“That bounty hunter twerp?” He unlocked and pushed the garage door open.
I laughed, “Yea.”
“He still has a hard-on for you.” He informed me over a large Harley.
“How do you know he’s still looking for me?”
“I’m having someone keep an eye on him for me. He’s on a wild goose chase in Kentucky right now.”
“I can’t believe he’s still looking for me!” I threw my hands in the air and spun around. “Why doesn’t he just give up already?? Fuck! It’s been four years! Move on!” Now I’m yelling at the bastard and he’s not even here.
Fletcher ignored my rant. “He’s broke from the drinking and hookers, so desperation is driving him to find you for the reward money.”
A woman about ten or so years older than me walked up and held out her hand for me to shake. “You must be Jasmine.”
I looked over at Fletcher for help.
He gave me a nod, “You have my permission to speak.”
The woman laughed and took my hand, “I’m Salina, most people call me Sal. My husband is the big cheese around here, but don’t tell him that. I’ve spent years convincing everyone else otherwise.” She kept my hand. “Come on, I’ll buy you a drink.”
“She stays with me.” Fletcher ordered before we got two steps away.
Salina flicked him off and tightened her grip on my hand as she pulled me away. “Bye Troop! I’m stealing your woman!!” She almost sang it making me smile.
“Oh my God. He is SO going to kill me later.”
“It’ll be worth it. Listen, just so you know, he comes by some of that possessive behavior honestly.” She stopped and pointed to a woman breastfeeding and the very large dark haired man with a long matching beard standing guard beside her. “That’s Joe. Ever since Red had Emily and started breastfeeding, he’s never far away.”
“That’s funny, and sweet.”
“I know, makes my tooth hurt. He’ll chill out in a few weeks. I hope. If not Red’s gonna kick his ass.” She pushed open the door to a large metal building with a sign over it that just said ‘Bar’.
On the inside the place looked like an old wood barn someone had converted into a bar using antiques of all kinds. “Wow. Nice place.”
“Thanks, as with most things, especially motorcycles around here, it’s a never ending project. Wine?” She asked pulling me right over to the bar.
“Sure.”
“Red or white?”
“Red please. Anything you have open is good. I haven’t had a glass of wine in almost four years.” I shook my head.
“You’re not on the wagon are you?” She asked before popping the cork.
“Oh, no, not at all, just too broke for wine.”
She laughed, “That would be a great name for a weekend rally.”
“What?” I’m confused.
“We have a rally here every year called Too Broke For Sturgis, or Too Broke for short. It’s for everyone who can’t afford to go to the real Sturgis.” She explained sliding a glass to me.
“Oh yeah, I think I’ve see that in other states.”
She nodded then sipped her wine before offering me a toast, “Welcome to the family Jasmine.”
I looked at her funny, “Family?”
She pointed to my collar, “I don’t know Fletcher as well as I do some of his other brothers, but I know what that collar means. You my dear, are off the market, aka, claimed by a Colson. You’re what we affectionately call an old lady.”
I know what an old lady is and I’m not it. “No, trust me there’s no love lost between us. That man is incapable of feeling anything except annoyed, hungry, or horny.”
She looked over my shoulder, “I’m not so sure about that Jasmine.”
Her argument sounded so confident I turned around to find him standing with a group of guys across the room, his eyes firmly planted on me. “That’s annoyed.” I argued.
“No, that’s gimme my woman back you crazy bitch.” She corrected. “Here, I’ll prove it.” She waved her hand to her left. “Red, this is Jasmine. Jasmine, Red.” I smiled and waved because she has her hands full.
Salina pointed to Fletcher and leaned across the bar towards Red, “Look at Troop. Tell me what that look on his face says.”
Red laughed and shook her head, ‘That’s the look that says if you don’t get your ass over here woman I’m going to spank the crap out of it later.” She shifted and offered me her hand. “Nice to meet you Jasmine.”
“You too. Congratulations.” I checked out the bundle of baby in her arms. “Is this your first?”
“My first, and probably my last. A word of warning, if you get knocked up, Colson men turn into giant hovering pains in the asses. The only time I can shake my husband now, is if I’ve just finished feeding, or if I bring my ass in here. Otherwise he’s like the fucking Presidential Guard.” She complained.
“Awe, that’s kind of sweet though. Somehow I don’t see Trooper Colson hovering over me, or anyone else for that matter. Anyway, tell me about yourselves.” I’m ready to change the subject so we’re not talking about the man who is drilling holes in the back of my head with his glares of discontent.
We talked for a long time about the club, the brothers, and the difference between the blood-related Colson’s, and the members who call each other ‘brother’. It makes sense, but the half-brother thing is weird.
When we got back to the room later that night I asked about it. “Your father really got all those women pregnant on purpose? He tricked them into having his kids?”
He made some kind of incoherent comment and sat in a reading chair to take off his boots. “Do you ever stop talking?” He snapped at me.
I nodded and went to the bathroom to lock myself in for a bubble bath. I’ve had three glasses of nice red wine, and girl talk for the first time in way too long, he is NOT going to ruin my day or my mood. Fuck him.
