by Shelly Jones
I take a long drink of my Mudslide, “I know, I guess just seeing this bitch with you, it’s made me realize there’s real life and we haven’t talked about this shit. I know you love me. I don’t have any doubts about that. Guess I’m just going to have to get used to other women wanting my man.” I smile and he grabs my hand and holds it.
We finish our dinner and I refuse to leave the waitress a tip, but I did leave a nice little note for her on the napkin. Here’s your tip . . .”Keep your eyes off another woman’s man. Since you ignored me the whole time and eye fucked my boyfriend the whole time. You got your tip, but if I were you, I’d be careful who you eye fuck. Next guy you do it to, his bitch might not be as nice about it as I was.”
“I can’t believe you wrote that!” Xander says to me grabbing my hand and walking out.
“Bitch has got to learn sooner or later.” I giggle.
On our way back to his house, we drive past the bar and I notice Reese’s truck parked out front. “Can we go in for a bit?” I ask him.
“Really? You want to go in?”
“I miss everyone, and besides it looks like Reese is here.”
“Yeah, we can go in for a bit. I can check on some things too, while we are here.” He smiles over at me.
I start getting excited. The last time I saw everyone was when I was in the hospital, and that’s been three weeks. The girls and I text daily, but it’s not the same. Xander parks in the back lot and we get out and walk in from the rear entrance.
I’ve never really paid that much attention to this part of the bar before. The walls are grey, the kitchen area has stainless steel counter tops or work surfaces, whatever you want to call it. There’s a large steel door in the kitchen, it’s the fridge where they keep the booze. It’s got a very sterile feel to it. We walk through another door into the hallway that leads to the bar. This is the hallway where that bastard tried to rape me. “Shit,” I say.
“You ok?” Xander stops and asks me.
“Yeah I’m fine. Just realized the last time I was here is . . .” I shake my head.
“I know. Nothing’s going to happen.” He leans down and kisses me.
I take a deep breath and we walk out to the bar, it’s kind of busier then I’m used to. “Holy shit!” I hear Zack say and I start laughing. “Oh my god! Emily!” I hear and someone pushes Xander out of the way and it’s Reese.
“Hi!” She squeals.
“HI!”I squeal back.
“Oh my god, you’re here. How are you? Come on let’s go sit.” She grabs me away from Xander and takes me to table. “Damn it girl, I’ve missed you!” She says.
“You act like I haven’t seen you in forever, I saw you last week, but I’ve missed you too!” I tell her.
“We were going to surprise you guys tomorrow and come over. The kids miss you.”
“Awe, well you guys can still come over.”
We sit and talk and get caught up sipping on our beers. Kayla came over to give me a hug, so did Zack and Blake.
“So, how’s it going with you two?” Reese asks looking over at Xander who’s staring at me.
“It’s going good. I’m still staying with him and I’m not sure how I’m going to leave him.”
“Then don’t! Fuckin’ move in!”
“It’s too soon, Reese!”
“Fuck that. You two have known each other for months. The only difference is that you two have only been “official” since the accident. Fuck it, move in.”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to rush this. I’m afraid if we rush this, it’s going to go to fast and then what?”
“It’s not going to fast Em, he loves you and there’s no denying it.” “But you know what, go back to Mel’s place but I’ll bet you money you’ll be moved into his place within a couple of days, a week at the max.”
I start to giggle, “I ain’t betting shit!”
“Cuz you know I’m right . . .”
“Pleading the fifth.” I say looking over at him, smiling. Reese is laughing at me, “What?” I ask.
“Nothing, you guys are just funny. Took you guys forever to get to where you’re at, and now you want to take it slow. I mean really who cares what other people think. The people who truly care about you, know that you two moving in together is not a big deal.”
“I know, I guess I’m just scared. I had a shit fit when some waitress started flirting with him at Applebee’s. I asked him if that was someone he fucked. It’s starting to sink in that there’s been many women before me and I’m just curious as to how many come into this bar and see him on a daily basis.”
