Elusive Love

by K. A. Robinson

  She looked away, but I’d seen that her face was troubled.

  “What we did last night, it—”

  I cut her off, “Don’t even say it. Whatever thoughts are running through that mind of yours, you have to realize it wasn’t a mistake.”

  She turned back toward me with an angry look on her face. “I wasn’t going to say it was a mistake, asshat. I was going to say that it was the best night of my life, but then you had to go and ruin my speech.”

  “Oh,” I said, feeling like an idiot.

  “Yeah, oh.” She sighed. “Why did you wake me up so early?”

  “I thought you might need to leave.” I held up my hands in surrender, not wanting her to take that the wrong way. “Not that I want you to leave. I just wasn’t sure if you had somewhere you needed to be.”

  She shook her head. “My mom will demand to know where I’ve been when I get home, I’m sure, so I think I’ll avoid going back there until later today when Joey brings Amelia back. My day is completely free.”

  I grinned. “So, what would you like to do today then?”

  “Honestly? I think I’d like to sleep for a few more hours.” She smiled at me. “Here, in this bed with you. I’m not ready to face the big, bad world again just yet.”

  My grin widened. “I think that’s doable.”

  I pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her naked waist. We lay there together, tight against each other.

  For a moment, I let myself imagine that this was our life instead of something we had to hide from everyone. I imagined waking up every goddamn morning with my arm wrapped around Caley. She would be the first person I saw every single day for the rest of my life. To me, that sounded like pure fucking heaven.

  Neither of us was rich. In fact, we were pretty much both borderline dirt poor. Most people would have looked at the life I imagined and scoffed. I knew we’d never have an amazing life filled with the finer things. We’d never have brand-new cars or a huge house.

  And I was okay with that because I would have Caley…and Amelia. That would be far better than anything else I could imagine. Time would give me exactly what I wanted. All I needed to do was be patient.

  We didn’t crawl out of bed until well into the afternoon after I’d finally convinced myself that I couldn’t sleep any longer. Feeling positively disgusting, I asked Ethan if I could take a shower. He let me borrow a shirt of his along with a pair of boxers, and then he sent me into the bathroom while he threw my clothes in the washer for me.

  I took my time in his shower, trying to come to terms with what had happened last night. I’d had sex with Ethan. It had been mind-blowing sex, the best I’d ever had. He’d made me feel like the most beautiful woman on this planet. I was ashamed of what pregnancy had done to my body, but he’d pushed my worries aside, like they were nothing.

  He’d taken the time to show me that I was sexy in his eyes. Plain old Caley was sexy and cherished.

  The warm feeling from last night hadn’t left me. I felt as if I was practically glowing with happiness. For the first time that I could remember, I didn’t despise my body. My stretch marks no longer felt like they had neon signs and flashing lights around them, making them stand out even more than they already did.

  In one night, Ethan had helped me learn to love myself just a little bit.

  Once I finished with my shower, I climbed out and dried off. I dressed in my borrowed clothes and ran one of Ethan’s combs through my hair to get the tangles out. Once I felt human again, I left the bathroom and headed back into the bedroom.

  Ethan was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at his phone with a frown. I stepped closer, curious to see what was wrong.

  “Everything okay?” I asked.

  He turned to look at me as he slid his phone into his pocket. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

  “What was up with your phone?” When he gave me a questioning look, I explained, “I saw you frowning when you were reading something.”

  He shrugged. “Danielle texted me.”

  My mouth popped open in shock. With everything going on, I’d completely forgotten about the girl who had set all of this in motion.

  “I forgot about her,” I admitted. “Bad time to ask, but have you ended things with her?”

  He rolled his eyes. “No, I’m still taking her on dates while sleeping with you.”

  “I had to ask,” I said, ignoring his sarcastic tone.

  “I wouldn’t do that to you,” he said simply.

  “What did you tell her?” I asked. “When you ended things, I mean.”

  “There really wasn’t much to end. I just told her that I wasn’t feeling it, so I thought it would be best if we went our separate ways.”

  “I’m sure that went over really well,” I muttered, feeling slightly guilty over the fact that Danielle had gotten the short end of the stick because of me.

  “She was…upset,” he said, his tone making it clear that upset was an understatement.

  “Will she be a problem for you?”

  He shook his head. “Nah. She texted me to see if we could hang out as friends, but I told her no. She didn’t have a meltdown.”

  “Good,” I said, relieved. “We don’t need to add more tension to our already precarious situation.”

  “It’ll be fine,” he assured me.

  “I keep telling myself that. Maybe if I say it enough times, it’ll come true,” I joked.

  He stood. “I’m starving, and I’m sure you are, too. Food is pretty much nonexistent in this house, but we could go grab something in town, if that’s okay with you.”

  Go out—as in, be around other people who might recognize us. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” I said.

  “We’ll be fine, Caley. We’ll go to the diner down on the end of town. It’s usually not busy,” he said, trying to persuade me. “If you see anyone you know, we can leave.”

  “Uh…” I said, still not sure if it was a good idea.

  “Look, friends have lunch together all the time. No one will think anything of seeing us together.”

