Sherlock Holmes and the Chinese Junk Affair and Other Stories

by Roy Templeman

  ‘But why does his Lordship wish to see deer grazing?’ I was perplexed.

  ‘I understand it is the latest fad of some of the landed gentry, the ladies mostly, to give a sylvan look to the vista, as they and their guests gather for afternoon tea in their fine country houses.’

  ‘So, in an act of frustration, Wilson decides to vent his rage on...’

  ‘No, Watson, I don’t think so. He is the kind of man who, although thwarted and baulked in carrying out his duties, would never, I repeat, never, carry out such an action of revenge. It is not in the nature of the man.

  ‘I found it most interesting talking to the sawyer. He informed me that the invention of the circular saw came about when a workman in Mansfield, Nottinghamshire, you know the shire county of the legendary Robin Hood, cut the teeth on the edge of a circular piece of cardboard, spun it on an axle and cut a carrot in two with it. From a small simple idea grew the huge steel circular saws like the one on this estate, and now used all over the world.’

  Holmes sank back into his chair again and catnapped on, whilst I found a book on pike fishing which filled the time before hearing the dinner gong being struck.

  That evening, having dined well with the noble lord and his lady, we walked down to the village inn to partake of the good ale and, knowing Holmes’s habits, to mix with the locals in the hope of picking up any information.

  The inn was packed, which rather surprised me. The head gardener came across to speak with us, and then the head gamekeeper came to ask us to have a drink. The locals were well mannered and did not stare directly at the famous Sherlock Holmes, but contented themselves from time to time, with sidelong glances. Holmes remarked, ‘The inn is very full. Is it like this most evenings?’

  The head gamekeeper lowered his drinking mug. ‘Oh, no bless you! ’Tis the show on Saturday that brings them in. They’re here to find out who stands a chance of winning, what the other chap is likely to exhibit and such like.’

  The head gardener agreed. ‘’Tis a rare old show, Mr Holmes. Be you stopping to see it?’

  Holmes looked from one to the other. ‘A lot depends upon my being able to bring the case to a successful conclusion.’

  ‘Be you any nearer, Mr Holmes, like clearing it up?’ asked the gamekeeper.

  Holmes replied that he was still investigating and had not yet finished interviewing everyone.

  Many of the locals in the inn we recognised, having spoken with them when walking around the estate. There was Shaw, one of the grooms, talking to old blind Jim Roberts. In front of them Jim had a huge parsnip which the groom was turning over and weighing in his hand. ‘When t’other gardeners knock off from their gardening when it gets dusk, old Jim just carries on; ’tis all the same to ’im,’ said the head gardener.

  ‘They brings in samples to show each other, it’s a bit of a bluff really. They sometimes brings in a poor specimen to show the other chap, and the other chap thinks, if that’s the best he can show, he needn’t bother too much when he gets his own stuff ready for the show. Only to be beaten like, because the other chap brings his really good stuff in on the day of the show. At other times a chap will bring his very best stuff, hoping to dishearten the other chap from not showing. It’s a bit of lark really; each knows what the other’s up to, but it’s all part of the fun.’

  As we talked, we were pleasantly aware that a mouth-organ was being played and the sound of rapid hand-clapping to accompany it was coming from an ever-widening circle of patrons at the far end of the room.

  In the centre of the circle a most agile and energetic dancer was performing what can only be described as a cossack dance, popular now on the stage of some of the music-halls. He danced with vigour and vitality; his shirt partly pulled out from his trousers gave it a Russian blouse look.

  His audience clapped louder and louder, faster and faster, until the finale, when he walked on his hands, back-flipped and pirouetted into the air.

  There was prolonged applause as the dancer, a rather handsome dark-haired man in his middle forties, accepted a drink from the landlord. I turned to the head gardener and remarked, ‘By Jove, that was a fine display of dancing. Is he a local man?’

  ‘Oh, yes, sir!’ he pointed with the stem of his pipe and exclaimed, ‘that’s our Jack Page. He’s a real Jack the lad if ever there wus one... born here in the village... ain’t that right, Harry?’ turning to the head gamekeeper who readily agreed.

