Witness

by Lori Darnell

  I struggled again with more urgency, breaking free of the iron grip holding me to the ground. Then I was running toward the fire. I didn’t know why, but the instinct to go there was overpowering.

  I was shoved to the ground again with a hard boot pushing down on my back once more, forcing my face deep into the sand. Struggling to breathe, I could feel the sting of the salt and sand in my eyes. I didn’t want to see anymore, but this was ridiculous.

  “Stay down, or I will put you down for good, you wretch.” This was a new voice, stronger, deeper, and more menacing. I froze, fighting the urge to cough up sand.

  Running feet on the boards of the deck approached me, and I was dragged to my knees roughly and towed alongside my captors toward the shore. My parents were silently staring at me, shock and horror stretching across their faces. My father’s shoulders slumped awkwardly as though a force was pushing him to the ground further, and he fell to his knees. Neither of them looked at me.

  They were looking up, as if they were praying. I didn’t understand - my parents had never prayed before. I closed my eyes again, and the visions returned, running together so quickly that all I saw was a blur of images that made no sense to me. There was no time frame to reference, just random images that were flashing faster than I could see.

  “Hold him still!” the rough voice came again. The shock of my body being slammed to the ground again knocked the images from my eyes. The relief was instantaneous. My body and my eyes stopped burning, or lessened to the point that the burning was less of a focal point, at least.

  “He ain’t goin’ nowhere - keep it down! I don’t want to attract any more attention.” The nervousness of the stranger holding me was quite apparent.

  “I don’t care. I want out of here now. He’s the last one. Get this on him; do not look at his face. Get him on the boat! We are leaving NOW!” The rough voice was urgent and forceful.

  The stranger holding me didn’t take his orders lightly. A black burlap bag was forced over my head, and my hands were chained together within moments. Compelled into motion by fear, I followed my captors, tears streaming silently down beneath the covering on my face.

  Chapter 2

  I couldn’t breathe. It was not that I couldn’t get air; the fear inside my own mind wouldn’t allow the natural motion of my lungs to work. I was terrified for myself. I was scared for my family. I had no idea what I was being taken to, or for what reason I was separated from those who were sacrificed in my village, at the many altars of flames.

  The large, rough hands of the stranger grabbed my arms tightly, and thrust me bodily forward. I hit the deck of the boat hard. I was literally thrown into the pile of boxes and other miscellaneous items on deck, like just another trinket in a stack that they would sort through later. Righting myself, I focused on the bright lights of the fires shimmering vaguely through the bag on my head. They were the last link to my world, the last thing holding steadfast in my sight. Even though I could only see the outlines of light through the thick bag, I could still see the fires in my mind. I could see them well enough that I was sure I would be burned if I reached out to them. In a way I wanted to be burned; it would have been faster, and I would not have been alone. The anchor was lifted, and we set sail into uncertainty.

  It wasn’t until I could no longer see the fires flickering through the dark bag over my head that I finally found my voice. I cried out with the grief of losing my family, my home, and the suffering of the girl with the dark blue eyes…

  “Stop that screaming, or I will throw your sorry hides overboard! I have had enough of all of you. Put him with the others!” A thick, deep voice called from a distance. This is the voice that had terrified me and had intimidated the stranger that held me down on shore. I then realized I wasn’t alone on this boat. I stopped screaming, and I could hear several whimpers in the background. I wasn’t the only one. I wasn’t the only one that had escaped the fire. And I was not the only one that was terrified.

  The stranger pulled at my waist and dragged me across the deck of the boat. I was pushed into a herd of warm, trembling bodies. Other captured individuals, perhaps? Though I maybe should have been, I wasn’t comforted. I would have rather suffered alone than to share this fate with others.