Reese didn’t say anything, which has me scared, now I’m really wondering what goes on at this bar.
The jukebox is playing song after song. Pop, rock, country and some other crap I couldn’t understand the lyrics to.
“The Right Kind Of Wrong” By LeAnne Rimes comes on, “This is your song!” Reese says. I nod my head and sing along with the song. Xander looks over at me laughing. “See that’s a smile I’ve never seen on him. He loves you girl. No doubt about that one!” Reese says.
“Hey, you ready to go?” Xander comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist.
“Yeah,” I lean my head into his chest.
“I will see you guys tomorrow.” Reese says hugging me, “Stop worrying! He’s all yours, Hun!” She whispers in my ear.
I wave to everyone goodbye and we leave.
On the walk to Xander’s car, “You ok?” He asks me.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie.
“You sure, because you’re not acting like you’re fine. Emily, you got to talk to me.”
“It’s fine, Xander. I’m just being stupid, I guess.” I say looking back at the bar. My mind is wondering what all goes on at that bar or what has gone on. Do the women he’s fucked in the past still come to the bar everyday, hoping he’ll choose them to go in the back and fuck. “Oh god, his office.” I whisper and my stomach starts to turn and before I can even react, I start to vomit.
“Shit, Emily! Are you ok?” Xander grabs my hair and keeps it out of the puke zone.
After I get done puking, he gets me in the car and I just start crying, not just tears, I’m ugly crying. He gets in and looks over at me. “Alright, what the hell is going on?” He says in a demanding yet worried tone.
“I need to get out of here.” I say quietly. He doesn’t even ask, he just turns the car over and gets me out of there. I sit quietly until we get to his place. It’s the ‘safe zone’ because I know, for a fact, I’m the only one who’s been here. Once the car is stopped I get out and go to the back yard and sit on the bench under the tree.
“Alright, what the fuck is going on?” He demands.
“How many?” I ask him.
“How many what?”
“How many women come to that bar every night that you’ve fucked? How many do you see on a nightly basis?”
“What the hell, Emily?”
“Answer the fucking question!” I snap.
“I don’t know. Some weeks there are a few, some weeks there are none. Why?”
“Did you fuck them in your office like you did me?”
“Emily,”
“Damn it, Xander! Did you?”
“The moment you and I hooked up, I never slept with another person. You’ve been it since we hooked up, but if you’re asking if I fucked them in my office? The answer is yes, a couple, but most of them I took them to the motel down the road.”
My eyes fill with tears, and I start crying even harder. “Emily, you knew what I was like, but I’m not him anymore. That night that you came to the bar after the barbeque here, I didn’t look at a single girl. It was only you. The only time I tried to forget about you was during Christmas break, but as soon as I saw her bra, I made her leave because she wasn’t you. She wasn’t the woman I love.” He says, his voice is weak like he’s getting ready to start crying.
“What if they come to the bar and throw themselves at you? I�
��m scared you’re going to leave me.”
“Never going to happen.”
“How can you be so sure? How do you know that, Xander?”
“God damn it, Emily! I’m going to marry your ass. I don’t want anyone ever again. It’s going to be you and only you for the rest of my life!”
Holy fuck! Did he just say marry? Oh fuck! I can’t breathe. I can’t speak, I just sit there staring at him.
“Say something!” He says.
I shake my head. I can’t see shit because of the tears in my eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t know what I have to do to prove that I love you. What more do I have to do?”
“I don’t know,” I shake my head.
“You have to trust me, Em. You have to trust in my love for you.”
“I’m not questioning your love for me Xander, I just know how woman are. I mean, look at me, look what I did the first night. I didn’t really give you a choice to say no.”
“If I didn’t want to, I would have said no, but I wanted you and I will always want you.” He leans in and kisses me. “Always.” He says.
