Right Kind of Wrong

by Shelly Jones

  “I miss my parents, my family. I should be calling them letting them know I’m moving in with you, that we’re taking a huge step. Instead, I have no one to tell. When Harlie asked if I was going to be her mom. It made me miss my mom. So I’m sorry if I’m not talking to you or making eye contact with you. Jesus, I’ll make sure I don’t do that anymore!” She snaps at me.

  “Wow, really? I’m sorry you’re sad, you don’t have your parents, but that’s not my fault. You made your choice and I’m sorry my daughter asked you if you were going to be her new mom. You could have said no. No one is making you move in here or be a part of our lives. Maybe you need to think about this before you move your stuff in.”

  “I never fucking said I was having doubts. I just said I missed my parents. Maybe you’re the one having second thoughts.”

  “I wouldn’t have given you the key if I had doubts. I’m going inside to take care of my daughter.” I turn and walk inside before she could say anything else to me. The last thing I need is for Harlie to hear or see anything.

  The entire time Harlie was awake Emily and I pretty much faked being happy. Once I got Harlie in bed, I walked out to the living room and see Emily sitting on the couch watching TV, I hope she gets over whatever she’s got going on in her head because this shit isn’t right and I don’t want to live like this. I think to myself staring at her.

  “What?’’ She asks catching me staring at her.

  “Nothing, just trying to figure out what’s going on with you. I mean I get it, but just don’t want you to feel like you have to move in with us. If you miss your parents and think it would be better not to move in here, I get it.”

  “It’s not it. Even if I was talking to my parents, they wouldn’t stand behind me moving in with you.” She says quietly.

  “Why?”

  “Because we’re not married. My dad is very much by the book. Even though he knows we don’t live our lives like that and most people don’t live like that anymore. My dad still holds his kids to that belief. Obviously we don’t, so it really doesn’t matter if I’m on good terms or bad. They’re going to be pissed off no matter what. I am going to call my mother tomorrow though. I need someone to talk to.”

  “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here Em. I can say I’m sorry, but I don’t know what I would be saying I’m sorry for.”

  “You don’t have to say anything Xander. I’m not expecting anything, alright.” She stands up, “I’m going to go take a shower and just go to bed. I’m just better off that way.”

  I smirk at her, “Want company?” I ask.

  “Not in the shower, I don’t. I need a few minutes to myself.” She says and walks off.

  “What the fuck!” I say out loud walking over to get a beer. I pop the top and pretty much chug the fucker down. I forgot what it was like living with a chick. Fucking mood swings and shit. Fuck me!

  I HATE BEING a bitch to him, but I can’t help that I’m missing my family. I thought I was fine, until Harlie asked if I was going to be her mom. It was like a fucking smack in the face, and of course I feel like a total idiot assuming we’re going to get married. That’s more what I’m pissed about, and it’s not even being pissed, its more embarrassment about it. I cannot believe I said that. I gave his kid false hope, pretty much.

  “Who the hell are you? Giving a kid false hope like that. God, you’re an idiot!” I say out loud wiping the steam from the mirror. I wonder if I can just sneak into his bed and just ignore it, or if I can sneak out the back door and just go back to Mel’s? I slip on my oversized pink t-shirt and black yoga pants, comb out my hair and clean up the bathroom. When I walk out I let out a breath, “Good, he’s not in here.” I say under my breath.

  I start looking around for my purse and my phone. “Fuck!” I say out loud, “It’s out in the kitchen. Shit!” I mumble. I tip toe out to the kitchen, hoping he won’t see me and grab my purse. I look around quick and I don’t see him.

  “Perfect. I can sneak back to the room, take a sleeping pill and forget this night ever happened.” I think to myself.

  “What, you’re going to avoid me all night?” He says scaring the shit out of me making me jump. Fuck me! I think to myself. I turn slightly and see him standing in the doorway between the living room and kitchen.

  “No, because I’m not avoiding you.” I reply not looking at him.

