Beloved Destiny

by carol fears

  "You are pregnant!" He spat out the words as if they were bitter bile. He moved a step toward her and then stopped himself.

  Carina was frightened, taking a step backward until her hand touched the handle of the French door. She thought that if she needed to retreat she could run through the door and slam it. Of course since it was made almost entirely of glass, it was unlikely the door would deter him.

  "Does anyone else know about this?" He was, as always, most anxious to guard himself from scandal. "I presume that this is the work of my dear friend William?" There was hatred on his face as he asked this last question.

  "Joshua, you are free to divorce me if you so choose. If you do you will never need to trouble yourself about me or this child again. You would be rid of me and I would gladly go back to Camellia Hill where nobody knows you well. Please, Joshua, won't you please release me from my vows? You know that you don't love me. Why must we go on living this lie?"

  Joshua ignored her words. "Madam, I am a respected businessman in this community. If I cannot manage my own family, the men that I do business with will determine that I am not a worthy, stable person to trust with their money. There is no way that I can allow even the slightest hint of scandal to reflect upon me. So once again I ask you; does anyone else know about your pregnancy?

  "Only Mother Prewitt knows." Carina spoke in a trembling voice, barely audible.

  "So you told my mother before you even mentioned it to me? How dare you. What, exactly did you tell her?"

  "I went to her for guidance when I saw signs that seemed to indicate that I might be with child. She thinks the child is yours. She is delighted and already making plans for his future."

  "Ah, well, it would be an asset to my career to have a wife and child, a loving

  little family to indicate what a respectable man I am. Even though I am angry that William did not respect our friendship any better than he has, there may be a suitable solution to this dilemma. My family and the world must accept the child you carry as my child. In order to accomplish this without any unpleasantness you are to write to William telling him that you do not intend to see him again. Make it plain that you have had an attack of conscience and that you intend to furthermore honor your marriage vows. Inform him of your pregnancy, but convince him that I am the sire. It would be preferable if William were to go away, perhaps to the military as his parents had originally intended. A little bribery on my part could probably convince him to do so. That is if you two dreamers don't have some wild-eyed scheme about eventually being together again. Believe me, Carina, that is not going to happen. You must accept the fact that you and the child can have a pleasant life here with me if you just obey me. If not, I would sincerely hate for you to be responsible for a duel between William and I. I am a far better shot than he is."

  "Joshua, William will never believe this ruse. He is much too clever to fall for your plot. Even if I do write such a missive eventually he will come here searching for me."

  "You must make him believe you. You can be persuasive enough if you only try. Do you not wish for your child to have a life where everything he wants or needs is right before him? He will have privilege and social status. Go on, Carina, sit down right now and write as if your life depends on it. Use all your feminine wiles to discourage him. After he is softened up a little with your letter, I will offer him a sum of money to get him out of our hair."

  "Please, Joshua, don't make me do this. Don't you see how much we love each other?"

  "I told you before we were married that you were a fool to entertain such a thought. I am offering you everything! All I want is to live in respectable society without scandal dogging me. Now write that letter. I want to see it before it is sealed. You are not above some trickery I am sure. That is another reason why I want William to leave Natchez. I would be able to trust you a little better if he were gone."

  Carina walked slowly upstairs to her bedroom. She sat at her writing desk thinking for a long time. No matter how she tried to imagine a happy ending between her and William, she just couldn't convince herself that it could ever happen. If she went to him he would lose everything. She would be a fallen woman; a disgrace to herself and her family. Joshua would be humiliated in front of all of Natchez. How could this ever turn into anything but disaster for everyone involved? She decided to write the most persuasive letter that she could to try and convince William that she was going to stay with Joshua of her own free will. As to her pregnancy, she could easily persuade William that the child was Joshua's. Even though she had once told him that her marriage to Joshua was "in name only" he didn't really know the sordid details. Her tears fell on the paper as she wrote, but dried almost instantly in the heat of the oil lamp on her desk. She finished the letter, reading it over twice to be sure that it had the ring of truth to it. Then she went to Joshua's office and tapped on the door.

