“One day I was doing an errand, delivering a dress. The boy, whose sister it was for, answered the door. He was someone from my school before and recognised me. He asked me how I came to be in Melbourne and I mumbled some silly reason, but I don’t think he believed me. It turned out he told his mother. She sent a letter to my own mother saying she had seen me in Melbourne, working at a dress shop, asking if everything was alright?
“A month later, just as I was finishing work, there were Mum and Dad waiting for me, standing outside the shop. I cried and cried and they held me tight and finally I could tell them some of what happened, about the man and going to Hong Kong, but not about Mrs Chan and the baby and the needle. They brought me home and showed me they loved me more than ever, and now, after another year, I start to feel better, and be able to help my Mum in the shop and even serve in a parlour.
“But, when the men look at me in that funny way, I know what they want to do to me and I get all scared inside and want to run away. So I act angry with them just to show I am not scared.
“Then you come and look at me with those big sad eyes, and that puppy dog face. I see that you are scarred and broken a bit too, and I can’t help but love you a little and want to hold you and make you better.
“Then I see you lying in the corner and your face is a mess, and the men tell me they caught you cheating and what you got serves you right. I have to help you and as I help you I just want to kiss and love you.”
Finally she stopped talking, all her words were said, and she felt like a broken kernel with just a tiny seed of hope. Even if he did not really love her she had told the worst and told it all. In the telling a bad part of it was gone.
But he did not leave her, he just sat there looking at her and smiling his sad happy smile. “If I wanted I could not stop loving you, even if it cut my heart out.”
She moved in again, close to him and he held her and he held her, and still he held her, as the light slowly faded out to the west. In the dusk they walked up to the house, knowing that their souls were joined and their new life together begun.
Alison knew in a glance that all was well and rushed over and hugged them both tightly. “Welcome to our family Jimmy,” was all she said.
To Charles she said, “I want to sit and talk with Maria a small while. Can you bring Jimmy up to the town in the carriage?”
For most of the way Charles and Jimmy rode together in silence. Then finally, as they came close to the town lights, Charles said. “Seeing how you look at Maria brings to mind how I first looked at Alison all those many years ago.”
Then, a minute later, he said. “Where is it to, lad?”
Jimmy started from his reverie. First he thought to direct him to the boarding house in the docks. Then he said. “My Mum and Dad live in that big house on Montague, near the corner with Darling. I have much news for them. Could you drop me there, please?”
Back at the house Alison sat with her arm around Maria. First they sat in silence. Then Maria turned to her with shining eyes and said. “Oh Mum, I told him all and at first I thought my heart would break. But he just sat there and listened and looked at me with those big sad eyes, and then he put his arms around me and held me tight and I knew it would be alright.
“O Mum, I just want to burst with happiness that he doesn’t hate me. I want to make him so happy too. I have been so scared since you invited him to visit at the shop, but it is better now.”
Next day Maria worked with Alison at the shop. In the mid-afternoon, getting near to closing time, the door opened. There was Jimmy, flushed with exertion and holding a flower for them both. He looked at Maria and said. “You said you wanted to see the house. I was hoping when you finish for the day that you would come with me and I could show you.”
Maria wanted to stay and help her mother lock up but Alison shooed them. So they walked along, Maria lightly holding his arm.
Jimmy had spent all day fixing, cleaning, tidying and sweeping. He had enlisted his mother and father to help as well. His Dad had called on Jim Roberts from down the road and, before the sun was well up, they were at it. His Dad set too, with hammer and nails inside, fixing loose boards and patching holes, while Jim and Jimmy worked at the outside, cleaning and straightening gutters, re nailing shingles, trimming branches and removing the rubbish. Rosie cleaned the floors and polished the windows. By lunch their work was done and they left Jimmy to do the finishing touches. He decided to start all over and re-clean everything, just to be double sure. By three o’clock the house shone like a new pin. All it needed was a new coat of paint and some fresh flowers to grow in the front garden.
With aching muscles and raw hands, he headed up the hill to the shop. Passing Mrs Jones’ house he saw she had several red roses in full bloom in the front yard. A quick jump over the fence and he picked the two best.
As he was leaving he looked over his shoulder. She was looking at him and wagging her finger. “Ah, Jimmy Williams, tis for ye new sweetheart, tis it? Tis talk of the town. Mind you tell her they are my very best.”
Coming back along the street all the neighbours were out to see. “Good day, Jimmy,” “How ye doing Mr Jimmy,” “Coming back to the old house, so I see.” Jimmy doffed his hat and Maria smiled and nodded politely. Jimmy opened the door with a flourish and they stepped inside.
Coming into the passage, Jimmy steered her to the front room with the fireplace. “My grandmother, Sophia’s, favourite room”, he said. “She would hold court here and all the neighbourhood gentlemen and ladies would call to visit. Often I would sit with her for hours, just quietly telling stories and reminisces, while we watched the life pass in the street.”
Maria came up to him and lay her head on his chest. This will be our new Sophie’s room. When you make a girl baby inside me I will call her Sophie and this will be her room.
