Sealed In Strength

by Ryan Michele

  Inside I felt lost. Not for Sophia, but for my boy. I really had no idea how to help him since my grief was still right on the surface. And the added mix of Rylynn, my son was going to blow. And blow hard. It was up to me to figure out how this would go and how it needed to be handled.

  Fuck, I didn’t even know how to tell a child his mother was gone from his life forever. There was a war raging inside of me. My eyes locked onto his. I could see the lines that matched Sophia’s. My mind went back, the way she smiled and had a small not quite formed dimple on her left cheek, the same one she gave my son. The way his eyebrows arched like mine, but his lashes she used to say were the things women dreamed of. She loved him. I loved him. He was born of love, and his life was a testament to what once was. How would he ever understand? I heaved out a huge sigh and gave it to my boy straight because frankly, there was no way to soften this blow.

  “There was a large fire in a building across town.” His eyes didn’t move from mine. “Your mom… Well, Greer, Sophia was inside the building when it went up in flames.” I paused so he could take in what I was about to say. “She didn’t come back out.”

  Greer jumped to his feet, the chair falling backward and crashing to the ground. “Bullshit! Where is she!” he yelled, pain and anger wrapping themselves around him tight. “She wouldn’t leave me! She wouldn’t leave you! She wouldn’t do anything where she couldn’t be with us!”

  “Son. I just told you.” I swiped my hand over my face. “She didn’t get out.”

  “No. Just no!” He gripped on to the sides of his head pulling his hair out from his scalp as he started pacing the room. His face was flushed red. Sweat beads formed on his temples. Tears pooled but didn’t fall from his eyes. Rising, I made my way over to him, but his focus was on the floor. The room felt smaller, but maybe it was the way the air had thickened around him. He was closed off, shutting down.

  Breaking.

  Shattering.

  I understood it.

  I hated it because he didn’t know. He didn’t know the other side to his mom. He didn’t know the venom in her veins.

  Fuck, I didn’t know. I still struggled to wrap my head around it. How could I make him understand something I myself didn’t?

  Now, Rylynn carried the weight of what happened. Now, I carried the truth, the truth that was going to cut him deep. And my son, my son carried the weight of his loss.

  A loss no boy should face.

  A loss no one could ease.

  A pain no one could erase.

  “She loved you.” The words came out strangled as I tried to let him see, let him feel, she truly did love him.

  “I know that!” he spat, turning his back to me and moving to the opposite side of the room. “How you know she didn’t get out? She could’ve.”

  This was going to be the hard part.

  Explaining.

  Walking the line of the betrayal I felt while protecting my son. My flesh, my blood, my world stood in front of me, and I was about to forever scar him. My gut twisted. My chest hurt.

  “Have a seat, and I’ll tell you what happened.”

  “The truth,” he bit out, and I nodded. There were a few beats that passed before he sat on the couch. I took the recliner. Close to him, but not far.

  “Greer, you’re not a little boy anymore. You’re a man. Not quite grown, but you’re gettin’ there. I’m not gonna lie to ya. I’m gonna give this to you as real as it gets. You’re gonna get mad, son. I want you to hear me out.” I took a breath.

  “Tell me, Dad.” His frustration shown in every word.

  “Your mom was going through a rough time, and her decisions weren’t thought through with a level head. Sometimes—”

  “Tell me!” he cut me off.

  This was the one situation where I’d allow him to yell at me. He had anger that needed to come out in a healthy way. After he knew everything, I’d give him tools for that. Or at least try to.

  “I have never lied to you. So take in my words, son.” Taking a moment, then I began. “Your mother kidnapped Rylynn from my house.” His head started shaking because he didn’t believe me, but it needed to be out there. He needed to hear it. “She was angry. She was reactive. Her plan was to kill Rylynn, trap me and my brothers, then set the building on fire with us all in it. This plan backfired.”

  “That’s not true. Mom wouldn’t do something like that.”

  He loved his mom. He was loyal to his mom.

  He was my son.

