met, that Mum and Dad would have got angry about, touching me, stroking me in private places, ‘helping me enjoy my beautiful womanly gifts’, he said.
“One day he arranged for me to come to his rooms in town. There he undressed me and made love to me on his bed. I knew it was wrong but he was so charming and I thought I loved him and he loved me. Next week he was sailing away to Malaya, so he made me promise to come with him.
“On the night, just before the ship sailed and the other sailors came on board, he sneaked me into his cabin. So I sailed away with him. I left a short note for my parents, just to tell them I had gone away, nothing more, that was all. Before they discovered it I was gone.
“I stayed in his cabin and, for a few days, no one knew I was there, but then I got found out. The captain was angry but it was too late to put me ashore and anyway, the Lord, his father, owned the ship. So there really wasn’t anything the captain could do.
“We called at Malaya for a few days and then sailed on to Hong Kong. By then my man had become bored with me. He even offered to let the other men try me out, ‘sample my wares’, he said.
“I locked myself in the cabin and would not let anyone in. When I finally came out I brought a knife and, when one man tried to grab me, I cut him. After that they left me alone, but when we came to Hong Kong two sailors crept up on me, grabbed me and tied my hands. I heard them say that ‘his Lordship’, that’s what they called him, ‘had paid them money to get rid of me, because I was an ungrateful hellcat.’
“So they took me into the town and left me with a madam, Mrs Chan, saying I was a wild one and, if she could tame me, she could have me for nothing. By now it was two months after we had left Sydney and I knew I was going to have a baby, but no one else could tell.
“First Mrs Chan was kind to me and tried to get me to go with men as a favour to her. But I would not. Then she got angry and they fed me drugs so I was half asleep and could not stop it when the men did it. After a while I did not care anymore. So I would just lie there and pretend it was not real while they did their things with me. But I hated it.
“After a couple months Mrs Chan saw that a baby was coming and she did not want to lose me. So, one night, she made me take some medicine, it tasted awful, opium I think. Then three big ladies came into my room and undressed me and held my legs apart. One stuck a long needle thing up inside me, which hurt so much. She poked it around until blood came out, then they left me. A little later I had violent cramps and there, between my legs, was a tiny baby, the size of my finger. I was so sad, so angry and so ashamed, all together.
“They thought I was asleep with the medicine and had not locked
the door. So I put on my clothes and ran out in to the street. A kind old man brought me to an English gentleman’s house. His wife came to the door and knew, almost at once, what had happened.”
Maria had barely drawn a breath as she said all this and her eyes had never left his, and his eyes never left hers. But he felt as though he had been hit by a steam hammer. For a second he broke her stare, he had to think.
She let out a muffled sob. As he looked back at her, her shoulders were shaking. Soon she was sobbing and sobbing.
Jimmy felt too as if his heart would break, but it was not anger at her, just a sharing of such a profound grief. He could feel the broken place that ran through her, much bigger but like the hurt inside him.
He moved right next to her and put his arm around her and held her close, gently stroking her hair, feeling her body convulse against him. “Dear Maria, dear Maria, it’s alright, how could I like you less for this.”
She looked at him with a look that spoke of a mixture of fear and joyous amazement, as if she was scared that he could still like her but so, so wanted it to be true.
Then she took another deep breath. “I must finish, I will never be able to say it again. Even Mum and Dad don’t know the half of it.”
She continued. “I got very sick for a few weeks, they said it was blood poisoning from the dirty needle, but eventually I got better, and the family who cared for me were very kind. They wanted me to stay on with them and write to let my parents know I was safe and then send me back to them. But I was so ashamed.
“Finally I agreed to write a short note to tell my parents I was alright, if they would book me a passage to Melbourne. I so, so wanted to go back to Australia, but I could not bear to face my parents or for them to really know what had happened.
“So I came to Melbourne. I found a job in a dress shop, sewing hems and lace, something that Heather had taught me. I stayed there for a year. Once I tried to write my Mum a letter, as I so wanted to see her and come home. But I could not find courage to post it. So I threw it in the river.
Little Lost Girl Page 10