Paranormal Dating Agency: Dragons Don't Lie (Kindle Worlds Novella) (Fire Chronicles Book 5)
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She pushes up the silly lenses obscuring her eyes and glares at me.
The tool I’m working with is sharp and it slips, gouging my finger. “Damnitsonofabitch,” I yell while jumping around. When I’m sure I’m not dying, I glance back at the door. “You’re still here. Go.”
She shakes her head.
I’m holding my hand, trying to keep blood from dripping on my workbench and not having much luck. “At least grab something and stop me from bleeding to death,” I whine.
She stomps—yes stomps—over to the sink in the corner of the room and grabs a towel. She marches back and tosses the cloth over my wound. “There, take care of yourself. On second thought, if you really think there’s a chance you’ll bleed to death, don’t apply pressure and it will all be over before you know it.”
“Ha ha,” I grumble. Someone thinks she’s a comedian. I press the towel to my hand. “You can leave now.”
Her legs plant six inches apart and her hands go to her hips. She’s looks like a pint-sized hobo midget. “You’re not the boss of me and I’m not leaving until I have answers.” She tosses her head back like a woman would do if she had long hair. With Miss Stuffy Pants’ hair in that goddess-awful contraption tight on her head, I wonder why she bothers.
“Your questions can wait until dinner tonight.” I walk over to the cabinet above the sink and remove a box of adhesive bandages I stole from another realm. I manage to get the little side things off but the bandage gets tangled up and sticks together. I toss it in the trash with another oath. “Here,” I say and walk closer to the woman. “Put this on.”
She looks at the bandage in my hand. She looks at my wound and she refuses to put her hand out. Instead she gives me a pinched expression that says, I’m not doing anything you say.
“Please?” I finally sink to asking.
“Oh for a feather’s sake.” She takes the bandage and slaps the sticky tape over the cut and presses it down. I inhale sharply at her rough treatment. It’s entirely uncalled for. She takes a step closer to me so we would be nose to nose if I weren’t a foot taller. She lifts her head and meets my eyes. Hers look like a fly’s because they’re bugging out of her head. “You’re nothing but a big baby kidnapper and I have no sympathy for you. Maybe you’ll contract gangrene and die. That would help my cause greatly. Hurry up with it, though, because I’m heading home this afternoon.” Her pointy nose curls up and she sniffs. Her lips pucker and it’s obvious she thinks something smells unpleasant. “Do you bathe?” she finally asks in a tight, disgusted voice.
I sniff a few times and realize I haven’t bathed in a while. My clothes are dirty too. “That’s okay, I’ll add bathing me to your list of your chores.”
She blinks. I stare.
Her fist rising doesn’t bother me. The throat punch does. I go to my knees while holding my throat and trying to breathe. This little pint-sized piece of fluff just decked me. If I could breathe, I’d eat her. I choke and cough. Snot comes out of my nose; my lungs will never hold air again. I’m dying and I didn’t even bleed to death.
Her bare feet draw closer and I can’t help my response. One hand snakes down to cover the family jewels. No telling what this crazy female will do next. A little air somehow gets past my broken airway but it does little to help. I’m still dying from lack of oxygen.
“When you can get yourself off the floor, your kidnapping days are over, and I expect a ride home. I’ll wait in my tower.” She tosses her non-existent hair again and walks away.
My cock stirs.
It’s odd. She’s ugly and she’s mean. Why would my favorite appendage take notice? More air enters my lungs and eventually I’m able to take a full breath. There was really no chance I would die; dragons have eternal life. However, we do feel pain. I slowly stand from the floor and look around. I have too much work to do to take time out to put an uppity female in her place. But I’ll make time for this. I rub my hands together in anticipation.
This should be fun.
Chapter Six
Flora
INSUFFERABLE. HE KIDNAPS me, brings me here, and deserts me. It doesn’t help that he’s too good looking for his own good. Okay, I’ll admit he’s more than good looking, but a man cannot survive on looks alone, and it will do him no good when it comes to winning me.
