Her Confession

by S. Valentine

  “Ah…Darion…” She gasped and inhaled deeply.

  “Gabi,” he groaned, slamming into her. His features screwed up as he emptied himself into her, pushing deeper, filling her, grunts leaving his mouth. He stilled for a moment, and then dropped his weight onto her, taking deep breaths.

  Gabi felt her body relax. She willed her heartbeat to decrease, as it was pounding so fast it was almost painful. Her tense muscles had now softened, and she felt overcome with exhaustion.

  Darion eventually tore himself away from her and rose to his feet.

  “I forgot to give these some attention.”

  He pulled down her bra and released her breast. His mouth wrapped around her nipple. As his tongue swirled around it, making it rise to attention, Gabi found herself sinking lower onto the counter. She closed her eyes as he continued to lick and suck her breast greedily. He tweaked her other nipple with his thumb and forefinger, pulling on it.

  “Ah…” Gabi sighed, feeling a hot ball of fire in the pit of her belly. She wanted him again. With Darion, no matter how many times they had sex, it never seemed enough. She was always left wanting more. Tugging the nipple with his teeth, he finally pulled back.

  “Let’s get dressed.”

  Chapter

  Forty-Seven

  Gabi tugged her jeans and shirt on. As she was fastening the buttons, she caught the devilish, triumphant smile on Darion’s face. Smug bastard. That was some session. The best sex she had had. Ever. Or maybe she thought that because she hadn’t had him in so long. But where did it leave them? Had he forgiven her? Even if he was willing to give it another try, they still had the same obstacles threatening to come between them—Eva and The Black Door. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, Gabi blocked out the worrying thoughts, trying desperately not to let it affect the moment. She had to speak with Darion, and she had to be honest. He needed to know that swinging wasn’t for her, that she never wanted to enter the playrooms again, that she couldn’t bear the thought of sharing him.

  She felt flushed and lightheaded, knowing that shortly, she would be telling him she couldn’t be the woman he craved, the woman he wanted. She couldn’t succumb to his desires and adapt to his dark world.

  She brought her eyes up to meet his. His features were hardened, focused on the floor, as if he were worrying about something. He yanked his top over his head, and pushed up the sleeves. When his gaze locked with hers, she felt that magnetic pull between them which never seemed to go away, no matter what problems they faced.

  He snagged his bottom lip with his teeth, devouring her greedily with his darkened irises, taking in every inch of her body slowly. Her breath held tight inside, and she felt the heat build in her cheeks. She was about to interlace her fingers, when he took a step forward and grabbed both of her hands. Silence overcame them for a moment. She wished she could wipe the frown lines from his forehead, magically rectify his past, take away the hurt and pain in his life which prevented him from being able to offer his heart freely. She wished he could be head over heels, crazy in love, to the point it was impossible to think of anything else. The love she had for him, where she wanted to shout it from the rooftops, the love that had her smiling to herself all day long—strong, uncontrollable, consuming every fibre of your being, love.

  When his features softened, and a small smile tilted his lips, it was as if he could read her thoughts. He was telling her he desperately wanted to feel what she did, with the same intensity. He found it hard. She knew that. She squeezed her lids shut for a moment. She wanted to tell him she loved him. She wanted to tell him how much, how strong she felt it, how she never wanted to be without him, that if he forgave her, she would love him forever. But most of all, she wanted to hear it all back.

  Tell me! her insides screamed, tell me you love me, please! She needed to hear it so bad, more than ever.

  But when she saw him swallow, avert his eyes, and withdraw his hands, she didn’t dare utter the words. As he turned his back on her, she felt the blood drain out of her veins, leaving her insides empty. She swallowed the emotions that were building in her throat, willing herself not to cry. She wrapped her arms around herself for comfort, to push away the rejection―it was no use. He was destroying her, just like Lawrence had done, making her feel unloved, unwanted, not good enough. Maybe she had been blind to it, so wrapped up in lust. Maybe Darion wasn’t the man for her.

  “Gabi.” He broke her thoughts. “Come.” He held out his hand. “We need to talk.”

