by Alisa Adams
After a while of brooding at the top of the castle, Seamus flashed his cloak and returned inside, waiting to see what magic Sarina could conjure.
19
“How dare you come here like this and cause this much discord!” Sarina barked sharply as soon as they were alone. She had dragged Thomas out and taken him into a private room, shutting the door behind them so that nobody could hear her words. She was already angry at him for interrupting her and Seamus’ time at the lake and after hearing his incredulous demands, she wondered if he had lost his mind. “What on Earth do you think you are doing? Haven’t we endured enough suffering already?”
“It seems as though some of us are not suffering enough,” Thomas sneered. The smug, snakelike expression he had worn in front of the Highlanders quickly vanished as soon as he was alone with his sister and was replaced by an angry glower. There were dark rings under his eyes and anger burned within. He took hold of Sarina’s arm so tightly that his fingers dug into her skin.
She gasped in pain and struggled to break free, only just managing to wrest her arm away from Thomas.
“I come here after I hear that Matthew died expecting to see that my sister has taken vengeance upon her new husband, only to hear that you are off enjoying a wonderful little tour of the Highlands. Do you not remember everything we spoke about? Are you going to break the promise you made to me? To our father?” Thomas spat.
“I made no promise to Father,” Sarina said defensively.
“You might as well have. He needs us to take revenge on the people who killed him, doubly so now that Matthew has been killed as well. Are you so blinded with affection that you cannot see what is happening? These Highlanders are killing off our family one by one. They have already taken our father and brother from us and, in a way, they have taken you too. It is surely only a matter of time before myself and Harold are killed and then there will be none of us left. Is that what you want sister? Do you hate us so much that you would wish to see an end to our family? Are you so besotted with this brute that you would forsake us all?”
He spoke with a sneer and to hear such harsh words spoken from a man she had deeply admired all her life shook Sarina to her core. She trembled with anger and anguish, her bottom lip shook, and tears stung her eyes. It wasn’t the first time Thomas had ever approached her in this manner. If she was the same woman she had been when he had last seen her, she would have wilted and apologized, convinced that she had done something wrong even though she knew she had only acted to the best of her abilities. But she was different now. She was a Highlander and felt the steel in her bones. She was Laird Seamus Mackenzie’s wife, proud and strong, and she would not let him down.
Summoning this newfound courage, the sad tears turned to hot anger and her words flew. “How dare you come here and accuse me of forsaking our family! You have no idea what happened. Matthew didn’t die because of Seamus, he died because he was an ambitious fool who could not see when he was outmatched. And Seamus didn’t take me either. You arranged this marriage. Do not blame him for your own mistakes. Perhaps you should be angry with yourself for not being as clever as you think you are and not foreseeing that I might fall in love with the man I had been deemed to marry. He is not what you described Thomas. The more time I spend with him, the more I question our father’s actions. Seamus is an honorable man, a noble man, and I am proud to be his wife.”
“You would dare to stand there and spit poison at me?” Thomas cried, rearing back as though her words were acid and would burn his flesh off if they touched him. He stepped back and looked at her with derision. “You look like my sister, but I do not recognize you anymore,” he said.
“Any change that has happened to me is for the better, I can assure you of that.”
“I sent you here because I thought you capable of one simple task. All you had to do was slide the knife between his ribs and watch him die. Do you suppose to tell me that you are not capable of that? Have you really been blinded to that extent?”
“Blinded, no,” Sarina replied, suppressing a chuckle. It suddenly dawned on her how blinkered her view of life really had been and how petty her brother was. “I have been awakened by my time here. You would do well to spend some time here as well for you might learn a thing or two. When I arrived, I did intend to use the dagger you gave me, especially after Matthew died, but I quickly learned that all was not as I assumed. I cannot kill the man I love Thomas and it is wrong of you to ask me to commit such a crime.”
“The man you love?” Thomas said, his eyes so wide with disbelief that Sarina could see the whites of them. “The man you love? He is not a man! He is an animal, a barbarian! I cannot believe I have to stand here and listen to my darling, innocent sister speak so kindly of such a beast!”
“You are wrong, Thomas. Seamus is the most wonderful, kind, and compassionate man in all the land. He is charming and funny, strong yet tender. He is everything a girl could want,” Sarina said, unable to stop herself from smiling and as she said this, she realized that she truly, deeply loved him. She wasn’t sure at which point things had changed, but she knew now that he did fit the image she had dreamed of ever since she was young except instead of wearing a fine tunic he wore rough cloth and instead of living in a stately mansion, he lived in an imposing castle. Deep down, he was the man of her dreams. Now that she had accepted love, she felt it flood her body. Her blood sang with the joy and glory of romance and she had an ethereal glow about her because of it.
“I listen to your words, but I do not understand them. I do not accept them either. This marriage was never intended to be a serious thing from the beginning. It has always been a sham, a ploy, and it is nothing more. You are a Bashir and your place is at our estate. Your only task here was to kill Seamus Mackenzie. I should have known you weren’t up to the task. I see now that I had hoped in error.”
