Witness

by Lori Darnell

  “I don’t know about that, an ancient and powerful god couldn’t turn my head from you. Do you really think a normal human woman could?” I took both of her hands in mine, bowing low to kiss them both. She blushed in response.

  “Stop that.” She smiled up at me, knowing I had no intention of doing so.

  “Marcus, do you feel stronger?” She was thinking of the ways my body must have changed. She was probably as curious as I was.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t really had time to think about it.” I looked over at the bed; there was a large stone chest at the bottom of it. It must have weighed quite a bit. “Well we can test this. But if I strain something, don’t laugh.” She laughed in anticipation. This didn’t bode well.

  I walked over to the chest. It had two large brass handles on each end. It was too wide for me to grab both sides of the long chest. So I decided I was going to try for the side closest to me, maybe I could tilt it up. I looked over at Jill. “Ok, just to make sure it is heavy, you pick it up.”

  “Are you crazy? No way!” She looked at me like I had lost my mind.

  “Just try.”

  She walked over and pulled strait up, I could tell she was straining but it didn’t budge. “See, nothing.” She walked back over to me. I nodded and stepped forward. Grasping the large handles, I looked back at Jill.

  "Remember no laughing," I demanded, then bent down to test her theory.

  Jill and I were standing, shocked and speechless, when Dean and James ran into the room. Dean looked at the wall next to the door. The very one that was directly across from the chest. The force I exerted lifting the chest had crashed it against the wall with enough force to shake the temple. A large pile of rubble was still shifting down the side of that very wall.

  “What happened, are you okay?” Jill and I just stared at each other. Jill broke the silence first.

  Laughing.

  “Apparently that was too light for you.” She choked out. Dean looked at the rubble and back to me. James shook his head and walked back out the door; Dean shuddered and walked back out with him, closing the door behind them in silence.

  I wasn’t laughing.

  “What’s wrong?” She asked.

  “Jill, I don’t know what to do.” I looked down at my hands. Until that moment, I had not thought much about my bodily changes. I was trying too hard to hang on to my mental state.

  “What do you mean? You’re not making any sense!” She tried moving my arm, but without my help, it wouldn’t move.

  I shook her arm loose from mine. Jill looked up at me with misery washing through her gaze. The bellow arose within me without warning. The guttural sound shook the walls. I went to the far wall, away from Jill's shaking form. I hit the wall as hard as I could. The temple shook with force. Sand fell in sheets around me. The wall shook heavily, then came crashing down around me. Beyond the rubble I saw the desert spanning my gaze. A vast ocean of nothing terrified me as I turned back to Jill.

  “Jill, what have I become?” I was terrified. The bruises were still forming on her arm where I had forced her away from me. I could hurt her so easily. Was this why I wasn’t supposed to have her? Was I bound to hurt her?

  “Marcus, stop. I know you won’t. You have been holding me most of the day. You never hurt me.” I sighed, looking back at the bed.

  “I don’t know if this is a good idea. I don't know how to be close to you. I have already hurt you." I pointed at her arm that she was holding lightly against the pain I knew she felt.

  “Don’t you find me attractive anymore?” She lowered her gaze, spinning slowly away from me. Of course I did. Even when I couldn’t grasp what I was feeling, my body reacted to hers.

  Coming quickly behind her, I turned her as lightly as I could, trying not to hurt her. “You know I do.” She giggled. I felt my face flame, blushing. “How do you do that. You even make a god blush - ok a demigod.” Her answering smile wiped all apprehension away.

  “I knew you were still in there.” She giggled softly.

  “Vixen.” I held my arms wide, waiting for her.

  She jumped up into my harms. As I held her, I could still feel the emptiness waiting to claim me again. One lost moment and I would lose her again. I tried to memorize her face and her body with my hands. She looked up at me worry masked poorly in her eyes.

  “Jill, I can feel it all slipping away. I love you so much, but I don’t know how long I will be able to hang on. I am so sorry.” I could feel the tears fall down my face.

