Daddy's Girl

by Isabella Starling

  I wanted him.

  I wanted this.

  I couldn't stand him leaving.

  "Don't go," I begged him softy as he tugged on my hair, toying with the curls that were still intact. "Don't let me go, please."

  "I have to." He kissed me, gently and with his eyes closed.

  I closed mine too, just so he wouldn't see the tears brimming in them.

  Truth be told, Law was the only man to give a shit about me since my father passed away.

  Law was a jackass, a kidnapper, a fucking crazy man - of course. But he was also caring, and sweet, and wanted the best for me, whatever it cost. I didn't understand how I could feel that way about him, but with the butterflies in my stomach, it was getting harder and harder to deny my feelings for Law.

  And all this now, when he was letting me go.

  I leaned against his shoulder and he held me tight. I wrapped my legs around his waist because I needed to feel him as close as possible.

  "You're a bad man," I told him softly, and he kissed my forehead.

  "I know, babygirl," he said. "You should run as far away from me as possible. Because I might change my mind someday, and then there won't be a safe place for you in the world."

  I pressed myself closer, and finally, I began to understand why I needed to leave.

  My mother was the biggest villain here. My fists tightened in hatred as I remembered the way she'd washed me. The way she'd given me up to a complete fucking stranger - and was going to do it again, if Law hadn't stopped her.

  "Will she let me be?" I asked Law, and we both knew who I was talking about.

  "I made her swear," he muttered. "If she doesn't, I'm going to fucking kill her."

  Somehow, I knew he was telling the truth.

  "Everything you need is in the suitcase. You can spend the night here, but then you need to get the hell out of here, babygirl."

  I couldn't look at him, couldn't even bring myself to admit how upsetting this was to me.

  I'd fallen for the monster that lived in the cellar with me. I fell for the man from the shadows.

  He held me for a long time. It must've been an hour later that he picked me up as if I weighed nothing, setting me on my feet as I rubbed my tired eyes.

  "I have to go, babygirl," he told me, and I looked away.

  It was too fucking hard to deal with, too painful to lose the man I was supposed to hate all along. But instead, I'd ended up falling for him like a stupid lovesick puppy that didn't know any better.

  "Okay," I said in my smallest voice.

  "Okay," Law repeated.

  I knew he wouldn't be much for goodbyes, but I could tell he was lingering, trying to prolong these last few moments with me. I decided not to make a scene, trying to be a good girl for him like he'd wanted me to be.

  He put the suitcase on the table, unzipping it, and I looked at the items inside. A toothbrush, some clothes, an old teddy bear I used to sleep with every night. He'd packed with care even though he was in a hurry. My heart swelled with emotion.

  "I wanted you to have a few things you liked."

  I looked away.

  He pulled me into a tight hug, his hands moving up and down my back in reassuring motions as I cuddled against him. He murmured this and that into my ear, and I stayed strong for him.

  I wanted to stay like that forever. I would've done anything to be able to stay with him, to put this all behind us.

  Law pulled away, his eyes boring into mine and making me return the look.

  "Stay safe out there, babygirl," he said gently. "It's a big world for a little girl."

  "I will," I promised. "For Daddy."

  He nodded, and hesitated for a moment. I thought maybe he would change his mind, tell me something that was going to change everything. But in the end, he merely kissed me.

  I knew my mouth still tasted like him, but he didn't seem to care. He kissed me like his life depended on it, needy and fast and urgent.

  When he pulled away, he didn't look at me again.

  We didn't say goodbye. I watched him drive away and my heart broke all over again.

  Twenty-One

  Law

  It was a long drive back. When I climbed out of the truck, the grand house I was looking at had never felt less like home.

  I’d never really considered myself the kind of man that needed, or even wanted a home. But it became more than clear to me now that I would have loved nothing more than to have made a home for myself with Lily. Wherever, however.

  That was simply a choice I could no longer make.