“Your error is the best thing that has ever happened to me. My eyes have been opened. For the first time in my life, I can see clearly and truly. Another thing, Thomas, Seamus is not responsible for the crimes you think he has committed. He was not the one who loosed the arrow that killed father. It was just a sad thing that happened in the chaos of war. You have no rightful quarrel with him.”
“Do not presume to tell me who I do and do not have a rightful quarrel with,” Thomas spat. “As far as I am concerned Seamus is responsible for the deaths of all the English soldiers. He was the one leading his army. He gave the orders to fire. He is the one who must bear the punishment. It’s the same with Matthew. Matthew died on his grounds, defending you from bandits that should have been dealt with by your precious Laird.”
“Matthew was his own man and made his own choice. Father was the same. He did not have to ride into battle and by your logic, that makes father responsible for all the deaths the English inflicted on the Highlanders.”
“Bah!” Thomas said, swiping away her thought with a dismissive wave of the hand. “Highland lives don’t matter. I am only concerned with the English.”
“And now you expect Seamus to give you money?”
“What I expect is for you to fulfill your duty to your family. You came here for a reason.”
“That is not going to happen,” Sarina said defiantly, her words fueled by fire. Her fists were clenched by her side and her hair fell across her face, framing her angry expression. Thomas met her strength by stepping forward.
“Yes, it is or else,” he said threateningly. Back in England, this threat would have made her quiver with fear and for a moment, a flicker of fright did pass through her body, but it was swiftly quelled by something more powerful, a realization that he was in her castle and he could do nothing to hurt her. This feeling of strength flowed through her and made her feel as though she was floating.
“Or else what?” she asked calmly.
“I’m sure the Laird won’t take kindly to knowing that his new wife has been plotting to kill him. Don’t forget that I know your secrets, Sarina, and I’m not afraid of
using them against you. What is he going to say when he finds the dagger?”
Sarina stared at him for a few moments and then threw her head back in laughter. Her sides began to ache such was the force of her amusement. She wiped a tear from her eye as she composed herself. Thomas faced her with a look of bemusement. He was entirely bewildered by her reaction and was only growing angrier as each moment passed. Sarina knew this wasn’t going the way he had intended. He had been the dominant male ever since their father had died and had used his position to bully her, but finally, Sarina was free of this influence and could see him for what he truly was: a petty, cruel man.
She wasn’t going to let him run her life.
“You have no idea of what marriage is, do you? Or love? Your life is empty, Thomas. I suggest you stop living in the past and focus on the future. Try and find yourself some happiness. We have already lost Matthew and Father, do not lose yourself too. Despite everything, you are still my brother and I still love you. Please go home and find someone you care about. Find someone who makes you happy. Then perhaps you will understand what has happened to me and why I have chosen to stay with Seamus rather than return with you,” she said kindly. Her words were soft and gentle.
Thomas was not used to being spoken to in such a manner by her. He was used to her being obedient and he didn’t like that now she had a mind of her own. He was not yet ready to accept her kindness. She was afraid that he never would be. “I will find a way to honor our family, Sarina,” he told her and left the room.
Sarina put her head in her hands. The argument had left her feeling faint. The threat left by him was troubling and she had no idea the lengths he would go to in order to see his plan fulfilled. She had to see Seamus and tell him everything, even though it might make him view her unfavorably. She found him in their bedchamber alone. He was sitting on the bed with his hands between his legs and his head bowed. He seemed more at peace with himself than before. When she entered the room, he smiled at her and she saw that his eyes glistened with tears.
“How was the conversation with ye brother?” he asked.
“Not as well as it could have… Whatever is the matter?” she asked, falling to his side, putting her hands in his. The touch of his flesh inflamed her love and whenever she was close to him, she was sure that she would never bear to be apart from him. The two of them had been joined physically and spiritually and she could sense that something profound had happened.
“I said farewell tae, Ciara. I love ye, Sarina, and I want tae be with ye completely. I hae let myself live in the past for tae long. I want ye tae know that is over now. I am with ye completely and naething will change that,” he said.
Sarina’s heart almost burst with love. It was such an overwhelming feeling that the strength slipped from her knees and she felt a choking sob in her throat. She knew how precious Ciara was to him and while at first, it had been difficult for Sarina to accept that his heart had already known love, she did not despise the ghost that lived between them. However, it was comforting to know that he was devoted to her, to the living, rather than having half his mind lost to the past and out of reach. It also made what she had to say next more difficult though. She knew how much it had taken out of him to embrace the love she had to offer and what she said now could change that, but it was something she had to do. They were married. There could be no secrets between them.
“Nothing could warm my heart more. You honor me with your love Seamus and all I seek is to honor you in the same manner. I hope that as we move forward, we will both see this as a milestone in our lives and that this is the beginning of something beautiful.”
“I am only sorry that our journey was interrupted earlier,” he said, reaching out to brush a few strands of her hair behind her ear. Sarina dipped her head and smiled as she enjoyed the feeling of his flesh against her and the memory that his words sparked. Every part of her wanted to give herself to him, wanted him to enjoy her body, and teach her how to be a good wife, but she had to stop herself.