  “Don’t worry about it now.” She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling herself closer to me. “We are here now. You are with me. And I'm not letting you go.” She brought her lips up to mine. Casually she was leading me back to the bed. I stopped abruptly, holding her away from me.

  “Jill, I don’t know what will happen.” I looked over to the bed, torn. I wanted her so badly, more than ever, but I was scared of what it might mean for her. I wasn’t the same man. Bitterly, I shook my head. I wasn’t even a man, anymore.

  “Marcus, our souls belong together. Nothing will ever be wrong between us.” She pulled on my hand, leading me toward the bed.

  “I don’t know. Maybe we should wait. Talk to the guardian. Maybe there is something wrong with this. I don’t know.” Breaking down again, I kneeled down onto the floor, unable to move forward. There were so few answers. My emotions were running rampant. Everything felt overwhelming, like this was the reason I wasn’t supposed to feel. I wasn’t strong enough to control any part of what I was experiencing. But I didn’t want control of the strong emotions I felt for this woman. I wanted to share these feelings with Jill.

  “Marcus, whatever happens, whatever comes of this. It is what I want. I won’t let Isis win.” She sat down in front of me, still on my knees. Jill put her hands to my temples. I could feel her probe my mind, experiencing the intensity of my emotions her body shook. The love I felt for her was painful, but welcome. If it hurt to love her, it would kill me to lose her. “I love you too much for you to hurt like this.” She kissed my eyes, stroking my face. She was so warm.

  “I love you Jill.” I looked over at the bed again, magnetized. “I think I knew you were going to win this argument.” I said, laughing a little, trying to ease her worry.

  She giggled as I scooped her up, taking her toward the large bed. I felt the warmth spread through my body, but I didn’t see the visions. I saw only Jill, bathed in a familiar blue glow, along with the deep amber glow radiating from my skin. I felt myself withdraw, disgusted at my own strangeness.

  “No matter what, I love you.” She told me as she pulled me back. Her focus pulled my other thoughts away. I could only think of her, lost in her. I never wanted to be found. Her body seemed somehow new to me. Her scent was more intoxicating than ever. Every moan, every movement seemed more vibrant than it had before. In this moment, I realized why the human’s God was mean. He was jealous of us, of what he could never have. Even ascension couldn’t compare to the exhilaration I felt, approaching sleep here in my lover’s arms.

  “Marcus! What have you done?” I knew I must be dreaming. I was asleep, my arms wrapped around Jill holding her tight, like a talisman against the gods. “Marcus, you can’t escape us. We are a part of you now.” I didn’t want to talk to Isis. She made me what I became, a freak. “Marcus, you know that isn’t true. We need to talk to you. We need you to understand. These emotions will not save her. Nothing can save her now.” I felt her sadness, and my own fear. Without any apparent effort, I left my body. I could see Isis clearly now. Everything seemed so clear here.

  “What do you mean?” I was holding my arms out, refusing her contact. “What will happen to Jill?” I hung my head, feeling powerless shame. I did this to her somehow, I knew. It was going to be my fault.

  “Your right, it is your fault,” Isis stated coolly. "We had seen the possibility of you and Jill having a child. We never thought it would be now. Not after you had ascended.”

  "I may be a d
emigod, but you are a demon." I took a step closer to the god, she looked up to meet my heated gaze. I could feel the rumble anger building in my chest. It felt as though I was ready to fight the gods now. I would never be one of them. I would rather die a thousand deaths than become as cold and calculated as this evil god before me.

  Unexpectedly, Isis laughed. "Who told you that you were a demigod? You were born a demigod. Whether it disgusts you or not, you must realize - you are one of us. You are a god – whole and entirely." Rage rolled off me in heated waves; the amber glow of my skin filled the void between us, encompassing us both. Isis backed away. Holding her hands up in defense.

  "You don't understand - your feelings for her should have weakened. Instead it has been the opposite. She will die – there is no other way. She has to die for the child to live." I dropped my head into my glowing hands. All I could do now was destroy. What was the use of my existence now? I would not be able to go on without Jill. My breath stopped short in my throat, the grief choking me.

