Lies of the Dead

by Shauna Bickley

‘Don’t be one of those women who lives life through her children,’ said Erin. ‘I learned that from my mother-in-law. It’s hard to let go, but Sophie and Kristen are teenagers. They’re growing up and growing away.’

  After the meal, they wandered back to the car park.

  ‘You miss Steven,’ said Erin, as she unlocked her car. ‘I think you might even regret the separation.’ She shook her head as Andi started to interrupt. ‘Hear me out. You were angry and upset with him, and you had every right. But if you still love him, if you want to get back together, don’t let your pride get in the way. He regrets what happened.’

  ‘Have you talked to him?’

  ‘No, but Jeff has seen him a couple of times. Steven misses you.’

  The heat rose in her face. Steven missed her. At night, in the darkness and expanse of their bed, she wished he were there, though she fought the feelings and pushed herself to anger, remembering his betrayal. She felt certain he didn’t miss her, after the way she’d shouted and screamed. No way could she ever tell Steven she missed him.

  ‘I’m not sure of anything.’ She gave Erin a hug, and hurried across to her car. There was a lump in her throat, and she blinked back tears before starting the engine.

  *

  The following afternoon, Kristen’s form teacher rang Andi.

  ‘Kristen’s been off sick a number of times this term,’ said Mrs Baker. ‘I know you’ve sent notes to the school, but I wondered if everything was okay at home.’

  ‘Notes?’

  ‘Yes. I see it’s mostly stomach upsets, but as she’s been away more than usual, I thought I’d call to find out if anything’s worrying her.’

  ‘Is she doing okay at school?’

  ‘In some subjects. It’s more that she doesn’t seem the carefree Kristen she used to be. I’m not supposed to know these things, but she was quite the class entertainer with her imitations of some of the teachers.’

  So Kristen had been playing truant. She’d have to chat with her tonight. ‘I don’t think there’s anything wrong. Steven and I live apart, but that’s been a few months now, and they see him regularly.’

  While she cooked dinner, Andi wondered how to approach the subject. How could Kristen do something like this? What would Steven do if he found out? He might decide she wasn’t fit to look after them, and try to get sole custody.

  After the meal, Andi mentioned the phone call, trying to keep her tone casual.

  ‘What did she want?’ asked Kristen.

  ‘She was concerned about the state of your health.’ Both Kristen and Sophie looked at her blankly. ‘You’ve been playing hooky.’

  ‘Mum, no one calls it that now,’ said Kristen.

  ‘Truancy, bunking off. I don’t care what you call it.’ Kristen’s put-on bored expression annoyed her. ‘You’ve been missing school. A lot of time, from what Mrs Baker said. You’re never going to pass your exams and get to university. What the hell are you thinking?’ Andi rubbed her forehead. ‘And you’ve written notes supposedly from me.’

  Kristen’s expression changed to sullen. ‘Whatever.’

  ‘Whatever won’t get you good exam results and a well-paid job.’

  Kristen pushed her chair away from the table, and got up.

  ‘Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.’

  ‘Heard it all before.’ She tossed the words over her shoulder as she walked out.

  Andi recognised the attitude and stance. Her arguments with Steven were similar, except Kristen hadn’t slammed the door.

  ‘Nice one, Mum,’ said Sophie, and sighed as she got up.

  She ruffled Andi’s hair as she went past, and followed Kristen up the stairs. Andi felt as if she’d been demoted to the family pet.

  She cleared the table and filled the dishwasher to give herself time to calm down before going upstairs.

  Kristen’s door was ajar, and she heard voices from the room. She sat on the top stair and listened, hating herself for eavesdropping.

  ‘Why don’t you tell Mum what you want to do?’

  ‘Because she never listens. She thinks you and I are the same.’

  ‘Kris, you should show her these. I think they’re brilliant.’

  ‘You can’t get a well-paid job without a degree. My mother wouldn’t let me go to university, and I had to save up and pay for it myself. You don’t know how lucky you are.’ Kristen certainly had a gift for imitation, and Andi recognised the statements.