“As am I, but before we resume, there is something we must talk about.”
“Is this something tae dae with ye brother?”
“Yes, it is I’m afraid. Firstly, I wish to apologize for his boorish behavior. I have always thought him more respectful than to come here with those outrageous demands, but he seems to be intent on amazing even me.”
“We cannae choose our kin, but I accept ye apology,” Seamus said. “Did ye manage tae make him see sense?”
“I’m unsure, but in truth, he didn’t merely come to talk about these demands. There is something else at work here, something that I hope you will let me explain fully. You see, there was an underlying motive to Thomas’ insistence that you and I marry. Peace was never on his mind.”
“I dinnae understand.”
Sarina thought it better to show him rather than speak the words. It would be easier for her as well. She only hoped that he would give her the opportunity to explain because she was risking everything by telling him the truth, but she couldn’t let a secret linger between them—not after all they had shared. She knew she would only be doing him a disservice if she kept this hidden.
Sarina walked over to her dressing table and picked up the box that held the dagger. She ran her hands along the hard edges of the wood, closed her eyes to ensure that she was convinced of her convictions, and then turned around and walked back to the bed. Her breathing was strained as she sat down. Seamus looked at the box inquisitively.
It opened with a click and the dagger seemed to shine.
“What is this?” Seamus asked.
“This is why Thomas sent me here. He never intended there to be peace between our people. All he wanted was to get revenge on you for the death of our father. He didn’t want to risk a battle or to confront you in direct combat because he knew that he would fail. Thomas has always been a crafty man so he came up with this ploy to plant a spy close to you, someone who you would never suspect would be capable of performing such a dark deed.”
“Ye,” Seamus said.
Sarina nodded, her chest tightening. “He wanted us to marry and then for me to plunge this dagger into your heart on our wedding night.”
“But ye dinnae.”
“No, but I am ashamed to admit that I wanted to at first before I met you. I hated you and the other Highlanders, Seamus. As far as I was concerned you were the reason my father was dead. Thomas had filled my head with these ideas even though I had my doubts. As soon as I arrived here, I knew that I couldn’t go through with it, especially not when I fell in love with you.
“I’m sorry for hiding this from you Seamus. I didn’t intend for you to see this side of me and I hope you can forgive me. You must know that everything I feel for you and everything that I’ve said to you has been completely genuine. I would never lie to you and that is why I am telling you this now because I respect you and I want to show you the same honor you have shown me by revealing something that I am so afraid you will reject me for.”
Seamus looked down at the dagger and then rose from the bed, pacing across the floor. Sarina was afraid that she had angered him. Perhaps she had misjudged this entirely and should never have told him the truth, but that seemed wrong somehow.
“And why are ye telling me this now?” Seamus said eventually.
“Because it is the right thing to do, because I can’t hold it in my heart any longer, and because Thomas threatened to tell you if I do not kill you myself; he is intent on ending your life, Seamus. I can’t let that happen, and I am still learning what marriage means. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you immediately, but I hope you can see why I would wish to keep this a secret from you. For a time, I was torn between my old family and my new one, but I quickly came to realize that only one family has loved me unconditionally and only one family has put my best interests at heart.”
She could have gone on pleading with him for hours, but she had already come to understand that sometimes silence spoke volumes. S
he had said her piece and now it was time to await Seamus’ judgment. She had to trust in their love for each other that he would not cast her aside.
20
Seamus turned away from his wife, trying to process what she had just told him. Never would he have thought her an assassin, but the evidence was there. At first, he was angry that someone could have deceived him so easily. If things had been different, if Sarina had been more cynical, he could have been killed on their wedding night. Anger flared within him and he was tempted to take that box from her and fling it across the room.
But he didn’t.
Instead, Seamus took deep breaths and kept himself composed. He tried to remind himself about all the other things he and Sarina had shared and he believed her when she said that she hadn’t lied to him about anything else.
“This is nae an easy thing tae forgive,” he began and then turned to face Sarina. Her body was tense and worry lines framed her face. “But the important thing is that ye did nae stab me. I can understand why ye would hate me if ye thought I was the cause of ye da’s death and when I look at this dagger, I see the work of Thomas, nae of ye. Ye are nae villain Sarina. Ye dinnae hae an evil bone in ye wee body. I love ye and I will nae hold this against ye.”
“Really?” she asked.
Seamus nodded with a sad smile. “I know what it’s like tae live in the past, tae be defined by thoughts of someone else. We hae both had tae break the cycle. Ye hae tae let go of ye da and I hae tae let go of Ciara. Ye did the right thing by telling me this. But ye say that Thomas is determined tae kill me?”
“I’m afraid so,” Sarina admitted. “I tried talking some sense into him, but he just won’t listen. He’s convinced that you’re not only the reason why Father died but also why Matthew is dead and now, he’s convinced that you’ve twisted my mind as well. He can’t comprehend that I could love a Highlander. I told him he should return to England and find a bride of his own, but he seems unwilling to move on with his life. I will try talking to him again, but I fear he will make an effort on your life.”