Montana Cowboy

by Debra Salonen

  “Wow.” Tears filled Bailey’s pretty hazel eyes. Pregnancy apparently made one very emotional. “I’m so happy for you, Serena. And you don’t have to worry about a thing. Chloe and I are looking forward to ranch sitting. And Emilee said she’d like to come Friday night so we can try our hands at felting.”

  Serena couldn’t believe how fortunate she was. She’d asked Bailey if she knew anyone who would look after the herd for a short time and Bailey immediately volunteered. “Don’t tell Paul because I totally support his decision to sell you the place, but ever since I moved back to Marietta I’ve been a little homesick for the old ranch. Staying here for five days will be a sure cure, I’m certain,” she’d said with a laugh.

  The housesitting was a bonus since it meant Serena didn’t have to take Beau. She’d miss him almost as much as she missed Austen, but she had no idea what to expect when she visited her birth mother so why make life more difficult than it already was?

  “Are you driving or flying? Paul is a fabulous pilot.”

  Bailey recalled Austen telling her his whole family flew. “I prefer to drive. Gives me time to catch up on my reading.” At Bailey’s look, she added, “I listen to audio books. Helps pass the time and gets me out of my head.”

  Where she’d spent way, way too much time lately, second-guessing her every decision. Debating about whether or not to stay in Montana when it would seem her move had been prompted by a completely erroneous hypothesis. She ran away from a stalker who didn’t exist—even if he’d felt very real to her imagination at the time.

  “Feel free to take off as early as you like. I’ll be out in the morning after I drop the kids at school. I’ll feed and clean up poop. Paul said I could leave that for him, but I’m looking forward to hanging out with the animals and having some quiet time to work on my jewelry designs. Planning this wedding has become a fulltime job, and Christmas is right around the corner, you know.”

  Wedding. For a brief moment in time, Serena had let herself hope… believe… she and Austen might wind up married, building a future together. But she hadn’t talked to him in days. And when they did speak, their whole conversation seemed centered on the health and wellbeing of the alpacas. Yes, he tried to explain what his life was like—meetings, talks with partners, interviews with the press.

  “I’m exploring my options,” he called it.

  “You’re moving away from me,” she called it. Although she never spoke the words out loud.

  The only meaningful talk they’d had concerned Will Paulson, the man who hated Austen so much he devoted a blog to Austen’s downfall.

  “I met Will Paulson and his attorney this morning,” he told her a few days ago. “We formally agreed to bury the hatchet and put this behind us. Will has publically apologized on his blog and in a letter to the editor, but he wanted to meet me in person to tell me he deeply regretted his actions.”

  “He doesn’t blame you for her death any more. That’s good.”

  “I told him to remember Jenny the way he loved her best and she’d always be that person to him. The rest of it could all be blamed on politics.”

  Which begged the question why would anybody willingly pick that life over this one, but she kept the thought to herself. If he didn’t ask himself that question, they really had nothing left to talk about.

  Chapter Twelve

  Austen couldn’t believe how much had changed at the ranch in under a month. The air held the first hint of autumn. The field grass had lost its color. The leaves on the creek trees had turned yellow.

  But from the moment he stepped out of his brand new three-quarter ton four-wheel-drive pickup, which he’d bought when he turned in his leased sports car, he felt at peace. Freer than he had at any time in his life. The underlying tension that once kept his gut churning with one ear open for his phone and one eye on what everyone claimed was the big picture was gone.

  He didn’t have all the answers—hell, he probably hadn’t even heard all the questions his family would have for him, but he knew he’d made the right decision when he woke up this morning at the ranch after a deep, restorative sleep to the sound of the tractor motor and dogs barking. Before he’d even opened his eyes, he’d reached across his king-size bed for Serena. She was the only part missing from the big picture.

  A gust of wind threatened to take his hat. He grabbed it in time, but spooked his horse—a big bay named Gus. “Easy boy,” Austen said, leaning forward to reassure the horse he was paying attention. He’d left his phone at home. He’d chosen to saddle a horse instead of hopping aboard one of the ATVs because of the symbolism. A horse had introduced him to Serena. A horse would take him home to her.