  Fury danced in his eyes.

  I stuck to my guns because there was no other choice. Rylynn was right about telling him. This shit would already scar him. Imagine if he found out years from now that we hid it from him. That would be devastating. “No way in fuck I’d be makin’ this shit up, Greer. Fuckin’ hate the words comin’ out of my mouth for you. Hate all this shit for you, for me, and hell, even for your mom. This is not how the fuck I wanted shit to be, Greer. You know me better than that.”

  He got up from the couch and started pacing again. “How’d it backfire? I want to know, Dad. I want to know it all.”

  Motherfucker. I knew he wasn’t ready for that. Fuck, I sure wasn’t ready, and I was a grown ass man. “People, Greer. People get lost in their desires, in their thoughts. People get blinded by jealousy and envy. I’m not makin’ excuses for anyone—not me, not your mom, not Rylynn—just wantin’ you to have a clear picture of what happened. Your mom, she talk about us gettin’ back together?”

  He nodded but didn’t speak.

  “She wanted shit she knew she couldn’t have. She wanted somethin’ only because it was no longer hers to have. You may not understand it, son, but she got twisted over an idea she really didn’t even want. I think inside you know that as much as I do.”

  “How did it go wrong?” Greer asked sternly, not giving me an inch.

  “She got tied up with some bad people. With those people she made a plan. A plan to hurt me and my club. She wanted to punish me and punish my club. Rylynn was collateral. When she couldn’t find a way to bring me down, she targeted her, using her.

  “Your mom, she came to my home. The home I opened to Rylynn as her own and, son, your mother knocked Rylynn out and took her. Rylynn was a pawn in her master game. When Rylynn came to she was in a building, and your mom was there with her people. They were talking and laid out their plan. Rylynn had to react based on the facts in front of her.”

  “So Rylynn did this? Rylynn is the reason my mother didn’t make it out!” His voice got tighter with every word. Anger burning so hot it felt like the room would implode. “It came down to Rylynn and my mom, and she made sure she came out and my mom didn’t!”

  “No, your mother’s choices are why she didn’t make it out.”

  “Fuck you!” he bit out at me.

  For a moment, I wanted to react. For a split second in time, I wanted to reach out and teach my son a lesson in respect. On how he did not treat his father. I didn’t.

  I knew his pain.

  I knew the loss of a parent.

  I knew his devastation.

  I knew the agony that burned inside my very soul.

  He would have this part of him that would forever be broken. The core of himself feeling shattered.

  Betrayed.

  Confused.

  “Greer,” I remained calm, “stand down, son. You asked for the truth. As a man, I’m givin’ you the ugly truth. I don’t like it, but like history, you can’t rewrite it. It’s solid in stone. Now sit your ass down and listen like a man.”

  He paced the space once more. The air was thick between us. Him pushing me and my patience for his attitude was wearing thin. Rylynn was not the enemy here, and he needed to understand that shit. It would take awhile for him to fully get it, but he needed to hear this out. Finally, he sat and I felt my tension ebb a bit.

  “Mom wouldn’t cross you.”

  I shook my head knowing how very wrong he was, but also knew that she engrained that shit in his head o
ver the years. Telling him that we would all be a family and making my boy want that too.

  “Wanted to believe that too, son. Really, trusted your mom with everything I had. She got blinded and was caught up in her head, but it wasn’t reality. Me and your mom, we would never work. We knew this when you were little. The club is my life, always has been. The club was not for her.

  “She was the kind of woman a man builds a house for and fills it with babies. She was the kind of woman who needed a man who came home every night at five to eat dinner at the table. I am not that kind of man, Greer. Your mom and I worked once, when we were young and the future looked bright. Reality was we grew into adults who did not work together. There was no hope for us to reconcile. Desperate people make mistakes. Your mom lost her way, and in desperation she made a mistake.”

  “Rylynn,” he said her name laced in disdain.

  “Rylynn is a strong, beautiful woman. Your mother underestimated her. Your mom used the love and passion she knew I felt for Rylynn as a way to lure me and my club in. She would have taken us all out if Rylynn hadn’t stepped in.”

