Bigfoots Don't Do Mini Coopers (Kate Storm Book 1)

by Meredith Allen Conner

  I aimed the can and sprayed the entire area near the door. “I shouldn’t be gone long.” Then I sprayed an extra two feet on either side of the door. “I’ll grab some dinner on the way home.” I put the can away, coughing as my eyes watered. “Do you want meatballs again?”

  Al rubbed his nose against his chest. “Yeah.” He sneezed, jumped onto the chair and down to the floor. “Yo, Doll, a bit much, don’t ya think?”

  Not for his sensitive nose.

  “I didn’t want you to smell anything bad.” Or figure out exactly what had taken place while he was rolling around in my lingerie.

  I grabbed my purse. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

  I hustled out before he could ask anymore questions. At some point, I knew I would have to get Al to face the reality of my relationship with Ash. But right now, I didn’t need to rub his tiny nose in it.

  Duck and Dodge.

  I unlocked my Mini Cooper and slid in. My broom might be faster but I needed a little normalcy. Human normalcy that is. My HC side was in the cauldron. Deep, deep in the cauldron.

  Honestly, what demon reacted like that? I couldn’t get over it. Didn’t all males - regardless of the species - love a blow job?

  Maybe Ash hadn’t complained exactly, but he’d nearly left burn marks on my floor in his rush to leave.

  I turned onto Morgan’s street. She lived three blocks away. I probably could have walked, but it smacked too much of exercise to me.

  I pulled up next to the curb. Right behind a silver Porsche.

  Looked like Drake was still here. Not that I have the cars of everyone who lives on Morgan’s street memorized, but a Porsche always stands out.

  Perfect. I’d finally get to meet my UDBF’s mystery man. And maybe get to the heart of Morgan’s lie.

  This might take a bit. I picked up my cell and called Désirée to tell her I probably wouldn’t be back today.

  Fortunately the xenologist and the mistress had left. Désirée was catching up on paperwork. I hung up and rang the doorbell.

  “Hello?”

  Morgan used an intercom system. Every vamp I knew used one. It worked perfectly for issues like deliveries and daylight.

  “Hey Morgan. I need to talk.” Hopefully, Drake would give us some space after I shook hands and cast my truth spell with him. I didn’t want to . . .

  What was that sound?

  I tried the knob and discovered it was unlocked. I pulled my wand out of my purse. Holding it in one hand, I pushed open the door. Inside the front door there was a tiny entryway and then another door.

  I closed the front door behind me, pausing to make certain I couldn’t see any sunlight before I flung open the inside door and charged in, wand first.

  Morgan had completely remodeled her two story craftsman style house right after she bought it a year ago. I’d helped as much as I could. Putting in my two cents on style and colors as well as handling all the subcontractors who worked during the day. Basically all of them.

  The new floor plan was open and bright with a wide staircase running along one wall to the loft on the second floor.

  All the blackout shades were drawn and every light was on. Which afforded me a clear view of the tall, dark vampire striding toward me.

  I’d have been slightly alarmed at the wide smile displaying his long fangs, if I hadn’t seen him once before. Drake darn near rivaled Ash in looks and appearance. He stood about the same height with shoulders almost as wide. What he lacked in horns he made up for with fangs.

  I tend to lean towards amber eyes, scars and natural colognes that include a hint of smoke, but Drake’s deep emerald eyes weren’t bad at all, his pale skin utterly flawless, dark hair to his collar, perfectly tousled and while I wasn’t close enough to take a whiff, I could definitely see the appeal.

  “You must be Kate.” Drake’s smile widened, fangs flashing in the well-lit room as he walked towards me, hand outstretched.

  Vampires were rarely pleased to meet me. Those true members of the HC liked to actively scorn me. Drake was clearly out to impress Morgan. I have to say that impressed me as well.

  “Drake. Stop!”

  Drake and I both ignored Morgan’s shout. She stood frozen at the top of the stairs. She had an expression on her face I’d never seen before. If I didn’t know her better, I’d almost say she looked frightened.

