Accidentally Perfect

by Torrie Robles

  “I know how it sounds. Don't you think I have thought about that? I thought about it the entire flight back home. I am not the one to believe in love at first sight. That is not how I operate, but there is just something about him Brad. Something that I haven’t felt since my father was alive.” I see the hurt flash through his eyes. “I know that hurts Brad, I’m sorry, I really am. You and I were over before we started. We both know if I hadn’t gotten pregnant then we wouldn’t be together today. We want different things Brad, we want different lives I think. I want to be someone other than a wife, other than a mother. Why do you think I fought so hard to get back into school, to get my degree, to get my career on track?”

  “Yeah Street I know, I think you plowed over me and my feelings in the process.”

  “I know Brad, how I hurt you when I cut you out. I know I didn’t act as a wife should have. I completely blocked you out and concentrated on my studies and my girls. But don’t you think there was a reason for that? Don’t you think that if I truly loved you and really wanted the life that I was living that I would have done that to you? Do you think that if you would have really loved me and was truly happy that you would have done what you did?”

  “The past is the past Laney. It doesn’t matter how I felt about you back then; it doesn’t matter how I may feel for you now because I can see you’ve moved on. The problem I have with that is you have moved on with a man who you barely know, who is digging his way into our children’s lives. They are completely enamored with him, and they’ve known him for two seconds.” He throws his hands up in frustration.

  “He has that effect on people, Brad.”

  “Women, Lane. He has that effect on women because I could care less about him, his good looks, his money, or how well he’s hung. That information has no bearing on the fact that you are letting a total stranger get too close to the most important people in my life.”

  “Do you really think I would put the girls in a situation other than a healthy one?”

  “Well, you do let you mother in their lives. That choice right there is one mark against you.”

  “Come on Brad, do you honestly think the girls not knowing any of their grandparents is healthy for them? Your folks are gone Brad; my mother is their only living grandparent. Believe me, if I had my way, I would have kept her away from them their whole lives. But they need the roots Brad, and, unfortunately, she is the only option we have.”

  “I know, Laney. I know she loves them, she just has a really fucked up way to express her feelings.”

  “Boy don’t I know it.” I give him a small smile. I reach out and take his hand from across the table. “I know you weren’t around when my father was alive. I know that I‘ve spoken about him enough for you to know how my life was then. How I felt like I could conquer the world, and how all that died right along with him. I know I don’t need to tell you again how awful and cold my mother was growing up. The only thing that I’m grateful for when it comes to my father’s passing was when it happened and my age. I know I wouldn’t have survived my mother if he died when I was a child.” I try to compose myself. “I admit, the way I met Nathan is something I will not rave about. My actions and my spontaneity are very questionable. But drinking or not Brad, I believe that I knew what I was doing, ah, I may not remember it, but I believe Nathan came into my life that night for a reason. I believe that my father is that reason.” Brad rolls his eyes at my confession. I clear my throat and carry on. “I believe that because I have not felt this amount of peace and unconditional love since my father was alive. I have a connection with Nathan, and it’s one that is not going to be easy to break if at all. You need to trust me. You need to trust my instinct when it comes to him and when it comes to our girls because I would fight Satan himself if it meant keeping them safe. Don’t you ever doubt my loyalties when it comes to my, our girls.”

  I watch as Laney and Brad leave the room. Once the door clicks closed, it feels as though the room shrunk in size. These two little girls with hair as red as their mother's stare back at me blinking their brown eyes. Seeing the two of them now at the age of four almost five, just about to enter into school makes me wish that I was there from the beginning. They may be identical, but seeing them now, you can tell they are their own person. "Yous like pwinecesses Nafin?"

  "Oh, I love princesses, Amanda."

  "You can call me Bear, my mommy, and daddy do, so you can, too." She gives me a big smile. Not knowing how else to be, I stand there taking in the view. "How do yous knows about pwinecesses? Yous got girls too?"

  "No, no girls, no boys either. My sister loved princesses when she was younger, so I watched lots of princess movies with her."