  As I sat there, I started to feel a warm calm of acceptance spread through my body. I was still scared, but I was too tired to continue to fight. Fighting had not kept my parents with me, it had not freed me from the people now holding me captive in the dark… and it certainly didn’t save the little girl, staring at me from the flames. I resigned myself to listen to the waves crashing against the side of the boat. I imagined myself riding with the waves, free, weightless, and unbound. The men began to speak nearby.

  “You should have taken them. The papers looked real,” I recognized at once this was the voice of the stranger. I knew he was talking about my parents. I waited, rocking silently in rhythm with the waves, hoping that they would continue to talk freely.

  “Jacob, I don’t care if the papers came from the Church in Rome. I was told to get the boy. That is what I did. They can find another boat - if they survive the night.”

  “But Captain… why couldn’t I leave this kid and take a different one in his place? You should have seen them. I don’t think it was right. Not if those papers were legit," Jacob stressed. I could feel the heat of his gaze as he stared at my submissive form, huddled in the corner of the boat. I realized quite suddenly that Jacob wasn’t my enemy. He seemed to be trying to protect me. He didn’t want me here.

  “I told you I have a list. He is on the list. He had to come with us or I don’t get paid. And if I have to sit through the stench of burning flesh to get these kids… I am going to get paid!” The Captain stated, making it obvious that it was time to drop the subject. Why was I on a list? What did the list mean? There were too many questions that I knew I wasn’t going to get the answers for. Not until someone volunteered them. I could only hope the Captain’s words would ring true that my family would be on a different boat and would escape death. But deep down, I knew I would never see my parents again.

  I could feel a cooler breeze waft over the deck of the boat, and I couldn’t feel the heat from the sun baking on the black bag over my head. Night must have fallen. The waves rocking against the wood of the boat had nearly lulled me to sleep when I heard the two men start to speak again.

  “Captain, what is with the list? I mean what’s so special about these kids anyway? They all look like poor street kids to me. Is there anything special?” Jacob was curious as to the price on our heads. I could tell that he was anxious about the circumstances in which we were taken. He was plainly worried about retaliation if we were kidnapped. The Church had power, but they wouldn’t protect him. He wasn’t one of them. If I hadn’t been so absorbed in my own concerns, I might have felt bad for him.

  “Ha, you ain’t getting any more of the profits than I agreed to - I don’t care how attached you get to any of these kids or how much you regret the job you signed on for. Trust me - these brats ain’t worth the trouble we would be in if they don’t make it to their destination. But as you keep bugging me, I think I have to tell you that these kids - they ain’t normal. They’ve got something wrong with ‘em. That boy you keep defending is at the top of the list. You ain’t gonna take that bag off his head while I’m on this boat. He is supposed to be quite dangerous.” The Captain remarked with an edge in his voice. Was that fear? Well, good, and I hoped so. I could use that. What was he talking about, though, about not being ‘normal’? I never noticed anything different or special about myself. I thought I was average. His new and apparent fear gave me hope. If I only knew what this strange thing that was “wrong” with me was, maybe I could use it to escape.

  But where would I go?

  I didn’t have a home anymore. My family was as good as dead and I couldn’t swim. There was nowhere for me to go. There was nothing I could do to stop them from whatever they planned for me and the other kid
s on this boat. This realization filled me with hopelessness and despair.

  As I drifted in and out of sleep, I listened for any further conversations. However, the boat was quiet and I was left to my own thoughts - something I really didn’t want. There were too many questions without answers. I didn’t want to reflect on what had happened just hours ago on the shoreline. The memories seared through my brain, stinging my eyes and throbbing in my temples. I couldn’t stop seeing the little girl, her eyes staring at me, boring holes into my skull. Her legacy was my curse; the last thing she would ever see was a vision I could never forget. I was forced to bear witness to the genocide of my people, to the end of her innocent life. The knowledge of it choked me, but I owed it to her to remember her. Luckily exhaustion finally won out, and I was pulled under into a deep, unforgiving sleep.

