The Moment She Knew

by Christine Farrey

  “I haven’t figured out that part yet,” he replied.

  Sitting on their usual rocks, Callie noticed he barely touched his cup of wine. She had already had a couple glasses. She started yawning when Connor looked at his watch in his pocket and then the one on his wrist. She had a better view of the watch in his pocket; it had a round silver face and a brown leather strap. The watch looked quite plain. “Really?” He asked. It wasn’t too late but with all that had been going on lately, she was busy and this led her to be tired and tired lead to silly. She started to laugh.

  “What are you laughing at?” he asked, amused.

  “I don’t know,” she said as she continued to laugh.

  “Don’t tell me you’re drunk. Wait are you a spill it all when you’re drunk because if so I have a few questions,” he said with an eyebrow raised.

  “No I’m not drunk, just tired. If you have questions you can ask. I’m an honest person so I’ll tell you what’s up,” she said as she neared the end of her second red solo cup of wine.

  “Really, so I can just ask you any questions?” He asked as he looked down at his untouched cup.

  “Of course, but this works both ways,” she said, hoping to learn more about him.

  He quickly asked, “Do you like Ryan?” Then he waited impatiently for her response.

  “Of course I like him. We have become good friends,” she said then filled her cup a little more.

  “No, let me try it this way. Do you have feelings for him? Have you slept with him?” He leaned in closer and she swallowed her wine a bit harder than before. Most topics didn’t bother her but him asking her about who she had and hadn’t slept with made her blush. A lot of things he did made her blush. Over the past month what started out as a little crush on Connor turned into more. She was starting to really like Connor. She wasn’t going to tell him, but she was going to have to do something to stop it.

  “No I don’t like him in that way and no I haven’t slept with him. Why exactly do you want to know?” She asked with a head tilt.

  “I was just curious. We have spent pretty much the month together and you told me a lot about your life but nothing about dating or ex-boyfriends has come up. I didn’t see how you could be with anyone since we spend so much time together,” he said now looking at his pants as he rubbed his hands along the top of them.

  “I don’t date. I went on a few dates but I hate dating. It’s boring and awkward. I don’t have any ex-boyfriends, so there is nothing to talk about.” He stopped rubbing his legs and looked at her.

  “You never had a boyfriend?” He sounded shocked. Callie knew this was coming up and she was going to have to explain herself. How do you explain to someone that you are just meant to be alone? No one has worked out and you just can’t imagine your life with anyone? Just when she was getting ready to he added, “I can’t blame you to be honest. I’ve never really had a girlfriend.” Although she wanted to ask why, she thought it was a good time to change the subject. “I noticed you didn’t touch your wine,” she gestured to his cup sitting on the ground by his foot.

  “I have a beer or glass of wine every now and then when I’m out. But I don’t drink like used too. I don’t want to repeat the past.” She stared at him as he picked up and played with his cup. They were silent for a moment.

  “Listen I don’t want to go into too much detail but I was pissed. For a while. I tried to replace my anger with pleasure. So I indulged in anything that allowed me pleasure: drinking, fighting and sex. I wasn’t big on drugs. I tried a few but they weren’t for me,” he cleared his throat.

  “So you fought in like a cage or was it just picking fights at bars?” All she had going through her mind was a shirtless Connor fighting in a cage.

  “A few times I fought in a cage. When my mother found out, she was disappointed and I felt like shit, so I stopped,” Connor looked upset.

  “How did she find out?” Callie asked is a hushed voice, like it was a secret.

  “One of my opponents ended up in her hospital.” Connor hadn’t spoken much about his personal life and she was beginning to understand why. He wanted to keep the past in the past but she wanted to know more.

  “So you drank a lot and fought a lot, but don’t do that anymore so that’s a plus,” she gave a thumbs up. Who the fuck gives a thumbs up she thought.

  “And had sex a lot. The drinking made me feel more sick than pleasure, the fighting I stopped and there was only sex, which was just pure emptiness sometimes, but it was all I had.”