  Clearing my mind, I took a deep breath of the night air and fished a pack of cigarettes out of the glove compartment before locking the truck. I hadn’t needed a smoke since I got my hands on Lily, but I definitely fucking needed one now.

  Lighting up, I leaned against the side of the truck and took a deep breath. There were a couple of lights on in the house and I could see Emily’s shadow moving past one of the windows. I could bet she was waiting on me to come inside, so she could blow up at me for ruining her dinner.

  The fact that Lily was missing was probably a far second problem in her mind.

  Shaking my head, I looked at the night sky, the stars clearly visible tonight. As corny as it was, I hoped that Lily was looking at them too at that moment. There wasn’t much left connecting us, so grasping for the last tendrils was all the more painful.

  The smoke went fast, helping to clog up my brain in another kind of way. I was going to be drinking that night, drinking a lot. I shoved the cigarettes in my pocket and stalked inside, reminding myself that murdering Emily would not be a great idea.

  It took more self-control than I would have liked to instill that idea in my head in earnest.

  As soon as the front door fell shut behind me, I could hear the clicking of Emily’s heels heading toward me. There was no point in trying to race her, it wasn’t that big of a fucking house, so I just stopped in the large open space that led to the kitchen and dining room, tracking in mud with my boots. Might as well get this particular shitshow over with fast.

  “Lawson!” Emily’s voice rang out before she came into view, frantic and high-pitched. “Where the hell were you!?”

  She skidded to a halt in front of me, looking impeccably put together as usual, but just a little ragged at the edges. Like she needed a smoke. Or someone to teach her not to be a rabid bitch.

  “Are we cursing now? It’s not very ladylike, Emily. I don’t think I owe you any explanations, Emily,” I said, my voice sounding far more tired than I wanted it to.

  “Oh yes, you fucking do,” she said, flushing red in the cheeks. “Where’s Lily? We were supposed to have dinner tonight with… well, we were supposed to have dinner and I had to call it off last minute. Do you know how humiliating that is? Where is she, where is my daughter?”

  “She’s safe,” I said, ignoring most of what she was rattling on about. “And you’ll have nothing to do with her anymore. She’s a grown-up, an adult who can make her own decisions.”

  Emily’s eyes went wide and had I been in a better mood, it might have even been comical. Shock didn’t befit her.

  “What did you do, Lawson? Where is she!?”

  Emily rushed past me, checking the entryway. She ran out of the house and I could only assume she was going for my truck, expecting to find Lily there. I chuckled, despite the lack of humor in the situation. Getting under her skin was a small, but valuable joy in life.

  “I already told you. She’s safe. She’s far away from you and that’s how I intend on keeping it.”

  “You fucking idiot,” she hissed, losing what little cool she had left. “Do you realize what you’ve done!?”

  “I’ve let her go,” I said, feeling my heart constrict in my chest.

  Looking at Emily, though, I knew I had done the right thing. The only thing I could have done, keeping in mind what was good for Lily. It was just bitter that what was good for her couldn’t be good for me.

  �
��I want a divorce,” I muttered, turning away from her and heading toward my office. “I don’t think we have anything that needs to be settled anymore.”

  Emily quieted for a moment, but it didn’t last long. I hadn’t really expected it to, anyway.

  “You’re not getting a divorce,” she fumed. “Fine, you’ve done something to my daughter – I’ll find out what, I’ll find out where you’re keeping her – but there is no way in hell that I’m going to let you ruin what I’ve built up along with it. She’s a loss, but I can manage it.

  “If you don’t want me to turn your precious babygirl’s life into pure hell when I find her then you’re going to fall in line. Do you hear me?”

  She was screaming at me as I walked away from her, the last words muffled by the closing door. I locked it behind me, and her nails scrabbled against the door handle mere seconds later.

  “This isn’t over, Lawson!” she yelled.

  I couldn’t care less.

  Dropping into my leather chair, I kicked my filthy boots up on the table and lit another cigarette. The smoke plumed around me as I looked at each and every one of the pictures I had of Lily on my wall, studying the features of her face and her body as if trying to memorize them all over again.

