Played

by Colleen Charles

  Thirty minutes later, we were seated at the poshest diner I’d ever seen. How did he know exactly where to take me? Waiters rushed by with delicious-looking Belgian waffles and omelets. As I looked down at the menu, my mouth watered.

  I guess I can get one more fancy meal out of him before he breaks up with me, I thought as I glanced idly at the page. It doesn’t seem right, but he did practically insist.

  Chase didn’t speak until after we’d ordered Belgian waffles with maple cream gravy, fried chicken, and cheese. He arranged for mimosas, but I declined and went with water. After being drugged by Nathan on the cheap wine, the last thing I needed was more alcohol. After a deep inhale, I had to grip the side of the table to make sure I wouldn’t pass out. When I looked up at Chase, he stared at me with concern.

  “Are you okay?”

  I nodded, taking another sip of my water. “Just a little lightheaded,” I whispered. “That was um… that was something else. I don’t think all of the drugs have left my system. Food. Food will help.”

  Chase shook his head. “They’re fucking insane, the pair of them,” he said in a tone dark with anger. “I only wish I’d gotten there sooner. Are you really okay?” Before I could answer, he reached across the table and grabbed my wrist, peeking under the bandage that had been applied at the hospital. “That looks bad, Chastity. We should probably get my personal physician to look at it again after we eat – I’ll call him and have him drop by the condo.”

  I yanked my hand back like he’d burned me. Tears stung my eyes, and my ravenous appetite had vanished. This was going to be harder than I thought. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to keep my chill once the words came out of Chase’s mouth: “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.” I could just picture them now, and the very thought made me sick.

  “I’m fine,” I said quickly. “I should really go home and sleep.”

  Chase shook his head. “You’re not going home. Not until Nathan and that crazy bitch are locked up for good, okay? I can’t sleep knowing that you’re out there alone and unprotected.”

  “I have to go home,” I snapped. “It’s not like I can just – I don’t know – go to a hotel or something! I’m not like you, Chase! I’m not rich enough to buy myself out of anything!” I glared at him. “You don’t understand what it’s like to be me!”

  Chase sighed. “Chastity, I know you’re upset, but–”

  “You don’t know shit!” I snarled. “You don’t care about me!” The words burst out of my mouth before I could stop them. “You don’t know anything about me! I’m not like you, Chase! I’m not rich, or beautiful, or talented! I’m a no good, white trash girl from the wrong side of the Bronx! You can stop pretending now because I’m really fucking over it. You could win an Academy Award. The director just yelled, ‘end scene.’”

  Chase stared at me as if I’d sprouted a second mouth that spewed melodramatic bullshit. “Chastity, what the hell are you talking about?” His words were slow, calm, measured. Well, that made one of us. After everything I’d been through, I didn’t feel like hiding my crazy. No, that bitch wanted to be seen, center stage. “What’s going on?”

  Just then, the waiter appeared with our waffles. I could barely hold it together as he placed a plateful of steaming food under my nose. The smells were delicious and appetizing, but I was more worried about throwing up than ever. I was so upset, I just needed to hold it together for one more second.

  “Chastity,” Chase said in an urgent rush. “Talk to me, honey. Tell me what’s on your mind, okay? I want to help. I can help you. I’ll always be here to help you.”

  I stared at him, feeling defeated. Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to look into his stunning eyes.

  “Just get it over with,” I whispered, and a lone tear rolled down my flushed cheeks. I just couldn’t hold back the emotion anymore. “Just do it already.”

  Chase narrowed his dark blue eyes. “What are you talking about? You mean this?” He gestured toward the food. “Do you not like it? Are you feeling sick? Do you want me to have the kitchen bag all of this up for later? It’s okay. We can eat at home.”

  Home.

  I swallowed. “I know about Amanda,” I said in a brittle voice. “I know you’re back together with her. Someone… someone sent me photos of you two having dinner.” Surprisingly, now that I was actually admitting how I felt, the words didn’t sound so strange. In fact, it was almost a relief to have them out in the open, to have finally confessed the information that had snagged in my throat and now resided there as a lump of anguish.