  Isis touched my arm, trying to comfort me. “Marcus, there is nothing we can do now. Your daughter will be magnificent. We are anxious to meet her.”

  “My daughter?” My head snapped up rage, hate, loathing - all the emotions I felt for this god. I remembered this, from what seemed ages ago. That’s right - Jill and I knew we were going to have a daughter. The Church would want her. The gods would want her. Grief was succeeded by wonder, which was quickly succeeded by a powerful surge of protectiveness. I would never let her be used, as we were used, I resolved.

  “You can’t have her. She is not going to be your next puppet. She will never be yours.” It seemed so clear to me now. Jacob was right, the Church was going to take everything away from me. If it wasn't the Church, it would be the gods. Faith, in one way or another, would be the end of us all. Worst of all, I was now one of them.

  “She was ours, the moment you took your place with Jill,” Isis warned, approaching me formally, trying to soothe me. There was nothing soothing about her presence – she was alcohol poured on an open wound. Seeing my revulsion at her closeness, she gave up, sighing out with extremely taxed patience.

  “Okay, I’ve made my choice. Marcus, I can’t help Jill, she will die giving us your daughter. But I will keep a promise. When Jill dies, you can bring her home. She is special. She loves you. But most of all, she holds the love of a god. Nothing could keep her from your home.” Isis smiled as she reached for my cheek; I felt the light touch of her hand brushing wetness from my face. “You can go to Jill. Fulfill your mission and come home. There will be nothing that will keep you there once you have. But these emotions, they can’t go with you.” She tried to force her hand around my neck.

  “No.” She jumped back several feet, reacting if I had struck her. “I will not leave them here.” I took a few steps back. "They don't make me weak. They make me strong – they give your purpose meaning." I turned to walk away and stopped. “Don’t call on me again. I will come home. I know the way now.” As I accepted them, as I accepted myself, the knowledge came to me. I was done here.

  I awoke with Jill in my arms. She was warm, but I could feel my feelings for her slipping; I tried to hold tightly to them, but it was like trying to grab water - I could feel the substance, but it kept slipping through my fingers. Remembering everything Isis had told me, I coldly stared at the ceiling. Trying not to lose myself as Isis was trying to force her will upon me, I turned back to Jill's sleeping face, resting lightly on my chest. I turned her chin up so I could see her angelic face. But the memory of what we had done, and what it meant for Jill, tainted everything around me.

  “Our daughter.” I whispered softly as I stroked Jill’s sleeping face, tears welling up in my eyes. How could I already love something destined to kill her?

  She woke as my breathing became more ragged. I couldn’t hold on. I could feel the distance building. Then I felt her warm hand on my chest, but remotely; as though I was experiencing the memory of her touch rather than the real thing. Panic began bubbling up around the edges.

  “Marcus, I’m right here. Look at me.” I looked down into her clear, sea foam eyes. I saw into her mind. She filled my head with visions, replaying our childhood, the love I felt for her and my adoptive father James. I could feel myself coming back. I began to feel grounded, and gravitated toward the feeling, concentrating.

  “Jill, is it going to be like this every time I let go? Am I going to lose you all over again?” As I said the words, I remembered again. Staring over her head at the mural on the wall, I began, haltingly, to tell her. “Jill, I am so sorry. I knew I was wrong. I knew I should have never touched you. I will never forgive myself, but now our daughter is in danger.”

  Jill looked at me, wide-eyed. I thought she was going to be afraid, disgusted, and angry. How could she ever forgive me? Because of me, her life was coming to an end. I could never forgive myself. But she surprised me when she clung to me closer, eyes bright with tears of what appeared to be... joy?

  “Marcus, nothing would make me happier than to have your daughter. She will be magnificent.” I flinched as she used the same words I had heard from Isis.

  “Jill, she told me…” I couldn’t finish. How could I tell her that it was my fault? The gods themselves condemned me with the knowledge.