She walked over to the window and pulled closed the curtains. In the half-light she unbuttoned her dress and pulled him against her breast, then placed her hands under his shirt and stroked his back and belly. “Will you love me now, and fill me with you.”
On a rug, on the timber floor, they joined their bodies just as they had joined their souls in that last evening. Two months later he placed a gold ring on her finger in the Catholic Church at the top of the hill. While he cared little for any church he knew that this was what his grandmother, Sophia, would have wanted.
As they lay together, in their Balmain house on their wedding night, two months later, Maria placed his hand on the soft skin of her belly. “Already I know that a new life has begun in there,” she said.
Chapter 15 - 1900-1901 - Plague and Celebrations
As Maria and Jimmy settled into their married life in Smith St there was much ado in Sydney. It was like two cities, those who lived in the big houses and those who lived in squats, often ten to a little house, and then some, like themselves, in the middle. Down around the White Bay docks, where the poor people lived, the stench was awful. Often these streets were soiled with excrement. Sometimes beggars from there would walk along their street, seeking little things, though mostly the police kept them to their part.
But all mixed at the football games at Birchgrove Oval, where all shouted together for the team with the orange and black stripes. Maria and Jimmy would go to all the games. Sometimes they would go and stand with the nobs, where Mike and Rosie stood and, at times, Charles and Alison came there too. But best Jimmy liked to go with his friends from the docks. Maria loved the wild rough way they all cheered and heckled
“Doon you know how to catch the ball you yoosless Mick. Give it to that Kiwi winger there, at least he can run straight, Hit him hard man, knock him flat, clobber him, doon let that big Pom run over you.”
Many had met Maria while working at the Exchange. They knew better than to cross her and also knew that she did not give a toss about all their cussing and swearing.
The plague was now sweeping Millers Point but had yet to be seen in Balmain. They said it was the rats t
hat spread it and these were plentiful at the bottom of the hill where most workers lived. Balmain lived in fear that it would come to them soon. Jimmy was scrupulous in trying to keep rats away from their house. He set traps, he had a big tabby cat he fed out the back and he always made sure there were no scraps lying around. But they knew it could come anytime and before long there was a case and then there was another, and soon new rows of graves stood in Leichardt cemetery.
For Jimmy and Maria neither this, nor the hard life of their friends, nor anything else, could spoil their happiness. Each Sunday they went to church and gave their alms. Whenever they saw poor people in the street they tried to help them, even if their stink was terrible. They knew that they both could have been there too. They listened, with gratitude filling their hearts, as the priest exhorted that charity begins at home.
Maria’s belly, which at first had hardly shown, was now there for all to see. The bigger it grew the prouder Jimmy was. She could have sworn he most liked her to wear dresses which showed it when they went out walking.
Sophie came early, just 6 months after they were married. She was small, but perfectly formed; dark hair like her grandmother, Rosie, but her eyes came from Maria. Even though not big she was full of fight and sucked her mother’s breast strongly.
Maria marvelled at how perfect she was and the wonder of her birth after what had been done to her insides. But since she met Jimmy she had never doubted it would be thus, that each could repair the other’s broken body and make it whole again.
Sometimes she wondered at her lust for him. After all those brutal men she never thought she would find such pleasure in a man again. But he had only to look at her, like he did on that first afternoon in the house, and she was overwhelmed by her desire for him. Even after he lay back, spent, she wanted him to do it all again, to again feel his body move in her and quench her need. And he was just the same. Whenever he looked at her and she looked back at him it was like a fire was lit in his body, so powerful was his desire for her, in the boat, on the beach, walking in the forest. They laughed together at how quickly the passion could come on and at all the places and times in which it was enjoyed. Even big with Sophie it was the same, an ache, desire, then fire, ecstasy and the release.
Now there was much work to be done. They repainted the house in the lemon yellow of the frangipani centres, they replanted the garden, they built a cot for Sophie. Alison’s business was booming with work for both of them. Jimmy spent many hours there; serving customers, collecting orders. Now and then came special days when they went off to Sydney town together, to search the boats, stalls and shops for new special gift items.
As 1900 drew to a close they celebrated their second Christmas together, and their first with baby Sophie. After church at St Augustine’s they walked to East Balmain where they ate a roast turkey dinner with Alison and Charles and all their other children and grandchildren.
With their baby being the newest and smallest they were treated as most important guests, with special gifts for Sophie; a music box from her grandmother to soothe her to sleep, a boat on a string to hang over her cot from her grandfather, a set of beautiful hand sewn clothes from her aunt, a cup and plate engraved with her name from her uncle, and little toys from all her cousins. Maria saw, with startling clarity, that this was what was best in life, this simple pleasure of being part of a family growing and sharing life and love together.
Now that her hurt was past she felt as if everything was a special gift from God and wondered with amazement at how she had reached this place. She knew that without the pain she would never have met Jimmy and that he and her had something even better together than her sister and brother did, although they seemed happy too. The closest to match it was her Mum and Dad but, by coming past the pain and mending each other, it made it even better for her and Jimmy.
