“It’s almost seven. You know me, I get up early so I decided to take a shower and didn’t want to wake you. How did you sleep?”
“Really good, thanks. I think I’m still sort of asleep. I just had the strangest conversation.”
Don’t be cruel Jenna. You can’t have this conversation with him while he’s still naked in bed.
I need to let him wake up first.
“I’m going to run down to the café and make sure Laney has everything under control, to give you time to take a shower. Then maybe we can have some breakfast together?”
“Sounds good. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Grabbing my phone off the end table next to the bed, I leave him to himself.
Oh boy, this is going to be hard.
As I walk to the café I check my phone and see I have a missed call from Jake. Checking my voicemail, I have one message.
“Jen, I need to talk to you about something important, call me. I’m going to call back again in a few to see if I can catch you.”
I think about calling and decide it’s better if I don’t. Not right now. I need to focus on salvaging my friendship with Jerry. I don’t want to hurt him.
Why couldn’t it work out with Jer?
Maybe…No!
I can’t think about Jake today.
Chapter Twenty-One
Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone – we find it with another. Thomas Merton
Six Months Later…May
At the airport, Jerry helps me with my bags.
“Let me know that you get there safely.”
“I will. Thanks, Jer, for everything.”
“I love you, Jen.”
“And I love you, Jer, but you deserve someone who is in love with you too. Go find her.” Giving him a hug and a kiss on the cheek I then turn and walk toward the security check point.
On the plane I smile to myself, happy how my relationship with Jer has evolved. After that night we spent together, I talked to him and explained my feelings. He was really hurt and I felt horrible, but I knew I could never be more than friends with him. After a while he understood.
I don’t know if it was because he was still hoping I would change my mind, but a month later he came by the café and asked if we could still be friends. Happy to have him back in my life, I made it clear I was only interested in a friendship and he agreed.
We started hanging out again. He had great ideas for the café and suggested we start an open mic night. Encouraging the idea, I asked if he wanted to take on the project himself and he accepted. We worked on getting the entertainment licenses the café needed from the county together and made all the preliminary plans. After everything we had been through, I could see how important this project had become to him. He organized everything and set up the local promotion. The café started to become a hangout for the local musicians and I had a whole new set of customers in the evenings. I ended up offering him a permanent position as event manager and he accepted. I still took care of the mornings and afternoons with Laney, but Jerry would take over in the evenings and then plan all the musical events.
We worked together a lot. I knew he wasn’t dating anyone, but I kept encouraging him to do so.
Maybe this is a good thing that I’m going away.
I want Jer to find someone. I want him to be happy.
He’s such a great guy and deserves someone that will adore him.
He’s just not the man for me.
I’m on my way back to Italy and I’m so excited. Flipping through the Let’s Go Italy book I picked up, I dog ear the pages of the places I want to see while I’m there. Since I’ve already been to Rome, Venice, and Florence on my previous trip, I decide to start this trip in the south and if I have time, head back north, finishing my vacation in Florence. I can’t wait to taste the pizza in Naples and see if it really is as good as Elizabeth Gilbert says it is in Eat, Pray, Love. Jake had said I shouldn’t miss the Amalfi Coast and I don’t plan to.
Jake…
It’s been so long since I’ve talked to him.
After I spent the night with Jer I couldn’t call Jake. I felt like I betrayed him somehow, but I really betrayed myself. I guess whatever he wanted to talk to me about wasn’t that important, because he didn’t call me either. Not until he called to wish me a Happy Thanksgiving. I asked him his plans and he told me he was spending it with his brother’s family. The conversation wasn’t a long one, but it was nice to hear his voice. I didn’t talk to him after that until I called to wish him a Merry Christmas. He asked me about my plans for New Year’s Eve and we talked about our favorite Christmas memories as kids.
Our calls were became less and less frequent and it was good having that time to get a handle on my feelings for him. In March, he sent me a card for my birthday with a reminder that life was short. That is when I decided it was time to take his advice and I booked my ticket to Italy.
This is a new start for me. I love the café, but I don’t want it to be my whole life. I made a list of things that I want to do and it grows by the day. Laney stepped up and proved she was capable of handling more responsibilities. She has become a really good friend and I know I can depend on her. Laney and Jerry are running the café while I’m gone. She still blushes every time Jerry is around, but maybe working with him every day will give her more confidence around him.
I made a trip to the city to see my friend Anna and her family. Her kids are so big now and they all call me Aunt Jenna. She and her husband have all three kids in some activity or another. Soccer, T-Ball, dance. Seeing their family and what a great mom Anna is pleases me. She told me they have their ups and downs, but is really happy. They have a real home together. I wish we lived closer. It’s easy to see how much time has passed since we last got together in her kids. They grow so fast. I had a really nice visit.