  Kristen carried on in her own voice. ‘Uni might be okay for smart people like you, but I’m dumb.’

  ‘No, you’re not. We’re just good at different things.’

  ‘Anything I’m good at doesn’t matter.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ said Sophie. ‘D’you remember Tiger Lily and Bella?’

  ‘The identical princesses.’

  ‘You made up stories about them every night when we were kids, and drew pictures of them the next day. I could never do that. You’re not dumb.’

  The floorboards creaked as one of them moved across the room.

  Andi hurried downstairs as quietly as she could.

  Chapter 3

  Tom

  Tom took his morning cup of coffee outside, and leaned against the dry stone wall which marked the boundary of his property. The edge of the field was crisp with a frost coating, but the daffodils Jo had planted in the garden were close to flowering. His breath hung in the air. Jo had always told him he took too long to make decisions – until the day she walked out with her suitcase, and no backward glance.

  He finished his coffee, and rang Jack. No more news overnight.

  Should he cancel the lease on Liam’s apartment? He didn’t have the money to pay for six months, and he guessed Andi wouldn’t either. He had lain awake through the night thinking about his younger brother: the easy charm and inviting smile that always got him exactly what he wanted. Liam would never kill himself. He must be away on a business trip. Maybe it was unexpected, and he didn’t have a chance to ring Tom, as he usually did.

  The sun warmed the air, and Tom climbed the cliff path and watched the white-tops crashing onto the beach. Jack believed the evidence. They had found Liam’s car in the car park by the marina. The keys were with his phone, wallet and clothes on the boat, and who else but Liam would take Kalina out?

  Why would he do such a terrible thing? What was so bad in Liam’s life, he couldn’t ask for help?

  Tom stood for long minutes, not seeing anything, until finally he turned and retraced his steps along the well-worn track. He stopped by the gate. What about Liam’s diving equipment? He jumped over the gate, his long legs easily managing the familiar movement. When he reached Liam’s cottage, he went straight to the garage.

  On the back wall was a shelf and a set of drawers and next to them a line of hooks. Tom checked the diving equipment which hung there, and the things spread along the shelf, furrows creased his forehead. He rummaged through the gear in the drawers, shook his head and left the garage.

  Back at his own house, he went to the workshop and checked through his diving equipment. He was clutching at vague hopes. Liam always kept his diving belt with the wetsuit, in the garage at his cottage.

  He sat heavily on the bench seat in the garden, his insides twisting. The diving belt wasn’t there. Liam must have taken it out on the boat with him that night.

  He wanted his brother to turn up. Hoped there was an explanation. He didn’t want to believe the evidence Liam had killed himself, and still thought of him alive, laughing, as he was the last time they’d gone fishing on Kalina. He wanted this to be a mystery with a solution. Someone else had taken the boat, and Liam had gone overseas for work, as he sometimes did.

  But no one else could have taken the diving belt, and if Liam had taken it, it meant he had done what Jack already accepted. Liam had worn his diving belt so he couldn’t change his mind, and his body was unlikely to wash up on the unforgiving shore.

  *

  The next few days
passed in a blur of frustration, anger and boredom. Tom turned down sailing jobs because he might not have mobile phone reception, but receiving the one call he wanted was a vain hope. If he’d found Liam’s diving belt with the rest of the gear, he might have fooled himself, but the chances of Liam’s body washing up now were remote.

  He rang or visited Jack each morning; although he knew Jack would call immediately with any news.

  During one of their conversations, Jack asked if he’d told Andi yet.

  ‘No. I keep thinking I’ll wait until we have something, you know, concrete, to tell her.’ Tom sat on the hardback chair in Jack’s office.

  ‘I think it’s unlikely Liam’s body will come ashore. Kalina was a long way out, and with the diving belt as well…’

  Tom gave a sigh. ‘I’ll ring her this evening.’

  He wandered down to the beach, and made for the smooth, flat-topped rock he had used as a seat for as long as he could remember. The water surged, and memories crowded him. He and Liam used to race through these rocks in the days when they rarely sat for more than a minute. They would turn the smaller stones in the rock pools to see what grasped onto the underside. As they grew older, they grew more daring, and fished from ledges where waves smashed against the rocks.