  "Come sit,” Addie calls from her bed patting the spot next to her.

  "I want Nafin to sit on mines bed, bug. No fair, no fair."

  "Here." I pick up Amanda and carry her over to her sister’s bed. "Do you mind if I sit next to you Addie?" She shakes her head.

  "You can call me Bug, everyone does. I don't mind it now, but when I'm a big girl, you can't be calling me that name because then the boys will make fun of me. I wouldn't want them to because once they get to be big boys then they won't have cooties anymore and that means I can get them to be my boyfriend, and they want to be with a girl who people call Bug, so you can call me that now Nathan, but not for much longer. Okay?"

  "Alright, Bug for now, but not for much longer. I got it." Sitting here next to Addie with Amanda on my lap feels right, it feels as though I have done this a million times before.

  "So yous got a sista like me Nafin?"

  "Yes, I do. Her name is Natalie, but I call her Nat. When she was younger I used to say to her, shoo Nat the Bat, go fly to your cave,” I laughed that the memory. "It used to make her so mad."

  "Is she a twin to you like Bear is to me?"

  "No, she's my little sister. She is the best sister anyone could ever ask for. I can't wait for you to meet her."

  "We wanna meets her, huh Bug?"

  "Yes, we do."

  "Well, you girls will as soon as you guys are all better. I’ll see if she can come over and play. I bet she knows how to play the best princess things. She was a pro at it when she was little. She may still have some of her princess dresses in the house somewhere. Do you guys have dress up dresses?"

  "Mommy boughts us some, but we have to share. We can't ever be the same pwincesses because we don't evers have the same dresses. Mommy is big on sharing."

  "Well, sharing is a good thing to be great at. Sharing with your sister is the best, because you only have one sister. No one else will ever have her, just you, so that is something special."

  “Do yous like horses Nafin?”

  “Yes, I do. The house where my sister lives is the house I lived in when I was a little boy. We have lots of horses that go all over the place.”

  “We love horses; they are our most favorite animals next to kitties and puppies.”

  “Maybe one day I can take you out to the stables where the horses live and show you how to ride them.”

  “Do you love our mommy?” Addie asked

  “I believe I do sweetie.”

  “Hows comes we never seen yous before?”

  “Because I just met your mommy.”

  “How can grown-ups be married if they never seen each other before?”

  “There is just something special about your momma, Bug. The first moment I saw her and your Auntie Stella I knew that I had to meet her. She is the prettiest lady that I have ever seen. She has the biggest heart, and I love how strong she is. She was so upset when she heard that you girls and your daddy were hurt. You girls are so important to her. She loves you so much.”

  "Yous aren't like Ugly Michael, Nafin. Yous are nice. And yous are comfy. My mommy and daddy aren’t comfy like yous." I laugh at her comments as she wiggles her bottom in my lap making herself comfortable while Addie snuggles into my side.

  "You are feeling okay Addie, does your leg hurt? Do yo
u need me to get a nurse to help you?"

  "I'm okay Nathan, but can you please tell us a story?"

  "What kind of story?"

  "Your favorite princess story. Do you have a favorite story, Nathan?"

  "Yes, I do." I pull Addie into my side, and I smooth Amanda's hair. It's been years since I have had to pay attention to anything princess, but lucky for me, I remember everything. "My favorite princess of all time is Belle."

  "Oh, I likes her Nafin, I likes her a lot."

  I rest my head back and close my eyes while I recount the story of the beauty and the beast. "Once upon a time there was a beautiful girl named Belle. She lived in a small village."

  “But Belle didn’t care that he was a beast, she saw the good in him. She knew in time, everyone in the village would see the good in him as well.” When Brad and I arrived at the girls’ room, we heard the hum of Nathan’s voice. Quietly opening the door to a crack, Brad and I stood there listening to my husband tell the story of Beauty and the Beast. Both the girls are curled up sleeping soundly while Nathan continues on with the tale. I shut the door gently.

