Her Confession

by S. Valentine

  “Don’t hold back on love, ever,” Lexi’s stern tone surprised him. “Love freely. Be who you are.”

  “It’s over, Lex. It has to be.”

  “You can’t avoid moving on in life because you’re afraid of history repeating itself. You’ll forever be a prisoner of your past.”

  He shrugged a shoulder, at a loss for words.

  “Darion.” Lexi grabbed his hand. “There’s a difference between Eva and Gabi. Eva’s a whore. Gabi’s a lost soul. When Eva cheated on you, she lied about it. Gabi made one tiny mistake. She came clean. Doesn’t her honesty mean anything?” She looked at him questioningly. “We’re human. We make mistakes. It’s what we do afterwards that counts. I truly believe that Gabi is sorry. I know she wouldn’t hurt you again.”

  He chewed his bottom lip whilst in thought.

  “Give the girl a break. Your lifestyle is hardly the norm. You wanted her to participate in the playrooms. She probably didn’t know what the hell was going on. Then you rarely ever told her you loved her, or made her feel secure. I’m sorry, but you’re partly to blame.”

  Darion rubbed his stubble. Everything she was saying was true, he wasn’t about to dispute it. “What do I do?”

  “It all depends on what you want. Do you want to be loved, or adored?”

  He was silent.

  “Gabi and the playrooms offer you totally different things. Are you willing to give up the life you love for the love of your life?”

  Darion blew out an exasperated puff of air. He had two choices: to continue being adored and lusted after in the playrooms, a life of fun, without the hurt. Or trust one woman with his heart, who could break it into a million pieces or love him right back. Forever.

  “Sometimes it takes a bad thing to bring two people together, to make them stronger.”

  “What if it goes wrong?” he asked, hating that his tone was shaky with emotion.

  “What if it goes right?” she challenged him. “Sometimes we have to take a risk in life.” She shrugged. “And if anyone’s a risk-taker, it’s you, Daz.” She stood up and walked to his side of the desk. “If she hurts you again, then she didn’t deserve you. You will know then. But if you don’t give it a go, you could live a life of what ifs and regrets.”

  “I hate this relationship shit.”

  Lexi grabbed hold of his hand and yanked him to his feet. He allowed her to pull him into a tight hug. It was just what he needed. He felt an ache in his throat. His heart tightened. Ashamed for being emotional, Darion drew in a sharp breath, and looked up at the ceiling. It wasn’t just Gabi that had him hurting. It was his parents. Thirty-six years had passed, and not once could they praise him, compliment him, or support him. If only they showed him they cared. Maybe then he wouldn’t be so messed up, scared of commitment, doubting himself constantly, and living ruthlessly.

  “Call Gabi. Give it one last try. I know you love her, even if you don’t like to say it much. I’ve seen the change in you. She’s what you need.”

  “Hmmm,” he mumbled.

  “And get the answers you need from Eva too. You can’t move on until you’ve got closure. What she did eats away at you. You need to let it go.” She stroked his back with soft, circular movements of her palm.

  “Did anyone ever tell you you’re good at this stuff?” He half smiled, pulling away. “Why did I ever go to Gina when you were here all along?”

  “Because Gina had other spectacular talents, I believe.”

  Darion chuckled. “That she did. Although you weren’t bad, Lexi.” He winked.

  Her mouth dropped as she slapped him on the arm playfully. “I could never let loose with you sexually. I always felt shy at how fucking beautiful you were naked, and how skilled you were in the bedroom.”

  “You serious?”

  “Piss off, you arrogant arse.” She giggled.

  Darion grinned as he followed Lexi out into the corridor. He was pleased he had the girls to turn to. Gina may have been away, but Lexi and Marnie were there for him, just as he was for them.

  “Good luck with Eva.” Lexi winked.

  “Thanks.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I have a feeling I need all the luck I can get.”

