The Moment She Knew

by Christine Farrey

  “I cannot take some of these adjuncts!” Ryan walked into Callie’s classroom. She had just finished her final lecture of the day. “What the fuck does Fight Club have to do with business?! Why would you show fight club TWICE? I can’t even think straight. Tonight we drink! Louie’s at seven, be there.”

  Callie decided to get dressed up for Louie’s. Why shouldn’t she pick up some random guy at a bar, yea she was against it but other people did it all the time. Connor clearly had no interest. So she put on her black leather jacket with a plain black tank top underneath, the tank top came down a bit low. She had on dark wash skinny jeans and a pair red of heels. She put on a bit more makeup than normal. She looked at herself in the mirror and was confident in her reflection.

  By the time Callie made it to Louie’s, Ryan was doing shots with people and Connor was nursing his beer. Ryan saw Callie and bolted for her. “There she is!” He said with a big slap on the back, it jerked her forward.

  “Look at you looking all types of hot tonight. Someone must be on the prowl,” he made a tiger claw. She was going to have to remind him to never do that again.

  “Umm no I just wanted to get dressed up, it’s been a while.” She looked over at Connor who looked upset, she asked but he responded he was fine with a clinched jaw, she can tell something was wrong but again, wasn’t going to pry.

  “So Callie you need some shots so you can catch up.” There were only a few things Callie couldn’t say no to and shots were on that list. A few glasses of wine and countless shots later and Callie’s steady buzz had her feeling a bit tired. She yawned and Ryan gave her a look. “Not tonight little lady.” He pulled her to where the small dance floor was. She turned around on the floor and caught Connor watching them. She loved to dance to this music. Ellie Golding’s Burn came on. Callie had this song on repeat on her iPod. She went up to Connor and asked him if he wanted to dance.

  “No, I can’t dance to this,” he responded. She smiled and remembered his response to her the night of the charity event. “It’s easy. I lead and you follow.” She pulled him up. He placed his beer down and followed her to the dance floor. She wrapped his arms around her so her back was pressing against his chest and they moved. He was actually a good dancer, very smooth. Where she moved, he flawlessly followed. Their bodies moved as one. They danced closely and did a few spins and twirls. They took a break and just when Callie was going to sit down a guy came up and asked her to dance. She wanted to go sit with her friends but this was why she got dressed up, right? So she accepted. They danced and after a song or two he was getting a little too close for comfort. He had tried to kiss her once but she played it off. His hands seemed to be roaming all over her. She tried to keep his hands above the belt but it wasn’t working. He asked her if she wanted to leave and she responded not yet. She was starting to feel uncomfortable. Maybe this wasn’t her thing. Next thing she knew Connor was in front of her telling her it’s time to leave. The guy went to interject but Connor turned around and whatever he said to the man, made him back down. Connor grabbed her hand and led her out of the bar.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” She asked furiously.

  “I know what you’re trying to do and I’m keeping you from making a mistake.” Connors voice was louder than normal. She shook her head in amazement.

  “This isn’t your business Connor.” She was angry. She started walking in the direction of Whitney Manor.

  “You don’t go to a bar to find some guy to take you home. You aren’t the girl some guy takes home just to fuck. That isn’t you.” He was following her.

  “Maybe it is me!” She yelled back, but she knew it wasn’t.

  “Callie, Callie, will you slowdown in those heels, damn you’re fast.” They were in view of the apartment building.

  “I’m trying to get away from you.” She was starting to cry. She didn’t want cry, not in front of him. She would feel stupid. Drinking and thinking never went well together.

  “I’m not leaving until I know you’re home safe.”

  She huffed, “you mean alone.”

  He nodded, “well yea, that too.”

  She reached her apartment door and tried to unlock it. Her eyes were blurry, she was tired and angry. He reached for her key and unlocked the door for her. She could feel the tears down her face and she knew they were only going to come faster. He opened the door and followed her in the apartment.

  “Please leave,” she begged.