  Chase shook his head. “No, that’s wrong.”

  Really? He was just going to sit there nice as you please and deny what I’d seen with my own two eyes?

  “I know you were with her,” I snapped. “I saw you in full color. Just own up to it, already!”

  Chase took a long swig of his mimosa and gestured to the waiter for another. “Yeah, we met up. I wanted closure. So I told her that I couldn’t be with her again because I’m already with the perfect woman. A woman that’s so far above her she could visit the International Space Station just by standing up.”

  His words hit me like a punch in the gut. More tears joined the first, spilling out of my stinging eyelids. I’d expected it to end in a painful way, but this was too much, even for me. I couldn’t believe I’d been so fucking stupid – he’d been seeing another woman the whole time?

  Of course. A man like Chase had one woman for each night of the week. I shuddered as I remembered falling asleep in his arms, in that big, beautiful bed. How many other women had been naked on those sheets? Had he even washed them? My trembling hands worried the edges of the cloth napkin in my lap. Nothing mattered more than jumping up and fleeing, but I still felt so numbed out and exhausted, my legs wouldn’t obey the messages my brain sent them.

  I buried my face in my hands and sobbed, no longer caring who saw me. None of it mattered – it wasn’t like I’d ever be able to afford a place like this after Chase. I wasn’t coming back here again, and these people wouldn’t see me in the future. I’d become a little anecdote for them to tell at gatherings: “Oh my god, this weird girl was bawling her eyes out at the diner earlier today! What a sad freak! You know, Chase Bradenton’s flavor of the week. How could she not know?”

  Chase’s hand on my shoulder burned like a brand, and I pushed him away. The force of my hand swung into the crystal mimosa glass, and it went crashing to the floor, shattering into a million little pieces. Just like my heart, I thought blackly as I pushed back from the table and grabbed my bag. On wobbly legs, I stood and searched for the door.

  “Chastity,” Chase said as if talking to a toddler in the midst of a tantrum. “What the hell is going on? Where are you going?”

  “I can’t believe you,” I hissed. “You have the nerve to ask me what’s wrong? You just fucking told me yourself! The whole time we’ve been together… you’ve… you’ve been with another woman. A perfect one.” I snarled the words, knowing how imperfect I was. “You lied to me! I gave up my virginity for you!” I added in a quiet whisper. “I can’t believe you’d do that to me! I knew you were a snake, but I thought you were at least a decent guy when the rubber met the road.”

  Chase stared at me in horror. Why the fuck couldn’t he just admit it so we could both move on? Why continue with the charade? “Chastity–”

  “What?” My words were intended to stab like daggers of righteous anger. I only hoped it would pierce him in the heart and hurt him, just like he’d hurt me. So deeply I might never, ever recover. Never love again.

  “Chastity, there’s no other woman,” Chase whispered. “I’m talking about you. It’s you. You’re the perfect woman. I love you.” He took a step closer. “I love you very much, and I’ve been trying to think of the way to tell you.”

  “No,” I said, surprised at the strength in my voice. “No… that can’t be true, Chase.”

  “And give me one reason why?”

  I stam
ped my foot on the ground and let out an angry howl. By now, people were staring, but I no longer cared.

  “Because,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’m me. I’m Chastity Sexe, trashy girl from the wrong side of the tracks. I’m the first person in my family to go to college. I don’t come from money. I don’t know what an ascot is, and until I met you, the only wine I’d ever bought came in a box.” I sniffed, wiping the snot from my nose with a Kleenex I found in my bag. “I’m not like you and… her. I’m not like Amanda, Chase. I can’t give you what you want. I can’t be who you want.”

  “Chastity, someone – I’m betting it was Nathan – took those photos and brought them to your apartment so you’d go running back to Angela and fall right into their maniacal laps like a lamb to slaughter. Come on. Give me a little more credit than that. I’ve always been honest with you, and you’ve never even wanted to trust me. Who’s not giving who a chance here? Seems like you’re the one putting all her cards on a stereotype.”