  “Then what do you call this? You sure as hell don’t seem like you want to be around me and you sure as shit don’t act like a girl who’s excited about moving in here.”

  “Oh my God, Xander! Will you shut up about that?! Should I be jumping up and down screaming that I’m moving in with you? Should I be sucking your dick with excitement because I’m moving in with you? My God, I’m not having doubts, but I’m really starting to think you are. I think I’m just going to change, grab my bag and leave. You can think about what it is you really want.” I turn and walk back to his bedroom. I sit on his bed and put my head in my hands. “Jesus Christ!” I say out loud.

  “Are you really leaving?” He scares me yet again.

  “I don’t know, should I?”

  “No, cuz this is your home. You don’t have to leave.” He says quietly. “But I don’t know what’s going on with you.”

  “I told you. I’m missing my family . . .” And I feel like a total fucking idiot for giving you false hope. But I don’t dare say that.

  “I think there’s more to it. Did she freak you out when she asked if you were going to be her mom?”

  “No, she didn’t freak me out at all, but that question made me realize how much I miss my mom. I’m sorry. I know my family isn’t perfect and I know they would never be happy with my choices, but I miss them. I don’t have family here and it hurts.”

  “You have us.” He says still standing in the doorway.

  “What?”

  “You have us, Harlie and I, we’re your family. Or at least we want to be, but no one is making you stay.”

  I have to hold back the tears. “I know.” I whisper.

  “If you know, then tell me what is really going on. This isn’t going to work if you don’t start talking to me.”

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath, “I gave your daughter false hope. I know better than that.”

  “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “When I told her ‘when we got married,’ or however I put it. I told her we would get married and I shouldn’t have said that.”

  “And why not?”

  “Cuz Xander I don’t know if we’re going to get married. I don’t know if we’re ever going to have another baby. I don’t know anything, and I told your daughter just the opposite. I should know better than to say shit like that.”

  “But Em, we are, and we will. Maybe not today , maybe not tomorrow, but I will marry you, and we will have another baby or two. So you didn’t tell her anything that wasn’t true.”

  I have no words. I cannot believe he just said all of that, but it still doesn’t make me feel any different. “Xander, I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t know where all of this is coming from, but you have to understand one thing. I am here for you, always. I’m not going anywhere and I’m not letting you go. Hopefully your parents will come around and if they don’t, well then they’re the ones missing out.”

  I give him a weak smile, “I love you.”

  “I love you too.” He says leaning in a kissing me.

  “Can you just hold me tonight?” I ask him.

  “Yeah, I think I can do that. Let me go lock up and then I’ll be in, ok?”

  “Ok, I’ll be here.”

  He gets up and leaves the room. I grab my cell phone and find my sister’s name and send her a text.

  “Hey Kath, I know it’s late there, but I just wanted to tell you that I’m moving in with Xander tomorrow.” I write and give her the address. “I hope everyone is doing good. I love you and miss you a lot. Em” and
I hit send. I’m not expecting her to message me back but my phone chimes almost immediately.

  “OMG?! Really? Holy shit! Well I’m happy for you. I know you two love each other and with everything you guys have gone through, I’m not surprised. Actually, shocked it didn’t happen sooner. You should call Mom tomorrow. Dad is leaving at 9am for a conference and won’t be home until Saturday afternoon.”

  “Not sure I should tell Mom. She might freak out and I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with all of that shit.”

  “Mom will be fine, you need to tell her so she doesn’t send your birthday card to Mel’s house, but I’m going to bed. Gotta get up early in the AM. Love you!!”

  “K, love you too!” and I hit send.

  “Who you talking to?” Xander says coming into the bedroom.

  “Kathy,”

  “Oh, everything ok?”

  “Yeah, I just told her about what was going on.”

  “And?”

  “She’s happy for us. Told me I should call my mom tomorrow, but we’ll see.”

  “Well, that’s up to you and I support whatever. Oh Blake called me while you were in the shower, Saturday night ok with you to go out?”

  “Yeah that’s fine. I don’t really care what day.” I tell him, he’s taking off his white t-shirt and jeans. He catches me staring at him and gives me his cocky ass grin, the grin that I fell in love with.