  “I told you I’m not leaving until I know you are ok,” he shut the door behind him.

  “I’m not ok! I’m not going to be ok until you leave!” She stomped her heel down like a child who wasn’t getting their way.

  “Well then, we have an issue here.” He felt like shit she was crying. He knew he was the cause but he also knew this wasn’t the type of girl she was. Callie wasn’t like the girls he would bring home from the bar. That was one reason of the many reasons he liked her. She wasn’t like anyone else. She was an amazing girl. He wanted to stay away thinking maybe he wasn’t good for her. He didn’t know anything about dating. He didn’t know about caring for someone. Until Callie, he was sure he wasn’t capable of having feelings like this. He was grateful for people in his life but his feelings for Callie were different than that. Still he had so many demons. He didn’t think he was a good person, definitely not someone who deserved a person like Callie.

  “Why do you even care?” She was full on crying now. Not like you see in the movies, but the eyes red and puffy, nose running, ugly face crying that happens in real life.

  He had been down the road far too many times. He knew the emptiness that stayed with you after a random person left your bed. He knew she deserved better. She could be mad at him, he wasn’t going to let her make that mistake.

  “Because it shouldn’t have been him!” He was raising his voice again.

  “Oh really? And why not? You think I should wait and find someone who likes me because that isn’t going to happen. I thought you liked me and I was wrong. And I warned you about talking to me in such a way, so take it down a notch.” She went to the bathroom to blow her nose.

  Connor paced the living room, his hands laced together on top of his head. “You weren’t wrong. I did like you. I do like you,” he sighed in frustration.

  “Oh really so you ignore people you like? I tried to contact you and I got ignored. I took the hint Connor,” she shouted from the bathroom.

  “I thought maybe it was better I that wasn’t around and, ok, thinking about it now I see it wasn’t the best decision. Jesus, Callie I don’t know what you want me to say.”

  She came out of the bathroom, eyes red and tissue in hand. “How about saying exactly what you are thinking because lately all I hear out of your mouth is ‘I’m fine’ and ‘I’m ok’ and it’s a bunch of bullshit,” she was a bit out of breath.

  “I thought if I told myself I was fine I would believe it. Callie you terrify me. What if you are the best thing to happen to me and I fuck it all up because there is a good chance that will happen. Then I won’t hurt myself, I’ll be hurting you. I have so much shit going on in my head and so many demons I’m still battling. I don’t date and I don’t do romance. It was never my thing. So yea, I left and was only coming down on the day I was lecturing. But staying away was so hard. All I thought about was what you were doing and how you were. I kept asking Ryan about you and he told me to man up. I couldn’t stay away any longer so I came back.” He was close to whispering now. “Callie, I am sorry. This is all new for me. I just don’t know what to do.”

  She looked away shaking her head. She could understand where he was coming from. She didn’t want to get hurt or hurt anyone but that was risk you take with people. He sat at the edge of her couch clasping his hands behind his head. Neither one of them said anything for a few minutes, both lost in thought.

  Finally Connor broke the silence. “Maybe taking things slow is the way to go. No one said we have to rush into anything. And honest
ly if it doesn’t work out maybe you can go back to Louie’s and find Soul Patch.”

  “He did not have a soul patch,” she scoffed.

  “Like hell he didn’t! It was high fiving people around the bar. I’m pretty sure it has its own Facebook page,” he smiled and saw her cracking one as well.

  “So taking it slowly,” she said fidgeting with her hands. He nodded and got off the couch. “Yes, slowly. I like slowly. I can do slowly. I want to kiss you, slowly.” She could feel his warm breath tickling her lips. He leaned in and kissed her, slowly. Callie couldn’t resist speeding it up and Connor’s lips matched her pace.

  “Wait. What exactly is slowly?” Callie had no idea what guidelines she had to follow.