  Chapter

  Forty-Four

  Gabi

  Gabi was in the kitchen cooking pasta. She stood there stirring the sauce in absentmindedly. She wasn’t particularly looking forward to eating the plain tomato and basil pasta; however it was all she found in the cupboard that was quick and easy to make. She remembered Darion in the kitchen, taking out tons of different ingredients, saying he liked to rustle up fancy dishes. If only he was with her, to advise her on how to give it extra flavour. She had already added pepper, but it didn’t do much. She sighed heavily, feeling herself deflate. How was it possible to miss someone so much?

  How she wished he would creep up behind her, wrap her into a tight hug, kiss her neck, and stare at her with those smouldering green eyes, and offer her that lewd, mischievous smile of his. Would anyone ever look at her like that again, so intently, so full of desire and longing? The passion he had for her was raw, animalistic, and so very real. She craved his hands and tongue on her body, wanted to feel him buried deep inside her. She needed his intoxicating smell. Her fingers ached to touch his hair, wishing she could grab it roughly. Her lips missed his full mouth, the way he possessed her, claimed her, invading inside with his tongue. She felt a ball of fire in her stomach as she became wildly aroused.

  Darion was addictive. He was like a drug she couldn’t go a day without. The high was thrilling, but the come-down was depressing. He’d opened up all sorts of emotions in her. There were so many times when she’d desperately wanted to tell him how she felt about him, state the four letter word…however, nine times out of ten, she’d held back. She hadn’t wanted to scare him away. She had waited mostly for him to say the words first, so she knew he hadn’t just been mirroring her words. Groaning inwardly, she squeezed her lids shut. Forget about him. What’s done is done.

  “Gabi, I want you now,” his smooth, sexy, persuasive voice played in her mind. Darion Milano. She had a feeling that recovering from the break-up certainly wouldn’t be easy.

  “Shit,” she mumbled when a burning smell filled her nostrils. She stirred the pasta, which was now sticking to the pan.

  She switched off the hob and emptied the gross looking pasta into a dish. She couldn’t be bothered to cook something else. Exhaustion had taken over her. Her muscles ached, her eyelids were heavy, and she’d been unable to stop yawning.

  She settled in front of the television, and wolfed the food down hungrily. Twenty minutes later, she retired to her bedroom. Taking out her mobile from her pocket, she checked the screen, force of habit. Who was she expecting? It wasn’t like Darion had a way of contacting her, since she had changed her number again. She had wondered whether she should visit the club, try and apologise for a final time, but then the other part of her knew she couldn’t face the rejection if he turned her away. She collapsed on the bed. She couldn’t even begin to imagine how Darion must be feeling.

  As her attention met the bedside table, she sat up abruptly. She opened the drawer and took out a black velvet box. It creaked as she opened it. The diamond of the white gold band sparkled in the light. She ran her finger over it. Life seemed to appear simpler with a wedding band on the finger, made a person feel wanted, accepted, more secure, like they had their life all mapped out. She wondered if she would ever be engaged again, whether she would ever get married, and to the right person. She envied those people who had found their soul mate, that one person they knew they wanted to be with forever. Closing the lid, she placed the box back in the drawer, and made a mental note to have it returned to Lawrence.

  Dropping back on the bed, she took hold of the remote and flicked the television on. She settled on an episode of Sex And The City. Perhaps Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte, or Samantha would have some advice for her, or a motto which would uplift her spirits, especiall
y when it came to Darion. The title of the episode appeared—Three’s a crowd. Gabi shook her head with an incredulous laugh. How ironic.

  ***

  Darion

  Darion’s hands were shaking ever so slightly as he mounted the stairs to find Eva. He was almost certain he could hear the slamming of his heart against his chest. He licked his dry lips to moisten them, and cleared his throat. Was he really ready for answers? Could he handle hearing why she cheated on him?

  He pushed open the door and took a few tentative steps inside. It wasn’t due to open for another couple of hours. Rock n’ roll music was playing at a low volume. The room was immaculate, every single surface gleaming under the glow of the chandeliers.

  He noticed Eva sitting at the bar with a pen in her hand and a piece of paper before her. Her forehead was creased in concentration. She only looked up when he pulled out a stool and sat beside her.

