Elusive Love

by K. A. Robinson

  “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go clean Ethan up.” I kissed Amelia on the forehead before placing her on the floor next to her toys. “Come on, Ethan.”

  He followed me back out into the entryway and then down the hall to where the bathroom was.

  When we walked in, I pointed to the tub. “Sit down there. And take your shirt off, so I can check you over.”

  He mock-saluted me before peeling his shirt off and sitting down. I opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out cotton balls and peroxide. I set them on the counter before grabbing a washcloth and a hand towel out from underneath the sink. I ran the washcloth under warm water and wrung it out.

  I turned back to Ethan and inspected him. His neck had a few spots with cuts and dried blood, probably from rolling around on the pavement. His chest had red spots on it but no blood. His face had the worst of it. There was a large cut on his forehead. The blood had run down into his eye and dried into a sticky mess. His lip was busted in the center, and it was still bleeding a little bit. His nose was busted as well. I could already see a bruise forming. His left eye was starting to bruise, too.

  “You’re a mess,” I said as I knelt in front of him.

  “But a sexy mess, right? I’ve always heard girls like the bad boy. I think a public fight ending in police custody puts me into the bad-boy category now.”

  I laughed despite myself. “I’d much rather have you the way you always were. If you start acting like a delinquent, I might have to run away, screaming.”

  I gently wiped the blood away, starting with his forehead and working my way down. He held perfectly still, not even wincing once, even though I knew it must hurt. Once his face was cleaned off, I grabbed a cotton ball and soaked it in peroxide. I tended to his cuts, wincing, when I made his lip start to bleed more.

  “I know you don’t want to hear it, but I really am sorry.” I tossed the cotton ball in the garbage and grabbed another. “What did the officer say to you? I can’t believe that he just let you guys go.”

  “They basically warned me that if I got into any more trouble, my happy ass would be spending a night or two in a jail cell. I think the fact that I didn’t act like a dick probably helped. They made sure we were both calm and that we had no intentions of going after each other again. They thought I was there by chance, so I doubt if they think Joey and I will run into each other again. Truthfully, I just think they wanted to avoid all the paperwork.”

  “Well, I’m glad they let you go. If you had ended up in jail, I don’t know what I would have done,” I said as I finished cleaning his cuts. “I can’t believe you fought Joey for me.”

  “The asshole had it coming. Truth be told, I’ve wanted to beat the shit out of him since you first started telling me how he treated you. It was only a matter of time before I got my chance.”

  “I know. I just hoped that you two would never meet, especially like that.”

  “So, what happens now?” Ethan asked.

  “With Joey?”

  He nodded.

  “I’m going to give him time to cool down—a day or two tops. I’m done waiting around. Then, he’s going to meet me in a public place, and we’re going to get this shit taken care of. I’m tired of this game he’s playing. He gave me all the power today, and he knows it. If he doesn’t agree to the divorce, I’ll file on my own and hope I can find a cheap attorney, but I don’t think it will come to that. He knows that I’m the one in control of the situation, and if he wants to see Amelia, then he’ll work with me on this.”

  Ethan shook his head. “I don’t understand this at all. Why would he fight you on the divorce when he was cheating on you?”

  “I don’t know, but I’m sure he’ll have some kind of excuse. It doesn’t matter though. This just solidifies my decision in my mind.” I paused. “It’s weird. I’ve spent so much of my adult life with him. You’d think I would be upset that he was disloyal, but I’m not. I couldn’t care less. The only thing I was upset over was the fact that he let that woman around my child. And today, when the cops asked me what had happened, my only concern was making sure you avoided trouble. I didn’t care at all what happened to him.”

  Ethan grinned. “Gee, I guess you really do care about me.”

  “Shut up, or I’ll make you bleed some more,” I threatened.

  A knock sounded on the door a moment before it swung open.

  My father stood in the doorway, looking half-pissed and half-uncertain. “Caley, Joey’s here,” he said.