  “What?” He asks.

  “Nothin’” I smile shyly. He shakes his head and walks into the bathroom. I pull the blankets back on the bed and crawl into my side of the bed. I turn the TV on and find a random show. He comes out of the bathroom and crawls into bed next to me.

  “So are you ok now?” He asks.

  “I will be,”

  “Ok,” He wraps me in his arms and kisses the back of my head, “I love you.”

  “I love you too, Xander.” I say to him. We lay in bed for a while watching TV and I fall asleep pretty quickly. It was nice to have a night of no sex, just cuddling and watching TV, makes me think about Halloween.

  The next day we move all my stuff from Mel’s house into Xander’s house, well ‘our’ house now and everything is set up for the most part. In our bedroom, he has an office attached to it. On one side, he put his desk and on the other side, he it set up for me, so I can come home and do my work back here in quiet. It’s so perfect.

  Xander and Harlie went to go pick up dinner, I took advantage of the opportunity, and called my mom.

  “Hello,” Her voice comes over the speaker on the phone.

  “Hey Mom,”

  “Emily? Hi, how are you?”

  “I’m good. How is everything there?”

  “It’s good. Hilary made the track team. Dad is dad, have you talked to Danny or Kathy?”

  “Yeah, I talk to them about once or twice a week. How are you doing, Mom?”

  “I’m fine. Are you sure you’re ok? He hasn’t hurt you has he?”

  “Jesus, Mom! No, he hasn’t! Actually I’m calling to let you know that I’ve moved in with him and to give you the new the address.”

  “You have?”

  “Yes Mom, I moved my things in today. So, in case you send mail, you’ll need to send it here.”

  “I thought you’d be over him by now.” She starts to say.

  “Well ok, I guess things haven’t changed. I thought just maybe you’d be a little happy for me, but I guess not.”

  “Emily, I am happy for you, but you know how we feel about him.”

  “No Mom, I know how Dad feels about him. You, I’m not so sure about. For a little while, I thought you actually liked him, but I guess you’re not allowed to have your own voice, are you?”

  “Emily!” She snaps.

  “Never mind Mom, I’m gonna go. I guess I’ll talk to you another time.”

  “Emily, I’m sorry. It’s just ever since you’ve moved. You’re not yourself.”

  “Funny thing mom is that I AM myself. I’m being all me. I’ve gotta go. They’re back with dinner. Love you. Bye.” I don’t wait for her to reply and hang up.

  Xander and Harlie walk into the house carrying dinner and Oh my God it smells so damn good!

  “Hope you’re hungry! Harlie ordered almost everything on the menu.” Xander says with a laugh.

  “I’m starving. What all did we get?” I ask, going through the bags. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, green beans, baked beans, biscuits and a chocolate cake. “Holy crap, I guess you did.” I giggle.

  “They gave us the cake for FREE!.” Harlie says proudly.

  “Well, that’s awesome.”

  The three of us enjoy dinner outside on the porch. As we eat, I’m watching Axel and he seems lonely.

  It makes me want to get another dog, but should I even mention it? I mean, I haven’t even lived here for five hours. Fuck it. “How would you feel about getting another dog someday?” I ask.

  “Really?” He asks.

  I shrug my shoulders, “Yeah. I’m not talking like right now, just down the road.”

  “I’m fine with that.” He smiles. “What kind of dogs did you grow up with?” He asks.

  “Boxers.”

  “I like those dogs, maybe we should get one of those.”

  I take a bite of my food, “That would be awesome!”

  We finish dinner and start cleaning up when Xander’s phone rings. He answers it and gets off. “Shit!” He says.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Fucking Billy, he’s sick and can’t close up. Blake and Reese don’t have a sitter and I can’t ask anyone else since they’ve all closed up all this week.” He snaps.

  “Then go, it’s your job.” I tell him.

  “I’ll call my mom and see if she can come get Harlie.” He says.