  “Darion.” Her eyes widened as pleasant surprise crossed her face. “What brings you here?”

  “I need to ask you something, Eva,” he began, averting his gaze for a moment. “I’ve wanted to ask you this for a long time, but I couldn’t find you. And then I didn’t know if I could even get the words out.”

  “What is it?” She shifted on the stool, as if suddenly in discomfort.

  “Why did you cheat on me with Vinnie?”

  Eva sighed heavily and flicked back her glossy black mane. “Is that all you wanted, to drag up the past?”

  “I need to know,” he said sternly, linking his hands together.

  “And there was me thinking we’d have a nice, polite conversation for once,” she scoffed, and picked up her drink.

  Darion watched as her full, red glossed lips met the glass. He could see her delicate throat moving as the liquid went down. When she placed the glass on the side, her tongue licked the drink droplets away. She stared up at him under her thick, dark lashes, her green eyes holding his stare.

  “This conversation can never go down polite,” he said, unable to hide the resentment in his tone.

  “Why don’t we talk about you?” She laughed mercilessly. “Where’s your frigid, prissy little lady?”

  “Watch your mouth, Eva.”

  She stood up abruptly, placing her hand on her hip. “Look at you defending her.” She shook her head. “You really have got it fucking bad.”

  Darion remained silent.

  “I don’t know why.” Eva took another long swig of her drink. Darion could see her nostrils flaring with anger, as jealousy had obviously consumed her. “You’re going to forgive her, aren’t you? Yet you couldn’t forgive me.”

  “You slept with someone else. Gabi briefly kissed her ex.”

  “You’re pussy whipped.” She laughed again, a loud, cruel laugh that made Darion slouch slightly, feeling foolish, feeling ashamed for being in love.

  Was he pussy whipped? He smoothed his hair back with his palms. No. He was in love. He couldn’t control it, couldn’t deny it, couldn’t live without it. Gabi made him want to be a better person. She brought out the good in him, the playful side, whilst he brought out the devil in her, the naughtiness. They were a perfect combination. They both complimented each other, experienced new things together, trying to adapt to one another’s lifestyle.

  With Eva, they had shared great sex. With Gabi, he had that and more. They shared the same interests. They both loved music. They liked watching movies. They enjoyed eating out at restaurants. They had fun at the bar, getting merry. They were even content when just lying on the sofa or in bed together, with nothing else going on around them. Shit. He realised he really had been playing the boyfriend role. Except for getting kinky in the playrooms, it suddenly dawned on him that he had been enjoying a normal relationship. He had been doing what normal couples did. Gabi thought he hadn’t let her in, but he had. She had his heart. She had his mind, his soul. She had everything he had to offer. All that was missing was that four letter word, which he found difficult to say. L-O-V-E.

  Then it hit him like a sharp slap in the face that felt so real he could have tumbled from his seat. He snagged his lip between his teeth, feeling fear tighten his stomach. He also felt warmth flooding his chest at the same time. He knew exactly what he had to do. More importantly, he wanted to do it.

  “Fuck me sideways,” Eva spat, bringing him out of his daze. “You’ve got smitten written all over your face. What the hell has happened to Darion Milano?”

  He took out a cigarette, stuffed it into his mouth, and flicked the lighter. “He’s seen the light,” he said. Eyeing the flame, he chuckled lightly at the scenario.

  Eva stepped closer. “Do you want a boring life? Is that what you really want?”

  “Define boring,” he said flatly, blowing smoke from the side of his mouth. “You mean bedding the same woman for the rest of my life, having children with that woman, probably even marrying that woman, growing old with that woman, sharing stories and memories of more than just a sexual nature?” He took the cigarette between two fingers and nodded. “Then yeah, I do want a boring life.”

  Eva’s eyes widened, her mouth falling open as if in shock. Darion now realised that boring was better than chasing excitement constantly. With boring, he’d know where he stood. Chemistry and passion faded over time, along with the excitement. Then what? You were either left disappointed with someone whereby beyond the chemistry, you had nothing in common with at all, someone who valued excitement more than they did friendship, loyalty, support and love.