  My stomach growled right at that moment, and I sighed in defeat. “Fine, but I don’t want to stay long.”

  “We won’t. I promise.” He smiled reassuringly at me. “Once your clothes are done, we’ll go. I’m about to die of starvation though, so I’m not sure I’ll make it that long. I can hear the burgers already calling my name.”

  “Somehow, I think you’ll make it,” I joked.

  While we waited for my clothes to finish washing and then drying, we cuddled together on his bed, watching television. I enjoyed it. The thought of leaving this house and facing the rest of the world didn’t appeal to me at all.

  Eventually, my clothes finished drying, and I was forced to get dressed. When I walked out of the bathroom, Ethan was waiting for me.

  “Finally. I thought you’d taken up permanent residence in my bathroom,” he muttered.

  I stuck my tongue out at him, not wanting to admit that I’d purposely taken my time in getting ready to delay the inevitable. I couldn’t put it off any longer. Hungry and terrified, I followed him through his house and out the front door.

  “We can take separate cars,” I said as he locked the door behind us. “It will look better that way.”

  God, everything about Ethan made me feel like he was my dirty little secret, which I guessed he was. I hated that it was this way between us. I feared he would think I didn’t want people to see us together because I was ashamed of him, but that wasn’t the case. I just wanted things to move forward in my life.

  If Joey somehow found out about Ethan, it would all be over. Joey would explode. After our talk yesterday, I wanted to keep things civil. It seemed possible with the way he had acted, but if I threw Ethan into the mix, I wasn’t so sure.

  “Fine by me,” Ethan said, completely unbothered by the idea.

  I sighed in relief, feeling silly that I had worried that he’d be offended by my suggestion.
/>   We climbed into our cars. Ethan pulled out first, and I followed behind him. As we drove through town, I couldn’t help but look at the people walking the streets. I wondered what they’d think of me if they knew I’d spent the night with a man who was not my husband. I was sure they’d call me a whore. People were awful that way. They judged carelessly, ripping someone apart without remorse. They didn’t care if they had the whole story or not.

  When we pulled into the parking lot of the diner, I looked around to see if I recognized anyone. Stuffy’s, a hole in the wall that made some seriously awesome burgers, was on the opposite side of town from where I normally traveled. I’d stopped here with Joey a few times, but because of the distance, we didn’t eat here a lot. The parking lot was barely half full, something I was very much thankful for. I glanced at the cars parked around me, looking for any that were familiar. I relaxed when I saw none.

  I parked a few spaces down from Ethan’s car and climbed out. He was waiting in front of his car as I made my way over to him. When I reached him, we walked side by side across the lot. He opened the door for me, and I was instantly assaulted by the smells coming from within. This place was fat-girl heaven. The smell of burgers cooking on the grill and fries meeting their delicious end in the grease of the deep fryer was like a welcome mat, begging me to come in.

  My stomach rumbled loudly, earning a smirk from Ethan.

  “I told you this would be a good place to eat.”

  “Yeah, yeah,” I said, too focused on the smell to pay him any attention.

  I reached the counter first and ordered a cheeseburger with fries. Before I could pay, Ethan pushed me aside and added a burger of his own to the order. He paid for our food, completely ignoring my protests.

  The cashier smiled at him in a way that made me want to scratch her eyeballs out as she handed him our cups and his change. He thanked her, clearly not catching on to the way she was looking at him, and headed over to the fountain drink station. He handed me a cup as he started filling the other. I glanced back at the cashier to see her still watching Ethan, a disappointed look on her face.

  “You didn’t have to pay,” I pointed out as I filled up my own cup.

  “Yes, I did,” he said as he handed me a lid.

  I put my lid on and grabbed two straws. “Why?”

  He smirked at me before turning away and walking to a nearby table. I followed and sat down across from him. I took time to look around the restaurant to see if there were any familiar faces. I relaxed even more when I saw none.

  “Because this is technically our first date. I’m not about to ruin it by letting you pay for your own food.”

  I snickered. “You’re such a gentleman.”

  He opened his mouth to reply but stopped when he saw the cashier carrying our food over to our table. After quickly thanking her, he turned his attention back to me.

  “Seriously, I wanted to pay. Things between us are moving in completely ass-backward order, obviously, but I still want to make all your firsts something to remember. After all the fuss you put up over the fact that I paid, I doubt if you’ll forget this date anytime soon.”

  I rolled my eyes, ignoring the fact that he was right, and I dug into my burger. When the first bite hit my taste buds, I moaned. “This place really does have the best burgers.”

  I looked up to see him watching me, a smirk on his face. “I figured that out by the sound you just made. As a matter of fact, I remember you making a similar sound just last night in my bed.”

  My face heated. I pretended not to hear him as I took another bite of my burger. He chuckled at my discomfort but didn’t comment. We sat together in companionable silence as we both inhaled our food. Clearly, I wasn’t the only one who was starving.

  As we ate, I people-watched. A few others were eating around us, ranging from an old couple across the room to a mother and her two kids sitting only a table away from us.