My other trip was to Colorado one weekend to see my friend Jasmine. She finished her PHD in abnormal psychology and works at a psychiatric hospital in Boulder. We pretty much stayed on her couch all weekend catching up. She told me all about working with her patients, careful not to divulge any names. Jasmine was excited and enthusiastic and I’m so proud of her. More than once she mentioned this other doctor she’s been working with and I could tell by the sparkle in her eyes that she’s falling in love. I teased her a bit and she wouldn’t admit it, but I think she’s a total goner. Jasmine asked me about my love life and I told her about Jer. She agreed I did the right thing. She said, “You deserve someone who makes your toes curl, Jen.” I think Jasmine’s toes are curling all over the place. It was a great weekend and she promised to come see me soon.
In my spare time, I’ve started jotting down ideas for stories. I don’t know if I will ever write them, but it feels good to get them down on paper. I also started brushing up on my Italian in anticipation of this trip.
I can’t wait to try it out.
“Buon giorno! Come stai? Va bene, grazie.” I practice softly on the plane.
This is good.
A new chapter.
I feel free.
Maybe I will meet some hot Italian guy and have a fling. Who knows?
It’s time for a new adventure.
Oh, there are so many things I want to see.
Closing my eyes, I try to get some sleep on the plane and I end up dreaming about dancing at a wedding with Andy Garcia while Dean Martin sings “Mambo Italiano.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live. J.K. Rowling
I touch down in Rome and head for the train station. Taking the train all the way to Naples, I enjoy the views in between naps. It was a long flight and I’m exhausted. Arriving in Naples, I finally find my pensione and check in. Tomorrow I will walk the city. Tonight I get a good night sleep to restart my clock.
I stay two weeks in Naples. There’s so much culture here and it’s so huge. I don’t think I would ever get tired of the museums a
nd food. Elizabeth Gilbert was right about the pizza, I have eaten pizza almost every day I’ve been here.
So good, yum.
The locals are so friendly and seem to appreciate my attempts to speak Italian. Everyone I meet gives me suggestions of places to see and things to do. I really enjoy exploring the city. Once I visit the National Archaeological Museum with all of its artifacts and the Secret Museum of Naples with all its erotic sculpture, I know my next stop is Pompeii.
In Pompeii, the view of Mount Vesuvius towering over this city humbles me. This place is so fascinating, yet scary at the same time. The people that were forever frozen there by the ash are disturbingly beautiful. It’s so difficult to describe the feeling of seeing the figures crouched like that, old and young, knowing they were going to die. The word reverence comes to mind.
Wow. I will never forget this.
It really hits home how short life can be. On my last trip to Italy I went to see the ruins of Ostia Antica at the suggestion of my mother who had visited them when she was young. This is completely different; more personal. My mom would have loved this. Secretly I always thought she wanted to be an archeologist.
Taking a side trip for a couple of days, my time in Capri is spent mostly relaxing on the beach. One day I take a boat tour through the Blue Grotto and the water reflecting on the cave walls cocoons me in blue. Capri’s views are awe inspiring from the top of the Piazzetta, with the Marina Piccola on one side and the Marina Grande with its contrast of yachts and fishing boats on the other.
The air is so refreshing here. I feel recharged and new.
The time has come to move down to the Amalfi Coast and after returning to Naples for one more day, I check out of the pensione that has been my home base and head further south.
Arriving, I fall in love. It’s beautiful and my guide book directs me to a quaint little pensione called Casa di Gino. The owner, Gino himself, meets me at the front desk with a dignified smile. He’s so sweet and kind and I love him right away. He shows me to my room which has a double bed, its own bathroom and overlooks the courtyard.
Mmm, the air is filled with the smell of fresh lemons here.
In the afternoon I walk around the neighborhood and get a feel for my new surroundings. Amalfi, I find out, is famous for Limoncello.
No wonder I keep smelling lemon in the air.
The citrus smell is so fresh and clean it reminds me of Jake. He said I would love it here and he was right.
Jake…I miss him.
This morning, I stop in at the local deli and take my time wandering around. The man behind the counter offers me tastes of different cured meats and cheeses and I end up buying way more than I could ever eat. Picking up a fresh loaf of bread at the bakery, I head down to the water. I breathe in the air as I sit on the cement wall separating the sand from the street and watch the waves roll in.
Wow, this is incredible.
Taking my time eating and enjoying the different items I purchased, I watch the different people out on the sand and the water.
Ah, I love that salt air.
Tomorrow I want to look for a place where I can rent a bike, so I can take a ride down the coast and burn off all of the pizza, pasta, and bread I’ve been eating lately.
A little while later, as I walk back toward the pensione, I spot a small hardware store with a couple of bikes out front and go in to ask if they know where I can get one. The man behind the counter is full of life and enthusiastically attempts to give me directions. As I listen to him, and try to understand exactly where he tells me to go, a black motorcycle drives by that reminds me again of Jake. I smile, wishing he was here and ask the man if he can draw me a map.
For the next week I spend my time getting to know the ins and outs of this delightful place. Gino gives me tips every time I leave the pensione on where to go and constantly feeds me the most delicious food.
Today I’m relaxing on the beach. I have walked so much lately and my legs need a break. There’s a book in my hand and Andrea Bocelli serenades me with “Con Te Partiro” on my iPod.
This is the life. La dolce vita.