  Home. He’d felt the word at a gut level more in the past couple of days than he ever had growing up. Marietta wasn’t just the town where he spent his childhood it was the foundation of his life. It made up the elements of his bones. He couldn’t wait to be a part of the small town world again. Hopefully, with Serena at his side.

  He gave a little click and applied his boot heels to Gus’s side. The bay’s easy lope brought a smile to his lips. He’d never thought of himself as a cowboy, but he sure felt like one at the moment. And it felt good.

  He was still smiling when he crested the hill for his first look at Serena place.

  A low, deep woof let him know Beau had spotted him. The big white dog galloped toward him. “It’s okay, Gus. He’s a friend. Easy boy.”

  Austen had his hands full keeping Gus from bolting. Beau, excited to see Austen, wouldn’t quit barking until a shrill whistle pierced the air.

  “Thank God,” Austen muttered.

  He nodded his thanks toward the fence, expecting to see Serena. Instead, he spotted Bailey standing on the bottom rung with Chloe perched on the fence, watching him.

  Mia told him Bailey was housesitting while Serena went to Oregon—he presumed to visit her brother, but he hadn’t known Chloe was with her.

  “Hello, ladies. This is a surprise. No Serena, yet?”

  “On her way. She texted me from Coeur d’Alene last night.”

  “Coeur d’Alene? She took the high road.”

  Bailey started to say something but Chloe interrupted. “Can I ride your horse, Uncle Austen? I just put Skipper away. I’m doing really good, aren’t I, Bailey?”

  Bailey nodded. “You’re doing great, but I don’t know this horse. Austen? What do you think? Can she handle him?”

  Austen dismounted and handed his niece the reins. “He’s super mellow unless there’s a giant dog barking at his heels. And Serena says most horses hate alpaca so don’t go past the edge of the barn, just in case.”

  She yanked on her helmet, tightening the chinstrap as she walked toward them. He approved of the way she introduced herself to Gus and took the time to inspect the saddle, re-adjusting the stirrups without asking for help. When ready, she looked at Austen. “Can you give me a knee?”

  He did one better. Forming a stirrup with his hands, he boosted her up. “He’s tall,” she said, a big grin on her face. “He’s like two of Skipper.”

  He watched her a few moments before walking to the fence to stand beside his future sister-in-law. “How’s the house-sitting business?”

  “Piece of cake, but the care and feeding of alpacas is a boatload of work compared to making jewelry.” She laughed to show she wasn’t complaining. “Thankfully, I had help. Chloe and Emilee both love the wee woolies, as Em calls them.”

  “Em, too? How’s she doing?”

  “Better. She’s made a few friends. And dumped her nasty long-distance boyfriend, whom I think she only dated to piss off her mother and get some attention from her father. And Serena is teaching her how to work with alpaca fur. Hair. Fleece. Whatever it’s called.”

  The lull in the conversation took on sudden tension. Bailey hopped down so she could face him. “Mia told me you’re moving back here permanently. The jury’s still out on whether or not that’s a good thing, but you need to understand that Serena is
not like the women your brother has told me about in Helena and Washington, DC. She has substance and gravitas. And I don’t want you to hurt her.”

  The last came out with a fire he hadn’t seen before. He admired it.

  “You’re a good friend to her. I’m glad. Serena deserves that. And before we get into whether or not I’m the right person for her, I want to apologize to you.”

  She put one hand on her small, barely noticeable baby bump. “Me? For what?”

  “For being a first-class jerk. I had no right to judge you. I’m sorry. For everything. You and Paul were meant to be together, and I’m happy for you both. The wedding and the baby. Mia told me your baby voted for me to come home.” He put a hand out and gently touched her belly. “I plan on being a good uncle. And a friend.”

  Her smile made him miss Serena more than ever. What was it about a happy woman’s smile that could lighten and brighten the world? She gave him a quick hug. “Welcome home. Baby and I are both glad you’ve decided to stay.” She pulled back and looked at him. “You have, right? Decided to stay? I get that question all the time. Figure it’s only fair to pass it on to you.”