  It was a joke. I knew her, I knew every bit of her. When I closed my eyes, I could see her face as clear as day. I didn’t need these pictures, and yet they almost felt like the only thing I had left of her.

  Reaching for the whiskey bottle on my table, I poured myself a full glass and took a long sip between puffs of the cigarette. The drink burned as it went down my throat, but it didn’t burn enough.

  Emily didn’t linger at the door, picking her battles. She knew she had me by the short hairs when I came back to the house, she might just not have realized it yet. I wasn’t really expecting her to say yes to the divorce, but I needed to keep her mad and distracted to buy Lily more time.

  So far, it was working. But underestimating Emily would have been a mistake, one that I wasn’t planning on making.

  The first glass of whiskey disappeared as if into thin air and the second and third didn’t fare a lighter fate. Chain smoking and drinking, I kept looking at those pictures, mesmerized.

  I could imagine so easily the kind of woman Lily would really grow up to be. She had so much strength in her that I think she never realized she had, her energy spent on acting out and being a brat instead. I was sure that was over now, and it was so fucking bitter that I couldn’t witness her blossoming.

  But this was for her own good. Having a man like me around her for too long… well, it couldn’t lead to anything good, right?

  Halfway through the fourth glass, I got up. Holding the tumbler and with a lit cigarette between my lips, I walked over to the wall and one by one, removed each picture from it. I threw them in the trash can until there wasn’t a single picture on the wall.

  Then, I took the still-lit end of my cigarette and threw it in the trash on top of the pictures. They lit up quickly, the edges starting to scorch and pucker until a flame erupted, engulfing the stack. I watched it quietly, tipping a small toast to it when all that remained were ashes.

  I needed to let go, and it was the hardest fucking thing I’d ever had to do. Keeping myself on that track was like pulling teeth, especially when all my body wanted to do was get the fuck out of this house and go back to my babygirl.

  For better or for worse, that woman had changed me. I could only hope that what I had done to her hadn’t ruined her for life.

  Twenty-Two

  Lily

  The house felt empty without him.

  Even though we'd barely spent any time there together, I saw signs of Law everywhere I looked and it made my chest swell with an ache I didn't recognize. It took me a while to figure out what it meant.

  I was homesick.

  Homesick for the fucking cellar. For the grimy bathroom, for the dirty mattress.

  Homesick for Daddy.

  I padded around the room with my feet bare, pulling on a fluffy robe I found in the downstairs bathroom. It must have been Law's. I could smell his musky, woodsy scent all over it, and it made me belt it firmly to feel like he was close.

  I was aimless and restless, trying to find something to do, something to pass the time. I knew I would have to leave in the morning. My opened suitcase on the table reminded me of that every time I passed it, the contents laid out neatly and folded to perfection, even if the initial packing had been abrupt.

  It showed me Law really was trying to take care of me and make sure I was alright. He wanted me to be safe, and we both knew the only way to do that was to get me away from him and my mother.

  I made myself something to eat from the stuff I found in the kitchen, just a simple sandwich to tide over my hunger. It felt weird to make my own food, and I realized with a start I missed Law taking care of me, however fucked up it was.

  The vastness of the hunting lodge felt constricting for some reason. I didn't know what to do with myself, and I ended up curling up on the sofa with a mug of random tea I'd found in the cupboards.

  I inhaled the soothing scent of the chamomile tea brewing, and let it carry me to another time. When I was a little girl and my dad was still around, and he used to make me chamomile tea to calm down my tummy when I wasn't feeling well.

  I let my thoughts transport me, and I took small sips of the hot drink as I slowly drifted off to sleep. My head lolled to the side and I set the cup aside, burrowing myself in the blankets on the sofa, leaving all the lights on as I closed my eyes.

  Monsters don't bite in the light, right?

  "Daddy, I don't feel well," I groaned.