  “Then why is Rylynn still breathin’ and my mom isn’t, huh, Dad? You used to say my mom was strong, my mom was beautiful.”

  I shook my head. “Once upon a time she was. Then, son, she wasn’t. I don’t know where shit changed or when, just that it did. Rylynn was put in a situation to save me and the club, or save Sophia. She loves me, son, and she chose me and my club. She risked her life, health, future, everything to keep you from losing everything.”

  There, I said it, but the relief didn’t come.

  His glare locked onto mine. The fire in his eyes was intense, but he needed to put that shit down to a smolder.

  “I lost everything.”

  His words burned. They cut deeper than any knife searing on my soul for eternity.

  “Not gonna tell you that you’re wrong,” I choked out. “Not even gonna argue. Right now, in this very moment, you have lost everything. In time, I hope you’ll see you also won your freedom. There is no more being a pawn in her game. No more lashing out at my woman because you feel some need to protect your mom. No more Simons coming into the house poking through shit. No more drama. And if you forever feel like you’ve lost everything, well, then I haven’t done my job as your dad, and I failed you. But, Greer, you should know, I don’t fail. So mourn your loss. Grieve. Hold onto your pain, and then let that shit go because there was no other outcome where you didn’t lose a parent in this situation. And know it like you know your fucking name—your dad, he didn’t go after your mom. She came for me and mine. She paid that price and, son, so do you. I’m sorry for that. I am, but no one ever touches what’s mine, no matter who the fuck they are.”

  The tears began to roll down his face.

  I stood.

  He stood.

  I reached out and pulled my boy to me. He was tall, but not built yet. He waited a beat and wrapped his arms around me.

  “I hate Rylynn,” he muttered.

  “No, you hate the world.” I pulled back to make him look at me. “Get you’re hurt. I’ll carry your pain, son, every fuckin’ ounce of it. Hate the world. Hate me, but don’t hate Ry when she did everything she could to keep me safe. There was no other option. On my fuckin’ word, Greer.”

  He rolled his shoulders back and tried to contain the tears. I got a small, almost unnoticeable nod. “I don’t have to like her.”

  “For now,” I replied honestly, giving him that play. Rylynn and Greer needed time together. He would see she had everything good to give my boy.

  “I hate the world,” he whispered before I tucked him to me again.

  “I know you do, son. I fuckin’ know it.”

  After leaving Greer, I went to Sophia’s ex, Armand, and told him. Thank Christ I didn’t have to break it to Sophia’s little girl too.

  We pulled up to the house and into the driveway. There were bikes and cars lining the road, the lights were on, and people could be seen through the windows.

  “Not sure I’m ready for a full out party, Grizzly,” Pixie said, looking out the window to the house. “Hope they don’t expect me to cook because that shit ain’t happenin’.”

  I chuckled. Fuck, I missed this. Her smartass mouth. She gave me a few licks in the hospital, and I drank them up. But she hadn’t been her full self yet. It would take time. “Didn’t you know. You’re on barbecued chicken.”

  “Well that shit’ll be burned,” she said the words and closed her eyes. Reaching over I squeezed her hand, and she gave me a soft smile. “You’re safe.”

  “It’s not me, Crow. Greer is inside that house. As much as I despised his mother, there’s guilt there. While her actions caused it, it was me who did it. It’s me who has to look Greer in the eyes and know that behind them, he hates me just as much as I did her.”

  Giving her another squeeze, it was written all over her face. Normally, she could put on this mask so no one around her would know what she was feeling. This, she was feeling. And doing it deep.

  “Ain’t gonna lie, gave the boy a pass. Told him he didn’t have to like you, but he gets it as much as he can at that age. It’ll take time. He won’t be disrespectful. He’s grieving, but he understands he can’t be an ass. We’ll make this work.”