  When Liam moved to London, months passed between his visits to Poldrayth, but they’d always shared an easy friendship which didn’t weaken with distance.

  ‘Why did you do it?’ He spoke out loud, and looked around to make sure he was alone. What could he have done to help Liam? Had he missed something in their conversations?

  He shivered, and wandered back along the beach. The road twisted between the houses, disappearing and reappearing as it climbed the hill to the main road. Green hills bordered the village, and a footpath snaked its way along the top of the cliffs, giving startling views of the distant horizon and the waves below, which crashed endlessly onto rocks as lethal as sharks’ teeth.

  The leasing agent rang, and asked if Tom had managed to get hold of Liam. Was he extending the lease on the apartment?

  Tom took a breath, and told the man he wouldn’t be renewing.

  ‘You’ll need to clear the apartment before the end of the week, so I can get someone else in.’

  ‘How about I meet you at the apartment tomorrow morning?’ At least he’d made a decision. He could drive to Bristol today and see Andi, and probably spend the night at her place, before going on to London in the morning.

  He threw a few things into an overnight bag. By the time he left Poldrayth, the sun had worked its magic on the frosted white stalks of grass, and everything was green and damp.

  Once he’d crossed the Tamar into Devon, the air felt more temperate, as if some wildness had been left behind on the far side of the river.

  Tom pulled in at a service station. After filling up, he wandered into the café and bought himself a drink and some food he didn’t need. He sat by the window and watched the constant hustle outside. Individuals and groups, arriving and leaving. Like a relentless tide.

  He glanced at the now cold drink and congealing food, and left.

  Andi lived south of Bristol. Before the motorway interchange, he indicated and moved to the left hand lane, and then took the next exit. The sparse country lanes might fool some people, but the city sprawl crept ever outward. Church Dalton had grown in the years since Andi first moved there, and was now more a city suburb than a village. However, the locals clung to the belief the narrow ring of fields between them and the outside world meant nothing had changed.

  He drove through a maze of flower-themed street names, and parked outside Andi’s house. As he rang the bell, feet thumped on the stairs and one of the twins opened the door.

  ‘Hello. This is a surprise.’ Sophie, or Kristen, grinned at him.

  When the twins were together, there were a couple of slight differences that helped him identify them, but on their own he wasn’t so sure.

  ‘I visited a friend, and thought I’d call in.’ It wasn’t the most believable excuse, but he wanted to choose the time he told Andi about Liam, and preferably on her own, rather than with the girls.

  Sophie, or Kristen, gave him a wink. ‘Come on in, Mum’s cooking dinner.’

  ‘What have you been up to lately?’

  ‘Just keeping it real.’

  Tom pondered the words, and then gave up. ‘How’s school, Sophie?’ He mentally crossed his fingers as he said her name.

  She giggled, and said, ‘Kristen,’ as she went into the kitchen. ‘Mum, look who’s here.’

  Andi was chopping vegetables at the worktop. She’d always been slim, but she seemed to have lost weight since he last saw her.

  ‘What did you say, Sophie?’ Andi’s eyes widened as Tom walked in. ‘Where did you spring from?’ She wiped her hands on a towel, and gave him a hug.

  Sophie smiled at him. ‘I was just keeping you on your toes.’

  ‘Can you stay for dinner?’ asked Andi. ‘We’ve got enough.’

  ‘I hoped I could stay the night as well, but it’s not a problem if I can’t.’

  She assured Tom he could stay, and while she cooked dinner he caught up on the latest happenings.

  Kristen and Sophie had long, honey-blonde hair. Liam had been the fair one in their family. He and Andi had dark hair, although she now had highlights through her short spikey cut. As the twins talked about school and friends, he saw the teenage Andi in their wide smiles. Kristen was unusually quiet, but Sophie talked enough for them both. At fifteen, they had a more active social life than he did.

