"Jessica, I'm so glad you could come." Andy smiled at her, the baby in her arms. From the back of the house deep barks underlined her welcome. "Richard and Marina have taken Molly shopping, so it's just the two of us and Rikki for a while."
"How is Rikki?" The name suited the baby with his big brown eyes.
"Just look at him." He lay asleep in his mother's arms, the picture of contented infancy. "He's growing so fast even the doctor's surprised."
"I'll just say hello to Arthur and be right back." Jessica could hear him at the back door.
Greetings completed, she went to wash her hands before rejoining Andy. The powder room brought back memories of her last visit here, Karl's reaction. He hadn't called her since last Saturday. The week had dragged by interminably. When Andy had called her yesterday to invite her to lunch she hadn't mentioned her brother. Neither had Jessica.
Practicing patience was an art she hadn't cultivated. Doing so now was very hard but she was going to let Karl make the next move.
Jessica dried her hands and rejoined Andy in the family room.
"Here, want to hold him," Andy offered. Rikki was awake, his dark eyes scanning everything around him.
He fitted just right in the crook of her arm. The dark eyes looked at her and Rikki grinned as she whispered a soft hello. Jessica's heart contracted. She didn't care if cynics said baby's smiles were just caused by gas. She preferred to think they were real.
"Hi sweetheart!" she greeted him softly. There was fuzz on the top of his head now and the nails at the end of his clenched fists looked long.
Andy poured two cups of coffee out, brought one to Jessica, set it on an end table.
"I'm so lucky," Andy stared thoughtfully at her son. "Not a day goes by that I don't wake up and give thanks for everything." She sipped at her coffee and then said slowly. "When I think of myself a few years back, how life would have turned out if I hadn't met Jim," She shuddered. "He turned my life around."
"How did you and Jim meet?" Maybe she could learn something more about Karl, understand him better, by listening to his sister.
"I was in New York with a crowd that was up to no good. I had no money, no ambition. Every day was a blur. One day I was out on the street, mingling with the going home crowd, trying to find someone whose pocket I could pick. I didn't know Jim had spotted me. As I closed into my victim he shackled my wrist, said, "Not today, you don't."
"And then?" Television, thought Jessica, should be so interesting.
"He took me to a park and talked to me for hours. Asked me if I knew what the consequences were." Jessica's mind instantly replayed her encounter with the two miscreants at the plaza, Karl's leniency with them. She understood the reason for it so much better now. "Jim asked me about my family. I refused to tell him anything. He took me to a fast food place, bought me all the food I could eat, told me if I wanted another good meal I had to meet him in the same spot the next day. And that's how it began. The reformation of Andy Wagner." She laughed but the tears weren't far away. "It took a long while though for me to believe in love, to give myself a chance. Karl's the same." Taking the sleeping baby from Jessica she held him close as if to chase the blackness of her memories away. "I'll put him in his port-a-crib. He's getting too used to being held all day long."
Jessica picked up her mug and sipped her coffee thoughtfully. Andy had slipped the advice into her conversation so casually, yet Jessica knew what Karl's sister was trying to tell her. Mental and emotional wounds sometimes took longer than physical ones to heal.
"I was always the rebellious one at home," Andy said sitting down again and picking up her coffee cup. "I threw tantrums, I ran away from home, I let my parents know what I thought of them. Karl just kept quiet, and slipped away to college." She sipped her coffee, her eyes dark with the pain of memories. "Karl was always there for me when we were growing up. He'd spend hours talking to me. He'd take me shopping, to the movies. He tried so hard to talk some sense into me when I insisted on dating the worst boys in school. But I tuned him out as I searched for an escape from the mountain of pain inside me. It got worse after he went away to college. I stuck it out till I finished high school and then I ran away. Karl gave up one semester of his dental studies to try and find me. He put notices in all the papers, followed every lead the police had on missing people. When Jim called him he came to New York right away. I thought he'd be mad but he just held me and tears filled his eyes. "I'm sorry," he kept saying, "I'm sorry. I should never have left home." The fact that he blamed himself not me made me realize how much he loved me. He never talks about the past now, but of the two of us, I think he was hurt most by our traumatic childhood because he never expressed his feelings like I did. Has he talked to you about it?"