I grab the sword I found yesterday and work it in my hand for a moment to warm up my wrist. I doubt my dragon will appreciate landing on his knees with a knot in his throat that won’t go away completely for a few days. He’s lucky I pulled the punch.
I don’t have long to wait, and I’m in my fighting stance when he storms into the room with a roar. Man, does he have a set of lungs when he can breathe.
Flick, flick. I twist my wrist again ready to strike.
He stops and drills me with eyes filled with perplexity. “That’s my sword.”
“Mine now,” I answer with seeming boredom.
“Give it back.”
I lift my arm to an en garde position ready to remove his head. And such a gorgeous head it is. His hair may be dirty but it’s lovely. Full and wavy to go with his thick, long eyelashes. No man should be this pretty.
“That’s my sword,” he says again.
“Prepare to have your head removed with your own sword, then. I know it’s bad form to use your own weapon to kill you, but you’ve left me no choice. Take me back home or lose your head.”
He walks closer and I don’t so much as blink. His next action is too quick to follow and it makes me dizzy. I stare down at my hand, which is now minus a sword. Slowly I raise my head. He’s twirling the damn thing like it’s a baton. Sacrilege. “Give that back.” It’s the first thing that comes out of my mouth even if it is stupid.
He adds another twirl. “I told you it was my sword. Don’t touch my stuff. If you want a sword, I’ll have someone in the village make you one.”
This throws me because I’ve flown as far as I could in every direction around his castle and saw nothing resembling a village. “There’s a village?” I ask. I also need to find out about the shield blocking me from leaving this realm but I’ll save that for later.
He leans against the wall while twirling the damn sword. “There’s a village in the next realm.”
Argh, he’s driving me insane. “Explain realms to me.” I know a little, but this is the first time I’ve actually been to another one.
He cocks an eyebrow. “Are you giving me orders?”
I roll my eyes. “Are you taking me home?”
“No.”
“Then I’m giving you orders. Explain realms to me and then take me home.”
His hand passes over his throat and I don’t bother hiding my smile. I’m dangerous and he doesn’t want to admit it. Of course, with how easily he removed the sword from my hand, I know he’s dangerous too. He doesn’t know about the small magic trick up my sleeve, and I’ll keep it to myself until I really need it.
“Fly with me.”
Maybe I didn’t hear him right.
“I have a saddle or I’ll carry you. Maybe if you get out for a bit you’ll be in a better disposition by lunch.”
Now he’s pissing me off again. Before I can utter a response, I’m lifted into the air, carried outside, and tossed from the balcony. Damn. My clothes. I start tearing out of the stupid over-sized shirt I’m wearing and look at the ground, which is getting entirely too close. A sharp jerk to my shoulders lifts me twenty feet up almost instantly and then higher still. My feet clear the turret with mere inches to spare.
“Forget the saddle, you took too long to answer, and you’ll learn quickly I have no patience.”
The buffoon. I hate him. Swinging my body up and around is easy. I take my time and make it look harder than it is, though. When I’m upright, holding tight to his talons and looking out at the scenery, the dragon’s voice goes off in my head again. “It’s good that heights don’t bother you and I’m impressed you didn’t scream when I tossed you over the side of the tower.”
I had tried to break through whatever barrier holds me in this dang blasted kingdom with no luck. I flew away from some invisible wall with bruised feathers instead. Okay, it’s the wings that hold the feathers. They’re bruised but I can feel it throughout each separate feather. Repeated hits against the barrier became bad for my health, so I stopped trying. I need Ashrac to take me across, but I have no idea how to handle the asking. If I tell him I know about the barrier, he’ll have questions I don’t wish to answer now.
Suddenly, we rise rapidly and my hanging feet almost hit the side of the mountain Ashrac ascends. His power is glorious and I fight not to laugh in glee at his death-defying tricks. He swoops over the crest and plunges down the other side. I can’t help the “whoop” I let out.