I had just slid into the tub when he popped the lock and opened the door. “You don’t lock doors on me Jasmine.”
“Sorry.” Seriously? Is he trying to pick a fight with me? I refuse to be baited.
He looked me over. “What did you tell them?”
“About what?”
“You, your past, how we met.” He crossed his big arms and backed up to lean against the shower wall.
“I said I thought my parents who gave me up for adoption left me a homestead, but I was wrong. I told them I was on my last dime and asked for your help. The rest just happened. I didn’t go into detail about what really happened, I said it just like that.” I insisted. “Don’t worry, I changed the subject whenever they started to get back to asking questions about us.”
“No more gossiping.”
“I wasn’t gossiping, it’s called conversation. What the hell is wrong with you? I’m doing everything you want, as best I can, and you’re still mad at me? Never mind. I’m sorry. Can I finish my bath alone? I’d like to hang onto what’s left of this good mood before you destroy it like you always do.” And there it is, my big fat mouth getting me in trouble, again.
Instead of pulling me out of the tub for one of his spankings he slammed the door so hard on his way out it popped back open. I shook my head and closed my eyes. One of these days someone is going to take that giant stick out of his butt. I hope I’m there to beat him over the head with it.
I lingered in the tub for a good hour. Almost fell asleep twice. By the time I was brave enough to go into the other room my nerves were half shot. They stood on edge when I found him sitting back on the bed looking right at me like he’d been waiting the whole time. Maybe he had.
I blinked and unstuck my feet from the floor to go climb in beside him without saying a word. He complains I talk too much, maybe I’ll rectify that and stop speaking to him altogether.
I put my back to him a
nd hugged a pillow under my head to try and sleep. I think I can tonight, this bed is nice. I wish he’d get a real bed, I hate that stupid couch.
This set a precedent for the following day sending me into a quiet brooding funk. He took me back to the club where he could work on his bike. I hid in a corner with the tablet he’d bought me for reading, and hoped to be ignored by everyone who would expect me to be nice. I don’t feel like being nice right now. Master’s in a funk and I don’t know why.
A few people waved when I happened to look up but everyone seemed to know I wanted to be alone and did so.
Fletcher ordered us lunch and sat down to eat with me around noon. I decided to save it for later when my appetite comes back.
“Eat.” He pushed the plate in front of me.
“I will later, I don’t feel so good right now.” I lied. I feel fine, I’m just sitting on a real good mad and food does not sound appetizing.
“Probably because you didn’t eat anything this morning. Now eat.”
I picked up the pickle and took a bite before continuing with my reading. Arguing with him is talking to him, and I’m not talking to him.
He finished his sandwich and sat there waiting for me to start mine. When it didn’t happen after I finished the pickle he started in on me again. “Eat the sandwich Jasmine.”
“I said I will later.” I put the tablet down so I don’t break it over his head and looked him right in the eye, “Will you PLEASE just leave me the fuck alone??”
I stood up to storm off, but decided I have one more thing to say and spun around putting my finger to his nose, “I don’t know what the fuck your problem is, but I suggest you either tell me or get the fuck over it. I didn’t trudge through snow so deep I’m STILL shitting icicles to be treated like this!!!”
He caught my leash and pulled me to my toes under his nose. This is what I get for wearing the damn thing all the time. I like fidgeting with it when there’s nothing else to do. “You don’t walk away from me.”
I screamed in frustration in his face and started pounding on his chest with my fists. “I hate you!!”
“Okay, whoa. Come here.” Salina appeared out of nowhere. “Joe, take Troop for a walk.”
I clawed at the collar until I got it off and threw it at Fletcher’s face. “Go to hell!!”
He caught it midair ruining the desired effect of hitting him in the face before Joe managed to pull him away.
Salina walked me around the back of the bar and pulled a joint from a cigarette pack, “This help?”
I laughed myself into a cry as I nodded. “I hate him so much.”
“I know honey.” She handed me the now lit joint as soon as I recovered enough. “Turner was pretty bad too from what I understand.”
“It’s not hereditary, he’s just a fucking asshole.” I argued harsher than I meant to. “He lost his first wife and child and now I’m stuck with his leftover anger, I guess. I don’t know what his fucking problem is.” I slid to the ground putting my back to the building.
Salina did the same. “We beat the shit out of Turner for being too rough with his wife. Want me to put Troop in the ring with Joe for an attitude adjustment?”
I laughed and passed the joint back, “As appealing as that sounds, no. I’ll deal with him, somehow. Ugh.” I rubbed my face. “Normally I can deal with him so much better, but he’s being unusually mean. It started last night.” I confided.
“Judging by he way his eyes burned holes in the back of your head last night, I’m gonna go ahead and guess that has something to do with it.”
“He could have come and gotten me.” I waved it off. “It doesn’t matter. I just need to chill and not let him get to me.” I groaned realizing my ass is going to hurt for a very long time after my little outburst today. Yeah me.
“What are you talking about? He leads you around by a leash, I think you have the right to lash out when he’s being an ass on top of it.”