"A bit."
"I've never seen him with anyone the way he was with you, the night you both came to dinner. It was as if he was hurting as much as you were. It gave me hope. Was he very angry about the contacts?"
Jessica tried to laugh it off, though her heart accelerated at the memory of Karl's kisses. "No. He merely talked some sense into me that day."
Andy set her mug down and leaned forward. "Jessica, maybe I shouldn't say anything. Jim warned me about interfering, but I can't help myself. Karl's not like other men. He can't open up easily. He doesn't trust himself not to turn into the living image of my father."
"I know."
"If you really care about him let your love..."
The family burst in loaded down with parcels. To Jessica's surprise Jim was right behind them. Andy had mentioned yesterday he had to work today.
"Jim!" Andy's face lit up as if she hadn't seen her husband for months. "I thought you weren't coming home till five."
"Hello, darling," Jim kissed her and then said, "Thought I'd spend the afternoon with my family. I looked out of the window at twelve and suddenly couldn't stand to be away from all of you a minute longer." He motioned to the files under his arm. "I can always work at night. That's one thing good about being a chartered public accountant. You can take your work around with you." Placing an arm around his wife's shoulders, he smiled warmly at Jessica. "Hello Jessica. It's good to see you again."
"Mommy can I show Jessica the house now?" Molly asked when Andy moved to the kitchen to help her husband get lunch ready.
"Of course."
There were five bedrooms and a bonus room upstairs. Molly stopped in the doorway of the fifth bedroom. "This is the guest room," she announced. "Jessica, would you like to come and stay the weekend sometime? What with Rikki and Arthur and school I won't see much of you otherwise."
"I'd love to come for the weekend," said Jessica warmly. "And you can come and spend a weekend with me as well. I don't have an extra bedroom but the couch in my living room pulls out to make a nice bed."
Happy, Molly nodded. "I'd like that. I don't think Arthur will mind if I leave him for one night. He's used to Mommy and Daddy and Nana and Gramps now. Mommy says he thinks he's Rikki's full time baby sitter. If Rikki cries Arthur goes looking for Mommy, nudges her with his nose."
Molly's conversation clued her in to the little girl's happiness. That her thoughts were never far from the dog she'd adopted was a sure sign how much she loved Arthur. Jessica was glad he'd fitted in so well.
As they went downstairs, Molly told her how Gramps had helped take Arthur to the vet at the weekend for his checkup, how Nana was going to teach her to knit.
The table was set in the kitchen. Jim carried a tuna salad to the table while Andy set out a platter of sandwich meat, cheese slices, a loaf of rye bread and peanut butter and jelly on the table.
"Marina's planned steak and kidney pudding for dinner tonight," Andy said to Jessica as they all sat down. "Would you like to stay for dinner?"
"No thanks, Andy. I have to take some books back to the library before they close at four, then my brother David's coming over for the rest of the weekend.
"Nana, do you know Jessica has six brothers and four sisters?" Molly asked
her grandmother. Eleven kids and their mother and father makes thirteen. Do you have a very big house Jessica?"
"My Mom tells me Dad added a room to it for every two kids, a bathroom for every three, so now we have seven bedrooms, five bathrooms. The oldest boy and the oldest girl living at home had their own bedrooms; the rest of us had to share, two to a room."
"It's a lovely day outside," Jim said later when there was a pause in the lunchtime conversation. "Want me to move Rikki's port-a-crib, and an air mattress under the maple tree in the backyard?" he asked his wife. "You can have your nap out there."
"Why don't we all go to the beach," Andy suggested, looking around the table. "I haven't been to the ocean for ages. It's such a nice day. There'd be plenty of room for everyone if we take the van."