  I looked at him in utter disbelief. “I’m sorry. What?”

  He glanced over at Ethan before looking at me again. “Joey is here. He’s adamant that he talks to you, but if you want me to, I’ll send him away.”

  “He’s got some serious balls,” Ethan muttered.

  I had to agree.

  “No, I’ll talk to him. We might as well get this over with now,” I said as I stood. “Ethan, why don’t you hang around in here for a little bit? I don’t think seeing you will help Joey’s temperament any.”

  “Hell no,” Ethan said as he stood. “I’m coming with you.”

  I sighed but didn’t argue. There was no point. By the determined look on Ethan’s face, I knew he would follow me, no matter what I said.

  My father led us back down the hallway and into the living room. Amelia was still on the floor, playing, with my mother next to her. Joey was sitting on the edge of my father’s chair, looking more uncomfortable than I’d ever seen him. The look of death my mother directed Joey’s way made me smile. It was nice to see someone else get that look once in a while.

  The moment Joey saw me, he stood. His eyes flashed back to where Ethan stood behind me, and a look of rage crossed his face.

  “What is he doing here?” Joey demanded.

  “Not that it’s any concern of yours, but I’m cleaning up the mess you made.”

  I looked Joey over. His face had been cleaned up as well. Maybe his new girlfriend had taken care of him. It gave me a smidge of satisfaction to see that he looked worse than Ethan.

  “We need to talk,” Joey said, tearing his eyes away from Ethan to look at me.

  “No shit,” I said, keeping my tone cold.

  “Can we talk in private?” he asked.

  My father took a step closer to me. “After what happened today, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “No, it’s fine,” I said. “We can go out onto the porch.” I didn’t want Joey to think I was afraid of him. I refused to give him an ounce of power over me.

  “Caley—” Ethan started.

  But I held up my hand. “I’ll be fine. If I need something, I’ll yell.”

  No one seemed happy about letting me walk away with Joey, but they didn’t stop us either. We walked out onto the porch together. I sat down on the porch swing while Joey leaned up against the banister. Neither of us spoke. Joey seemed to be trying to avoid looking at me altogether.

  “We’re alone, so talk,” I finally said when the silence became too much.

  “Yeah, I guess we are.” Joey sighed. “I don’t even know where to begin.”

  “How about her name? That’s a good place to start,” I said.

  “Amanda,” he replied, sounding embarrassed. “Her name is Amanda.”

  “How long have you two been together?”

  He shrugged.

  “Come on, Joey. All of this shit is out in the open now. You might as well tell me the whole truth. You gain nothing by hiding things.”

  “Six months, or close to it,” he finally said after a moment.

  “Was there anyone before her?” I asked.

  He ran his hands through his hair. “About a year ago. It was the same deal as Amanda. I met her through work. The other one only lasted a week or two.”

  I nodded. “Okay, this is good. We need to be honest with each other.”

  “What about you and that guy in there? Ethan? Anything going on?”

  Now, it was my turn to squirm. “He’s been there
for me for the last few months. He’s a good friend.” I paused. “But I think he could be more once you and I are free to move forward. I care about him.”

  He frowned. “Wow, we’re a stand-up couple, aren’t we? Both of us have been fucking around on the other.”

  I didn’t deny his words, but I couldn’t bring myself to say the truth outright. Instead, I turned the conversation back to him. “We’re both miserable. That much is obvious,” I said, “My question is, do you love her? Or at least care about her?”

  “I do,” he said.

  “Then, why did you fight me so much about the divorce?” I asked, exasperated by the whole situation.

  “Honestly? Because I thought we could still work shit out. We have a life together, and we have Amelia. Walking away with no fight at all felt like I was throwing that away.”