  He threw back his head and laughed. “Bring it on. I have my answer down pat.” I came back to be with the woman I love. But he planned to say the words to Serena first. “But, between us, Serena’s the reason I’m here. When I got to Helena, it became very clear very fast that I’m not the person I was when I left.”

  Her mouth made a pretty O. Her eyes lit up. He could see why Paul was so head-over-heels in love with her. “Serena has that effect on people.”

  “Why is that?”

  She didn’t answer right away. “I think it’s because she’s so damn honest. She knows who she is and what she wants out of life—not fame and fortune, just quality and love. Who doesn’t, right? But we all get so wrapped up in the earning a living side of things, we forget why we’re working so hard.” She gestured toward the alpaca pens. “Maybe the animals keep her grounded.”

  Austen agreed. He hadn’t expected his future sister-in-law to be so philosophical but he couldn’t argue with her theory. He’d held a newborn alpaca in his arms, felt its racing heartbeat. Nothing in Helena could compare. “You could be right. When does she get back?”

  “Any minute.”

  “Mia said she went to Portland to see her brother.”

  Bailey hesitated a moment, then said, “After she drove to Astoria, a little town on the Oregon coast, to meet her birth mother, who, apparently, is ill and not long for this world, hence the stalking thing.”

  She delivered the whole speech with increasing speed, as if she regretted sharing the news but once she committed to the task couldn’t stop herself.

  Austen grabbed the fence post. Not because he was stunned by the news, although he was. His fingers tightened. “Damn. I should have been here for her.” He slammed the heel of his hand against the post then stalked a few feet away, pivoted and returned, Beau at his heels. “Fuck. Serena’s birth mother turns out to be her stalker and where am I? Wallowing in indecision in Helena. Why didn’t she tell me?”

  Bailey held out her hands in the universal sign of ‘who knows?’ “She didn’t want to bother you, I guess. But if it makes you feel any better, she told me you’re the reason she went. That you were brave enough to go back and deal with your old baggage, so how could she be a coward and try to pretend her birth mother didn’t exist?”

  Almost as if on cue, the shiny new gate at the head of the driveway opened and an older model Dodge pickup pulled in. Bailey waved excitedly then called to Chloe, “Time to go, honey girl. Walk Gus to the barn. We’ll brush him and give him water while these two talk.”

  * * *

  Seeing Austen jog toward her, Beau at his heels, was a sight Serena knew she’d never grow tired of seeing. She hopped out of cab of the truck, leaving everything right where it was.

  “You’re here,” Austen said, his eyes telling her just what she needed to know.

  “I’m home.” She walked into his open arms and she knew she’d spoken the most basic of all truths. This was her man. Her forever.

  They stayed locked in a silent embrace for a good minute, absorbing each other, preparing for the words that needed to be said to find out if they both shared the same view of the future.

  “You met your mother.”

  “My birth mother.”

  “How did it go? Are you okay? I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you.”

  She took a deep breath and let it go. “I am good. Better than I imagined I’d be if this day ever came. Funny how you create scenarios in your imagination then the real life experience is so different. She isn’t evil or horrible or someone to be ashamed of.”

  He took her hands and led her to the picnic table. “Tell me about her. Why’d she give you up?”

  “She was in prison, looking at ten to twenty years for vehicular manslaughter.” The words sounded so stark, so awful that she quickly added, “And this was a plea-bargain down from the charge of murder. She ran over her ex-husband—my birth father—with a car. She insists it was accident. She meant to hit him because he was coming at her with a gun, but she didn’t mean to kill him.”

  “Do you believe her?”

  Serena shrugged. “I guess. Does it matter? It was a long time ago and she paid a heavy price. I was born right before she went to prison—I mean, like the day before. Mom and Dad admitted they were told some of the circumstances surrounding my birth mother, but they chose not to tell me because they didn’t want that stigma to be part of my identity. My birth mother—her name is Miranda Lewis—doesn’t that sound like a country-western singer to you?” She smiled sadly before going on. “She spent most of her sentence at the Women’s Prison in Chowchilla, California.”