“It’s not that simple. Crap.” I got up. “I have to get this over with before I chicken out and run away.”
Salina stood with me and took my hand to get my attention, “If you want out just say so.”
“There is no out for me, but thanks.”
“What do you mean?” Her concern is sweet, but I’m not her problem.
Somehow I still felt the need to explain. “I don’t have anything but the clothes on my back. If I leave I go back to living on the streets. Maybe I can handle that part, but he has a dog, a K-9 named Arrow. I’ve lost so much in my life,” I wiped away a tear, “I can’t lose Arrow. I’ll put up with whatever I have to from Troop, just so long as he takes me home.”
She pulled me into a hug as I started to cry all over again. “Okay honey. Okay.”
I pulled my shit together a few minutes later and thanked her for her friendship and kindness before going to face my Ice King.
At this point I’m so spent I don’t care who is around to witness my act of submission. I know what I have to do.
I found him sitting at one of the picnic tables with a couple other guys lingering about and walked right up to his knees before going down on mine. I sat back on my heels and looked at the ground to wait.
Of course he made me wait a full minute to torture me before moving my hair and putting the collar back on. The leash is still attached so he used it to pull me to my feet.
Then he simply turned me a few degrees and sat my butt on top of his left thigh. I kept my eyes on my fingers in my lap while the conversations resumed around us like nothing ever happened.
I’m not sure if we’ve made up or if I’m just in a holding pattern until he unleashes his wrath. Either way I’m still in silent mode. He hasn’t spoken to me directly since the blow up so keeping my vow of silence is pretty easy.
It wasn’t until after his shower later that night that he spoke to me. “We’re going riding tomorrow. You will eat breakfast before we go.” He insisted.
I nodded and glanced up in case he’s waiting for me to do something.
He tossed the towel he’d been using to dry his hair back in the bathroom onto the floor. He does this at home all the time with towels and clothes. I just roll my eyes and make mental notes to retrieve them later.
He walked over to where I’m curled up in the chair and lifted my chin, “Enough with the attitude.”
I just nodded again and lied with my eyes. Whatever. If I keep my big mouth shut we won’t fight and he’ll take me back to Arrow. Arrow loves me. He’ll let me hug him and lean into me for affection.
My thoughts led to a tear rolling down my cheek so I wiped it away as quickly as I could.
He kept my chin in his fingers, “Why are you crying?”
I swallowed and shook my head to look away from his eyes.
“I asked you a question, answer me.”
“I want to go home.” Okay, that was true.
“What are you talking about? New York?”
“No, to Arrow. To your place.” The tears started full force now, and here comes the blubbering.
He let go and took the tablet from me before gathering me up in his arms and carrying me to the bed. “You miss Arrow? That’s no reason to cry.”
“I miss his hugs.” I rolled and hugged a pillow instead.
“You’re not making any sense, Arrow can’t hug you.” I felt him sit on the bed behind me.
“He lets me hug him.” I tried to explain. “He likes me.”
“Here we go again with this liking you shit. What makes you think I hate you so much?”
“Please don’t do this to me again.” I begged and began crying harder into the pillow at the idea of another episode like earlier today. Just when I think we’re okay he says something cruel.
“I don’t hate you Jasmine.”
I’m not going to argue with him. All I need to do is la
y low and get home. I can do that. I sniffed and decided I was done crying. Enough already. I’m stronger than this.
I rolled over to look back at him, “Do you need me tonight? I’m kind of tired and would like to go to sleep.”
He reached over and ran his thumb over my chin. “Go to sleep.” He got up putting his back to me so I climbed in between the sheets and forced myself to come up with a new plan.
Not a plan to leave him, just a plan to survive him. If I can just find a way to turn off what’s inside me when he’s around, and turn it back on when I’m alone or with Arrow. There has to be a way. I know I can do this.
It felt like I was taking pieces of myself and putting some on one side, and placing the rest on the other. He can have this, but he can’t have that. I took the part of me that used to like when he touched me and threw that out the fucking window. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. Well, maybe fun isn’t the right word.
The next morning he was gentler and tried to be generous, but I had nothing to offer. I gave him what he needed and took nothing for myself. He complained about me still being mad and told me to knock it off. I just nodded and went to take a shower.
With my new outlook on life I come off as an asshole now too. The difference is I keep it to myself instead of making rude comments like he’s always done.
The ride was nice. He took me around town and up into the Superstition Mountains from a couple different angles. We stopped for Dairy Queen burgers. I tried to eat but decided to wait until he went into the restroom then tossed it out. My appetite will come back when it’s damn good and ready.
I cringed when he pulled into the club as the sun began to set. Here we go. I really don’t want to be rude to my new girlfriends, but I can’t handle him and them at the same time. Only one personality has room to come out and play at a time, and the real Jasmine needs to stay tucked away until I can at least get away from him.
Luckily I’d put the tablet in his saddlebag this morning so I grabbed it and tucked it at my lower back where I used to carry a gun. I miss that gun. I could use it right now to get rid of a certain pain in my ass. No, I can’t kill him. I want to, but I’d never be able to pull the trigger.
The Ice King On My Hate Page 11