  “Marcus, stop. I know. I knew from the beginning.” She leaned over me, locking my gaze. “I knew that I would die for your child. But I never expected that I could go with you, that I could share your home.”

  Now it was my turn to look at her wide-eyed. How could she still love me? I was disgusted with herself. She was so accepting of my strangeness. Jill was the best of both of us. I was going to be responsible for taking her strength and brilliance out of this world, like snuffing out the north star, my guiding light.

  “Jill, when you go, I have to go with you. That is the only way." This realization filled me with more sadness than I could ever imagine. “I think I know now, when you die…” I choked on the words we both knew were true. “I won’t be able to hold on to who I am. I have to go with you. Our daughter - she will never know us.” The knowledge from this statement brought me absolute despair.

  “She will know us in her dreams. Just like Isis. We can guide her. We can love her, and we can wait for her to come home too.” Jill seemed outwardly confident. She was so sure of herself. She was so sure of her decision. How could I not trust her? I loved her so much. I held her to me tightly, possessively. She smiled at me. “Marcus, we have time. Please know, I love you. No matter what, I love you.”

  She lifted herself over my body. Leaning down she sealed her promises with kisses. I would never let her go, not even in death.

  Hours later, I could feel the heat of our lovemaking in the air. Jill was softly stroking her hand across my stomach, soothing me. I flipped us and began rocking us in a slow lullaby, moving with infinite slowness. We both jumped as the large doors were abruptly thrust open and the guardian and his daughter Jenna walked in, uninvited, wearing looks of shock and dismay.

  “What have you done?” I was getting more than a little sick of that question. I looked down at Jill, her legs still wrapped tightly around me, with me still inside her. I reached for the blanket, covering us both, neither of us willing to move at the moment.

  “Father, please. I tried to tell you. Please don’t do this.” Jenna pleaded with her father to leave us. But he shoved her away.

  “You have just killed that girl, do you know that?” He shook his head, trying to clear the image from his mind. I could see that he knew what was in store for us; he knew that Jill would die. My anger must have been obvious, for they both backed up a few paces.

  Jill surprised us all. “How dare you speak to him that way! I know what is happening, and I also know that I love him, and I love our daughter. One day we will all be together again.” She looked up to me, slowly moving her mouth to mine. I could feel my body respond to her, filling her.

  “Father, let us go - he
will come to you in time. Leave them. The gods know what he has done. I know you don’t understand, but I do. Please, let’s go.” She pushed her father out the door. He kept glancing back in our direction.

  “I need to speak to you. There are important matters to discuss. And they don’t involve Jill,” he added quite vehemently as he stalked into the corridor. Jill moved quietly, taking all of my worry away, shifting her body, taking me deeper. I could feel her release, and then mine as well. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to stay right here.

  “Marcus, you will need to go to him. I will be alright here.” “I know you want to stay. But Isis is right - we have to stop them.” As she moved away from me, the room felt instantly colder. “You have to learn how.” She pulled the covers tightly around her. I could see she was drifting asleep. I smiled, she was right. She always was.

  I dressed quickly as I could. Everything seemed smaller, less comfortable. I didn’t think I liked clothes anymore. The sensitivity of my skin made them feel alien to me. But I tried to ignore the sensation as I walked toward the main temple. The guardian was waiting for me. He looked up, breathing a sigh of relief.

  “I was worried you wouldn’t come.” What a silly thing for this man to say. I had much to learn and little time to do it. I smiled down at him.

  “I am eager to learn. But, you will learn to respect Jill. She knows what is happening. She knows more than you can imagine. You look at her like she just some plaything I can’t seem to let go of.” I shook my head, agitated that I had to explain this again to him. “Just know, we have a time limit. When our daughter is born, Jill and I will be leaving. She has been invited to come with me.” I had expected his shock, but seeing it on his face was privately thrilling for me.

  “This cannot be - she is not chosen!” He stared blankly at me.

  “You’re wrong. I chose her.” Staring him down, he collapsed on the bench.

  “I didn’t know, I didn’t know.” He looked at the ground, careful not to meet my gaze.