  ‘Yes, he’s the very best of men is Jack... left the village when he was a young man. A real jack-of-all-trades is Jack.. has been a jockey, seaman, pawnbroker’s clerk... trod the boards for a few years all over the country... and lastly, afore he came back to the village, performed in a circus.’

  Holmes laughed softly and remarked, ‘I imagine, too, from what I see here, he’s a very popular man?’

  ‘Aye, he’s popular all reet, and up at the Hall too.’ Holmes asked in what way. The head gardener turned and said, ‘You tell it, Harry; you wus there at the time.’ Harry put down his pint pot.

  ‘Well, it wus the first year he had returned to the village, and he wus helping at the summer fair... set up a coconut stall... only he used turnips instead. Now understand this, our Jack is a born talker... wit comes out of his mouth natural like. Anyway, her Ladyship happens to stop at his stall, an’ they get talking. Jack talks to her like she wus just a village lass, and she laughs and talks, and talks and laughs, fair taken with him she was.’ He took a long swig of ale, wiped his moustache with the back of his hand before continuing.

  ‘I wus at the next stall, earwiggin’, and Jack drops out that he wore once in the circus. “Oh! aye,” sez ’ee, “it was great walking through the streets... it was a free show for towns-folk, see. They cheered and waved... wagons of lions, tigers and elephants and hosses walking with the dwarfs, clowns, and me on me tall stilts wearing striped trousers and top hat.”

  ‘“Oh!” sez her Ladyship, “so you walked on stilts, did you?”

  ‘Jack replied, “Aye, but I had to pack that in, it wore my legs, you see.”

  ‘“Oh, dear!” sez her Ladyship, “What was wrong?”

  ‘“Well, I went to see local doctor in the town we were performing in like, an’ he examined me legs an’ he sez, ‘I’m afraid it’s bad news.’ I sez, ‘Tell me the worst, Doctor.’”

  ‘“Well,” he sez, “I’m afraid you’ve got woodworm in both legs.”’

  ‘Well, I thought her Ladyship ’ud never stop laughing, tears flowed down her cheeks and somewun fetched a chair for her to sit on. Well, after that he was a regular visitor up at the Hall.

  ‘Whenever her Ladyship had a party of guests, she allus asked Jack to come, as a guest mind. He made ’em all laugh, did Jack, him being so jovial, witty and full of glee, but she allus made it well worth his while, besides all the good food and drink he had.

  ‘Aye! She thinks the world of him, so do everywun in the village... allus willing to lend a hand... and he’s a very clever chap too... can fix most things... thinks quick like.’ It was a wonderful anecdote and both Holmes and I enjoyed listening to it.

  The head gardener nodded towards the end of the room where Jack was sitting.

  ‘It wus his quick thinking that saved a little lass a few years back who had fallen through the ice in the big lake one winter. When everywun else wus panicking and wondering what to do to get her out, Jack had decided quick like and fetched a couple of shepherd’s sheep hurdles, an’ laying flat on one, he shoved other wun in front of him, then he crawled on that wun, and pulled other wun round to his front, an’ kept on doing this till he reached her.’ He paused to sip from his pot.

  Holmes took out his pipe and remarked, ‘A most admirable enterprising fellow indeed, what say you, Watson?’ I readily agreed.

  ‘And that’s not all either. When he brought her back to the bank, she wore lifeless and like a block of ice. Most said she wore dead and were in dismay, but not Jack. He wrapped his jacket around her and ran all the way to her ho
me. Tells her mother and grandmother to take her upstairs, take their clothes off and get into bed naked with the little ’un between ’em.

  ‘Then he gets neighbours to fetch their own bedding and pile it on top of ’em. That way their body heat thawed her out slowly like. After a while she began to move and they could feel her breathing, God bless her. They all lay together while she slept. Three days later that little lass wus playin’ with her brother and sisters, as right as rain. Folks round here reckon it wore nowt short of a miracle. Aye, it wore a gladsome day when Jack returned to village.’

  We agreed, and looked more closely with added interest at Jack the lad as he and his cronies put aside their pots to clear the table for a game of dominoes. The general laughter and bonhomie of the inn was good to see amongst these ruddy brown-faced countrymen.

  Holmes and I found two stools to sit on. ‘A most admirable account, my dear Watson, I fancy we...’

