A Forbidden Affair

by Yvonne Lindsay

  He separated it from the rest of the trash and unraveled the packaging. A pregnancy test? There was only one person here who could be responsible for this. He fished the used pregnancy test out of the package, but frustratingly, it was probably too long since it had been used to still show the result. But the fact that she’d taken a pregnancy test at all was enough to have his heart racing.

  Every cell in his body demanded he march right up to her and insist she tell him the result of the test, but he forced himself to remain exactly where he was until he could recover some semblance of calm.

  Nicole, pregnant? The very thought sent a wave of longing and warmth through his body. He couldn’t think of anything he’d like better than watching her ripen with his child. Of sharing each special milestone along the way until they could hold their newborn son or daughter in their arms. Of having a family of his own, a family that included Nicole at its very center.

  His heart pounded in his chest at the thought. A family, together, forever. It was everything he’d ever wanted and yet denied himself because he’d been unable to trust, unable to let anyone close enough to have the chance to hurt him since he’d been so twisted by the pain his father had undergone. And now he had the opportunity to put all that bitterness behind him. To forge forward with something new and right and special.

  No wonder Nicole had been distant all weekend. She was probably worrying about how to break the news to him, about how he’d take it. He would have to take extra pains to reassure her he would take care of her and the baby, and that she had nothing to worry about, ever, while he had it in his power to take care of her.

  Nate forced himself to put the pregnancy test box back in the trash bag and tied off the sack. A few minutes later, as he washed his hands, he thought about what he would say. There was no easy way to approach this. How did you tell the woman you had blackmailed into being with you that you wanted her to spend the rest of her life with you?

  Back inside the house, he looked for Nicole. Through the windows he could see her out on the beach, her clothing buffeted by the wind. She was just standing there. Alone. Contemplating the life she carried within her, perhaps? How could he reassure her that everything was going to be okay? That she could trust him?

  He reached a decision. He’d just come straight out and tell her. He’d learned a long time ago that occasionally you had to take risks—especially when something was as important as this.

  Without taking another moment to think, he pushed open the massive sliding door and headed down the stairs that led to the beach. Nicole must have sensed him coming because she shifted her gaze from the seagulls wheeling on the air currents and turned to face him.

  “Nicole, we need to talk.”

  “We do? What about?” she asked, her long hair whipping around her face in the stiff breeze.

  Nate shoved his hands in his jeans pockets. “I know what’s bothering you and I want you to know it’ll all be okay. I’ll take care of you. Once we’re married, you won’t have a single worry in the world, I promise.”

  “Married?”

  “Of course. There’s nothing stopping us. We know we’re totally compatible. You can even keep working if you want to, I won’t stand in your way. I know how important your career is to you.”

  To his surprise Nicole just laughed.

  Nate frowned, somewhat less than pleased with her reaction. “What? What did I say?”

  “Why on earth would I marry you?”

  “Of course you’ll marry me. We owe it to our baby to provide a united front. You, of all people, know as well as I do what it’s like to grow up with two parents who aren’t together. Our situation is not ideal, but we can make it work. I know we can. I swore an oath to myself that, no matter what, when I had children I’d be married to their mother, and that’s what’s going to happen now.”

  “What makes you think I’m pregnant?” Nicole asked him, taking a step back.

  “You’ve been different these past couple of days and now I know why. I saw the box, Nicole. I know you’ve taken the test.”

  Nicole stared at him in horror. He’d found the test? What had he done? Trawled through the rubbish bins? Was he so determined to control every facet of her life? No, she pushed the idea aside. If she was being totally honest with herself, deep down she knew he wasn’t like that.

  “So, what? You think that if I’m pregnant that we must get married? That’s being very old-fashioned of you, don’t you think?”

  She watched as his face changed, becoming harder, more determined.

  “Old-fashioned or not, Nicole, my baby will not grow up illegitimate.”

  “Of course it won’t,” she flung back at him.

  How dare he be so dictatorial? Didn’t her thoughts or feelings factor into this equation at all? Just because he said something was a certain way, didn’t mean it had to be so. Even if she was pregnant, marriage to a man who patently didn’t love her would be the very last thing on her mind.

  The fact that she was totally peripheral to his entire proposal was borne out by his assertion that his baby—his, not theirs—would not grow up illegitimate. Did he give her any consideration as an individual at all? There was no way she was marrying Nate Jackson. Absolutely no way.

  “Good, then it’s settled. We’ll get married. It doesn’t have to be anything big. I’m sure we can sort something out within the next few weeks.”

  “You can’t treat me like some possession to be ordered about. I’m a human being. I’ve already had quite enough of that kind of treatment from my own father and I certainly won’t put up with it from you.” She drew up short as a new thought had occurred to her. “My father…is that what this is about? Do you want to get married to rub it in his face? Is this the next part of your revenge?”