  “Joey, you’ve treated me like shit for years now. You’ve been an awful husband. You drove me so far down into a depression that I was sure I’d never be able to claw my way out. To be blunt, you ruined just about every good part of my life. If it wasn’t for Amelia…” I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence. I’d never really dealt with the depth of my depression over the last few years, and I certainly wasn’t going to talk about it with Joey.

  “I’m sorry,” he said simply.

  “Sorry isn’t good enough. I think we both know that,” I said.

  “I know.” He sighed. “So, what happens now?”

  “Now, we move on from each other. We file for divorce—together. Amelia needs both of us in her life, and things will be so much simpler if we work together to make that happen.”

  “You’re really not going to try to take her from me?” he asked skeptically. “Especially after today?”

  I shook my head. “She’s your child, too, Joey. I wouldn’t do that unless you started treating her the way you treated me. The way I see it, you’re gone all week. I can have her then, and you can have her every weekend.”

  He nodded. “I think that’s our best option. What happens if I find work locally and can spend more time with her?”

  “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” I told him.

  “This is really it, isn’t it?” he asked. There was no anger in his voice, only defeat.

  “Yeah, it really is,” I said.

  For a moment, I felt a pang of sympathy for not just him, but for myself as well. We’d spent years together, growing from teenagers into adults. We’d transitioned into this world of adulthood together.

  “We had some good times, Joey, but the bad outweighed the good. Now, we can both move forward and find happiness.”

  “I want us to be friends. Is that even possible?”

  I hesitated before answering, “Yes, I think it’s possible, but it will take time. I’ve spent so long hating you that it’s all I know. For now, I think we should just aim for being cordial with each other, especially where Amelia is concerned.”

  “It’s a start,” he said.

  “It is,” I said. “Why don’t I come over to the apartment tomorrow, and we’ll fill out the paperwork together? We can file next week.”

  “All right,” he said as he pushed away from the banister. “I guess that’s my cue to make myself scarce, isn’t it?”

  I grinned. “Yes, I believe it is.”

  He stood there awkwardly for a moment before nodding and turning away. I watched him walk down the porch steps and across the lawn to where his car was parked.

  As he started the car and pulled away, I felt a tiny bit of loss. Deep, deep, deep down, Joey was a good man. Unfortunately, he’d lost that part of himself somewhere along the way. I hoped that he could find it one day and be the kind of man I’d always hoped he could be.

  I sat out on the porch swing long after his car had disappeared from view, my mind too full to think of anything else but the way my life had changed so dramatically in such a short amount of time.

  It was dark when the front door swung open. Ethan stepped out and walked over to the porch swing. He was silent as he sat down next to me. I noticed that he’d found a new clean shirt, free of blood. From the size of it, it looked like my father had loaned it to him. That made me smile. If my dad approved of Ethan, I knew I’d have no problem with my mother.

  “Joey and I are over,” I told him after a while. “He has agreed to the divorce. I’m going over to the apartment tomorrow to fill out all the papers with him.”

  “How do you feel?” Ethan asked.

  I shrugged. “Relieved. A little bit sad, too. I mean, we’re both walking away from years we’ve spent together. That’s hard to swallow.”

  “You have every right to be sad,” Ethan said. “But just know that you’re definitely not alone in this. You have me. Your dad is there for you, too.”

  “I know, and I’m thankful for both of you. I hope you know that.”

  He smiled. “I know.”

  “Maybe, one day, my mom will come around, too. But I’m not holding my breath on that one.”

  “I don’t know. The way she was muttering about Joey, you might just have her on your side, too.”

  “It has been a crazy day full of surprises. Maybe she’ll shock me and actually be decent,” I mused. “Still, I can’t wait to get away from this house. It’s only a matter of time before one of us kills the other.”

  Ethan laughed. “She can’t be that bad.”

  “You just wait. You’re going to be around her a lot more now. You’ll see what I’m talking about.”

  We fell silent, both of us simply enjoying each other’s company and the moment of peace after so much havoc today. After a while, I knew it was time to go inside.