  I couldn’t sense any danger and I was fed up with Morgan’s secrecy. As Drake continued towards me, I guessed he was too.

  I tucked my wand in my back pocket and reached out my hand. Morgan moaned.

  What was the big deal?

  The moment our hands touched I knew exactly what the big deal was, why Morgan had tried to keep Drake and I from ever meeting, and why she had lied to me. Right from the very beginning.

  I’ve always taken pride in my witchy heritage. At that moment, I would have given anything to be purely human and ignorant of magic.

  “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Drake’s hand was cool and firm against mine. “Morgan has told me so much about you.”

  Not quite everything. She’d forgotten to mention that she had lied to me from day one.

  I pulled my hand away and scrubbed my palm over my jeans. It didn’t help. The knowledge was seared into my brain, just as painful and unforgiving as any brand.

  “Nice to meet you too.” If Aunt Tabs hadn’t drilled the social niceties into me as a young witch, I would have had nothing. And I’d thought I’d had a shock earlier when the detectives told me about the blood.

  Silly, silly me.

  “I’m sorry we haven’t been able to meet before this, I understand you are quite the busy matchmaker.” That was the excuse Morgan had been giving him? From anyone else I would have taken offense, but vampires are usually very old. And unless you knew for a fact they were trying to insult you, it was best to take their words at face value. “Morgan says you truly have a gift.”

  Any other day I would have been flattered to know Morgan had been bragging about me. Right now, it felt more like pouring alcohol over the knife wound.

  I looked up. Morgan stood in the exact same spot. Not having moved an inch since Drake and I shook hands. Her expression remained the same. Now I understood her fear.

  I just didn’t understand why she had lied.

  “It’s truly remarkable you two have found each other. After what happened with Morgan’s family, it’s incredible anyone survived. And yet here you both are.”

  Yep. We were both here all right. Staring at each other, not saying a word. My throat had mostly closed up, sort of locked down by the pain jabbing through me.

  I wasn’t sure why Morgan didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure I cared.

  “Are you all right?” Drake appeared to finally realize something was amiss. His hand wrapped around my upper arm. “You don’t look well.”

  Probably the understatement of the century, but apt.

  I didn’t feel well. I felt as if my entire world had tilted. Sharply. And I didn’t know if it would ever level out again.

  “Morgan?” Drake turned, his hand pulling me forward. “Kate looks like . . .” Drake abruptly dropped his hand. I wobbled for a moment before finding my balance.

  “My sweet, are you all right?”

  Drake’s voice sounded farther away. It took a moment, then I realized Drake must’ve looked up at Morgan and noticed her expression. Vamps are crazy fast. He now stood next to Morgan, his arm wrapped around her waist. His hand on her cheek.

  Morgan’s eyes were still locked on me.

  “Drake, Kate and I have some things we need to discuss.” Clearly, understatements were going to be the theme this afternoon. “Would you mind giving us some privacy?”

  Translated: would you please leave? Vampires have ridiculously sensitive senses. Drake would be able to hear our conversation from halfway down the block.

  Based on the expression on Drake’s face, I had a feeling that’s exactly where he planned to be. I could have cared less. I was do
ing all I could to maintain my balance on my new tilted plane.

  Drake frowned at me. I shook my head ay him.

  Don’t blame me buddy. Not my fault. Not my lies. I’m still reeling.

  Drake whispered something to Morgan. Since he disappeared in a dizzying blur a second later I assumed he said goodbye. Which left Morgan and myself. Alone. Staring at each other. As if we didn’t know what to say.

  My heart nearly broke right then and there.

  We’ve been friends for nearly three years. Actually, Morgan is the only friend I have. The only one I’ve ever had. And we were looking at each other like strangers. Like people who had never shared their deepest and darkest.

  After my handshake with Drake, it seemed Morgan truly hadn’t. She’d kept one Very Big secret from me.

  The silence was killing me.

  “So, should I call you Auntie now?”

  “It’s not what you think, Kate.” Morgan stumbled forward, her white hands gripped the edge of the railing. “I didn’t deliberately mislead you.”