  He waited a minute before responding. “It means we continue on getting to know each other and day by day we see where we are. I care about you. A lot. You’re someone I want in my life and I will do what it takes to keep you there, there may come times when I mess up and you need to know this. We learn as we go. Talk to me, if we don’t communicate we aren’t going to get anywhere.” She was satisfied with that response. He gave her a quick kiss and headed towards the door, with his hand on the knob he stopped and turned around. “I’m going to the city next weekend for a night. I have a few things to take care of at my apartment. You should come with me. I can return the favor and show you some of my favorite parts of the city.” She thought about it and decided why not. “Good. If you said no I was going to make you an offer you couldn’t refuse,” he gave a half smile.

  “And what, pray tell, was this offer?” She asked, eager to know.

  “I can’t say. Since you said yes I will surprise you and take you there anyway.” Callie was curious to see what he had in store.

  Chapter 12

  The week seemed to drag but it was finally Friday and Callie was going to spend the night in New York City. She looked forward to it because she rarely went anywhere, but was nervous because she did know if Connor was going to make a move. They had dinner at her apartment during the week which always ended with them kissing on couch but didn’t go any further than that.

  Connor put her bag in his Cadillac and off they went. He had made reservations at one of his favorite restaurants but had to take care of a few things first at his apartment.

  They arrived at a building that was about thirteen stories tall and was just breathtaking. “This looks like something celebrities live in,” she said, glancing around.

  “I do have a few well known neighbors.”

  Connor carried their bags in and watched Callie as she took in the sites. The building was comparable to a castle. The exterior of the building was brick coated in dark beige with arched entrance ways. Outside balconies covered some levels. Wrought iron fences surrounded the twelfth floor of the building, where the top apartments came to a point. Connor greeted the man at the desk and stopped to chat for a bit. The elevator opened and Connor immediately started talking to the man inside. He referred to him simply as Shaw. “Shaw this is Callie. Callie this is Shaw.”

  Shaw was a tall man with muscles. He had his share of tattoos going up and down both arms. He couldn’t have been older than forty. He was bald but not because he didn’t have hair but because he must have liked that style. He had dark brown eyes and a scar on his chin. They greeted hellos and Shaw made a face towards Connor. Connor pretended not to notice. She wondered what that was about.

  The elevator door dinged opened on the thirteenth floor. They walked down a hall with cream walls and a green and gold patterned carpet. The hall had only two doors. Connor turned to the left and they all proceeded to enter through the door.

  In his apartment, they walked down a plain hallway with no pictures or paintings. The walls were boring, an eggshell color with nothing to bring it to life. The floor was hardwood; no carpet or rugs were present. At the end of the hallway, Connor dropped his keys in a tray on a table. As he turned to talk to Callie he noticed her mouth was wide open. The apartment was nothing like she expected. It was modern and big. It took up half of the thirteenth floor. The floor plan was open which she loved. The living room, kitchen and dining room all flowed together. The windows were tall, just about floor to ceiling. His apartment had a great view, overlooking a park.

  All of the furniture from tables to chairs were dark cherry wood. His couch was dark brown leather and looked brand new. There were no throw pillows or blankets, the lack of them and any art décor, made the apartment seem cold. The apartment looked as if no one even lived there. It was nothing like her apartment.

  “Are you ok? Can I get you something to drink? He offered.

  “Water, water is good.” Being here, in his apartment, made her feel out of her comfort zone. Connor brought her back a bottle of water she never heard of. He gave her a quick tour, “I have to handle a few things. I won’t be long so make yourself comfortable.”

  Yea like that was an option she thought.

  They went to dinner at a local Italian place; it was fancier than she hoped. After dinner they walked to a few shops Connor liked to visit when he had time. They were at a little coffee shop when the sky turned black. Raindrops the size of quarters came down fast, stinging any part of their skin it hit. They ran to the car and headed back to the apartment.

  After drying off, Connor poured Callie a glass of wine. She recognized the bottle; it was a sweet red wine she often kept in her apartment. “Nice choice of wine,” she smiled.

  He looked up and smiled back. “I pay attention to you Callie.”