  She did know what to say. She couldn’t agree because she never felt that. “It wasn’t always emptiness, was it? I mean you had to have liked some of the girls, felt something for them?” She was hoping he liked some of the girls; please don’t let me be just a raging man-whore.

  “Not really. The girls that go home with you from bars tend to not be the kind you want to bring home to the parents or start a life with. Besides I wasn’t interested in starting a life with anyone.” Preach on she said mentally. She knew that feeling all too well.

  “So the girls were just purely for sex?” Since he was talking she thought why not just keeping asking questions.

  “Yes. I didn’t feel I had to like a girl to fuck her. I mean they didn’t like me, they barely knew me. It started when I was younger. When I lost my virginity there were these two girls in high school, they were friends and did everything and everyone together. Everyone thought they were pretty and they were. So I had sex with them, thinking this is what you did. You find a pretty girl or girls and you fuck them. After a while they didn’t even need to be that pretty. Later on my social status made it easy to bring anyone home,” he was getting slightly uncomfortable where the conversation was headed.

  “I’m sorry did you say both of them, like at the same time?” Callie asked holding up two fingers, in case he missed what she was asking. He nodded to confirm.

  “Your first time was a threesome?” The shocked expression was all over her face. He nodded again.

  “I didn’t know much at fourteen. I orchestrate one much better now,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. He didn’t like the expression on her face and she wasn’t doing much to try and hide it either.

  “Jesus, you were fourteen?!” Callie got up and was pacing the length of the bench.

  “Yea, are you not following the story?” He slightly chuckled.

  “I can’t fucking believe this. At fourteen you get laid by two girls at the same time and I’m thirty still waiting to get laid by one guy. Just one, that’s all I as.” She was still pacing. She didn’t mean to say it out loud but in the heat of the moment, the words just flew out of her mouth.

  “Umm wait back up, still waiting?” He was stood up watching her pace.

  “Yes Connor, still waiting. How sad is that? Everyone has a comment or thinks I’m too picky but it’s called standards, not just wanting someone in your bed who doesn’t give two shits about you.” She stopped directly in front of him.

  “It’s not sad, shocking but not sad. If I could go back and delete some of the girls that I fucked, well there would be none left,” he laughed a little but Callie just stood there staring at him, shaking her head.

  “Can you not say fucked please? Can you say sex or slept with, fucked just makes it sound… not important. I know it was meaningless to you but not everyone wants to just be fucked.” They stood silent for a moment.

  He broke the silence. “I think you’re attractive, so going along with my mentality you should have gotten nailed by now.” He stretched his hands and put them in his pocket.

  “Oh nice. Nailed. I think we should head back now.” She grabbed the bottle of wine and downed what was left then started walking back to the car.

  “Sorry that wasn’t what I meant. I don’t know what I meant to say or how, to be honest. It is just a term I use,” he said, trying to catch up to her. Man she was a fast walker all of a sudden. Connor started to say something but realized it wouldn’t help so they walk
ed to the car in more silence.

  Chapter 9

  It had been almost a week since Callie had seen Connor and a couple nights since she dreamt about Reed. She told Reed about Connor and their walks and the last night they spoke on the beach. Reed asked why she was avoiding Connor. She thought it was pretty obvious. She felt like an idiot and thought it would be awkward running into him, so she avoided him. Reed told her things have a way of working out, well he was a really big help.

  Callie was on her computer when Connor knocked on her door. He said since Ryan has a knock he wanted his own. Her heart started racing wondering what he would say. She thought about him all week. She opened the door and he asked to come in. Making way for him to enter, she was going to apologize but before she got the chance he started the conversation.

  “So the 4th of July is coming up and I wanted to know your plans. I think you should accompany me to this beach house in Mass. I haven’t gone in a few years but this year I am. A bunch of us rent this house and we cook on the grill and go swimming, it will be fun.”