  Darion had always believed that as you only lived once, you had to make the most of it. Yes, he had been making the most of it the wrong way. His broken heart and damaged, lonely soul had made him a selfish man that cared only about the pleasures in life, whether it was spending money on fancy items, sleeping around, using women as if they were toys, seeking enjoyment in things that were bad for him. But really, the only real pleasure in life that made you feel good was how you made someone else feel. How you contributed to their life. How you picked them up when they were feeling down, supported them when they didn’t believe in their dreams, complimented them when they felt insecure.

  He thought of when he most felt happy. It was when Gabi was smiling, when her eyes were lit up, when her sweet sounding laugh filled his ears. He wanted to care for and protect her.

  Stubbing his cigarette in the ashtray, he slowly rose to his feet. Towering over Eva, he asked again, “Tell me why you did it.”

  “What?” Her brow furrowed in confusion as she feigned stupidity.

  “We had rules. We slept with other people to satisfy one another. When you were in that room with Vinnie, I wasn’t there. You weren’t doing it for me, Eva.”

  She looked at the floor for a moment. Eventually she focused on him again, her eyes watery. “I was seeing how far I could push you.”

  He felt his spine stiffen as he became dumbstruck. He wasn’t sure he’d heard her right. “What?”

  “We always used to play games, test one another, argue and then make up. I wanted to see how you’d react…whether you’d come into that room so mad, and jealous, and sexy…”

  “You cheated on me to see how I’d react?” He shook his head in bewilderment. “The door was locked, Eva,” his said through clenched teeth. “I sat outside that door for fucking half an hour, whilst you fucked someone else behind my back.”

  “I took it too far. I’m sorry.” He noticed a tear roll down her cheek. She held out her arms, as if to embrace him.

  Darion took a step back as if she was a hot flame which would burn him. “You told me Vinnie was giving you a massage, that you needed somewhere to relax. Your story has changed again, Eva.” He glared at her. “You had a relationship with Vinnie afterwards.”

  She shrugged a shoulder. “I lost you,” she replied, her voice shaking with emotion. Her lips were trembling. “What else could I do?”

  “If you loved me, you wouldn’t have given up so easily.”

  He noticed the quick familiar sc
owl flash on Eva’s face, the way she used to roll her eyes whenever he discussed feelings. How she used to make him feel worthless, like it was weak to need reassurance all of the time, to be told he was loved. All of a sudden the confused emotions he felt for her crystallised into hate. Eva and his parents were the reason he was scared of saying, “I love you,” to anyone. How could he be that brainwashed, that hurt, to believe that declaring love could ever be a bad thing, when realistically, it was the best thing?

  “It was all just a blessing in disguise,” he muttered, blinking rapidly, coming to his senses. “You were never the one for me, Eva.”

  As he took in the black leather corset she wearing, her silicone breasts spilling over the top, her black ripped jeans, her hair splayed over her shoulders, her face covered with an inch of make-up, he noticed something he never had before.

  “And do you know something?” He leant into her so his nose was a millimeter away from hers. He heard her swallow, saw the fear and anxiety in her eyes. “Everything about you is cheap.”

  As he turned his back on her, he couldn’t believe what he ever saw in her.

  “Oh, and Eva, there’s one more thing I have to tell you,” he said over his shoulder. “You aren’t gonna like it.”

  Chapter

  Forty-Five

  Gabi

  “Gabi. Just go,” Mallory said sternly.

  Gabi clutched her mobile to her ear. “What if he sends me away?” She bit her lip.

  “It’s better to find out than to always wonder.”

  “Maybe.” She sighed heavily.

  Gabi had been unable to sleep, tossing and turning in bed. It wasn’t even yet midnight. She had tried to concentrate on the television, but it hadn’t kept her occupied. She’d then had a long soak in the bath, thinking it’d relax her and make her sleepy. No such luck. Darion was invading her mind like some sort of disease. She knew she needed to speak with him, to see if he was willing to give her a second chance. She couldn’t bear it any longer, having no contact, driving herself insane, replaying every bit of their last conversation in her mind.