  He came back with a small glass of wine for himself and her glass was filled to the top. She looked at his glass then at hers and then looked at him. He laughed as he took a seat next to her.

  “I swear I have nothing in mind, I know you don’t want to drink alone so I poured myself a little and you always fill your glass to the rim.” He was right; why not fill it to the rim? But still she wondered if he was up to anything more. “Callie I swear.” She rolled her eyes. “I believe you. So what’s the surprise?”

  “You have to wait until tomorrow. We will arrive at 2pm, so we can grab lunch at a cafe near it before hand.”

  “Sounds like a date.” She took a sip of wine. It was chilled; just like she liked her red wine. Goodness it relaxed her. Outside, the thunder was rumbling louder and lightning lite up the black sky.

  “So about this birthday party in a few weeks?” She needed to know more details.

  “Ah yes,” he said, as he took a sip of wine.

  “Does it fall on your actual birthday?”

  “No my birthday is actually the 17th of October.”

  “Shit, that only gives me a couple weeks to get you a gift. So what do you want for your birthday?” She wondered what she would get a guy who has enough money to buy whatever he wanted.

  “Nothing. Really. Please don’t.” It sounded like he was pleading.

  “How can I NOT get your something? It’s your birthday and I normally would be all creative but I don’t know anything about you,” she shrugged and took another sip of wine.

  “Of course you do, I’ve talked about myself.”

  “Not enough for me to be able to get creative with a gift. You only tell me what I can con out of you.”

  “It doesn’t matter; I hate my birthday and just want it over with,” he signed and took another sip of wine.

  “Why would you hate your birthday?” Callie loved her birthday celebrations. Friends and family all gathered. There was always food and drinks and cake, delicious cake.

  He sighed again. He didn’t like talking about it but he liked Callie and he wanted her to know more about him since she felt she knew nothing. He couldn’t hide or run from his past.

  “It’s the day mother decided she didn’t want me. On my third birthday, my mother decided being a mother wasn’t something she wanted to do anymore. What could a three year old do to make his mother hate him- on his birthday? I can’t remember much of my childhood before being adopted. Apparently I suppr
essed the memories or something, but how do you just stop loving your child? I must have done something unforgivable because I don’t get how you can just walk away from your kid.” He stood up and walked over to the window. The nasty weather outside continued. Callie didn’t know what to say. He paced a few times before stopping. “What could I have done to her?” His voice cracked and he had tears in his eyes. “How can I expect anyone to love me when my own mother didn’t.” Callie got up and did the only thing she could think of, she walked over to him and hugged him. He hugged her back. His grip got tighter as he positioned his head in the nook of her neck. He backed away after a few moments. “Shit I’m sorry; this was supposed to be a fun weekend. Let’s move on shall we?”

  A crash of thunder shook the windows and caused them both jump. “Shit, its really bad out.” Within minutes there were no lights across the park and within seconds the lights in the apartment building flickered. “That’s not good.” Connor called Shaw. “What does Shaw do exactly?” Callie asked. “He is security. Not just for me but for the company. He knows all about technology and security. If a company loses power we need to make sure that their security isn’t breached or threatened in anyway,” Connor explained. “Ohhhh and what was that look Shaw gave you in the elevator?” Callie crossed her arms, smiling, waiting for his answer. “I knew you saw that. Shaw knows about you, all about you. Apparently you are written all over my face. So when I had my genius idea of staying away and coming back home for a few weeks, Shaw saw it wasn’t doing me much good. He asked for a picture of you and I didn’t have one but I explained what you looked like and said ‘to simply put it, she is beautiful’ and he agrees.”

  Connor started talking on the phone to Shaw and Callie stood near the window blushing at Connor’s comment. She replayed what he said about his mother. It was heartbreaking to hear. The more Callie thought about it the more she convinced herself his mother had to have a reason. Who could just up and leave their child?

  The weather was nasty out but lord she loved a good rain storm. Add some lightning and thunder and it was one of her favorite things. After a few moments Connor ended the call, “Ok we are good.”