  “No you’re not. You go to work, she can stay home with me. We’ll be fine.”

  “Baby, are you sure? You don’t have to take care of her.”

  “Xander, we are a family, right? You’re going to be working late nights. She can stay home with me.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure.”

  “Ok, well if you need anything. Call my mom.”

  “Xander I’ll be fine. She’ll be fine. We’ll be fine.” I tell him. Damn he acts like I haven’t been around a kid at all. He pulls me in, “I love you. Thank you.” And kisses me.

  “You don’t have to thank me, but I love you too. Wake me up when you get home?” I give him that look.

  “Oh, I’ll wake you up.” He grabs my ass and kisses me again and walks away to go find Harlie.

  Xander leaves, leaving Harlie and I alone. “So kiddo what do you wanna do?”

  “I don’t know.” She says shrugging her shoulders. This is the first time her and I have been left alone before.

  “Wanna bake cookies or something?”

  “Umm, ok I guess.” She say.

  She’s staring out the living room window and I walk over to her “Hey, what’s wrong?” I ask.

  “Nothing. Just wish Daddy didn’t have to work tonight.”

  “Yeah, I know Hun, me too. That’s why I think we should bake cookies. Then, we can send him a picture and show him what he’s missing out on. Doesn’t that sound like fun?”

  She gets the biggest smile across her face, “Yeah! Let’s do it.” “Will you let me eat some of the cookie dough like Grandma lets me?” She asks shyly.

  “Umm, duh! That’s like only the best part of baking cookies.”

  We walk over to the kitchen and start grabbing everything we need for the chocolate chip walnut cookies. Yep, these are going to be heaven.

  “Alright, first things first. We need music!” I wink at her and she giggles. “Yes we do!”

  I connect my phone to the Bluetooth speaker and choose my “Fun” playlist. This is the music I listen to while I’m cooking, need to dance it off or just need to cheer myself up. First song to come on is “Call Me Maybe” By Carly Rae Japsen. We start dancing and singing around the kitc
hen. Harlie and I get the cookie dough all mixed up.

  We drop the cookie dough onto the cookie sheets with a spoon, and send Xander a quick picture “See what you’re missing out on?! Haha!! Xoxo, your favorite girls!” and I hit send.

  Doesn’t take long and we get a picture back oh him pouting “So not fair! You better save me some!” I start laughing, That’ll teach him! I think to myself. After a couple of pictures and many songs later, “Better Than Words” By One Direction comes on when the last batch of cookies comes out of the oven.

  I get Harlie into the shower, dressed in her pajamas and we cuddle up on the couch. She chooses “The Little Mermaid” for our movie. “How did you know this was my favorite?” I ask.

  “It’s mine too.” She smiles. We get Axel up on the couch and grab the light blue fleece blanket and snuggle up. We sit and watch the movie and the next thing I know my hair is being brushed out of my face. I open my eyes to see Xander smiling at me. “Hey,” I whisper.

  “Hi.” He whispers smiling at me.

  “What time is it?” I ask.

  “Midnight.”

  “Crap.” I look to my right and see Harlie curled up against me.

  “God, this is a beautiful sight to come home to.” He says leaning in to kiss me. “I’m going to get her to bed and then I’ll come back for you.” He reaches over, picks Harlie up and carries her to her room.

  He comes back, “Your turn.” He smiles down at me and lifts me up. I wrap my arms around his neck and he carries me back into the bedroom.

  “How was work?” I ask him.

  “It was work.” He says, he almost sounds pissed off about something.

  “Anything happen there I should be worried about?” The words leave my mouth before I can even stop them.

  “Why would you ask me something like that?”

  “Just curious.”

  “Damn Emily, do I need to marry your ass so you’ll see no one is coming between you and I? Because I will! I will drive to Vegas tonight just to prove to you that I’m yours and no one, and I mean NO one, is taking you from me or me from you.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way.” He’s not serious is he? Would he really drive us to Vegas?

  “Work was work. Just another drunken Friday night. Zack came in and finished off the shift, so I could get home to you.”