“You like that?” he asks in my head, sounding bewildered.
“Of course I like it. Do it again.”
“Okay, but if you act like you’re scared, it will put me in a better mood,” he grumbles.
I need to find a more fitting word than buffoon and sparky pants to describe my kidnapper. Nincompoop, blockhead, and dumbbell don’t have the proper connotation, so I’ll keep thinking. “Oh, I’m so scared,” I squeal as we plunge down the side of the mountain again. Ninnypooper doesn’t seem to mind my false intonation. He laughs gleefully even when he knows he hasn’t terrified me. I’ve come to the conclusion dragons are simpleminded.
Ashrac circles the mountain again and then turns us back toward his castle. I’m disappointed the ride didn’t last longer. I’ll sneak out and take my own flight as soon as he leaves me to go back to his infernal lab. He’s like the evil professor coming up with some diabolical plan. Now that scares me.
“I need sustenance, woman,” he says after dropping me on the landing pad outside my room. Again, his voice comes from inside my head because he hasn’t shifted. This is the first chance I get to admire his dragon form. He’s the size of a building with red scales. I’ve had no dealings with dragons and admit the size of his teeth are enough to send most people running and screaming for their life.
I roll my eyes at his “sustenance” comment and look my fill. He’s red, big, bulky, and scaly. I would give anything to show off my sleek form right now. Oh, and he stinks. It must be a dragon thing. Maybe they melt in water or soap burns their skin.
“Food,” he growls when I don’t answer him right away.
I shrug. “It’s your death. Show me the kitchen.” I don’t mention my growling belly or the weakness in my limbs from lack of food. That small rabbit seems so long ago. I can cook, I just don’t want to cook for him. Then I change my mind. Payback is a bitch sometimes and this might be fun.
Directions to the kitchen spit into my head. I don’t bother thanking him. He flies away as soon as I turn to enter my room and then walk through the door in search of food. I climb down the tower stairs and head to the back of the main room. I walk through large double doors into a massive dining room. A huge table and chairs for at least twenty people is the only furniture in the room. The chairs themselves are massive and I can just imagine a room full of dragons who could practically crush the legs when they sit, enjoying a meal at this table. I don’t stand around gaping for more than a few seconds because now I’m on a mission.
I walk through a large swinging door and stop.
Oh hell no. The dragon hasn’t washed a dish in his life. Every counter is covered in dirty dishes, pots, and pans. I’m surprised food doesn’t drip from the ceiling it’s so nasty. I glance upward just in case. At least I’m safe from food dollops falling on my head.
What are my choices? I run them through in my head: Murder the dragon or clean the kitchen. Murder the dragon and clean the kitchen or… my mind just goes back to murdering the dragon.
I roll up the sleeves of the dragon’s shirt and start cleaning; all the while my stomach growls between cussing. I hate cleaning, but I hate filthy more. I estimate an hour passes before shiny metal appliances and marble countertops greet me. I slowly run my fingers over the newly cleaned counters and walk to the stove. It looks odd and it takes a moment for me to figure out it’s not gas or electric; it’s a wood burning stove with an edgy look, so it fits the room. There’s no microwave or dishwasher, but there is a sink which I used to clean the dragon’s mess. I open cabinets without discovering actual food. Plates, cups, and utensils are here but no ingredients. Next I open a small door thinking it’s a pantry only to find stairs. Cool air rolls up at me and I take a tentative step downward. Four steps down, turn, and another four more steps lead into a cellar, pantry, aka refrigerator. The room has everything and it’s cool enough to keep the food from spoiling too quickly. It’s also surprisingly organized. A recipe plan develops in my brain as I gaze around and rub my hands together in delight. I gather the items I need and carry them upstairs.
If the dragon wants to eat, I’ll give him a meal he’ll never forget. My plan is simple… give dragonbreath a taste of his own medicine.