  Callie looked at him and thought about it. She couldn’t really afford to go anywhere and she didn’t want to be stuck in a house all weekend with people she barely knew. So she declined but thanked him for the offer.

  “Ok. So you have other plans? Or do you not want to hang out with me? You haven’t called me all week and if you’re upset with me, we can talk about it,” he said, closing the space between them.

  “It’s not that. I just live on a budget and can’t afford to rent a beach house, plus I can’t swim. So there are too many reasons not to go.” She was playing with her hands.

  Connor put his hands on hers, stopping her from fidgeting. Callie looked up and saw him smile. “Well if that’s why, no worries. I said rent the house but I actually own it,” he winked. How could a wink do so much to her body? It’s like he practiced and had perfected ‘the wink.’ “Plus I can teach you to swim or we can get a kiddie pool, you know the ones that are about a foot tall, maybe get some arm swimmies for you.” He put his hands up in defense knowing Callie was going to hit him.

  “See you’re making fun!” She shouted. He grabbed her hands and spun her around so his body was pressed up against her back. Her heart was racing, she wondered if he could hear or feel it. She turned her head so her ear was near his lips. She could smell the cologne he always wore.

  “I would never make fun of you. But I really think you should go. So if begging is what it will take, I’ll do it. Just don’t tell anyone because begging is not something I do. Ever.” His tone was slightly above a whisper and it gave her chills.

  “Fine, I’ll go,” she said, releasing a breath she didn’t know she was holding. He released her but was still very close.

  “And Callie, about the beach last week,” he started.

  “No. It was me. I was in a mood.”

  “No you’re right. Not everyone just wants to be fucked. I will no longer use that term. I wasn’t making fun or judging, I just want you to know that. And having standards and morals is highly respectable. Even more so when you stick to them. You are going to make someone lucky, Callie. I just hope they deserve and appreciate you and know how lucky they are.” Connors voice was soft and almost a whisper. He nodded and then walked out of her apartment. Callie stood there, alone, looking a bit confused.

  Chapter 10

  Callie was just about done packing for her 4th of July weekend getaway when she heard a knock at the door. It was Connor. She yelled for him to come in. He followed her voice to her bedroom. He walked in and she stared at him. He had stubble on his face, which he was wearing more these days. He wore a light weight button up shirt that was baby blue, khaki shorts that came to his knee and beige Sperry’s. He placed his Ran Bans on his head and then stretched his hands and put them in his pockets like he always did. She laughed and asked her what was wrong. She replied with nothing and finished packing. He offered to take her bags to the car while she did one last look around the apartment before she left.

  Charlie and Lo were at her mother’s house for the weekend. She gave the apartment a quick glance and caught her reflection in the mirror. She thought she looked nice. She wore jean shorts, a light gray tee shirt and matching flip flops. Placing her sunglasses over her eyes she wondered if she would fit in with Connor’s people. Deep down she knew she didn’t look the part; she sure as hell didn’t act it either. This was going to consume her thoughts the car ride up there. She wasn’t big on religion but walking to the car she said a quick prayer for a decent weekend.

  The ride up to Mass was consumed by music. Callie didn’t talk much and neither did Connor. They stopped at a local store near the beach house to pick up some food. They pulled up to a house that had cars, convertibles of all styles and colors, parked along the street. People, dressed like Connor, were carrying coolers and bags into the house.

  The house was mostly glass so the view inside was clear. There seemed to be more people here than she thought. Connor informed Callie not all would be sleeping here, but people from surrounding houses were here visiting. They got out of Connor’s gray 2014 Cadillac ELR Coupe. It had a sunroof and black leather interior. She liked the updated technology in the car. She had become comfortable in his car since he did most of the driving in New Haven anyway.

  Callie took in the house. It was pretty big. It held 6 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. It was 3 stories high with balconies off some of the bedrooms. There was a nice size front porch and a deck off the back porch which lead into the beach. Once in the kitchen everyone gathered around for sleeping arrangements.