  Chapter 3

  The pain woke me with a start. I felt sick. What felt like a sharp punch to my stomach happened simultaneously with what felt like fire raging inside my head. The lightly rocking boat made me it seem as though I was being thrown against its sides over and over again. My skin was so sensitive that just the touch of the burlap bag on my head was like rough sandpaper peeling away layers of skin from my neck and face. I wanted to cry out, but I knew that doing so would hurt even more.

  A loud yelp sounded close by, but the torment within me didn’t allow for much more recognition. Amid all the other sensations, I felt pressure against my arm, but it didn’t make it hurt worse so this faded into the background. As the inexorable pressure began to fade, pain took its place, spreading to the rest of my body. I gave in and cried softly, focusing on holding myself as still as possible, pleading for the agony to end.

  “OH, GOD… Captain, you need to come quick! You have to see this!” Jacob the stranger frantically called out over the deck.

  “What did you do? I told you not to get close to that kid - now get away from him! If anything happens, we don’t get paid! If I don’t get paid, I will feed your sorry ass to the sharks!”

  The captain’s urgent voice, which had betrayed the hint of unease I sensed before, was now expressing a full blown panic. He advanced toward me with speed, the sound of his large boots running across the deck shaking me with each step. I held my breath and bit my tongue to stop from screaming. The vibration from his boots racked my body, amplifying the burning within.

  “I didn’t touch him; I came over to check that they were all still here, just like you said!” Jacob proclaimed in innocence. “The boy was already lying like that - last night he was pale as a sheet! Now he looks like a totally different boy – his skin is closer to gold than any coin I have in my pocket.” There was a long silence between them as I felt the jolt of the Captain’s boot as he tapped it impatiently near my head.

  “Ok, so I touched his arm to see if he was dead… but his skin was so hot it burned my hand… look, it is blistering!” Jacob shrieked, waving his injured hand about and crying with panic. He was truly scared of me.

  “Go get some water on that hand; we are almost there, I can see the shore line. Hurry up and get those other kids away from him. I don’t know what is going on, but if that kid is sick, I don’t want to answer for spreading it to the rest.” The Captain was calmer now, or at least he pretended to be.

  I was left to my own misery, burning from the inside out. The flames were growing hotter and leaving behind only excruciating agony. My skin reacted as though I was being held over one of the fires from my village; I mentally saw my skin crack and peel as the flames seared my flesh. I wondered if it was really happening. Maybe the boat was a dream; maybe I was next to the little girl burning on the fire? The vision of her skin peeling away in ashes against the glowing flames was hauntingly clear. I couldn’t put it out of my mind, especially now – like the sharpening of a pencil, the more that was shed away, the clearer the image was in my mind, focused to a pinpoint of horror.

  The hours seemed to drag on and on, and the pain only grew exponentially worse. I had no conscious thought; I could not hear voices around me. If someone moved me or touched me I couldn’t tell. I could only feel the fire.

  The cold came as unexpectedly as the fire had. It would have been welcome except for the shock of it. The feel of the cold was similar to frostbitten skin submerged in very hot bathwater. The flames died with an abrupt numbness that stretched through my limbs. I could feel a calm settling over my body, one that had been hard won. I was relieved, and exhausted.

  The sun filtered through my dark mask covering. I could move my limbs and stretch, enjoying the sense of painless freedom that I felt. Even though I was still bound and laying on the hard wood of the ship’s deck I felt comfort in my own skin. After the countless hours in flaming torment, it was such a joy that I smiled in spite of my situation.

  My joy was short lived. Strong hands pulled me to my feet roughly. I didn’t fight. I was too weak and too tired to fight anymore. I stood as straight as I could. I would be strong for my father. Brave for my mother.

  “Captain, come quick! He doesn’t look sick anymore, but definitely a change here... He’s not glowing anymore. Are they going to notice?” Jacob seemed panicked at the thought of the people waiting for me not getting what was expected. I could feel the bandage on his hand, resting on my shoulder. I felt so bad that I may have hurt him. I really didn’t want to hurt anybody. I just wanted to escape.