  He was interrupted when a rather thick-set hunk of a man entered the room. He was the prize fighter who would be offering five pounds to any man to knock him down at the show. A little man standing near me whispered behind his hand, ‘They say he soaks ’is ’ands in vinegar to make ’em ’ard as iron.’

  We stayed a while longer, having a word here and there and generally enjoying the company. However, time was getting on and we had decided to enjoy a walk across the park before turning in for the night. During the walk, I asked if Holmes had formed any ideas about the case.

  ‘Not yet, Watson. I find the case most baffling, not just in one aspect, but several. I feel that until we get back to London and have a chance to learn more about his Lordship’s friends, we shall not solve the mystery... however... now there are other avenues to explore.’ He did not enlarge on this.

  The moon had risen and we were enjoying the walk back when suddenly, out of the night sky, swept a white form. It seemed to drift and float, then drop down; a moment later it rose from the ground and flapped away. We stood still, not speaking, until the barn owl was lost to sight in the trees. It had been a most breathtaking display of how the silent killer of the night finds its prey, but just another mouse supper for the barn owl.

  We reached the ornamental garden situated behind the Hall and, because the night was warm and the moon so brilliant, we decided to take the opportunity to sit awhile in the beautiful surroundings. Stoking up our pipes, we enjoyed the quiet and magic of the garden. Far away in the woods a nightingale sang its heart out, whilst bats flittered above our heads. I took my pipe out and rested it on the arm of the bench seat.

  ‘In the list of suspects, Holmes, have you now added Jack the lad, thinking about how he might have used his stilts some way?’ Holmes was silent for a while.

  ‘Yes, I have, Watson, considering it may have been a scheme hatched between her Ladyship and him.’

  ‘Really, with what motive pray?’

  ‘Oh! She might have become tired of his Lordship’s obsession with his hobby. Trophies, oriental armour, guns, trip-wires and man-traps are hardly likely to interest her or her friends. She was perhaps hoping the thefts may have been the means to discourage his further interest... we never know do we, old chap, the real relationship between people? Married people, especially the upper classes, often present a false picture of harmony to their friends and neighbours than actually exists in private.’

  ‘True, Holmes, true. Arranged marriages of royalty through the ages were made to obtain power and good alliances with other states, whilst the nobility arrange them with a view to keeping their estates and perhaps enlarging them.’

  Holmes nodded agreement. ‘And the tradesman ensures good marriages for his children with money in mind, which leaves only the lover and his lass, the only real romantics.

  ‘’Pon my word, what a cynical pair we are, Watson.’ We puffed our pipes in silence for a while.

  ‘I consider Jack the lad a possibility because he may have used his skill of walking on stilts to stride over the barriers, but then the theory collapses because we again come up against the confounded geese.’ Both of us watched the bats flittering about, enjoying the peace and transient moments.

  ‘Do you think, Holmes, in his roaming the world as a seaman and lastly his contacts with animal trainers in the circus, he might have learned some way of... somehow... using a means of mass hypnosis on the geese?’

  Holmes did not reply, puffing away, no doubt considering my theory for what it was worth. I continued.

  ‘When I was out in India the fakirs performed some feats one would hardly have thought possible. The eastern people seem to have a way with animals. I remember the snake-charmer’s movement from side to side of his flute hypnotising the snake; the music is incidental and only for the benefit of the audience. We were told that snakes are deaf, I don't know how true this is. The point is, Holmes, could our Jack the lad have learnt some eastern magic or formula to soothe or calm the geese in some way?’

  Holmes knocked the dottle from his pipe. ‘Possibly, Watson, possibly, but I think unlikely; but it is an option we must keep open. Jack the lad, at the behest of her Ladyship, is a most likely suspect to carry out such a daring and spirited enterprise.’

  Holmes chuckled. ‘All this theorising on the assumption of an arrangement between Jack the lad and her Ladyship. Really, Watson, we should be ashamed.’

  We walked out of the garden leaving the perfume of the roses to mingle with the aroma of pipe smoke and the little active hunters of the air. As we opened the huge main door of the Hall, a footman rose from his chair and, after taking our hats, began shooting the bolts to secure the place. Suddenly Holmes stopped, a look of renewed interest crossed his face and within seconds he had become galvanised into action.