  She felt her heart twist inside her chest. Reluctantly, she placed her hand in his. When they were back in the bar, she did a quick scan of the place. The dancers were at the bar, sitting, drinking, and talking. She noticed there was now a band on the stage, entertaining the audience. In that moment, it felt just like a normal bar. When they began playing “Believe” by Mumford & Sons, she couldn’t help but feel the lyrics had been written especially to apply for Darion.

  She felt a sharp current pierce through her when she noticed Eva. She was slouched on a stool at the bar, several drinks before her. As she shakily picked up her glass and took a sip, she failed to notice it spilling down her chin. Her usually silky hair hung in messy waves around her, and her seductive eyes were hazy. She was drunk. Gabi almost felt sorry for her, but then she remembered her words, “You’re boring, sweetheart. Vanilla.”

  “Sit.” Darion towered over her, and indicated with his hand for her to take up residence on the sofa.

  She did as commanded. Darion slowly lowered himself onto the sofa opposite. She waited, gripping the edge of the cushion, wondering what was about to leave his lips. Perhaps she should speak first, so he knew the only person she could be was herself, and to see whether that was enough for him.

  “Gabi…” he began.

  “Let me speak,” she said, wishing her voice wasn’t so shaky and weak. Clearing her throat, she said, “I can’t be the woman you want me to be, Darion.”

  He leant back and stroked his bottom lip slowly with his finger. Gabi felt desire flood through her pelvis, wishing he wasn’t so distracting.

  She continued, “The lifestyle you lead isn’t for me. I really tried, so hard…”

  “I know you tried,” he soothed, his green eyes burning into hers. “I don’t want this to be over.” His fists were now clenched, as if he was trying his hardest to remain strong. “I hate you for what you did,” he said, his tone calm. “But I can live with it. I pulled you in every direction, wanting you to fulfil my needs, my desires. It must have been overwhelming for you. I get that now. I can see why you did what you did.”

  She remained silent.

  “I know there was nothing malicious about it. I know you didn’t do it to hurt me, or because you no longer wanted me.”

  She nodded vehemently, agreeing with him.

  “When I almost lost you, I realised that I really do need you, Gabi.”

  “But we’re too different, Darion.” She hesitated. How would the relationship last? “We want different things.”

  “You’re wrong, Gabi.” He inhaled and exhaled. “You’re wrong,” his voice broke with emotion. He lifted his head and stared up at the ceiling, clamping his jaw shut. Once he’d regained his composure, his eyes were back on her, the mask of strength on his face, the only emotion he felt comfortable with.

  “I thought I wanted those things. I thought I needed swinging to feel good, desired, wanted, fulfilled.” He sat up straight. “But I was wrong.” His fingers were drumming on his leg. He appeared vulnerable and more handsome than she had ever seen him.

  She silently willed him to continue, to finally open up to her.

  “I enjoyed swinging. I liked other men lusting after my girls; it turned me on watching them. But now it all makes sense.” He paused, and she saw his throat dip as he swallowed. “They were all nothing but trophy girlfriends, women that I liked to show off, liked to have fun with. Gina, Lexi, Marnie, Charlie, Eva…all of them. That can’t have been love.” His features twiste
d into disgust.

  “That night in the playroom when Jayce was kissing you, and Leah was all over me, I wasn’t myself. My heart wasn’t in it for the first time. My dick wasn’t in it for the first time.” He let out a soft laugh. “And when I saw him touching and kissing you…” His cheeks flushed red as he ground his teeth, his nostrils flaring. “I wasn’t turned on; I wanted to rip his fucking head off.”

  Gabi swallowed the lump that had appeared in her throat, listening, concentrating, and allowing him to talk—the most she had heard him speak since they had met.

  “I only invited you to the dungeon suite for that final time to see if I could go through with it, to see if I could share you, to still enjoy that lifestyle. The lifestyle I have enjoyed for years.” He shot her a serious look. “And I realised I couldn’t do it.”