  "Enter." He was working on some papers spread over his desk, but looked up as she came into the room.

  "I have done as you commanded, Joshua. This letter should convince William that he need have no hope to see me again." Carina held the paper out with trembling hands.

  Joshua reached out and took the missive from her hand. He nodded a few times as he read. After he finished reading he handed the letter back to her. "Excellent. You are a good liar, Carina. I thought you would be when it suited you. You can send one of the servants to deliver it to William this afternoon. I believe that I will ask him to supper at the club on Friday and see if I can bribe him. Then you and I and this child can live happily ever after." Joshua smiled at Carina but it wasn't a nice smile. She couldn't bear his self-satisfied grin so she looked away from him.

  Later that day Carina reluctantly gave the letter to Alice, along with a coin. She asked Alice to wait on a reply.

  She waited on pins and needles all afternoon to see his reply to her letter. Carina was torn between wanting him to know that she was lying and wanting to protect him from Joshua. Alice returned a few hours later with a small envelope. She handed it to Carina without comment. Carina walked out on the veranda and sat in the sun. She felt cold as ice. Her hands were trembling uncontrollably. She tore the envelope open and began to read:

  Beloved Carina,

  My heart is broken after reading your cruel letter. Surely the bond between us was not something that you could break so easily? I had hoped to steal you away after I convinced you of the rightness of it. I did not count on your pregnancy which I am sure has changed your circumstances. By all means you must do what you have to do now that there is a child to consider. Joshua is the luckiest man in the world.

  Your servant, William

  Carina crushed the paper in her hand as bitter tears flowed down her cheeks. When there were no more tears left she took a deep breath. She sat up as straight as her spine would allow her, squared her shoulders and looked toward the future. Her baby was the most important thing in her world now. She would do whatever she must to protect him at all costs.

  Freedom

  he day after Mary was confronted by Mr. Blanchett, she sent word that she wanted to see Pebo in the small room next to the kitchen where she reviewed recipes and planned the weekly menus. He searched his memory for something he might have done to displease her, but could think of nothing. So with a little trepidation, he knocked on the old wooden door and entered. He expected to see his mother looking up at him with a frown on her face, but was surprised to find that she was smiling as if she had just been given a wonderful gift. He was even more surprised to see his father sitting in a chair against the wall. He, too, was smiling.

  "Sit down, son." Daddy gestured to the only other chair in the room. "Your Mama and I got somethin' we needs to talk to you about. Master Blanchett say he so glad to have your Mama and me here to take care of the house, keep ever'thing runnin' smooth. An' he says he awful fond of you, too. That you is a good boy and a hard worker. In fact, he so happy with all us folks, he goin' to make you a free man. Gonna give you the man
umission papers and ever'thing."

  Mama couldn't wait to jump in the conversation. "Why, son, you be able to go anywhere, work anywhere. You could go up north, work in one of them factories where they pay ever'body lots of money. This be the chance of a lifetime for you, son. What you think about that?" Now Mama was beaming, her face lit up with joy.

  Pebo stood stock still, momentarily unable to comprehend the enormity of this proposal. He then shuffled his feet, worried with his hand awhile and scratched his head.

  "I don't rightly know how I feel about that, Mama. It came on me like a big surprise, you sayin' that outta the blue. I can't hardly believe that it could be true."

  "Oh, it's true, son, ever' bit of it. It was told to your Mama by Master Blanchett. I never knew that man to say a thing wasn't true, neither. So, what you got to say for yourself, Pebo? If you want to get outa the South, be a free man, this be your chance. One's likely all you'll ever git." Daddy left no doubt about what he thought Pebo should decide.

  "What about you and Mama? He fixin' to let you go free, too?" Pebo couldn't imagine a life away from his parents.

