Spiral

by Jacqueline Levine

  Her words hit below the belt, and my chest tightens. “It’s going to take a lot more than some stress to push me away, Cherie. I’m not my father; I’m stronger than him, and I know what it means to take care of the people I love,” I say, hearing my own voice waver a little. I fight the emotion that I feel coming on. “I love you. Look at me. You can be sure I’ll fight to the death for you before I will just walk away.”

  She replies, “This is crazy. We’re kids. It’s crazy for us to feel this way about each other –we barely know each other. I’m broken right now, Jack. And you, you’ve spent so much time hiding from how you really feel about your dad that you can’t even talk about him with me. We’re probably only attracted to each other because we’re both so messed up – two unstable kids like us shouldn’t be together!”

  I watch her rant herself into exhaustion. When she falls back in her chair and quiets, I lean forward as much as I can. “I know I’ve got my own issues, Cherie. I won’t pretend to be whole in any way, and it’s going to take some time for me to really open up about that stuff. But I can tell you that you’ve already broken down more of my walls than anyone else. I’ll let you in if you stop making me your dirty secret.”

  She stares at the floor for a long time before saying, “I have really young fans. I – I don’t really feel comfortable telling people everything. Do we have to tell everyone we had sex?”

  I shake my head. “Of course not. We never have to tell people what goes on behind closed doors, even when we’re fifty. That’s between us.

  “But it’s what you let them see on the outside that matters to me. I want to be able to hold your hand and kiss you and take you places, and I don’t care who doesn’t agree with it or who takes a picture of it.”

  “Being in the public eye doesn’t matter to you?” she asks softly, as if she can’t believe what she’s hearing.

  “Not if it means I get to be with you,” I reply. “Besides, aren’t you quitting acting? All of this attention is going to go away eventually.”

  “Yeah, but what about all the things they’ll say about us before it goes away?” she whispers. “We’re supposed to be family – ”

  “But we’re not family, Cherie, and anyone with half of a brain knows that.” I shake my head and sigh. “Maybe you care about all that stuff, but I don’t. I won’t feel bad about loving you.”

  Cherie nods slowly. The silence pools around us and threatens to drown me. It’s the moment of truth: Either she will stand up and walk out of my life forever, or she will agree to tell the world about us. I feel like I’m about to start sweating from the tension. I never realized how much the threat of losing her would panic me, even last night when I thought she was with Caz. Up until now, I knew she was a helpless puppet to people older and savvier than her. But at this moment, it’s just her and me and the words she chooses. The decision she makes is entirely hers.

  Finally, she looks up and whispers, “I don’t want to feel bad about loving you either.”

  My voice is hoarse. I just need to hear her say it. “Then don’t.”

  She shakes her head. “I won’t. I want everyone to know that we’re together,” she says, and I can finally breathe again. “I love you Jack.”

  This time I can say it back. “I love you, too.” I laugh because I can’t find the words to express how happy she’s just made me.

  Her lips spread into a smile as she reaches for her cell phone. “I’ll call Derek right now and set up an in –”

  “No, hold on,” I say, reaching out for her phone just as she begins to turn it on. Her big green eyes stare at me, wide and innocent. I take a deep breath and try to keep my tone gentle. “This isn’t damage control, Cherie. We don’t need a staged interview and phony prepared statements. This is real life. We need to be real with each other, always. Okay?”

  Her smile fades and she lowers her phone. I can see by the confusion on her face that this is a foreign concept to her. She’s spent so much time carefully crafting every part of her life, every relationship, and she doesn’t understand what it means to be real anymore.

  “Well, then, how will they know we’re together?” she asks softly.

  I take her hand in mine and smile as much as my bruised lip will allow. “We just have to be together. That’s all. They’ll get the picture.”

  “Oh.” Her face scrunches. “Really? You want to stage a photo shoot?” She grins and adds slyly, “You do photograph well…”

  I force myself to take another deep breath, suppressing my frustration. I can tell this is going to be a long road to travel with her.

  But one glimpse of her smile tells me it’s a journey worth taking.

  DIRTERAZZI.COM

  CHERIE BELLE NEEDS CLASS

  It’s rare that young, retired celebrities make good choices these days, so Dirterazzi was fairly surprised that Cherie Belle, the former Kidz Channel starlet and media darling, is actually considering starting school in September. It appears that Jack Hansen, Cherie’s boyfriend and notoriously straight A student, is turning out to be a good influence on the celebutante, who recently started interviewing with independent school administrators in the Los Angeles area. Along with his parents and stepsisters (those hot twins we love so much, who are also considering a move from public to private education), Hansen accompanied Cherie to a tour of the Pinton Academy this week. It is unclear whether Hansen will join Cherie at her new school, but he certainly has the credentials to attend, according to one of his former teachers. Sources close to the family say that Cherie is thrilled to start in the fall, which is good news because she may need an extra year or two of it just to catch up with her peers, especially if she plans on going to college.