  What? Disbelief came out in a choked gasp. Was she hearing him right? Gabi was momentarily paralysed.

  “One thing about you that I liked, Gabi―you never tried to change me, never told me to stop seeing Gina, or whoever in the beginning, even though I know you wanted me to. But I stopped anyway, for me, and you never ever pressured me to give up anything. I know swinging put you off, but you never gave me an ultimatum. Lately, I’ve realised on my own accord that I don’t want to live that lifestyle anymore.”

  Their eyes locked, a strong intensity in his. There was that chemistry again, and so much more. That connection from when they had first met…it was still there…probably stronger than ever.

  “And I just thought to myself, it couldn’t have been love with any of them,” he continued. “I’ve been beating myself up this whole time about Eva, but now I know I didn’t love her, not compared to how I feel for you. It took time for me to realise, but Gabi, I had one thing going through my head that night in the playrooms.” He leant forward and took hold of her hand, stroking it gently.

  She felt a shiver run up her spine, her stomach in nervous knots. He always had an effect on her. He licked his lips and his dark vulnerable eyes continued to stare right at her. “I thought to myself, no one,” he said, his tone stern, his expression menacing, “no one fucking touches my girl.”

  They were the words she’d always longed to hear. Gabi dissolved into tears with what little energy she had left, her lips quivering, her heart slamming against her chest. Their relationship had been a rollercoaster ride from day one. For a moment, she sat still…all of the suspense, worry, panic, and sorrow trickling away.

  A man who had enjoyed a life of swinging, who never thought he would give it up, a man who had been cut up over his ex-wife for years, and had been empty and hollow from all of the one-night stands, a man who didn’t care and got off on watching his partners being pleasured by others, was before her telling her how swinging wasn’t what he wanted anymore.

  “With those women, I must’ve lacked something, which is why I had agreed and done most of the things I did.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Well, plus the fantasy and curiosity aspect. I pushed the excitement and passion further. Swinging kept it alive. But I shouldn’t have done it with you, Gabi.” His grip tightened around her hand.

  “You were fucking perfect as you were. I made love to you.” He let out an incredulous laugh, with a shake of his head. “I never made love to Eva. It’s only just dawned on me.” He brought his hands up to seize her face, to which his fingers tenderly stroked her wet cheeks, wiping away the tears. “I will never ever let someone so much as look at you, Gabi.”

  He pulled her to her feet and settled her onto his lap. Squeezing her into a tight, desperate embrace, he buried his face in the crook of her neck. “You’re mine.”

  Gabi breathed in his smell, his sweet cologne. She closed her lids as he gently stroked her hair and then down to her back. She felt like she could burst with happiness. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, never wanting to let go.

  Darion pulled back and his gaze lingered on her eyes, then her mouth, and he kissed her softly, a kiss that sent shivers through her whole body and made her heart melt. She responded, kissing him back urgently.

  “I’ve told Eva I wanna sell the club.”

  Gabi studied his face for any signs he was being insincere. He wasn’t. Her breathing suspended as she thought of what to say. It was like music to her ears.

  “I love you, Gabriella Woods.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. “I love you too.”

  She saw his shoulders droop as he sighed, as if finally able to relax.

  “Darion,” she said softly. “I’m not Eva. You can tell me you love me every second of the day, and I’d want you to. I’d never get tired of hearing it.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, she saw love, admiration, and longing. “Come and spend one last time in the playrooms with me.” He ran his hand slowly up her leg, leaving tingles in its wake, making her stomach clench hard with desire. “Just you and me. You choose which room.”

  He grabbed hold of her face, his hands burying in her hair, and kissed her desperately, passionately. Their teeth smashed together, their lips swelling from the pressure, their moans colliding. Gabi kissed him like she’d never see him again, and yet she’d be seeing him every day for the rest of her life. She hoped, anyway.

  Finally pulling away for air, she smiled and nodded. She knew exactly which room to choose—the one with the king-size bed, candles, roses, and soft lighting. Nothing could beat a bit of good old fashioned romance.

