Spiral

by Jacqueline Levine

  I throw open my bedroom door and see my bed is perfectly made with new sheets and pillowcases, not bare like I had left it before. My bed’s condition must have been how Mom knew more happened; she’s not a dumb lady.

  I swallow my shame, shoving it deep down so I can muster the determination I had a second ago. I pick up my phone and dial Cherie’s number. It rings three times before she answers on the other end.

  But she doesn’t say hello. There are a lot of voices in the background, and hers is not one of them.

  “Cherie?” I say. No response. “Cherie, you there?”

  She finally clears her throat. “Yeah, I’m here.”

  “Are you okay?” I ask immediately, hearing the heaviness in her voice.

  “Yes, I’m fine.”

  “Can we talk? In person, I mean. Are you home?” I hear how pathetically hopeful my last question sounds.

  “No, I’m out.”

  Mom and Jim actually let her leave the house? I’m beyond puzzled. What are they thinking? “Where are you?”

  She sighs again. “I’m with Carl and Betsy. They wanted to take me to dinner.”

  “Oh.” My guts swirl as I think back to that last night in New York, picturing Carl’s swollen and stubby fingers trying to hold Cherie steady. Mom and Jim have no idea that Carl and Betsy are just as bad as influences as her Kidz Channel friends.

  I try to shake the sudden worry from my head. “Cherie, please come home. I’m worried about you being with them.”

  “I’m fine, Jack. Thank you for your concern.”

  “No, you’re not. We need to talk, about everything.”

  She’s quiet for a moment before, with interview-worthy professionalism, she says, “No, Jack, we can’t talk anymore. I think it’s best we just stay apart.”

  “Huh?” My jaw almost hits the floor. My heart beats double. “Why?”

  “I just don’t think it’s a good idea for us to be around each other right now,” she interrupts, her tone saccharine. “I hope you can understand.”

  “Well, I don’t.” I’m getting mad. My neck starts to heat up, and my shoulders are tight. “Why are you talking like that?”

  “Jack, we said that we couldn’t be together anymore,” she replies. “And now, after last night and how violent you were with Dominick, it just makes me nervous that you’re too unstable for me. I’m recovering from a terrible tragedy, and I need to be surrounded by positive people.”

  The answer sounds manufactured by none other than Betsy. But this isn’t the paparazzi she’s talking to – it’s me! I live with her; she’s slept with me! Don’t I deserve more than a programmed robot response?

  “Me? I’m the negative force in your life? Are you serious?”

  “I just need to be surrounded by positive people and people who want to see me get through this,” she replies evenly.

  I can’t believe she thinks I’d buy this bullshit for one second. “Cherie, don’t give me that damned prepared statement crap,” I bark. “I’m not just some random jerk off the street – this is me you’re talking to!” I know my anger is getting the better of me, and I try to soften my tone. “Cherie, please. Just give me a chance to talk to you – ”

  “I’m sorry, Jack,” she says haltingly. I hear her sniffle a little before she recovers herself. “This is how it has to be, and I hope you can appreciate my boundaries.”

  “No, you owe me more than that,” I growl. “Look if you really wanted space from me, that would be fine, but I don’t think you do – I think they’re telling you to say all of this. Where are you – I’ll come and get you right now.”

  “I’m sorry, Jack.” She hiccups a small sob, and it’s the only thing that convinces me that she doesn’t mean what she’s saying. If it hurts her enough to make her cry, she doesn’t want to say any of these things.

  Right?

  “I know you don’t mean this, Cherie,” I say firmly, never doubting myself more than I do in this moment.

  I hear a voice in the background tell her to hang up. She whimpers, “I have to hang up now.”

  “Fine!” I laugh, seething, hoping Carl and Betsy can hear me. “Let them run your life for the next few hours! I’m not going to give up, Cherie. You know why? Because I love you. They don’t – they love the money you make for them. They just want you to look perfect all the time, but I want you to be happy.