  His last words broke me. Suddenly, I broke down in sobs so hard that I could barely stand up. Chase rose and walked over to me, helping me back down into the chair. He glared at the onlookers, silencing them with one threatening look and then knelt down on the floor and took my hand in his.

  “Chastity, I love you,” Chase repeated. “I love you. It’s only you, it’s only ever been you. Don’t you get that?”

  I swallowed hard. “I’m afraid of getting hurt,” I whispered. “I don’t think I’m good enough for you, Chase. And even after graduation, after becoming gainfully employed, I might never feel like enough. I’m never going to have the kind of money your family has. What would your parents say?”

  “They’d say that you’re too good for me,” Chase said emphatically. “My parents certainly haven’t condoned most of my behavior. And I understand if you don’t want to be with me after this. But Chastity, you have to understand that I love you. If you never want to see me again, leave me for the right reasons. I don’t love Amanda, and looking back, I doubt that I ever did. I was young and infatuated. It’s over. I haven’t even thought about her for years. And that’s the honest truth.”

  As much as I wanted to stop crying, the tears still streamed down my face and showed no signs of letting up. My sinuses were filled with so much pressure that I felt like someone had poured concrete into my face. And worst of all, I was slowly starting to realize that everyone around the table stared at the emotional train wreck in rapt fascination.

  “I don’t know what to say,” I said in a weak voice just above a whisper. “I know that sounds lame, but…”

  Chase reached up and wiped some of the mess away from my face.

  “You don’t have to say anything,” he said, running a gentle finger along my quivering jawline. “Why don’t you just take a few deep breaths and try to drink some water, okay?”

  I nodded. Suddenly, I felt like a little kid – some clumsy little slip of a thing, falling down in the middle of a store and bursting into tears. But I wasn’t. I was a grown ass woman. I had a woman’s ass to prove it.

  Chase stroked the back of my neck. “Just breathe, that’s it,” he said. He leaned close and kissed me on the temple. In that moment, I realized how much I cared about him. Because he cared about me. Putting my needs above his own. “Take as much time as you need.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Just take deep breaths, I told myself, hearing Chase’s rich, deep voice echo in my brain. In, out. In, out. In, out.

  After a couple of minutes, the tears finally stopped. I started to draw regular inhales, but I still felt more ridiculous than ever. I couldn’t believe he hadn’t left me. For the first time in my life someone – no, a man – was holding space for me. Stepping up for me.

  Protecting me.

  “I’m sorry I made such a fuss,” I whispered, realizing the words didn’t even come close to expressing the depth of my emotion. Reaching for my glass of water, I drained the rest in one gulp. A waiter swooped down and gave me a refill. He smiled tightly at me, and I winced – I knew he judged me for my blatant display of emotion. Everyone was.

  “Don’t be,” Chase said and cleared his throat. “You wanna tell me how you feel about me, though?” He winked. “Just so we can get the record straight?”

  I appreciated his warped attempt to diffuse the dramatic electricity that crackled between us, I wanted to melt into the plush carpeting beneath my feet. Bury me with a spilled mimosa, I thought, glancing up at the ceiling. Here lies Chastity Sexe and a twenty dollar breakfast cocktail. They meant well, and they’ll be missed.

  I knew I couldn’t get away with dodging Chase’s question for much longer. He peered at me, searching my face with his soulful eyes. Sitting up as straight as I could, I reached for the napkin and wiped away the rest of the grime from my face. My skin still felt hot and unpleasantly sticky, but at least I’d managed to stop crying.

  “I love you, too,” I whispered and cringed. Waiting for the repercussions the admission would cost me. After a few tortured seconds, I raised my eyes and stared right into Chase’s. When the small shiver of pleasure that always resulted from staring at Chase crawled down my back, I didn’t look away.

  He didn’t look away.

  “You do?” Chase raised an eyebrow. “That’s good. I was starting to get pretty worried about something.”

  I frowned. “What?”

  Chase reached into his pocket and pulled out a small velvet box. He held it in front of him, staring down at it with a bemused expression.