  Chapter

  Forty-Eight

  Darion

  Darion tore away from Gabi when he felt his mobile vibrating in his pocket. He retrieved it and glanced at the screen. His brow furrowed in confusion. It was a number he didn’t recognise.

  “Gabi, go and order champagne. We’ll celebrate new beginnings.” He smiled. “I’m gonna take this call.” He pressed his lips against her temple. “I’ll meet you in the playrooms.”

  “Okay.” She nodded.

  He took hold of her hand and squeezed it. It took all of his willpower to pull away. He felt warmth spread through his body, feeling completely positive about their relationship, about a new start. As he wove his way through the crowd, circling past sofas, he caught sight of a teary Lexi, Marnie, and Wendy. Lexi gave him a little wave, and by the smile on her face, she looked like she’d burst with pride. All the girls had ever wanted was to see him happy, to see him settled. He’d previously informed them of his plans. He’d thought they would have been upset with his plans to sell the business, but they weren’t. Darion had been in talks with an old friend about buying The Black Door. He’d promised that he’d keep the same employees.

  Turning his head, he noticed Eva for the first time. He inhaled deeply. Now, rather than feeling unsure about her, he actually felt pity for her. He flashed her a tight smile. She wasn’t a bad woman. She just wasn’t the woman for him. He was taken aback when she smiled, as if genuinely pleased for him, for the change he was making in his life.

  “Hello,” he said when he’d finally answered the mobile, which hadn’t stopped its persistent ringing.

  He left the club and stepped into the dark night. As he listened to what the caller had to say, he felt the blood drain from his face. The mobile fell from his hand, and he watched as it dropped to the ground before hitting the concrete. The screen instantly smashed to pieces, the glass scattering everywhere—pieces that could never be fixed.

  A sharp pain stabbed through his heart. He dropped onto the step, fearing his shaky legs would buckle beneath him. Tears threatened to spill down his face in uncontrollable sobs, years of built-up anger, sadness, pain, and fear. Ignoring his heaving chest, he clamped his lips together to prevent from breaking down. All of the hope he previously had rapidly diminished.

  Lifting his head, he noticed there wasn’t one single star to light up the black, lonely sky. He buried his head in his hands, and squeezed his eyes shut, wishing and praying to God that when he reopened them, it wasn’t real. He wanted to go back into the bar, to the woman h
e loved, drink champagne, and celebrate a new start. Now, it felt like a new end, a different end.

  He opened his eyes. His vision was blurred with stray tears, making him grit his teeth and silently scold himself for being weak. It was real. The mobile at his feet was damaged. The news echoed in his mind loud and clear, like a time bomb ticking in his aching brain.

  Hastily wiping his face, he dragged himself to his feet. He rolled his shoulders back and took a deep breath. When he eventually made it upstairs in The Black Door, he mirrored Gabi’s smile. He no longer felt like celebrating, but he took the champagne glass from her outstretched hand. He drained the contents as quickly as he could and poured himself another glass. He knew he was in for a long night of worrying thoughts.

  Just when he thought he and Gabi could finally be happy, it now seemed impossible. As Darion always believed, happiness was always within his reach, but never to have. The news could shatter their world and destroy their relationship forever.

  Book Playlist

  Guns N’ Roses–Knockin’ On Heaven’s Door

  Queen–The Show Must Go On

  Breaking Benjamin–The Diary Of Jane

  Def Leppard–Pour Some Sugar On Me

  EMF–You’re Unbelievable

  Alice In Chains–Again

  My Darkest Days–Porn Star Dancing

  Ghost–Cirice

  Radiohead–Creep

  Soundgarden–Live To Rise

  Mumford & Sons–Believe

  Ms Mr-Hurricane Ms Mr

  Muse–Madness

  Muse–Undisclosed Desires

  Depeche Mode–I want It All

  Depeche Mode–I Feel You

  Paper Route–You Kill Me

  Linkin Park–New Divide

  Linkin Park–Breaking The Habit

  Soho Dolls–Bang Bang Bang Bang

  Halestorm–I Get Off

  Garbage–#1 Crush