  "No, we'll be stayin' here, son. We old and this all we ever knew. We stay here and take care of Master and Mistress Blanchett as long as we alive. They getting' old, too. They too old to train two new young people to take over as cook and manservant." Daddy was trying valiantly to persuade his son that he didn't want to be free, or to go from here. Truth be told, if offered the chance, he didn't know which way he'd jump.

  "Don't rightly know if I could up and leave you-ins. Camellia Hill is all I ever knowed. I be lost in some big city without no friends or family. I heard they don't like black folk much up North, neither."

  "Son, you gotta grab this chance while it's offered. You got to. Think about bein' a free man. Nobody to tell you when to get up, what you gonna eat, where you gonna sleep. You can get a job that you choose, not your master. An' they pay you good money. You can buy stuff, mebbe find you a little place to live in all your own. Can't you see how much better your life can be? But you gotta make the right decision, and fast, 'fore the offer goes away."

  Mama was getting angry now, Pebo could tell. Not that he blamed her. He really knew that he needed to take this gift which was being handed to him. He would miss his Mama and Daddy, but he still remembered the way Master Joshua had touched him at Easton Hall. Never again would anyone force him that way. He would never again have to do something that he knew was wrong; never again submit to humiliation and misuse. That thought alone gave him courage.

  "You right, Mama. I will take Master Blanchett's offer and be a free man. Then I probly go up north, get a good job, send money to you and Daddy so you can buy nice things. You gonna tell the master, Mama?"

  "No, Pebo, he wants to hear it from you. So tonight, 'stead of your Daddy goin' in to help him with his nightclothes, I wants you to go and tell him what I said. Tell him you so thankful for his kindness and you wants to go free. Then finish helpin' him with changing clothes. He a good man, Pebo, best I ever met, 'cept your Daddy here. We gonna be beholdin' to him a long, long time." Now Mary's face lit up again with her beautiful smile as she looked up at her son. "Now go on and get your chores done so you can talk to the Master tonight."

  "Yes, Mama, I do just like you say." Pebo had stopped shuffling and fidgeting, confident now that he had made a wise decision. He hoped that sometime somebody let it slip to Mr. Joshua that he was a free man now. He wanted him to know that he couldn't hurt him or touch him no more.

  After dinner that evening, Mr. and Mrs. Blanchett sat in the front parlor for awhile discussing the events of the week. Mrs. Blanchett had gotten dressed for dinner as if she were going to a society ball. She wore a black beaded gown with low neck, a jet necklace, and there were black and white feathers in her blonde hair. As always, Mr. Blanchett looked at her with adoration, astonished that he should have such a beautiful and accomplished wife. He had given her permission to plan a ball next month as the spring grew warm and the green shoots of leaves began to show on the trees. They discussed some of her ideas regarding foods to be served. Mr. Blanchett was always glad to give his opinion of which dishes he liked best to be offered for company. Since Carina had gotten married and moved to the Prewitt home, they found themselves becoming close again, much as they had been when they were a young couple. In fact, Minnie noted that now he made more frequent visits to her room at night.

  The warmth and leaping flames of the fireplace made them both drowsy and it wasn't long before Mr. Blanchett stood up declaring he thought he would retire. He bent down to place a kiss on his wife's cheek. She reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze, declaring that she too was fatigued and would go up to her bedroom.

  When Mr. Blanchett entered his bedroom he noted that it was Pebo, not Jared, who waited on him this evening. He liked the boy and hoped that he could do him some good.

  "Evenin', Master Blanchett, I be helpin' you with your bed clothes if you don' mind."

  "Not at all, Pebo, I would be glad for you to assist me. Have your mother and father discussed my offer with you?"

  "Yes, sir, we talked about it this afternoon and I want to say that I am grateful to you for doin' such a wonderful thing for me. I know it a real opportunity to better myself. I will try to do good and make all of you proud of me. You won't be sorry, sir." Pebo was nervous, fidgeting again.