  “Well clearly Connor has his bedroom, but we do have more people than expected so we are really going to have to pair up. I know some people don’t mind sharing a room but some people are going to have to share a bed to make this work,” the GQ model said looking around informing everyone.

  “Well I can bunk with Connor, it will be like old times.” Her name was Bree, Bree Ellington. She had hazel eyes, long dark brown hair, fair skin and weighed 90 pounds soaking wet. She gave Connor a wink. This was fantastic, it had been 5 minutes and Callie wanted to go home. People starting arguing about who they wanted to be paired with or whom they didn’t want to be paired with.

  “Well I can room with Connor’s friend over there because most of you people snore and Telly over there passes gas in his sleep and I’m not trying to suffocate tonight,” he laughed and someone yelled for Mark to be quite.

  The room was getting loud when a whistle calmed the chatter. “Listen up! Let’s make this easy on ourselves. Everyone is going to get drunk and not end up where planned. We all know random hookups are going to happen so I suggest we don’t think too much into this,” Connor said as he looked around and saw most people nodding in agreement.

  “Ok now everyone this is Callie, Callie this is everyone and I will be the one rooming with Callie,” Connor said this and directly looked at Mark. Mark shrugged and said you couldn’t blame him for trying.

  Everyone scattered off and starting pouring drinks. Callie notice Bree glancing over at her. She gave Callie a once over and saw her whisper to a few friends. It was obvious she was talking about her. Her friends in unison looked at Callie, some laughed and others whispered comments. Callie rolled her eyes. The countdown until she left, had officially begun.

  One man went around tallying up hotdog and hamburger orders so he could cook. Callie overheard Bree and her friends declining as that food was gross and they were vegetarians. They were plating up salads. Callie was a healthier eater but she didn’t deprive herself of anything. When he came and asked Callie, she thought maybe she should opt for a salad as well but Connor intervened.

  “Ricky! Who let you run the grill? I remember the last time they let you cook, you almost burnt the place down!” Connor gave Ricky a look.

  “I have become a master griller the past few years’ man. I moved on up. I’m glad you’re here this year.” Ricky was smiling.

  “So what are y
ou guys having?” Ricky asked, as he smacked his tongs together. Callie went to say that she was good and would opt for a salad when Connor insisted they were having cheeseburgers.

  “Hey Ricky, we will be back to help out. We’re just going to drop our bags off in the room.” Connor grabbed Callie’s hand, their bags and headed up stairs.

  The master bedroom had its own bathroom with a balcony over-looking the water. Everything was crisp white. The whole house had a beach theme with sea shells and nautical décor all over.

  When they got into the room, Connor tossed their bags on the bed; he shut the door and spun to face Callie. “Ok out with it,” he said and crossed his arms.

  “Out with what?” Callie narrowed her eyebrows.

  “I know you enough to know that it’s not like you to stay quiet the whole car ride up here but I let it go. You looked deep in thought so I didn’t want to bother you. You keep glancing at your phone, I’m guessing to check the time, like you would rather be anywhere else. Then you don’t want a cheeseburger; you love cheeseburgers. You can’t even lie about being ‘fine’ because you wear your expressions all over your face. You don’t seem like you and I want to know what’s bothering you,” he demanded. There was no way she was going to get way with just saying she was fine.

  “The girls don’t like me. I feel uncomfortable. I know what you’re thinking but I see how they look at me and they don’t like me. I have nothing in common with them and I’m not usually like this. I can fit in with almost any crowd or so I thought but these people know I’m not one of you. I don’t look the part and don’t act the part. Its obvious.” She sat on the bed rubbing her temples.

  “I’m sorry what ‘part’ are we talking about?” He was slowly walking towards the bed.

  “The part, I don’t have designer sunglasses or bathing suits. My flip flops cost me three dollars. I grew up poor and I still am. My mother did what she could with what she had. We always had food in our stomachs and clothes on our back. I don’t need people making me feel like I don’t belong here. I know I don’t. I should never have come here.” Callie looked away before she started crying.