  None of them paid us any attention at all. They had no idea I was out with a man I had slept with last night that most definitely wasn’t my husband. To them, Ethan and I were just a normal couple eating lunch together. I almost laughed out loud. God, I would do anything to be in a normal relationship with him.

  We finished our food in record time.

  Ethan sat back and patted his stomach. “I think I ate too much.”

  I snorted, and surprisingly enough, I wasn’t embarrassed over making a very unladylike sound around him. It hit me then that I was truly comfortable around the man sitting across the table from me.

  “You ate a burger that was three times the size of mine. Of course you ate too much,” I told him.

  He pouted. “I’m a growing boy. I need sustenance.”

  “Sure you do.” I laughed.

  He grinned at me. “I love that.”

  “Love what?”

  “You laughing. You don’t do it nearly enough.” He paused. “Although, I’ve heard more laughs come out of you in the past two days than I have in months. I hope they don’t end anytime soon.”

  “I’m happier when I’m around you,” I told him honestly. “Even when we are at work and can’t talk much, I’m happier just because I know you’re near. That sounds stupid, doesn’t it?”

  He shook his head. “No, it doesn’t. The fact that I can make you happy…well, that’s probably the best thing you’ve ever told me. I want you to be happy, no matter what. It’s just ten times better that I’m the one making you feel that way.”

  I grinned and looked down as I started gathering up my garbage. “Now, you’re going to get all big-headed. I shouldn’t have paid you that compliment.”

  “My head’s already big,” he said.

  I looked up to see him waggling his eyebrows at me. My face flushed again as I remembered just how big he was.

  “I think it’s time to go,” I told him, trying to change the subject. “I need to go back to my parents’ house so that I’m there when Joey drops off Amelia.”

  His teasing manner disappeared at once, and he simply nodded as he tossed his trash onto the tray. “All good things must come to an end, I suppose.”

  “Hopefully, the bad things will come to an end, too,” I muttered as we stood.

  Ethan took the tray from my hands and carried it over to the trash can. He tossed our garbage inside and placed the tray on top.

  Our mood was much more subdued as we walked back out to the parking lot. I followed Ethan to his car, unsure of how to say good-bye. Things were so different now. I was out of my comfort zone.

  How do you say good-bye to the man you slept with last night? I feared I would make things awkward between us, and I didn’t want that.

  When we reached his car, he leaned against the hood and watched me as I shifted nervously in front of him.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  I hesitated before finally deciding to tell him the truth. “I don’t know what happens now—between us, I mean.”

  “What do you want to happen?”

  “I don’t want us to be awkward with each other—that, I know for sure. As for everything else, it’s still kind of up in the air, isn’t it? I’m still married. I will be for a while until I can get Joey to agree to the divorce. You and I can’t exactly parade around work and town together.”

  He pushed away from the car and took a step toward me. He was directly in front of me, looking down. “Things will never be awkward between us, Caley. I wouldn’t let it be that way. And as for the rest? I know nothing can change. We have to wait for the dust to settle before we can move forward. I told you I was okay with that, and I still am.”

  He reached up and cupped my jaw. For a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me. I hated the fact that I was disappointed when he hadn’t.

  “I have all the time in the world, Caley. I’m not going anywhere. I’m going to stay right here and wait for you to be mine. And make no mistake, when you’re mine, I’m never letting you go again.”

  “I think I might love you,
” I blurted out.

  He grinned. “I know. One day, there will be no doubt. I’ll make sure you never question how much I love you or how much you love me.”

  A car door slammed somewhere in the parking lot, and I instantly jerked away, realizing how obvious we had been, standing out in the middle of a parking lot while confessing our…whatever it was that we were in front of anyone who might happen to look our way.

  Stupid.

  “I’ll see you later, okay?” Ethan asked.

  “Okay,” I whispered as I backed away from him.

  I turned and headed for my car, not daring to look back at him. If I did, I feared I would run right back into his arms and beg him to take me back home with him.

  Instead, I looked straight ahead as I walked to my car. As I reached it, I pulled out my keys and unlocked my door. I glanced over the top of my car and noticed a man and a woman standing on the other side of the parking lot, kissing passionately. The woman was holding a baby in her arms.

  I frowned. It must be nice to show someone how you feel instead of hiding it all the time.

  I shook my head to clear it as the man released the woman, and they started walking toward me. I was about to reach for the handle on my car door when the man stopped dead. His eyes were on me, a look of horror on his face. It took me a moment to realize what I was seeing.

  Joey was the man. The baby in that woman’s arms was Amelia.

  My keys fell from my hands as Joey and I stared at each other. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe.

  “Joey, what’s wrong?” the woman asked.

  I peeled my eyes away from Joey and focused on her. She was a stranger to me—a pretty stranger but a stranger all the same. Her hair was a dark chestnut color. She was tiny, slim in all the places I wished I were, all the places Joey had wished I were. Her features were delicate—a tiny nose, pouty small lips.

  “Caley,” Joey called my name as he started walking toward me.

  I took a step back as he approached.

  It seemed like eternity before I finally found my voice. “You bastard!” It seemed I had found my voice and then some. My words had been loud. I’d shouted them without even meaning to.