No one seconded her. Jessica could tell from the island of silence that Andy wasn't on the completely well list yet.
It was Jim who finally broke the silence. "Not yet, Andy. Not till the doctor says you can."
"Oh but Jim..." Andy began only to be silenced by the look in her husband's eyes. He just held her gaze quietly. Instead of anger, Jessica sensed the love in his glance, the soft understanding in his eyes as he looked at his wife.
"Not yet, Andy," he repeated without changing his tone.
Jessica tensed for battle. Nothing about Andy Spencer suggested meekness. This was one woman who would never accept dominance.
"Oh okay,, you old fussbudget," The fact there was no rancor in Andy's tone amazed Jessica. Jumping up from her chair, Andy sat down on her husband's lap and twined her arms around his neck. The kiss she gave him was very thorough.
Jim's eyes were glinting when she got off his lap and marched into the kitchen.
"Minx!" was all he said under his breath.
When it was time to leave, Andy kissed Jessica on the cheek and said, "Forgive me for interfering? Jim and Karl would both have my hide if they knew I was meddling in your affairs."
Jessica smiled through sudden tears. No one knew better than she did that caring, real caring, was reason enough to interfere. "I'm glad we could talk."
Back in her apartment Jessica kicked off her shoes and flung herself down on her bed. She had a lot of thinking to do.
Life wasn't a set of rules that never changed. Life was constant change, constant exchange.
Karl was silly to think he would turn into his father. Each generation was molded by different circumstances, different influences. Surely he knew just the conscious will to change would prevent him from being a cold partner. Why did he have to hold on to his fears so tenaciously?
Just the way you hold on to the thought marriage means being dominated.
Jessica blinked. Her mouth dropped open.
She was guilty as charged.
The idea that marriage automatically meant being dominated wasn't true. Dominance alone was certainly not to be tolerated, but dominance stemming from love and concern was something entirely different. It wasn't even dominance then, it was just a looking out for the other person. Jim and Andy had offered proof of that today.
Jessica was beginning to understand some things more clearly now. She saw her sister’s choices in a different light. Everyone adapted the age old pattern of marriage and life to suit their own personal preferences. What looked like a willingness to be dominated to an outsider was really just a matter of choices.
Jessica had chosen too. She wanted Karl.
The thing was getting him to acknowledge the fact they were made for each other.
"Karl?" The silence at the other end made Jessica's heart hammer against her ribs wanting out. She shouldn't have called him.
"Jessica, how are you?" His tone didn't give anything away.
"I'm fine." She blinked rapidly and tightened her grip on the receiver. "I was wondering if you would like to come to my place for dinner Friday night?"
She closed her eyes. It wasn't being too forward, she told herself fiercely, it was just helping things along.
"Friday?" He sounded surprised.
"Yes." The well of babbling she could always tap into had dried up. Even the monosyllable she'd just uttered seemed superfluous. "I've had so many meals at your place. Its time I returned the hospitality."
"What time would you like me to come over?"
He said yes? Jessica held the receiver away from her ear, stared at it just to be sure.
"Seven?"
"See you then Jessica." The soft click told her he wasn't on the line any longer.
On the plus side was the fact he hadn't refused. On the minus side was the fact he hadn't exactly jumped for joy.
Why on earth had she gone against the deeply ingrained principle that a man had to do the chasing? Watching a commercial that said it was okay for a woman to call the shots was very different from actually doing it. Jessica blinked. Friday was five days away. She still had time to call him and cancel. But she wouldn't.
Her doorbell rang at five minutes after seven, Friday night. Jessica took a deep breath, patted the cowl neck of her aquamarine blue dress, and wished herself luck as she went to the door.
"Karl, how are you?"
He stood before her freshly showered, dressed in navy blue slacks and a red tee shirt. Jessica's hand tightened on the door knob so she wouldn't throw herself at him.
"Good evening, Jessica." The half-smile he gave her didn't reveal anything of his feelings. He would make a great poker player.