  “Really?” Icicles couldn’t get colder than my voice. “It’s strange, because I don’t remember you introducing yourself as a long lost relative.” I shoved down the pain. I’d deal with it later. I was going to do this calm and in control. “I don’t remember you saying anything about us being related. Not once.” My voice started to rise. “Not one single time in the three years we’ve been friends.” My voice rose to the point it bounced off the walls and echoed back at me. “Seems a bit like misleading to me.” I added air quotes to my emphasis as I tossed the word right back at her.

  “I didn’t mean to do it.” Her red nails dug into the wood railing. “I just . . .” She floundered. Looked around as if an answer genie was going to jump out of a wall.

  “You what, Morgan?” If bitterness had a physical quality it would have been dripping from my mouth. “Thought it would be fun to play a trick on the witch?”

  “No!” Morgan’s emerald eyes widened as they shot to mine. “Never. I didn’t set out to trick you, Kate. I planned to tell you.” She caught her lower lip with one fang. “I just didn’t know how anymore.”

  “Family is everything to me, Morgan. You know that.” I flung the words at her. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why?”

  I would have been thrilled. Ecstatic. To know I had family beyond my Aunt Tabs? And then to become as close as Morgan I had over the years?

  But now? I didn’t understand and the betrayal was all the more strong because of it.

  “It’s complicated.” Morgan ran a hand through her sunset locks. The strands parted and sifted and fell back into perfect place. My perfect UDBF. My Aunt, several - several - generations removed.

  I’d never seen her so unnerved. At such a loss. I’d have been concerned if I wasn’t falling apart.

  “How complicated is it to shake someone’s hand and say ‘hi, you don’t know me but we’re related’?” I couldn’t get my voice to drop below full volume. “I know you, Morgan. You don’t leave anything to chance. You would have done your research. You had to have known Aunt Tabs and I would have been so happy to know we weren’t the last of our line.”

  And then it hit me. Morgan would have definitely done her research.

  “Or did you not want to admit you were related us?” I stopped yelling. “Were you ashamed of us? Our mortality?”

  I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but Morgan went white at my words. Not just pale, but pure white. Nearly translucent. Enough for me to see the veins beneath her skin. Blue and rich and throbbing with the blood of her immortality.

  I turned and walked out the door.

  I thought I heard her call my name as I gently closed the front door, but I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t care.

  It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

  23. Getting Better.

  The phone rang.

  I ignored it.

  My chair cushions cradled my body, feet propped comfortably on the ottoman. Sunlight warmed my skin. A slight breeze kept me from being too warm.

  Perfect.

  I took a sip of my Vodka Tonic.

  Perfect.

  The phone rang.

  “Doll? Ya gonna answer that?” Al jumped up next to my bare feet.

  “Nope.” I took another sip.

  “Do ya wanna talk about it?” Al tilted his tiny head, ears twitching.

  “Nope.”

  The phone rang.

  “It’s Aunt Tabs.” Al nudged me with his wet nose.

  “Don’t care.” I loved my Aunt, but I did not want to talk to her. I’d talked to her earlier. She’d been thrilled to discover Morgan was actually related to us.

  She wanted to know how we were related. After all Morgan was a vampire and we were witches. Was it a matrilineal relationship? Did we have more relatives?

  Did she know anything about the curse?

  I didn’t know. I hadn’t thought to ask. I’d been too busy being devastated and pissed off.

  What I’d wanted was to invite my aunt over to my pity party. I’d decided against her invitation when she’d acted happy. Aunt Tabs seemed to think there was a reasonable explanation.

  Reasonable was not part of my vocabulary at the moment.

  I’d ousted it. Along with all other rational sounding words.

  I’d settled for my physical feelings and vodka.

  Everything else was simply too much.

  The phone rang again.

  “She’s not happy about your keep out spell.” The spell was working. And I wanted my privacy. I’d also cast a sleeping spell over Harley. I was not in the mood to be a nice witch.

  “Better answer the phone. Ya don’t want to get into a spell casting contest with your Aunt.”