  “Well, I’m pretty sure this isn’t returnable,” Chase said. A coy smile played on his lips, and he reached across the table, setting the box down gently in front of me. “And besides, I’m pretty sure you’ll love it. Don’t make me wrong about you, Chastity. I hate being wrong.”

  My heart pounded double-time, and I thought it would jump out of my chest and skitter out of the restaurant. With the tiny velvet box in front of me, I could barely focus on anything else. The glaring patrons of the restaurant were gone. The judgy waiter had vanished into thin air. The only sound I could hear was the blood pounding in my ears.

  I stared down at the tiny velvet box, dying to know what lifting the cover would reveal. On the one hand, I was almost afraid to pop open the lid. What if it was an engagement ring? I wasn’t ready to get married. I hadn’t even graduated from college yet. I could barely drink without a minor consumption. I’d never even had a boyfriend until now.

  On the other… I couldn’t help but grin. There was nothing wrong with a long engagement, after all. Besides, Chase didn’t seem like he was in a rush to get to the altar. I closed my eyes, envisioning a twinkling Tiffany six-prong diamond on my left hand. I stood center stage at a high-society party hosted by Nolan and Charlie Banks, my arm aching from people holding it up and admiring it all evening. I smiled demurely, dipping my head to the side. Oh, yes, we’re waiting a good five years to marry. I know it’s unconventional, but it’s perfect for us.

  “Chastity?” Chase’s voice jolted me out of my imagined soiree. He raised his eyebrow. “Don’t you want to see what’s inside?”

  My cheeks burned bright red. “I do,” I said. “Sorry… I’m…” I trailed off, biting the inside of my mouth. “Sorry…just...”

  Just fantasizing about my happily-ever-after. With you.

  Chase jerked his head toward the box. He grinned. “The suspense is killing me,” he said with that trademark lopsided grin, and I melted. “And I know what’s inside.”

  “Fine,” I said. I grabbed the box – it felt surprisingly light for carrying such a weighty piece of my life. As I pushed my thumb into the lip of the lid, my heart leapt into my throat. I closed my eyes. This is it, I thought. The moment where I leave my past behind.

  I frowned. There was no ring inside – nothing even remotely sparkly. No necklace. No earrings. Instead, a small slip of paper fell out.

  “You have to read it,” Chase said, an earnest look gracing his handsome visage.


  I swallowed. What the hell? Okay, maybe he just bought a voucher, and I’m going to pick my own ring? Not exactly how I would have imagined Chase doing things, but who knows?

  I grabbed the piece of paper. My hands felt unusually large and bulky as I tried to unroll the small slip. When I did, the print was so small I could barely read it. I held it up to my face, squinting and peering as intently as I could.

  “Chastity Marie Sexe,” I read, my heart thumping beneath my breast. At least the traitorous organ hadn’t exploded yet. “Seat AA3 NYC to AMS.”

  Chase nodded. “I thought you could use a vacation,” he said and just kept grinning like the Cheshire Cat. Shithead had to know what I’d think when he placed the first class airline seat into a jewelry box. I didn’t know whether to say thank you or fuck you. “God, I couldn’t wait to tell you that. I booked it before meeting Amanda for drinks, and I’ve been holding it in since then.”

  I stared. “You… you bought me a trip?”

  Chase shook his head. “I bought us a trip,” he said and winked. “First class, obviously. To Amsterdam – it’s one of my favorite cities in the world, and I want to share it with you. Please tell me you’ll consider joining the mile-high club?”

  The shock of his trickery had worn off, and I stared down at the scrap of paper in my hand. To my horror, the tears threatened to return anew, and I swallowed hard, willing them away.

  “Well, what do you think?” Chase leaned forward. “Are you happy? I thought one of your dreams was to travel to Europe?”

  I was so happy that I could barely speak. Instead, I nodded. After a second, my lips stretched into a huge grin.

  “I’m so thrilled,” I gushed, and realize I really was. “For a moment, I was a little afraid that it was going to be an engagement ring. The love thing is new, Chase. I can’t handle anything else right now.”

  Chase laughed. The deep baritone jolted me out of my awkwardness, and after a moment, I joined in.