  “No!” His protest was immediate, and almost seemed instinctive, but how could she believe him? He’d been following his plan of payback right from the start. How was she to know this wasn’t his next step?

  “Really?” she drawled.

  “Look, I know this wasn’t the most romantic of proposals—”

  “Romantic?” She laughed again, a harsh sound that came from a place deep inside her. A place that hurt with an ache that throbbed through her entire body. “Sort out what you like, Nate, but I’m not marrying you. There were two possible outcomes when I took that test. One, that I was pregnant, the other, that I wasn’t. I’m not pregnant, and I’m not marrying you, so you can shove your proposal right back where it came from.”

  She pushed past him and strode on up the beach toward the house. She thought he couldn’t hurt her any more than he already had done. She’d thought that perhaps they’d found a workable solution to their situation. She did enjoy her work at Jackson Importers. She had a freedom there that she didn’t have at Wilson Wines and she loved the opportunity to spread her wings and to brainstorm her ideas with others who were on the same wavelength. And she couldn’t argue that she and Nate were exquisitely compatible in the bedroom. It had been about the only thing that had kept her sane these past weeks. Knowing that she could seek, and find, oblivion in his arms at night.

  But right now she was so angry she could barely see the steps in front of her. She went inside the house, sliding the glass door closed so hard the panes inside it wobbled. Through the window she saw Nate standing on the beach, his hands still in his pockets as he faced the house.

  Childishly, she wanted nothing more right now than to flip him the bird, but she wouldn’t lower herself to that level. Instead, she turned away from the glass and tried to bring her roiling emotions under control.

  Damn him. Damn him for asking her to marry him that way. For asking her to marry him at all! She didn’t want to marry, she just wanted to be able to do her job. A job was something she could measure herself by. It had no feelings
and only relied on her showing up every single day and giving her very best. A job wouldn’t hurt her when the going got rough.

  And yet, she couldn’t help wondering how she would have felt if the situation had been different. If she had been pregnant, after all—if Nate’s proposal had come from a different angle where he’d expressed a desire to have a family with her, even expressed affection or maybe even love for her—would she have been so quick to turn down Nate’s suggestion? Nicole knew in her heart her response would have been “yes.” She felt the same way he did about raising a child in a unified relationship. In a stable and loving environment. It had been a dream of hers from when she was a little girl. She and Anna had played families, both of them pretending their respective man-about-the-house was at work while they cared for their doll-babies with infinite maternal care.

  No, she had to be honest with herself. No matter her feelings for Nate—feelings she couldn’t quite put into words—with no mention of love spoken between them, they would only have been setting themselves up for failure. It took a committed parent to raise a child and parents who were not committed to one another, and yet still lived under the same roof, only created a divisive and, in the long term, unhappy home.

  And that, sadly, left her right back where she’d started. A pawn in a game where she held none of the moveable pieces. Waiting for the inevitable checkmate when Nate reached his goal against Wilson Wines.

  She wanted out of this horrible situation. She wanted out, right now. But how?

  Eleven

  Nate lay in the bed listening to Nicole breathe, her back as firmly presented to him as it had been when they went to bed. She had barely spoken more than a handful of words to him since the beach and he could hardly blame her. He’d been careless and stupid—thinking only of himself and what he wanted.

  He’d used her shamelessly for weeks and expected her to simply roll over and agree to his demand without a single consideration for what it meant to her.

  One thing he’d learned from this was that his feelings for her went far deeper than those of revenge. Far deeper than he’d ever wanted to acknowledge. Understanding had struck when she’d accused him of proposing as part of his revenge. That’s when he’d realized that her father hadn’t even crossed his mind when he’d found the pregnancy test. All he’d thought of was Nicole, and the child they might be having together.

  He knew, now, that everything that mattered in his life was tied to the woman who lay in the darkness beside him—beside him yet not touching him and not allowing him to touch her. The woman who’d rejected him most emphatically on the sandy shore outside.

  Nate wasn’t the type of person who took no for an answer, yet in this he had to. He had no other choice. He’d messed things up between them, well and truly, and he could see no clear way to fix them.

  He still had her here in his life, would continue to do so while he could hold the DVD over her. But what did that prove? Nothing. It only proved that, given the choice, she wouldn’t be with him and that truth was the most painful of all.

  He knew now that he loved her. He didn’t want to imagine a life without her. These past weeks had been an eye opener for him. From the start he’d been attracted to her, but that attraction had very rapidly gone far deeper than merely a face-to-face—or skin-to-skin—appreciation of one another. He hadn’t wanted to admit it to himself but her rejection had forced him to be honest.

  Nate didn’t just want to marry her to provide for her and their unborn child—the child that had existed only in his imagination. He wanted the whole shebang. He wanted to love Nicole and spend the rest of his life loving her. And being loved by her in return. He wanted to marry her, for her.

  Problem solving had always come naturally to him. It was one of the things that made him good at his job—being able to see solutions before anyone else even fully understood the problem. Yet in this he was helpless.