  “No, they never saw any of these kids before. All they had was names. I reckon they don’t have a clue as to what to expect.” Jacob let go of me briefly, but I was too weak and dizzy to stand on my own and I fell sharply to the deck. The Captain and Jacob both stopped talking momentarily.

  “Grab the boy and clean him up, and you can take the cover off his head. Just don’t have him looking at me.” The captain mumbled for Jacob to get to work and walked loudly away.

  I heard a different pair of rough boots scrape across the deck - the vibration of the boards told me the person was getting close. I braced myself for whatever was coming next. He stopped short. I felt hands reach under my arms to pull me upright so I could stand. This motion was unexpectedly gentle. The black bag over my head loosened.

  I was curious at the prospect of seeing the person who was being so friendly with me now. I was convinced that this person must be Jacob. I felt bad for the man that was being forced to do this work. I could tell his heart was not into this kind of cruelty. Circumstances often make villains out of good men. I was still afraid, but less than before.

  “Sorry, kid. I don’t know what you’re here for, but it can’t be for your own good. I don’t think the Captain would be happy with me talking to you as such, but I don’t care. I saw that place. There’s no good reason to grow up in that hell. The Church is a cold place for a kid your age. No one should have to suffer that kind of pain. Here, let me take this stupid cover off ya.” Jacob slowly lifted the bag over my head. I squeezed my eyes shut from the blinding light. It was too bright. Too much time in the dark bag made my eyes overly sensitive.

  I slowly opened my eyes to take in the complete picture that my mind was only able to sketch a rough draft of. The water was beautiful. I could see life moving under the waves, fins of tiny fish glittering in the sunlight as they darted to and fro. All of the colors seem to be layered. Even though the ocean was deep I could see all the way to the bottom, coral and seaweeds distinct and vibrant in the beautiful blue water.

  I looked up at the bright sky. At first, all I could see was bright light, but the more I looked, the more I realized I could see beyond the blue sky. I could see the stars behind the sunlight with fascinating clarity. I didn’t know how I could see these things. I had never been able to see them before.

  In contrast with the night I just spent on the boat, it was all too much. I closed my eyes and started to cry. I knew that something had happened to me, something that must have changed me. My vision was too accurate - normal people can’t see this well. All of the colors and movements seemed to be amplified with my new e
yes. I felt more afraid than I had ever had before.

  I didn’t notice that Jacob had moved until I felt a wet cloth washing over my face. I could taste the clean fresh water running over my mouth. The water tasted fresher and cleaner and more pure than I could remember ever having water taste. I scooped up a palmful from the bucket and drank from my hand, still sniffling.

  “Don’t cry, the priests like it too much when the new students cry.” Jacob leaned down leaning into my cheek; he spoke softly in my ear. I could hear the urgency in his voice. He was afraid for me. “Be brave, be strong. You will survive this. They want you too much to destroy you. If I thought we could make it, I would steal you so they couldn’t hurt you anymore. But it would never work; we would both suffer more for it.”

  Jacob ran his hand down the length of my arms; it felt comforting but also very disturbing. He pulled away from my cheek, holding my gaze and shifted slightly toward my face. When he was inches away from our faces touching he stopped abruptly, backing away. He looked startled by his own actions.

  “Here, take this and wash yourself off. Don’t take too long.” Jacob handed me the cloth, and I saw him clearly for the first time. He couldn’t be more than seventeen. I had pictured him much older.

  I was surprised to hear that his tone of speech was completely different than it sounded earlier. Throughout the voyage he sounded so uneducated, exactly what you would expect from someone in his line of work. Now his words came softly, with the light accent of a more civilized world. Jacob was playing a role on this ship. He was trying to be unnoticed. Why was he hiding? Why did he trust me with his secret? What did he know of the people waiting for me? But I let the questions die as I started running the cold wet cloth over my arms and legs… and stopped.