“I’m going to try Xander and trust you, but this is all new to me. I’m used to knowing my boyfriend’s past. I know nothing about yours. It scares me. I don’t want to lose you and I’m scared I’m going to wake up and you’re going to be gone.”
“Never, I’m yours baby, but you have got to trust me otherwise this isn’t going to work and you need to talk to me. Come on, let’s go inside and watch movies.” He grabs my hands and pulls me up.
“Horror movie?” I ask.
“Yeah, but you’ll hold me if I get scared, right?” He asks me.
I giggle and shake my head at him.
We get into bed, I’m in shorts and tank top, Xander’s in his boxers and we’re ready for the movies. We’ve got kettle corn, Peanut Butter M & M’s and beer. We are ready for our marathon of movies! We get through “Texas Chain Saw Massacre” and “Carrie.” I was fine, but the fucker put in “House Of 1000 Corpses” and I lost it. I can watch scary movies, horror movies, but this damn movie scares the shit out of me. Xander was watching me, the way I was hiding my face and jumping. Fucker was laughing at me too. Half way through the movie, I am no longer sitting up, I’m lying in bed trying to be all calm and all of a sudden he screams and shakes the bed. I screamed so loud that Axel started barking and growling. I look over at Xander and he’s fucking laughing at me, laughing so hard he has tears coming out of his eyes and he’s snorting. Laughing! Bastard!
“I hate you! You know that? I hate you!” I growl at him, holding my chest trying to keep my heart from beating out of my chest. “I really do hate you right now.” I grab my pillow and smack him with it.
“Oh, but Baby, I love you!” He is saying in between laughing.
“The fuck you love me asshole!” I say trying to hold back my laughter. “Just remember, paybacks are a bitch!” I let out a laugh. Jerk face asshole! God I want to beat him right now.
He finally gets the hint to turn off the damn movie, and decides he wants to cuddle with me, “If you think you’re getting laid, think again, Jerk!” I tell him leaning myself against his chest.
He starts laughing at me again, “But you know I love you, right?”
“Yes I love you too, but I’m still not having sex with you!”
He wraps his arms tighter around me, “As long as you let me hold you, I’ll be ok.” He kisses the back of my head.
I don’t think it took long before we were both asleep.
I wake up before Xander, staring at this guy and I started thinking about everything we’ve gone through. This was not supposed to happen. I was not supposed to fall in love with him and I sure as hell should not be laying in his bed or him saying he’s going to marry me. I’m still scared something is going to spook him or that one of those bitches from his past is going to try something.
My mind starts to wonder and I start thinking about my family. I wonder if they’ll ever get over this shit. I can say, all I want, that I’m ok if they don’t. Deep down inside, I want my family to support and love me, but I have a feeling they never will. I should accept the fact that this guy right here lying next to me is my family, and the friends that I have here are my family too.
I slip out of bed trying not to wake him, I tip toe out of the bedroom and down the hall and into the kitchen. I make coffee and let the dog out, I go and pour a cup of coffee and walk outside. I take a seat on the white bench swing he has out in the yard. I still can’t stop thinking about everything that has happened. My mind goes to the baby and I think about the day I found out I was pregnant.
I go into the doctor’s office for my yearly pelvic exam and crap. They had me take a piss test, for what? I don’t know, but whatever. I go into the room undress and put the paper exam gown on.
The doctor comes in, “So Emily, what brings you in today?” She asks me.
“I’ve been getting these really bad headaches and dizzy spells from time to time. My last period was short and well, I haven’t had a pelvic in a while.” I tell her.
She asks me all these stupid questions, if I’m having sex, and is it with only one guy.
Nurse knocks on the door and hands her a piece of paper. “Huh,” She says. “Emily, when did you say your last period was?”
I told her, “Why?”
“Because you’re pregnant.”
“WHAT?” I snap. No, no, NO! I can’t be. God, no!
“I’m gonna do my exam and then we’ll take a look with the ultrasound to find out how far along you are, ok?”
“Sure,” I lay back with my hands over my face. “Son of a bitch!” I say under my breath.