  He cocked his head. “Wasn’t Bailey living in Chowchilla before she moved here? Small world.”

  Serena nodded. “I know. I thought the same thing. Crazy how connected we all are.”

  “What does she do now?”

  “Well, she got her GED in prison and started taking college classes. As soon as she was released, she went to work for a non-profit that helps women in abusive situations. Eventually, she got her master’s degree and was in charge in several non-profits. She said this was her way of giving back and making amends. She never married and never had any more kids.”

  “Bailey said she’s sick.”

  “Emphysema, COPD, asthma. Her lungs are shot. She’s on oxygen pretty much all the time. She’s moving into an assisted living center later this month. She’s made arrangements to be cremated and her close friends are going to spread her ashes in the ocean. She asked me not to come back.”

  Serena tried to keep the hurt from her tone but Austen reached for her hand and kissed her knuckles. “Why?”

  Serena sniffed. “She said she wanted to meet me, not for her sake so much—I think she made peace with the past a long time ago—but for mine. She’d put together a written history of her life and her family. Both her parents are gone and her one sister died of skin cancer when she was in her forties. There’s a little bit about my birth father. She blamed the Vietnam War for his problems. Said he came back a changed man.” She nodded toward the truck. “I have boxes of genealogy records, old photos, birth certificates and a few family mementos she wanted me to have. But she didn’t want me to mourn her death. She said, ‘That’s reserved for your real parents.’”

  He shook his head. “Wow. That’s a lot to take in. How do you feel about meeting her?”

  “Better than I expected. Mack’s proud of me. Peyton is glad I don’t have a stalker. Mack said Miranda filled in the gaps I didn’t even know were missing.”

  “Have you looked at any of the stuff?”

  She shook her head. “Not yet. I will. Someday. I felt sad when I left Astoria, but at peace, too. Mom and Dad are planning a visit in a few weeks. I might save all that stuff to go through it with them. Dad loves puzzles and finding the missing pieces of my past
will probably make him very happy.”

  “Are you happy?”

  “I have the potential to be very happy. But first I have to hear what you decided. Tell me about Helena.”

  “It’s the state capitol of Montana… and I no longer live there. I packed up my condo and put it on the market.”

  The words were exactly what she wanted to hear, but she wasn’t sure she could believe them. This sounded too easy. “But you went back as the prodigal son redeemed. Shari Fast said you were born for that job.”

  “That shows you how little she knows about me. She hasn’t lived my life or walked in my boots… for want of a better metaphor. I live here. In Marietta. And I’m done apologizing for that. I want to be near my family, which includes fifty fuzzy faces. I missed the alpacas. I missed your dog. Most of all, I missed you.”

  “What are you saying?”

  He took both her hands in his and leaned across the table to look straight into her eyes.

  “I love you, Serena James. I want to marry you… eventually. After Paul and Bailey have their special day,” he said loud enough for Bailey and Chloe, who were approaching slowly as if not to interrupt, to hear.

  They cheered and raced to the picnic table to give Serena and Austen warm, heart-felt hugs, sloppy kisses and share a few tears—mostly those belonged Bailey.

  Once the girls were gone, Austen cleared his throat and drummed his fingers on the table. “I didn’t hear an answer. Are you thinking about it?”

  She shook her head. “Don’t need to. I already decided if you didn’t come to your senses by Paul’s wedding day, I was going to track you down and work my feminine wiles on you until you gave in to my powers of seduction. I love you, Austen Zabrinski. Yes, I’ll marry you.”

  Beau let out a deep, reverberating woof.

  She leaned over and gave the dog a hug. “Sorry, boy, I forgot.” When she straightened up, she amended her statement. “We’ll marry you. Beau, the llamas, all the alpacas, and me. Whether you’re ready or not, you’re somebody’s cowboy now. You’re all ours.”