  “Go ahead and do what they say, Cherie, because I’m just going to wait until you come home. They might control you out there, but they don’t control what happens in this house. When you get home, we are going to talk about this without your goddamn puppet masters controlling everything you say!”

  I hear her sob, “I know. I’m so sorry.” The voice telling her to hang up grows more stern.

  I hear a whimper and more muffled noises. “Cherie? Cherie!” The line goes dead, and my screen blinks that the call has ended. I curse, slam the phone down on my dresser, and charge out to the driveway.

  Why is she talking to me like this? How could she let them get between us? Whatever it is she’s being made to say, she won’t be able to hide behind her cellphone when we come face to face. I’m going to find out how she really feels as soon as she pulls into this driveway. And she will have to cross my path eventually. At least, I hope she does.

  I open my car door and slide into the front seat. I’ll just wait in my car so she doesn’t have the chance to sneak in. I’ll wait all night if I have to.

  DIRTERAZZI.COM

  AND CHERIE'S TRUE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMANI ARMOR IS…

  Someone, quick, pinch us, because we think we’re dreaming! It appears someone is finally, FINALLY, stepping in to put a stop to the Cherie Belle tornado of trouble before she completely spirals out of control.

  Carl Schwartz, Cherie’s manager, has reportedly had it with her antics and her wild partying nights, especially in light of the recent debacle at Club Fly. He is putting Cherie on lockdown and plans to seek her removal from the custody of James Goldman, Cherie’s uncle and current absentee guardian. We here at Dirterazzi think this is the best move for Cherie’s health and well-being; her new guardians just are not equipped to handle the life of a young celebrity, are too overwhelmed with their current brood of children, and have allowed a sixteen year old to run rampant through the streets of Hollywood without any supervision. Sources close to Cherie’s camp tell us that Carl plans to meet with her guardians later today to convince them to allow him to adopt her since he has no children of his own and loves Belle like a daughter. If they won’t cooperate, Schwartz will seek more drastic measures to get the job done. Stay tuned!

  CHAPTER 34

  “I found Jack! He’s in his car! Jack? Jack. C’mon, wake up.”

  I feel someone nudging my shoulder. I open my eyes to my steering wheel and the sun glaring into my windshield, forcing me to scrunch them closed again. I must have fallen asleep in my car waiting for Cherie to come home. I turn and see Claudia watching me. She’s the last person I want to wake up to right now.

  “You okay?” Her brow is furrowed, her eyes wide and frightened.

  “No. Where’s Cherie?”

  “I’m not supposed to say–”

  “Jesus, never mind,” I grumble groggily, climbing out of the driver’s seat and pushing past her.

  I hear my mother’s voice screech from inside, “Jack!” That’s the second to last person I want to wake up to right now, and Claudia practically tags her in as she disappears into the house.

  Mom runs out of the front door, her eyes wider than Claudia’s and her hair frazzled. I know just by looking at her that she spent the whole night frantically pacing and calling police and crying. Was she really that worried about me? She races forward and throws her arms around me, smothering me with kisses and anger and tears of joy all at once.

  “Oh, thank you, God! Thank you! What were you doing out here? I’ve been calling and calling you! How could you not tell me where you were? Do you have any idea how worried I was?” s
he gasps into my neck.

  “I’m sorry, I guess I left my phone in my room…where is Cherie?”

  “Cherie’s gone. Oh, thank God you’re all right!” she cries, pulling at the hair on the sides of her head.

  I grab my mother by the shoulders and focus her. “Stop! What do you mean she’s gone?”

  She stammers out a useless reply. “She didn’t come home last night. Her manager thought it would be best she say with them since her movie premier is today.”

  My stomach drops. “Are you serious?!” Our phone conversation replays in my mind, and a million stab wounds reopen inside.

  “Cherie – what the hell, Cherie…” I moan, clutching at my rapidly pulsing head. I turn to my mother frantically. “When did you last see her?”

  Her head tips to the side. “Oh, Jack. Not since yesterday afternoon, baby.”