He came into the room and held out a bunch of carnations, dyed pale peach.
"Thank you, Karl." Jessica's fingers trembled as she took the flowers from him. They hadn't been in the same room five minutes and already the air crackled with tension. She desperately searched for a light and witty remark that would defuse it.
"They reminded me of your skin." Karl was giving her that intent look of his.
His eyes were laced with a new expression she couldn't understand. Jessica's heart spasmed. Her brain was atrophying and the air supply to her lungs seemed to have been turned off. Had he said the delicate hue of the flowers reminded him of her skin?
"Shall I put them in water for you?" Karl asked.
Jessica collected herself. "No. No thank you. I'll take care of them. Please sit down."
In her tiny kitchen Jessica stuffed the flowers into a glass filled with water, promised them better treatment later. Taking a deep breath she rejoined Karl.
"What would you like to drink? I have Scotch and some California wine."
"I'll have some wine."
Filling two wine glasses carefully, Jessica arranged a bowl of nuts and a plate of vegetables and dip on the tray. Her hands shook and twice she almost dropped something. It was worse than anything she'd ever anticipated.
Please help me get through this evening. I'll never again attempt something like this. Never.
There were women who could and women who couldn't. Take the initiative that is. She definitely belonged in the latter category.
"Have you been very busy?" Jessica sat across from Karl.
"Kind of." She didn't miss the hesitation, before he said. "Mrs. Lucas has had the flu and the office is always chaotic when she's away."
"She called me last week and apologized for not giving me your message. Her sister being involved in that car accident must have been very upsetting for her. She said she rushed to the hospital and for the next few days everything went out of her head except being with her sister."
Karl nodded. "She told me she called you and apologized."
"She did. She's such a nice person. There's something about her that cheers one up, just to look at her or talk to her."
Karl smiled. "Yes. I'm glad I went with my instinct and hired her. One of my colleagues who stopped by was amazed I'd hired a senior citizen but I told him Mrs. Lucas is an asset to my clinic in a way a younger person may not be. She's excellent with the kids and the nervous parents. She's reliable and trustworthy and rarely misses a day of work."
Why were they doing this to eac
h other, Jessica wondered miserably. Talking of everything and everyone except what they were feeling? A great sadness washed over her. She couldn't really force Karl into acknowledging his feelings. Love was a powerful motivator. If he cared enough, nothing would really hold him back.
"Excuse me, while I check on dinner," she said politely.
"Can I give you a hand with anything?" Two strangers couldn't have been more formal.
"No thanks. Everything's under control."
Jessica longed for the old Karl. Warm, loving, caring. Was this new front a part of his plan to prove he was a cold person? She checked the barbecued chicken and the pasta salad she had picked up from the local deli after work.
They talked of Molly and Arthur while they ate, Jim's parents, Rikki.
"That was delicious." The fact that he'd taken very small helpings of everything didn't color Karl's praise. "Let me help wash up."
"No." Anger had a strong grip of Jessica. If he insisted on this cold formality between them he was going to be treated like a stranger. "I'll take care of the dishes."
Karl raised his brow at her tone. "Something wrong?"
"Of course not," snapped Jessica piling everything on the table recklessly on top of each other. "What could be wrong? It's been a perfect evening so far. Perfect conversation, a perfect dinner with a perfect guest."
His hand closed over hers. "When did you go back to biting your nails?"
Jessica looked from Karl to her hands and rage sizzled to the surface. What right did he have to comment on her nails after treating her like a stranger all evening? She'd chew whatever she pleased.
"What's wrong, Jessica?"
"Nothing's wrong." Except the fact that she'd worn herself out but the rock on his shoulder hadn't budged the tiniest bit. Jessica tried a laugh to back up her statement. It cracked in the middle. The ensuing silence ricocheted off the walls, closed in on her. Jessica set the pile of dishes down. "I think you should leave now, before I say something I'll regret."
Project Valentine (A Homespun Romance) Page 14