  ‘Go ahead, Watson, there is something I must do. I remember now the old viscount had a great interest in zoology... many of the shelves I noticed are devoted to the subject... suddenly I have had an idea. Good night, Watson, sleep well.’ Without more ado, he rushed into the library telling the footman not to wait up for him as he might be some time.

  I trod the curved stairway wearily, the fresh air appeared to have had a soporific effect upon me. I slept like I had been pole-axed.

  *

  Next morning, Holmes in spite of his nocturnal studying, which, I might add, he never referred to, was up before me and was waiting in the breakfast-room. On the sideboard under silver tureens were devilled kidneys, liver, ham, eggs, fried bread, mushrooms and tomatoes. ‘A most admirable selection,’ I exclaimed.

  ‘Quite so, quite so, a little of each I think, Watson.’

  His Lordship joined us and, reverting back to our army mess days, we read our newspapers propped up against toast racks and cruet sets, ignoring the niceties of polite convention. Fully satisfied we rose from the table, his Lordship still immersed in studying yesterday’s cricket scores. Leaving the breakfast-room we encountered her Ladyship. She smiled and we exchanged the usual pleasantries, so it was a complete surprise to me upon Holmes being asked by her Ladyship if he was any nearer to bringing the case to a successful conclusion, he replied,

  ‘I hope so, your Ladyship. Very soon. Perhaps in the next twenty-four hours.’

  He looked across to me and said, ‘Yes, Watson, I lay awake last night listening to a vixen fox barking in the woods and suddenly it came to me... however, no more until I have tested my theory further.’ Her Ladyship was impressed, I was speechless.

  We both spent the rest of the morning fishing and the afternoon walking around the countryside.

  Not once did Holmes refer to the disclosure he had made to her Ladyship earlier that morning, and I knew better than to ask for enlightenment.

  After our evening meal of rabbit, veal and mushroom pie, followed by an excellent steamed pudding, all washed down with a fine bottle of wine from his Lordship’s extensive wine cellar, Holmes put on his cape and deer stalker saying he had some business to attend to... I asked no questions as he slipped out into the night.

  When he
returned a couple of hours later, and I was on the point of retiring to bed, I asked him if all was well.

  ‘All is very well, Watson, very well indeed. In fact, if all goes to plan we shall be away by the noon train tomorrow.’

  I did not ask him for further details. Past experience of my friend had taught me that all would be revealed in the fullness of time.

  Next morning her Ladyship entered the breakfast-room later than us. We had just finished and were about to rise and leave.

  ‘Now, Mr Holmes, it is twenty-four hours since I asked you about the case. Then you replied that you may have news within the next twenty-four. Well, have you?’

  Holmes rose from the table and half bowed. ‘Yes, your Ladyship, I have news. In fact I was on the point of asking his Lordship if he would care to accompany Dr Watson and myself to the trophy house, to inspect the return of the trophies.’

  The look upon all our faces was one of the utmost surprise and astonishment. His Lordship put down the paper he had been reading and looked up at Holmes with a completely blank face. ‘Do you mean you have recovered the trophies... all three of them?’

  ‘Yes, your Lordship, all three. They are back, hanging on the wall again.’

  His Lordship stood up, the crumbs falling from his napkin. He placed the paper on the table and appeared unable to comprehend the situation. At last he said, ‘But have you been to the trophy room then this morning... ?’

  ‘No,’ replied Holmes, ‘but I have high hopes that when we do visit the trophy room, they will all be back in their respective places upon the walls.’

  His Lordship looked across at her Ladyship who was still speechless and then back again to Holmes. ‘Shall we go and see?’ said Holmes taking the initiative.

  ‘By all means,’ replied his Lordship, still protesting his amazement at Holmes’s disclosure.

  He obtained the key from the safe in his study and soon we were all striding out towards the trophy house. All three of us took extra care stepping over the trip-wires and man-traps and presently stood together around the doorstep. The huge key was produced by his Lordship to open the door, but it was not needed; the door was closed but unlocked. He turned the handle and the heavy oak door swung back to reveal, upon examination, the three shields back again hanging on the walls.