  “Well, why aren’t you with her? She can’t be alone with those people!” I try to pull out of Mom’s hold, looking over her shoulder to the front door. Jim stands stoically in the entrance, eying me with a frown of disappointment.

  Seeing him reminds me of his comments to my mom the night before, and I want to punch the frown off of his face. “Bet you thought I was long gone, huh?”

  He cocks his head quizzically. “What?”

  I usher my mom to the side gently and walk forward. “I heard you last night. I heard everything you said about sending me to live with Darla.” I’m feet away from him before I stop and glare heavily at him.

  “Jack, Jim didn’t mean that – ” my mom tries to say.

  “Sure he did,” I say coldly, smirking at my stepfather. “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, right Jim?”

  “That’s enough, Jack.” Mom scurries between us as if she senses a fight, and I look down at her with disgust. Does she think I’m going to actually punch her husband? I’m not some kind of monster who starts fights with everyone, not anymore at least.

  I look back at him and think that’s exactly what Jim wants. He wants me to be the angry, violent kid I used to be. “Well, I’m not my father, Jim, but thanks for having that kind of faith in me.”

  Jim looks down in shame and nods. “I’m sorry, Jack. You’re right; it was a terrible thing to say. I was upset, and I was worried about Cherie.”

  “Well that makes two of us. Where is she? Do you even know? Or did you decide to send her away, too?”

  He shakes his head and sighs. “No, her manager thought it would be best that she stay with them in a hotel for the night.”

  “And you let her?” I roar. “They’re not good people, Jim! They’ve give her drugs – they gave her ecstasy the other night! She’s not safe with them!”

  He shakes his head at me. “Come now, Jack, don’t be ridiculous. These are adults you’re talking about. I know her friends are questionable, but I trust Carl. She has the premier of her movie tonight, and she needs to be well rested. Carl was worried she wouldn’t get the kind of peace of mind she needs here and, frankly, I agree with him.”

  “She definitely won’t get it there,” I grumble. “Where is she? What hotel? I’ll go find her myself.”

  Mom puts her hand on my shoulder, less frightened now that she knows I’m not going to beat up her husband. “Sweetheart, I know you care very much for her, but right now she needs a little space – ”

  “No!” I cry out, pulling away from her roughly. “Don’t hand me that bullshit. Tell me where she is!”

  They stare at the ground and each other, but they won’t look at me. Their lips are sealed.

  I grind my teeth in frustration and push past them into the house. “Chloe? Claudia?” The twins are at the kitchen table, eating breakfast with Brenton and Britney. Britney shrinks in her chair and looks almost frightened of me, and I realize I must seem like a madman to her.

  I try to soften my tone. “Hey guys. Do any of you know where Cherie is staying?”

  The little ones both shake their heads, but Chloe and Claudia exchange a quick look before agreeing to say no.

  I look down at Claudia, the easiest target, and pull up a chair. “Claudia, if you know, you need to tell me.”

  She scoots her chair away and avoids my gaze. “I don’t, Jack.”

  “Leave her alone, Jack,” Chloe snips.

  “Claudia, please. She’s not in good hands with those people. She needs help, and they don’t really care about her. I need to know where she is.”

  “We told you we don’t know, Jack!” Chloe shrills.

  “Jack, leave the girls alone, please,” Jim says, and he and my mother are suddenly beside the table. “They’re not going to tell you. They promised Cherie they wouldn’t.”

  “Promised her?” I demand. “Yeah right! Why would she talk to them ever again? They’re the ones who started all of this!”

  Chloe retorts, “We called her to apologize, and she accepted, so apparently she isn’t that tore up about it.”

  Claudia adds softly, “We wanted to apologize to you, too.”

  “Yeah, we would have apologized to you, too, if you weren’t such a jerk!” her sister interrupts.

  “Girls! Enough!” Mom scolds. She touches my shoulder and coos, “Honey, the bottom line is Cherie is around the people who know her best and that’s what she needs – ”

  “They don’t know her. None of you do! I know her. I should be with her. Carl and Betsy and Danika – they’re all in on it! They allow her to get drunk and take her to clubs and give her drugs!