  “How?” She paused taking a deep breath and rolling her shoulders back. “Never mind.” She seemed to get a new resolve. “We’ll figure it out.” She opened the door. “Can you help me out please?”

  The strain in the house would be difficult, but if anyone could handle it, it would be Rylynn. “Yeah.”

  Getting out and carrying her to the door, I kicked it twice and it flew open. Van stood there, eyes wide. “Daddy! Rylynn!” She made a move to come at us and I lifted Rylynn higher so Van wouldn’t knock her.

  That was when we walked into what I liked to call organized chaos. There was so much tension in Rylynn, but as she saw her parents, her club and mine, she started to relax.

  Once I placed her on the couch with her foot elevated on a chair in front of her, she was busy talking to everyone. I left her to it.

  Greer hadn’t come out of his room, and as I made my way down to the door, it was locked. Using my fist, I banged on it. A few beats later, Greer opened it pulling off a set of Beats.

  “Need you to come out. There are some people here who want to meet you.”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  “Yes. This is family. Some you haven’t met.”

  His eyes narrowed. “My family is dead. My grandpa is buried, and my mom burned alive. That was all I had.”

  My mouth opened to retort when I heard, “Crow,” from behind me. It was Cruz. I turned to him.

  “Yeah.”

  He lifted his chin to Greer. “Let me talk to him.”

  How this would play out, I did not know. But it wouldn’t be any worse than what I’d said so far. He was a good man, and I trusted him. That was before I knew he was my father. I wasn’t sure how a talk from a long, lost grandfather would go, but we’d see because I was running out of options. Parenthood didn’t come with a fucking manual and, as a biker, it damn sure didn’t have a playbook to follow.

  “By all means.”

  “What?” Greer barked out as Cruz came at me, pushed Greer in the door, and it shut behind them. To be a fly on that wall.

  Turning on my boot, I went back to the party.

  29

  Rylynn

  The night wore on, and all the insecurities from seeing Greer seemed to settle. I introduced everyone to Ash, Tex’s daughter, and we sat around laughing. It was fun and kept my mind off of everything surrounding me.

  It wasn’t until later in the evening when Greer came out of his room with Cruz behind him that I knew my time for reckoning was coming. Not one of the people I killed did I feel guilt for. Not even Sophia. The guilt laid in the fact that it was Greer feeling that pain.

  His eyes came to mine and closed as he took in a deep breath. When the
y opened, he just looked at me for a moment and went off to meet some of Sumner Ravage, now his family.

  He didn’t give me words, and I knew it would always be between us, but looking back I wouldn’t have changed my decision. It was them or me. I chose me. In choosing that, this was my consequence.

  Greer didn’t come around me the entire night staying away from the living room. It was for the best. If he was going to blow up at me, I’d rather he did it in private. Especially not with my father around.

  He was young.

  He was in pain.

  His eyes, they haunted me. They reminded me of the day Crow came from the clubhouse. I read his pain. I felt his pain. I let his pain, our pain, fuel the fire of passion between us.

  Now, now we were sealed in strength.

  His son didn’t have to like me, but I was tough, and I wasn’t walking away. Crow was it for me. I knew I would never have a love stronger than this. We were unbreakable, unshakable, and somehow, even with Greer’s pain, we would get through this too.

  “Are you sure about this?” Always, I’d stand beside my man. Being at his ex’s memorial service, whom I happened to have killed, was on a different spectrum. Crow and I had a very heated conversation about my attendance.

  Greer didn’t come near me at all yesterday, now I was here for his mother’s service. I wondered if he needed space. If he needed time to come to terms with what had happened. I wondered if at any moment he would turn and be in my face.

  He would never say, oh I understand. Because for the rest of his life, he wouldn’t.

  “Yes,” Crow said decisively as he pushed my wheelchair up to the front of the funeral home.

  I felt out of place. Unwanted. Unliked.

  Those feelings were unusual for me because I always rolled with life. This was Crow’s kid though. He’d always be his kid no matter what. Maybe after years had passed, we’d be able to work it out. Or maybe not.

  Only time would tell.