Chapter Seven
Ashrac
TAKING TIME OUT to make the female happy ruined my schedule. She’s a strange one with her ridiculous glasses and choice of clothing. Her lack of fear impresses me, though. Is she mate material? I don’t know. I’ll see how she cooks and if she can manage to stay out of my way for the next few days while I work.
I’m in the process of creating a circuit on a new mini board I hope will stand up to the electromagnetic bursts that keep the dragon realms from complex machinery, when she walks in. She’s in the same dumpy clothes as earlier with her hair in that ridiculous bun that must hurt her head. And of course the glasses. She might actually be semi-passable without them. The glass is so dense it makes her eyes look like an owl’s and not in an attractive way. There are also food stains on the front of her shirt, which are unappetizing. She’s not very good at being female.
My mind flashes to Jewel, Tahr and Pepper’s daughter. Now there’s a woman. Too bad she’s not kidnappable or she’d be in my castle right now. Jewel knows how to attract male attention. Her mother is beyond distraught. Oh we—
The female interrupts my thoughts. “His highness’ meal is served in the dining room,” she states with sass.
The pinched look around her mouth is gone. “I’ll eat here in the lab. Go fetch.”
Oops. I think I see steam, or at least her face is red enough to produce steam. Before I turn around, her nose pinches up again and she sniffs. I ignore her and go back to work. She can be mad at my back. It cares as much as the front of me.
I’m sure she hears my growling belly from where she stands and I don’t care. Work before food. I don’t have time for niceties or a bath at the moment.
“Your lunch is downstairs, and if you think I’m climbing the stairs again to bring it to you, you’re out of your filthy dragon-breathing mind.” With that, she turns on her heels and marches from the room.
“Humph.” I shrug and go back to work. It’s more than an hour before I lift my head after a long insistent growl from my stomach. “Damn,” I mutter and decide to go to the dining hall and eat, which is a real pain in my ass. Maybe I need to put the
rules in writing for her. I understand people learn in different ways and maybe she needs a visual. I don’t think she’s the smartest female I’ve met. Far from it.
I enter the empty dining hall and look around. A plate of food rests on the table with a full table setting. I roll my eyes because it’s completely unnecessary. I walk over, pick up the bowl of soup, and spill part of it down my throat. Fire flairs in my chest. No, not just fire, red-hot pleasure and I’m delighted. There must be a ton of hot peppers in the soup. The woman has passed the kitchen test. That still doesn’t mean she’s good mate material, but at least she isn’t a total failure.
I slurp the last of the soup down, grab a handful of crackers, and walk out without touching the vegetables. I run into the woman in the hall before I hit the lab. She appears nervous and I have no idea why. She finally looks up when I quietly say, “Good food.”
“Good?” she questions in obvious consternation.
“Good heat level. Only my mom’s cooking is better.”
“You like it hot?”
“Yes. I’m a dragon, of course I like it hot,” I answer impatiently because I need to return to the lab.
“But, umm, I poured two cups of hot peppers in yours.”
I nod. “Maybe add a third next time and it will be as good as Mom’s.” I walk away, leaving her with her hands on her hips in her food-stained shirt looking perplexed. At the door, I glance back over my shoulder. “I desire a bath after tonight’s dinner. See to it.” I don’t wait to hear her acknowledgement. I’m beginning to think this might work. If her domestic skills continue to shine she might be worth keeping.
When I reach the lab, I go back to my current project. I’m standing over the pieces of an iPhone when the image of Flora pops into my head. I don’t understand why this happens, because it’s not like she’s beautiful or has a great body. Hmm.
I find her interesting.
In my college years I attended university in Earth’s realm. There were beautiful women everywhere, but none really caught my eye. I dated and even slept with quite a few. The interest waned almost immediately and I moved on. Since college, I’ve buried myself in my lab and come out only when I can’t take the same four walls anymore. That’s when I go on scavenger trips to find the items I need for experimentation.