  This is a far cry from the Cherie Belle we saw earlier this year, who spent the first few months of 2013 spiraling out of control and partying hard. It has been revealed that her wild ways were due in part to a major conspiracy by her handlers, Carl Schwartz and Betsy Calves, and her assistant Danika Shields, who are currently under investigation for a myriad of charges, such as fraud, endangerment of a minor, and defamation, just to name a few. The treachery was unveiled when Hansen, 17, showed up at actor, Caz Farrell’s, beach house in Santa Monica to pick up his twin sisters. There, he was brutally attacked by Farrell, fellow actor Dominick Furst, and their bodyguards. Both Farrell and Furst, as well as their bodyguards, have been charged with battery and assault following testimony from Cherie Belle and her cousins, Chloe and Claudia Goldman. Both actors face jail time and community service, and Farrell also faces charges of endangerment of a minor for serving alcohol to the underage Goldman twins and Belle. Their sentencing will be held later this month.

  As for Cherie and Jack, a source tells us their lives couldn’t be more normal together. Last week, Cherie went with Jack to his junior prom, and she danced the night away with his classmates. According to one student in attendance, Hansen hung back in the shadows while his lady love stole the spotlight, only stepping out to ask for one slow dance. Onlookers report a magical feeling as they watched the lovebirds embrace each other and sway back and forth, their eyes locked together as if they were the only two people in the room. Fans of this modern day Romeo and Juliet are rooting for the duo to stick together for the long haul.

  Dirterazzi hopes the magic doesn’t fade, but teenage love can be fickle. Only time will tell if Cherie’s attendance at school will bring new drama to their currently happy relationship. Stay tuned!

  ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

  Writing is a journey. I know what you’re thinking behind that eye roll: “That’s what my kooky sixth grade English teacher told me.” But it’s completely accurate. It’s a journey you take alone at first, and along the way you find companions in the form of dear friends and family who are unwittingly roped in as readers and editors. These companions are brave enough to take the journey with you. My journey would not have been complete without those few in my life who took the time to listen, read, respond, and care about the process.
To my Createspace team and those ladies with whom I entrusted my heart and soul, I thank you. Melissa, you’ve always been my biggest cheerleader and laughed at all my dumb jokes, even when we were just two dorky freshmen at the U. Julie, I can always count on you for honesty, love, and friendship. Andrea, thanks for showing me the “mom side” of things. Preety, you are officially my editor-in-chief forever. Congratulations…?

  I would like to thank my students, too, who gave me endless laughs, fodder, and support this year. For five years they performed in my silly plays and asked to hear my stories and taught me what makes a great writer. I’m so glad that, if I was able to teach you anything, I taught you that you were my friends. (That one is just for you, Alex V.!)

  Your sixth grade English teacher probably also told you to write about what you know, something in which you are an expert. I should thank my family, now, because without them I would not have the insight into what families do best together: fight, laugh, and cry. Anyone who has ever sat around a table at a mandatory holiday dinner knows exactly what I mean. I should thank my mother, in particular, for always bringing the family around the table for meals, big and small. As I was growing up, she was the ultimate Holly Homemaker, despite what my sister and I like to joke about now, and no one can set a holiday table or decorate a room quite like her. I thank God every day for my family and the laughs we’ve shared together.

  I especially have to thank the person who started this journey with me long ago: my father. He spent years gathering my silly, four-page, notebookpaper tales about horses and dogs and more horses. He filed stories and poems together and saved them in this little wicker trunk that to this day still holds my earliest scribblings. He never once doubted my dream, making it his own and spending every dollar he had to give me opportunities to grow as a writer. He gave me the confidence to believe I would one day publish my work to the world. Thank you, Daddy. I just wish you were still here to see our dream come true.

  Most importantly, I have to thank my husband, who I don’t deserve. At all. Not one bit. But he’s still here for some reason, so maybe he actually likes me, even though I really couldn’t tell you why. I can tell you one thing for certain, though: he’s my everything.

  To my readers: Thank you for reading. Please connect with me if you have questions at jlevine361@gmail.com, or check out our website, spiralseries.com, or ‘Like’ the Spiral Facebook page for updates on the sequel and to share your thoughts on the story. All any writer wants is to share these fictional people and places and situations that happen inside his or her head with someone who will listen. Remember to always be young. Have fun. Go after your dreams and find what makes you happy.

  Also, stop being so hard on your English teachers. You might end up putting their advice to good use one day.