  “They don’t care about what happens to her, and they’ll keep putting her in dangerous situations until it’s too late. Just watch, she’ll come home drunk tonight – if she comes home at all!”

  Jim shakes his head and says, “No, Jack, we will be there tonight with her. She won’t be coming home with us, but we will be there. We have all been invited to the premier as her family.”

  I pause and stare at him, slack jawed. “Oh.”

  But before I can feel a spark of relief, Jim adds as gently as possible, “Well, actually, the producers asked that, you know, you do not attend.”

  The words fall hard upon my shoulders, and I nearly crumble beneath their weight. “What?”

  “They think it will draw unnecessary attention from the movie and the actors if you’re there. There’s just been so much media hubbub over that whole club fight,” Jim says. “You can understand that, can’t you?”

  “You’re not serious.” I glance up at my mother. “Mom?” She turns away from me. Just one look at her glistening, down-turned eyes tell me that no matter how much this idea hurts her, she won’t contest it.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” she whispers through a sob, making her way toward the stairs. “I think you should just go get ready for school, okay?”

  I get up abruptly from the chair and pull at the hair on the sides of my head. “This is insanity!” I feel like I’m trapped in an alternate universe where my mother is becoming a puppet to some Hollywood tyrants. Cherie’s handlers have singlehandedly ruined my life in the last twenty-four hours. Forget about Cherie, forget about this stupid premier – since when does my mother allow someone to treat me like this?

  The stab wounds begin to work their way up my chest to my throat until I’m voiceless. I’m on some Hollywood black list because I protected Cherie from some douchebag. Cherie refuses to see or speak to me, even after I’ve poured my heart out to her, and she trusts the twins over me. Everyone thinks I’m about to snap, even Britney. On top of it all, my mother has left me to fend for myself yet again. I feel the blood draining from my face.

  “Jack?” Claudia stands up and takes a step toward me. Her eyebrows knit together in concern as if I look as dizzy as I feel, and she reaches out like she is about to catch me.

  “Don’t,” I choke, backing up. I look around the room at the worried, pitying faces that stare back.

  It doesn’t matter what I say to Jim or my mom or anyone. Cherie told me exactly how she felt last night, and I’m only making myself look lik
e a fool by fighting anymore. I look as crazy as they’re all making me out to be.

  Finally, the worst thought enters my mind: What am I really fighting for anyway?

  I throw up my hands. “I’m done.” I turn to Jim, adding, “You were right; I don’t want to be here. I’m going back to New York – I’ll stay with Darla, Frank, anyone. But I won’t stay here.”

  Tears fall from Claudia’s eyes as I storm toward my room to get ready for school.

  CHAPTER 35

  Mica is waiting for me in the parking lot when I pull in. He stands by my space and shifts his backpack on his shoulder.

  “Hey,” I say, trying to avoid his gaze as I get out and grab my books from the back seat. “How are you?”

  “I can’t complain. How are you?”

  I shake my head. “I don’t wanna to get into it.” He sighs and falls into step quietly beside me. I think it’s probably a sign of a good friend when they agree to just let silence fill the air between you.

  If only everyone could sense that I didn’t want to be bothered, maybe my morning wouldn’t have sucked as much. At first, I’m a little self-conscious. In the halls, girls look at me and whisper to one another. Some guys nod in my direction and say something aside to their friends. I try to keep my eyes forward and not pay them any attention. A few kids who have spoken to me before go as far as to say hello and smile. As far as I’m concerned, they know I got into a fight and knocked out a famous actor, and that fact must make me a pretty cool guy. A badass, even.

  But I’m barely in my pre-calc seat for thirty seconds when Jen, the girl in front of me with the fancy bag that’s always on the floor, squashes my growing ego.

  “Hi,” she says.

  “What’s up?” I reply, opening my notebook and pretending to not notice that she’s staring at me. Finally, I look up from my blank page and find her examining me with a frown.

  “Are you okay?” she says, biting her lip and practically wincing. “I heard what happened, and I’m so sorry.”