  Andi made no mention of Steven and their separation, so he didn’t bring up the subject either. Telling her about Liam would be tough enough.

  After dinner the twins got up. ‘Guess we’ll leave you and Mum to the serious conversation now,’ said Sophie.

  ‘Have you got any homework?’ Andi wanted to know.

  ‘Done it.’

  They disappeared out of the kitchen.

  Andi pushed her hand through her hair. ‘So what’s this all about? You can’t fool me with your visiting a friend rubbish.’

  ‘Liam’s disappeared.’

  ‘Disappeared? What do you mean? I haven’t heard from him in months.’

  Tom put his hand up to stop her. If he didn’t, this would turn into her usual tirade about Liam, and he didn’t want her to say something she might regret when he explained.

  ‘Not that kind of disappearance.’

  He told her about Jago and Old Bill finding Kalina, and Liam’s note and belongings.

  ‘Suicide? You think Liam killed himself?’ She shook her head, and then picked up some dishes and took them to the kitchen counter.

  ‘I’m not sure what to think. Jack believes Liam is dead, and the evidence points that way.’ He watched Andi, never sure how she would react where Liam was involved. Her lips trembled, and he moved to give her a hug. She caught hold of his arm and held tight.

  ‘I never thought I’d cry for Liam.’ Her eyes were watery, but she took a gulp of breath and seemed in control of herself.

  She turned away and stacked the plates on the bench top. ‘The police are sure, even with no body?’

  ‘They seem to be.’

  Tom explained the police had visited Liam’s flat, contacted work colleagues and were monitoring his bank account. Finally he mentioned the missing diving belt.

  Andi sat at the table. ‘Why’s the belt important?’

  ‘It tells me Liam wanted to make sure he couldn’t back out at the last minute.’

  ‘What did the note say?’

  ‘He was sorry.’

  ‘That would be a first.’ Andi pulled a face. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Probably true, though.’

  ‘What about finding his body?’

  ‘First of all, I thought he might be washed up somewhere along the coast, although Kalina was a fair way out. But, if he wore the diving belt we won’t find anything.’ He sat opposite her. ‘Are you okay?’

&nbs
p; ‘I think so. How about you?’

  He tried not to ask himself that question. ‘When did you last see Liam?’

  Andi wrinkled her nose as she thought. ‘It must have been during the summer holidays last year. We stayed at your place, and Liam came down for a weekend.’

  ‘Yes, I remember now. We had a good time together.’

  Andi raised her eyebrows. ‘You and I always saw different sides of Liam. You two were close, but Liam and I never got on. Mum and Dad spoiled him rotten, and he thought the world revolved around him.’

  ‘That’s when we were kids.’

  ‘Liam never changed. I don’t want to make you feel bad, that’s just the way things were. Have you any idea why he would kill himself?’

  ‘No, I feel so guilty not knowing. He didn’t tell me anything, or ask for help. I can’t think what would be so bad he couldn’t sort it out, or talk to me, or someone.’

  Andi reached across the table and caught hold of Tom’s hand. ‘You can’t blame yourself for anything. Liam made his own decisions.’

  ‘I know, but it doesn’t help.’

  She poured two glasses of wine, and took them into the lounge. ‘I guess it’s a good thing Mum and Dad aren’t still alive. They’d never cope with this.’

  ‘I hadn’t thought about that, but yes, you’re right.’

  ‘Did you drive all this way to tell me about Liam?’

  ‘I wanted to talk to you rather than ring, but also the lease on Liam’s apartment is up. I’m going to London tomorrow to meet the agent, and clear it out.’

  ‘Nothing like choosing your time,’ said Andi. ‘Liam, I mean. Sorry. It’s hard to change the habits of a lifetime. Would you like me to go with you?’

  ‘You don’t have to come to London just because I’m staying here tonight.’

  ‘I understand, but it won’t be a pleasant job for you sorting through Liam’s stuff. I can take the day off work, and I promise I’ll try hard to only say nice things about him.’

  ‘What about the girls?’

  ‘They’re at school, well, they’re supposed to be,’ she muttered.