  “Go home, Brad. Can’t you see that everything is fine here? Go get some rest. I don’t think you should go into work tomorrow. Just go rest. I will let you know if anything changes.”

  “Those are my girls, Laney.”

  “I know, Brad.”

  “He’s comforting my girls.” His voice sounded broken.

  “They will always be your girls, but don’t you think it’s okay for them to be his girls, too?”

  “The jury is still out on that one. But I’ll go. Give them a kiss. Tell them I would have done it myself but they were already asleep and I didn’t want to wake them.”

  “I will, now go.” Brad turns to leave, but I grab his arm to stop him. “They love you, Brad. You will always be their superhero, but every little girl can have more than one. It doesn’t mean you mean any less to them. The love a daughter holds for her father is a love that will never falter, no matter how many other men come into her life, her father will always be her first love.”

  He nods his head and walks away.

  I slowly open the door and walk into the quiet room. Both girls are still sleeping on Nathan while he rubs his hands over each of their heads. “Hey,” I say in a soft voice. “How are they doing?”

  “Well, since I am a bonafide knower of all things princesses, I think I passed their test. Well, that and I may have told them my sister is a pro at being a princess, and she may be able to teach them a few things about pink, purple, tulle and sparkles.” He gives a small smile.

  “Sweet. Here let me get Bear off you. She doesn’t need to be asleep on you.”

  “You will not do any such thing, sweet girl. Do you know who much it means to me that they feel comfortable and safe enough to allow me to hold them while they’re at their most vulnerable?”

  “Well, that’s true. Other than Brad and Stella, no one has ever held them while they slept. No even as babies, they were either in my hands or theirs.”

  “What can I say? I have a gift with the ladies.”

  “Yeah, Mr. God’s Gift, I’m sure you do. I’m sure if they were little boys then the situation may be entirely different.”

  “Hey now, I’ve been known to sweet talk the male population, too. Don’t doubt my mad skills, baby.”

  “Oh Jesus Nathan, am I going to have to fight off not only the harpies that are gonna come out of the woodwork, but all the queens as well? I’m not sure I’ve got that kind of fight in me.” I give him a wink.

  “Oh baby, I know you do. Come and give me some sugar then crawl up in Amanda’s bed and try to sleep.” I walk over and give him a kiss. The kiss was slow and passionate. Maybe I was teasing him, knowing that he couldn’t do anything about it with my girls on his lap. He growled and pulled away from my lips. “That is gonna cost you, sweet girl and I have a memory like an elephant and don’t you forget it.”

  “Never,” I say and climb up on the bed getting comfy under the covers. “I love you, Nathan.” My voice is soft.

  “I love you too Laney Bear.”

  “Love you mama.” Addie’s voice is small as she cuddles in closer to Nathan.

  “Yeah, loves yous.” Amanda chimed in. They didn’t make another peep, and neither did I as I drifted off to sleep.

  The night was anything but peaceful. The nurses came and checked on the girls what seemed like every hour on the hour. They weren’t too happy with the fact that they were both in bed with me and not in their own, but I didn’t give a fuck. If the girls wanted to hang from the ceiling because that’s what would have made them feel better then that’s what I was going to get to happen. They checked Addie more intrusively since her leg was the most concerning. Her pins looked good, and her skin wasn’t attaching to the hardware too much; that was a good sign.

  Today the specialist is supposed to be arriving. Hopefully, everything the emergency room surgeons did was right on point, and nothing more will have to be done. I wouldn’t have Addie feeling like she was less than what she could be. I don’t want her to suffer throughout her life while people might stare and poke fun. Kids can be cruel. I already know they’re going to have a hard time with the way Amanda speaks. Kids are going to torture her for the things they don’t yet understand. Addie doesn’t need to have anything else thrown at her. I can already see how much Amanda looks up to her, how much Addie protects her. God wouldn’t put another burden on such a sweet angel, I know he wouldn’t.

  There’s a knock at the door, and I see Natalie poke her head in. “Hi, Nate. I hope I’m not disturbing you guys.” Both the girls and Laney look at Natalie and then to me for some explanation. I’m still sitting on the bed with both girls tucked in my lap.