  He came closer, tucked me under the pink blanket that matched everything else in my room. It was a girly explosion with all kinds of toys, from dolls to tea sets, pink walls, pink fabrics, pink everything. It was the perfect room for a girl my age, and I knew I was the envy of all of my friends.

  But right then, I had an awful tummy ache and I wanted my daddy to make me feel better.

  "I know, sweetheart," he said, smoothing down my hair. "I don't feel well either. I think I must've caught the bug you got."

  He tickled me under the bedspread and I giggled. Then, he passed me a cup of still steaming tea and I took a long sip of the hot liquid.

  "That'll make you feel better anytime now," he promised me.

  "You should have some too, daddy," I told him sternly, making him laugh out loud. "What? I don't want you to get sick."

  "I'll be fine, sweetie," he promised me. "I haven't been feeling well for a little while now. Maybe it's just the stress at work."

  "You should see a doctor," I nodded wisely. "Maybe they can give you some medicine and then you'll be all better, like me."

  I smiled brightly and my father ruffled up my hair, making me laugh again.

  "I promise," he said solemnly, giving me his pinky.

  I looped my own finger around his and he gave me a conspiratorial smile.

  "I'll go see a doctor next week," he promised, and I nodded, pleased with what he'd said.

  "Good, daddy." I gave him a hopeful look. "Can I have a bedtime story?"

  "Of course, sweetheart," he said with a smile. "You know I always have time for that, for my favorite girl."

  I beamed with pride, somehow feeling victorious over mommy, knowing he'd chosen me over her. Maybe he hadn't said it out loud, but I'd always known daddy thought I was special. He loved me more than mommy, I was sure of it. It shouldn't make me feel as good as it did.

  We had to interrupt story time because daddy wasn't feeling well. I could see him squirming in his seat, all the color draining from his face. It was then that mommy knocked on the door of my bedroom, a cup in her hands.

  "Hello," she said, her eyes leaving me as she walked toward daddy. "I know you're not feeling well. Thought you might want some tea."

  Daddy look strained when she approached us. I knew they'd been fighting a lot - I'd heard them shouting. M
ommy even broke some plates one day.

  He took the cup from her hands gratefully though, and took a long sip of the tea. Then, he grimaced.

  "It's awfully sweet," he said apologetically.

  "It'll make you feel better," mommy promised him. "Just drink up."

  I thought daddy didn't want to upset her, and he gave me a wink before drinking up the tea. Mommy smiled, looking pleased as she took the cup from him.

  "Oh, Arnold," she added over her shoulder almost as an afterthought. "I'm going to need your help in the cellar later."

  Our cellar had been unusable since we'd moved in. I hadn't even been down there - mommy said it wasn't safe for little girls. But I knew she wanted to renovate it, and daddy sighed and promised he would help her later.

  Mommy left and I gave him a bright smile, hoping he would feel better.

  "I'll see you in the morning, princess," he told me, and I nodded as he kissed my forehead. "I promise we'll both be feeling better. Night."

  "Night, daddy."

  He pulled the sheets up around me and I snuggled into my bed. I was asleep in seconds, but I didn't sleep well.

  I woke up an hour later, judging by the clock on my wall I'd just learned to tell time from. My mouth was dry and I needed a glass of water, bad. Someone had turned off all the lights in my room, even the little nightlight, and I stumbled in the darkness, my heart beating too fast. I didn't like the dark.

  I padded my way downstairs, into the kitchen. I stopped in the hallway when I heard raised voices. I peeked through the keyhole, looking at what was going on inside.

  I could hear mommy and daddy again. They were fighting, I think.

  "She's not going to know," mommy said. "She doesn't have to do anything with it."

  "It doesn't matter," daddy bit out. "I don't agree. You're not doing it in my fucking house, Emily."

  Daddy never cursed, and I covered my mouth in surprise when the word left his lips.

  "Whatever," mommy said roughly. "Just check the pipes in the cellar."