  I looked over at Ethan, a shocking revelation crossing my mind. “You’ve never met Amelia, have you?”

  He shook his head. “No. Well, I saw her today for the first time, if that counts.”

  “It doesn’t. Come on, I’ll introduce you to each other.”

  I laced my fingers through his as we stood. I led the way back inside and to the living room.

  Amelia was lying in my mother’s lap, eating her evening bottle. My mother’s eyes fell to my hands linked with Ethan’s, but for once, she kept silent. I let go of Ethan and walked over to Amelia. My mother stood and handed her off to me.

  “I need to go check on dinner,” she said before leaving the room.

  My father stood and followed her out without a word. I knew they would question me about what had happened with Joey, but for now, they were giving me time alone with Ethan, something I very much appreciated.

  “Sit down with me,” I said as I settled down onto the couch with Amelia on my lap.

  Ethan cautiously sat next to me.

  “Amelia, meet Ethan,” I said as I carefully handed her over to him.

  His entire body was stiff as he took her into his arms.

  “You don’t have to sit so stiffly. You’re not going to hurt her, and I promise she won’t hurt you.”

  He relaxed his body a tiny bit. “Better?”

  “Much.” I grinned.

  “Hi, Amelia. I’ve heard a lot about you,” he joked as he looked down at my daughter in his arms.

  She started to fuss, and a look of terror crossed his face. I grinned as I handed her bottle to him.

  “She’s hungry.”

  “Oh, right,” he muttered as he held the bottle so that she could suckle on it.

  She instantly attacked it.

  He laughed. “I guess she really was hungry.”

  “She’s always hungry. I think she gets that from me,” I joked.

  He glanced over at me before returning his attention to the baby on his lap. “She’s beautiful.”

  “Yes, she is.”

  A smile covered my face as I watched Amelia and Ethan for the first time. It was strange to see two of the most important people in my life together at last.

  Since I’d reconnected with Ethan, he’d been separate from my normal life. I wasn’t sure that I’d e
ver expected him to meet Amelia face-to-face. Now that he was, it was like my two separate lives were now crashing together, becoming one.

  My smile widened. I liked the sound of that.

  “Caley,” a voice whispered close by.

  I moaned and opened my eyes to see my mother staring at me.

  “Hmm?” I asked, still half-asleep.

  “I made up the guest bedroom for your friend. You might want to wake him up. If he sleeps on the couch after the beating he took today, he’ll definitely be stiff in the morning.”

  I sat up and stretched, finally waking up. “Okay.”

  “I’ll put Amelia in her crib.” She gently pried Amelia from Ethan’s grip.

  He began to stir as my mother walked away with Amelia curled up, sound asleep, in her arms.

  “Ethan, wake up,” I whispered, hoping not to startle him.

  His eyes opened slowly, and he looked around. “Crap. I fell asleep, didn’t I?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I did, too. Even Amelia passed out.”

  He sat up and rubbed his eyes. “I need to head home.”

  “No, you can stay here. My mom made up the guest room for you.”

  He raised an eyebrow. “I thought you said she was evil.”

  “She is, but apparently, she’s decided to shelve that attitude for the evening.”

  “Wow, I don’t know what to say. Tell her thanks, I suppose.”

  “You can tell her yourself in the morning.” I stood and held out my hand. “I’ll show you where you’ll be sleeping.”

  He stood and followed me out of the living room and down the hallway to the spare room that was next to mine.

  I helped him get settled before whispering, “Good night,” and slipping from the room.

  I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a glass out of the cabinet. I filled it with water and ice from the refrigerator. When I turned around, my mother was standing in the doorway, watching me.

  “I just want a drink, and then I’m going to bed. I don’t want to fight tonight,” I said, hoping she’d let me go without a fight. I was too drained to deal with her.

  “I don’t want to fight with you. I just want to talk.” She crossed the room and sat down on one of the kitchen chairs.