  "I know you will make us all proud, Pebo. In fact, I will arrange for you to attend a school up North for people of color. There you will learn to read, write and cipher and you'll also be taught a trade. That way you can always take care of yourself. There's a dormitory there where you can stay while you study. I will advance you a small allowance. After you finish school and have gained good employment, you can pay me back the allowance. If this is something you want, I could send off a letter to the headmaster tomorrow."

  "Oh, yes, Mr. Blanchett! I be so proud. You the bestest man I ever know. I never expected to ever be goin' to school. Just think, readin' all those books. Why it probly take me a year to read all the books in your liberry."

  Mr. Blanchett chuckled. More likely it would take Pebo twenty years to read all the books in his library, but he certainly didn't want to dampen the boy's enthusiasm.

  "Well, it's settled then. I will have my attorney write up your papers tomorrow and then we will all sign them. You can make your mark; that is the way it is done if one of the parties isn't able to write. I will speak to your mama and daddy about everything we've discussed."

  Pebo finished helping his master get ready for bed. He said good-night and then left for his own quarters which he shared with his father. He didn't sleep a wink all night. He was much too excited.

  He went straight to the kitchen the next morning and told his mother he wished to speak to her. He told her everything he and Mr. Blanchett had discussed, including the fact that he would be going to school. Mary hugged him hard and he felt her warm tears on his shirt. He would make everyone proud of him.

  Joshua Makes Plans

  oshua had not been able to convince William to leave Natchez. Although he offered him a handsome sum of money to establish himself somewhere else, William said that he had worked much too hard for the clients he had in Natchez. There weren't too many towns in Mississippi as prosperous as this city. A lot of money was being made growing cotton and the planters all needed contracts or legal documents written. William had already developed a reputation as an honest, astute counselor. Since he was one of only two attorneys in the city he was in a position to be a rich man in a few years.

  If William were honest with himself, the real reason he refused to leave was the faint hope that he might occasionally see Carina. Even from afar that would make him glad. He had tried to be angry with her and Joshua for causing him heartbreak, but he was not able to sustain that feeling. Carina was Joshua's wife, even though William felt in his heart that she did not love Joshua. But as a matter of law they were bound together irrevocably. One day he might
stop thinking about both of them. He threw himself even more into his work in order to keep his thoughts from Carina.

  William's parents were proud of his success as an attorney. He attended church with them on Sunday and took dinner with them afterwards. His brother was learning to run the plantation under his father's tutelage. William was no longer jealous of his brother. Samuel was a good man who just happened to be born first. There were certain elements of destiny in everyone's life, he mused. He cursed the destiny that had thrown him into the hands of pirates. He cursed the destiny that had caused Carina to think him dead. If only Carina and Joshua had waited longer to marry. William was sure he could have convinced Carina's parents of his merits if he had only been given time. Or so he told himself in optimistic times. When not so sure of his abilities he knew he would have had to sprout a golden tongue to change Mrs. Blanchett's mind.

  April passed slowly as pale green color began to show on the hills around Natchez. Flowering trees colored the gardens with pastel shades reminiscent of soft water color paintings. Work on the plantation always became hectic in the spring in an effort to get all the planting done on time. This spring had been exceptionally wet so far. Thunderstorms popped up frequently in the afternoon when the air grew warm. The wet spring had made planting doubly hard, requiring all the hands to work as fast as possible as soon as the fields dried out. There was a rush to plow and plant before the ground became saturated again in the next downpour.

  Joshua and Carina had announced Carina's pregnancy to the Prewitts who were overjoyed at the news. Mrs. Prewitt and all their neighbors were busy making tiny layette items. Mother Prewitt showed Carina a quilt she was making for the baby's crib. Each quilt piece was embroidered with flowers. Daisies, roses, larkspur and camellias covered the quilt in delightful colors. The stitching was tiny and straight. Mother Prewitt was sewing into the quilt the softest cotton batting to wrap her grand-child in his crib. Everyone seemed convinced that this child was a boy, even Carina. She reveled in his movements which could now be felt easily.