  We wouldn’t. Aunt Tabs had understood the last time I’d used the same spell. I’d been twelve and the other witches at the Witch Academy had cast a wart growing spell on me. Aunt Tabs forgave me. She’d do so again. After all, we were the only relatives . . . Oh, right. I’d forgotten.

  I took another sip of vodka.

  “That’s your fifth one, Doll.” Al licked my ankle. “Ya might wanna think about stoppin’.”

  Fifth? Must’ve lost track somewhere between two and four.

  “S’all good, Al.” And it was. My world was finally rosy and warm and not-achy.

  I wasn’t thinking about Ash, blood, Morgan, detectives, Ash, Harley, Morgan, Claud Portier, Morgan, Ash or the ant crawling up my leg.

  Actually I was thinking about the ant crawling up my leg. It tickled. I brushed it off my leg. I could handle the ant.

  Go me.

  I raised my glass in a toast and took a large slurp.

  Such a nice view. Housetops and mountains.

  I toasted that too.

  Morgan floated into my view.

  I lowered my glass. “What’re you doin’ here?”

  “I’m here to talk.” Morgan tilted her head. I picked up my wand. “If you want to curse me, you might want to sober up to try it. You can’t cast a spell when you’re drunk, Kate.”

  Ha. She would know since we’d tried it . . . Nope, not going there.

  I put down my wand and took another drink. Rosy, warm and blank. Perfect.

  “Yo, Morgan.” Al turned to face her. His sunlight warmed fur brushed my foot. “You got on some UVBGone?”

  “Yep. Hey, Al, you mind if I have a word with Kate in private?”

  Oh no, she didn’t. She was not going to run Al off. This was his house too. She wasn’t going to . . . Wait, was Morgan going somewhere?

  I rubbed my hand over my forehead. For some reason my mind wasn’t working very well.

  “Yeah. Go ahead. She’s been acting weird since she got home. Won’t talk to me. Maybe she’ll talk to you.” Al walked up my legs and my torso. He reached up and licked my lips. “I’m throwin’ out the rest of the bottle.”

  “Okay.” What bottle? “I love you, Al.” I scratched him behind one ear. Ran my nose over his tiny, f
urry head.

  Al licked my lips again. “I’ll tuck ya in after you and Morgan chat, okay, Doll?”

  “It’s not nighttime yet.” I peeked around his tiny body. Nope, still daylight.

  “I know, I thought we could . . .”

  “You’re not taking advantage of her while she’s drunk, Al.”

  “He can do whatever he wants, Morgan.” Something seemed wrong about that statement, but I couldn’t figure out what.

  Al trotted down my body to the ottoman. He jumped onto the porch deck and headed through the door that led to my bedroom.

  “I’ll be waitin’ inside for ya, Doll.”

  “You know he’s probably inside trying to figure out how to light candles.”

  I was pretty sure Chihuahuas couldn’t hold matches. No matter how determined they might be.

  “Damn it, Kate. I know you like to avoid things, but we are going to talk about this.”

  I shot to my feet, stumbled over the ottoman and fell on my face. I decided to cast a spell. I mumbled the words into my deck floor. The moment I was sober - and damn it all I had a good one going - I got back on my feet and whirled to face her.

  “You want to talk about avoidance issues? Fine. How about we start with yours? You’ve had years to tell me the truth. And you’ve never said a word.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry that we’re friends?” She’d lied to me. Friends didn’t lie to one another. Not in my book. So what the hell did that make us?

  “No!” Morgan flew closer, hit my spell and bounced back several feet. She waved one pale hand towards me. “Would you please get rid of that?”

  I shook my head and crossed my arms tightly over my chest. It didn’t help. The ache there threatened to spill over.

  “We’re friends, Kate. You know that. I know you’re mad and angry and . . .” She bit off the last word. “I have never wanted to hurt you.”

  “Could have fooled me.” The ache had traveled up to my throat, closing it, strangling my words. “Were you ever going to tell me? Or did it shame you to admit you had mortal relatives?”