That night they walked back to the big house in Montague Street, to be with Rosie and Michael. It was again a special family occasion. But here, as well as family, there were many other guests. All were agog with the news of the Federation, the start of Australia, soon to become its own country, not just a group of colonies.
There was only a week left until the big parade where it became official in Hyde Park. Up to now this had largely passed Maria and Jimmy by. Now they felt this excitement catch them too. After they came home together, late into the night, and tucked little Sophie into her cot, they sat on the front verandah, in the night stillness, inhaling fragrance of the frangipani.
Jimmy turned to Maria and said, “You know I used to think Federation stuff was all a load or rubbish and had naught to do with me. I reckoned the way my Mum and Dad banging on about it, it was all was just cobblers.
“But that was before I grew up and took on responsibility. Now I feel I understand why our country needs to grow up too and leave old mother England behind. It’s just the same as how we can’t live with your Mum and Dad, even though they have plenty of room and would love to invite us, and I think they are the best people in the world.
“But this is our life and we have to live it for ourselves.”
For Maria these words made so much sense, it was almost exactly the same ideas she had, first starting with the lunch and then becoming clear in her mind with the dinner. This was their time now and their country’s too.
Jimmy went on, almost as if apologetic for saying so much. “I’ve been thinking. You know how I mostly hate marches and such. But I really think we should go anyway, it like us and the country saying the same thing together.”
So they went, holding up Sophie to let her see as they stood along Park Street, watching as the grand parade passed them by. They felt so proud seeing their country grown up alongside them. When the parade was over they gave Sophie to Maria’s parents, who had stood alongside them.
Then, holding hands and laughing with the fun of it all, they walked around the city, part of a vast throng of happy people, differences forgotten and joined for one special day. As the night came they found themselves swept along with the crowd, moving down George St to Circular Quay where the whole town was a party. So they joined the others; cheering and dancing, till the night was past and the new day had come.
As the weeks passed it seemed that something was changed forever for both them and their new country. They really were Mr and Mrs Williams, the family, and their country had its own new name that everyone was using, more and more, Australia, and they who belonged to it, Australians.
1901 rolled along, and now they were busy again with their lives. Jimmy seemed to have a flair to match her Mum at spotting beautiful things, and Maria realised she had this talent from her Mum as well, that instinctive knowledge of beauty and that ability to see it, as through other eyes. She could look at a person and know, almost before asking, what they needed, what would suit them and what they most desired. She had often thought her Mum a bit fey, a mind reader or mystic. Now she could feel these same skills growing in herself; a thread running between her and her mother.
Still Jimmy felt he needed to do more; it was as if she had unlocked all his restless energy and given it focus. When he could find time he worked with his father and Jim in the building firm, which again prospered. He took great delight at the texture and form of things his hands made.
One day he showed her a ceiling he had made, fashioned from a mould in the workshop, now suspended in a grand house. It was made with pressed metal, and worked into exquisite shapes, flowers, leaves and little wave like patterns flowing across the plaster.
“Did you fashion all that yourself,” she said. “It’s a work of art in plaster.”
He nodded shyly.
“Could you make us a ceiling like that, to go into our sitting room. When I look at what is there now, after seeing this, it seems rather plain.”
Two weeks later it was in place.
Now, on hot afternoons, as Maria felt drowsy and her belly swelled again with a second child, she lay back and stared in delight at his truly wonderf
ul workmanship, her mind transported into the picture he had made especially for her.
Chapter 16 - 1905-1908 – Balmain’s Children
Sophie raced down the street like a wild urchin, dark hair streaming behind. Chasing her was Matty McNeil, her best friend, almost two years older, their birthdays only a month apart. Today was a special day. It was her birthday. Her Mum had read her a story about someone who was five and how grown up they were, and now she was five too. For a present today her Dad gave her a three wheeler trike; he had made it himself. It had pedals and round wooden wheels and a basket on the back to carry her work things. He had painted it bright red, her favourite colour.
Tonight there would be a party, and her Grandma Alison and Grandpa Charles would be there. Grandma Rosie and Grandpa Mick would have come too, but they were away on a trip, gone to somewhere with a long name that she couldn’t quite remember it. They would be back soon and perhaps they would bring her some presents too.
She loved her Grandma Rosie too but Gran Alison was best. She could tell when she looked into your eyes what you were really thinking. And at times, when Mummy and Gran Alison and her all looked at each other together, they all knew what each was thinking. It sounded a bit complicated (now that was a big word for a little girl – or so her Daddy often said), but sometimes it was easier to understand things like that than explain them. With the three of them it was like you could pass your thoughts across to each other and they could see them too.
The only other person she could do that with, just a tiny little bit, was Matty, but he was too nice and sometimes she did not want him to see what she was thinking, most especially if she was trying to trick him or be mean. Plus, she wanted to marry him when she grew up. She certainly did not want him to know that, or perhaps he would forget to ask her, ever so politely.
Little Lost Girl Page 11