  “No, not at all Natalie.” I can see the tension leave Laney at the mention of my sister’s name. “How did you find me?”

  “Well.” She comes into the room and sits on a chair. Her brown hair is pulled up in a ponytail, and her face is free of makeup. “I got a phone call from father late last night telling me of the newest situation involving you. I have to say, this may push the old man over the edge, which, if I’m honest I don’t mind a bit.” She looks over to Laney. “I’m Natalie, by the way. Nate’s little sister.”

  “Oh, I’m sorry, Natalie, that beauty over there is Laney, my wife, and these little stars are Amanda and Adele, Addie for short.” Laney gets up and walks to Natalie shaking her hand.

  “It nice to meet you, Natalie. Nathan has told me a lot about you.” Laney gives a small smile. “Is it alright if I give you a hug.”

  “Of course, gosh, Nate, I like her already.”

  “Ladies this is my baby sister, Natalie. Ah, I guess girls, ah she’s your aunt.” I tell them as I look down at them. They turn their heads and stare at her. Nat gives a small smile and wave at the girls. I see Laney give the girls a nod letting them know it’s alright for them to say something. These girls are so well behaved.

  “Hi.” They say in unison.

  “Hi, ladies. My you are very pretty. You look just like your mommy. You are like little dolls of her. So cute.”

  “Thank you,” Addie says.

  “Does Nafin still call yous Nat the Bat?” That question gets me a looks that says she is going to punish me at a later date.

  “No, he does not because Nathan knows now that I’m older I can cause him severe pain.”

  “Like how?” Addie asks.

  “Let’s just keep to the fact that I no longer call her that. She’s all grown up and too pretty to be a bat or to live in a bat’s cave.” The girls laugh with that.

  “Nafin says yous know lots of stuff about pwincesses. Hes says yous gonna teach us to be the bests pwincesses we can be.”

  “Oh, did he? He should know. He had to dress up as a prince a time or two when I was little. Do you know how many times he dressed up as the Beast? He always played the perfect Beast for me.” She gave me a wink. Must have been payback for my Nat th
e Bat story.

  “Nathan used to play dress up with you?”

  “Oh yes, all the time. Whenever he wasn’t playing with his friends or playing army, he would play with me. He would play dress up and Barbies, he would play house and tea party.”

  “Okay, okay Nat, that’s enough.” Laney was laughing at her new found knowledge.

  “I knew we liked him for a reason.”

  “Yeah, he’s gonna be super fun, our newf daddy is gonna play withf us, and make tea withf us, and he’s gonna tell us pwincess stories. All the stories in the whold wife world.” Amanda waves her hands around getting her point across.

  “I’ll try little one, I’ll always try.”

  “Yay, yous can and then wes can havf Auntie Nat over and she can play dress ups too. Hers and mommy, mes and Bear can all be pwincesses and then Nafin and daddy can be the pwinces.”

  I was taken aback by the fact that they just called my sister their aunt. I think my sister was too because I could see the effects it had on her by the tear that rolled down her cheek. “I would love that girls, and you won’t find a better prince than Nathan. They don’t make them like him anymore.” She looked at Laney with her last comment.

  “Excuse me, girls.” The nurse comes in holding two small trays. “It’s time for your breakfast. I need you back in your own beds so you can eat it all gone.” Laney grabbed Amanda from my lap and placed her back into bed. I slid out of Addie’s bed and stretched my back as the nurse put the tray of food in front of her. “I’ve got the girls Mrs. Whitmore, why don’t you head down to the cafe and get some coffee and food.”

  “Thank you so much.” Laney turns to the girls. “We will be right back. Please finish your plates for me babies.”

  “Okay, momma.”

  “You got it. Bye Nafin, bye Auntie Bat, I mean Auntie Nat.” Her face grew red with the slip-up.

  We walked out of the room and headed down to the third-floor cafe. “So what did father say to you?” I put my arm around Laney’s shoulders bringing her close while we walk towards the cafe.