Children play in the sand nearby digging and building castles. Couples walk hand in hand where the water touches the sand, and others splash and swim in the water. After reading for a while, I take a nap in the sun with the sound of the waves as my lullaby. When I wake, I sit up in a panic after I dream the tide has come in and is pulling me out to sea.
Packing up to leave, I admire the large speed boat that is now anchored off the coast. Putting my stuff back into my bag and shaking out my towel, I watch as a man dives into the water off the edge of the boat.
I hope there are no sharks out there for his sake.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Love is the greatest refreshment in life. Pablo Picasso
June
Today I’m going to bike along the coast and enjoy the beautiful weather. Gino packs me a lunch to go and I grab a book to take with me just in case.
The bike I found is great and taking a leisurely ride along the coast, I come across a road that goes back inland at a gentler incline than the rest of the roads up into the hills.
Here is a chance for a little adventure.
Turning right, I pedal at a comfortable pace, enjoying the beauty of the hills around me. At noon, with the sun overhead, I stop on the side of the road to eat. I have come pretty far inland and I’m tired and hungry. Siting on the grass on the side of the road, I admire the landscape around me. Some local farmers walk by with a few sheep and I smile at how cute they are. The smell; not so cute. As I finish my lunch, I put the trash in my bag and place it with my book in the front basket of my bike.
With “Soul Meets Body” by Death Cab for Cutie playing in my ears, I start to pedal a little further along the same road. It winds around the hillside and opens up occasionally to a green field.
It’s so lush and beautiful here. So green…
Caught up in the scenery and my music, I don’t hear as a vehicle approaches behind me. I feel the rush of wind along my left side. It sways me off balance and even though I try to correct the wheel, I end up tipping over the right side of the bike. Thankfully, I fall on a patch of soft grass and not the concrete. Since I was going relatively slow, I don’t hurt myself, but fall at an awkward angle and my things go tumbling out all over the road.
Taking out my ear buds, I hear someone approach from behind me on foot. A man, with a concerned lilt in his voice, is spewing out phrases in rapid Italian that I don’t understand. “Mi dispiace, signorina,” is all I digest.
I stand up, brush the dirt and grass from the legs of my jeans when I notice my book sitting in a muddy spot. “Ah, schnookies!”
There’s silence all of a sudden as the Italian ceases.
“Jen, is that you?”
I freeze.
That voice, it couldn’t be.
It’s impossible.
Slowly turning around I come face to face with Jacob Walker.
Jake, my Jake, the Jake I haven’t talked to in forever.
The last I heard from him was a card in March for my birthday.
“Jake, what… what are you doing here?” I stutter out in shock.
“What am I doing here? What are you doing here?” His arms flail around as he motions to my bike.
“I’m on vacation,” I answer, stunned. I can only imagine the shocked look on my face.
I pick up my book and my bag and stand my bike up and notice the tire is now flat.
Great.
Jake, however, has the biggest smile on his face I have ever seen him wear. “I’m on vacation too! What are the odds?”
Disoriented, I start walking, not sure what to do. I’m still so shocked to see him here. This is so unexpected.
“Where are you going?” Jake starts to follow me.
“I’m walking back to town.” My heart tells me to jump up and hug him, but the shock of seeing him, here of all places, after not talking to him or seeing
him for so long has me dizzy and befuddled.
“Don’t be ridiculous, I’ll give you a ride. I still owe you a ride. Wait! Jen, don’t walk away. I thought we were friends.”
Incredulous, I stop and turn around, still holding on to my bike. “Jake, I haven’t seen you since last September and the last time we talked was months ago.”
We have obviously grown apart. He was busy with his life and I with mine and now as I start a new chapter, he pops up out of nowhere.
“Well, I’m here now. I thought you said time didn’t change anything between true friends. Get on my bike and you can leave yours here. We’ll call someone to come get it. I am not going to leave you on the road!” Jake looks angry, it’s a little scary.
There’s no way to get out of this without coming off as really mean and he won’t understand. I know the minute I get on his bike all the feelings I had for him will come rushing back for me.
This wasn’t the plan.
I was trying to get over him and get on with my life.
What can I do?
If we’re friends, there’s no reason for me not to take his offer.
Ugh I’m so screwed.
I can’t see a polite way out of this. “Fine,” I say, resigned.
“Good, leave the bike here and grab your bag.” Jake beams. He’s just the same. Like no time has passed.
Laying the bike on the ground, I take my bag and book with me. Scanning the ground to make sure nothing else is left, I turn toward Jake and he sweeps me up in an unexpected hug. The barrier around my heart where Jake is concerned crumbles.
Oh, his smell. He smells the same, so good, fresh and clean.
Unable to resist, I wrap my arms around his neck. I’m so weak when it comes to him. Now, I don’t want to let go. I feel Jake exhale against me and we both pull back at the same time smiling at each other.
“There you are.” Letting go of me, he jogs over to his bike and walks it back over to where I stand. “Come on, let me show you what this baby can do.” He looks excited and bounces up on his bike first as I climb on behind him, place my book in my bag, and throw my bag over my shoulder.
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