She does her exam, brings in the ultrasound machine on a cart, probes my vagina with the wand and takes a look. “Well, there it is. A very healthy little bean. See the heart beating?” I look over at the screen and I see it right away. I start to tear up. “Hey, Little Bean.” I think to myself. “Your daddy is going to hate me.”
“Well Emily, this is a very healthy looking little one. You’re six weeks along.” She tells me and goes through my due date and all that, but honestly, all I could do was think about how Xander was going to react.
I walked out of that clinic unsure of what I was going to do. I went home and told Mel right away. She convinced me that I needed to tell Xander what was going on. The day I went over to and told him I loved him, I was also going to tell him about the baby, but the way he reacted to my love confession, I chose not to. A couple of days later, not only did I lose my baby, but I almost lost Xander and it all happened within minutes of each other.”
“Damn it!” I say out loud. My hand over my stomach, I rock on the swing. “I’m so sorry Little Bean, so sorry.” I say out loud.
“Who are you saying you’re sorry to?” I hear from behind me.
I quickly wipe the tears away, “No one.” I shake my head.
He stands behind me and rubs my shoulders, “The baby?” He asks.
“Yeah,” I simply say, I get up and start to walk back into the house. I really think I need a night or two alone. I haven’t been alone since my accident and I think I just need some time to myself.
Xander’s got that look in his eye that tells me the only thing he wants to do is take me back to his bedroom and keep me naked all day long.
“What?” I ask him and I can feel the heat between my legs.
He pulls me into him, “I’m hungry . . .”
“Oh, ok. Well, I can make breakfast.” I say biting my lip, but I know that’s not what he’s talking about.
“You could, or you could just let me have you instead.” He wraps me in his arms.
“Awe . . . Is someone a little horny because he didn’t get any last night?” I pull out of his arms.
“Yeah, I am,” His eyes burn into mine.
“Too bad for you, I’m still not over that damn movie.” I smile at him, daring him to come to me.
“C
ome on! How was I supposed to know that movie freaked you out?”
“It’s not the fact that the movie scared me, it’s the fact that you fucking scared the shit out of me. I seriously thought I was going to have a damn heart attack.”
Asshole starts laughing again at me. “I’m sorry, Babe. I really am.” He says walking towards me, laughing!
“Oh yeah, you look real sorry.” “If . . .” I make a circle with my fingers at his face, “that’s your sorry face, what the hell is your happy face?”
“So what, your payback is going to be no sex?”
“That would be the best payback, but why should I have to be punished for you being an ass?!”
That’s all it took, he knew I wasn’t going to keep sex from him, in one swift move he has my back against the wall and my arms pinned above my head. He leans down and kisses me hard and deep. I am now at his mercy. With one hand still pinning my arms above my head, he takes his other hand and goes up underneath my shirt and plays with my breasts, pulling and twisting my nipples. Just as it was getting hot, the doorbell rings.
“Fuck,” He growls against my lips.
“I’m going to go get changed.” I kiss him hard and walk away.
Valentine’s Day
“COME EMILY, I swear it’ll be worth the couple minutes of pain. Blake loves in when I get this done.” Reese says smiling but I know she’s full of shit. There is no way in hell getting your pubic hair ripped out with hot wax will only hurt for a couple of minutes. ”I’ve heard people say that the only way they would do it, is if they were knocked the fuck out.” I reply.
“Well, they’re fucking pussies! It’s not that bad.”
“Ugh, why the fuck am I even considering this? Peer fucking pressure.”
“Emily, I swear to you it’ll be worth it and Xander will not want to come up for air.” She giggles.
“Emily?” The woman calls my name.
“Bitch, you’re coming with me!” I growl at Reese and grab her hand.
I follow the woman wearing an all white coat and white pants. Her black hair is slicked back into a ponytail and her olive skin is flawless. She’s perfect. Bitch is probably going to laugh at me, and then I’m probably going to deck the bitch for laughing at me.