  How on earth could he convince her that his intentions toward her came from his heart? He’d tried to lay it on the line on the beach, but he’d gone about it in entirely the wrong way. Had told her, rather than asking her, how things were going to be. With each syllable he’d destroyed every last chance of creating the reality he had really wanted all along.

  This was his mess. And for the first time in his life he didn’t have a plan for dealing with it.

  He pushed back the bedcovers and rose, leaving the room on a silent tread. Streaks of moonlight lit the rest of the house, cold and gray, just like the future that stretched ahead of him without Nicole willingly by his side. It was no better than he deserved for the way he’d treated her, but he didn’t want to accept that. Couldn’t accept that this was all over. Somehow he would find a solution. It was what he did. And this time, his very happiness depended on it.

  They’d remained civil to one another, at least that was something she could be grateful for, Nicole thought as she studied the distribution reports that had been sent for her perusal. Civility was one thing, but how on earth would they continue to live together? Already she could feel the strain between them. She’d had no appetite for anything all day and she knew that food would not ease the hollow that echoed inside her.

  Nate had told her to bring her own car into work today as he would be working late entertaining overseas clients. She hadn’t suggested she assist him as she was only too grateful for the excuse to put a little distance between them. Leaving the office was a relief.

  At the apartment, she’d barely had time to put her laptop case down when the phone began to ring. She let the answering machine pick up but hastened to lift the receiver when her mother’s voice could be heard through the speaker.

  “Hello?”

  “Nicole, darling, I was hoping to catch you at home. How was the rest of your weekend?”

  “It was fine. We went out to the beach house.”

  “I see. Have you thought any more about what I said to you about the Jacksons? I really don’t think it’s a good idea for you to spend any more time under that man’s roof. Seriously, my dear, nothing good will come of it. Surely you can see that.”

  Another person telling her what to do. Nicole fought back the sigh that built in her chest.

  “I’m an adult, Cynthia, and I’m long used to making my own decisions.”

  “I know, but allow me a mother’s care in this instance. I know I wasn’t there for you growing up, but trust me when I say I do know better in this case.”

  “Was there anything else you rang me for?” Nicole asked, struggling with a desire to hang up before she was bossed around again.

  “Yes, well, there is, actually.”

  Was it Nicole’s imagination or did her mother sound a little upset? She waited, saying nothing, until Cynthia continued.

  “Things haven’t really worked out here the way I’d thought they would and I’ve decided to go back to Adelaide for now. I’d really love it if you could come with me. I’m leaving in the morning and I’ll leave a ticket for you at the check-in desk.”

  “I really don’t think—” Nicole started, only to be shut down by Cynthia’s voice talking over her.

  “No, please, don’t make a decision right this minute. Take the evening to think it over. We really haven’t had a chance to get to know one another, have we? After all, one lunch together does not a relationship make.” She laughed at that, the sound ringing false to Nicole’s ears. “At The Masters’ we could just spend some time learning to understand one another a little better and you would have the chance to meet up with some of your cousins—get to know your extended family. After all, you’re a Masters by blood, and you have every right to be there with me. It’s your heritage, too.”

  Nicole felt a throbbing pain start behind one eye. Did Cynthia instinctively know all of Nicole’s hot buttons? But to leave, now, just like that? With h
er father still direly ill in the hospital and with Nate still holding the DVD over her head?

  “Okay, I’ll think about it,” she conceded.

  “You will? Oh, that’s marvelous.” She gave Nicole the flight time and details. “I’ll expect to see you in the departure lounge, then. I can’t wait.”

  Cynthia hung up before Nicole could say another word and Nicole replaced the handset of the phone on its station, a sensation of numbness enveloping her body.

  Her life was in tatters. Could her mother’s offer be the new beginning she really, desperately, needed? Could she just walk away and say to hell with the consequences of what would happen when Nate gave her father the DVD? She had no doubt he would do it. If she’d learned anything about Nate in this time, it was just how far he was prepared to go to get what he wanted. He wouldn’t rest until he’d pulled her family down from its pedestal. She’d already done her part—he didn’t need her anymore. When you got right down to it, she was as disposable to him as she was to her father.

  Was she prepared to let him hurt her father like that without even trying to interfere? Was she ready to end their affair, once and for all? Could she really, in all honesty, walk away?

  Nate woke to an empty bed. Nicole had been sound asleep when he’d come in last night, a little the worse for wear after a few drinks with his hard-drinking clients. His head gave him a solid reminder that drinking on an empty stomach was not conducive to clear brain function the next day. He felt across the bed. Her side was stone cold. A glance at the bedside clock confirmed it was much later than they usually rose. Obviously she’d left him to it and gone into the office already.

  He dragged himself from the bed and through to the kitchen where he downed the better part of the liter of orange juice that was in the fridge, then grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl. It was all he had time for. He’d have to make up for it later in the day.