#1 Crush

by Kaia Bennett

  He realized only after he said the words that she’d been speaking in the hypothetical when talking about the things that could tear him away from her. To her mind, marriage and a family had always been a given. There was still time to convince him he could accept that transformation gracefully.

  Instead he’d spoken of the present, of closing the door on the kind of permanence she craved. He was finally admitting that he couldn’t imagine the life she was dreaming about. Ironic. Fitting. They were two sides of the same coin, always facing opposite directions.

  He knew she understood him now. He knew that when she opened her mouth unable to speak that she’d caught up to him at last, just as they were about to part forever.

  She finally spoke. “Are you ever going to want to marry me? Ever?”

  His body rushed with heat then went frigid cold. It wasn’t the air conditioner. It was just the truth catching up with them.

  “You don’t want to marry me…”

  The words hit him hard. He closed his eyes, not even wanting to breathe. The quiver in her voice when she took in a breath was sharp in the silence. It wasn’t a question now. It was a confirmation. He didn’t want to marry her. He wasn’t sure he every wanted to marry anyone, but if he did tie himself to another person, it wouldn’t be one who rejected a fundamental part of his makeup. He’d had enough of that for one lifetime. And life moved fast. He was 24 now, with a birthday on the way. How much longer was he supposed to wait to be himself?

  Marta’s cries, her curses, the lamp she threw in his direction were poetic in a way. She had been his last chance at safety, at approval. Now he was literally in danger of her cracking his skull open. He had to grab her, pin her to the bed and stare down as she unraveled before him. That was the worst part. When she finally stilled and curled in on herself crying, he let her go, sat down beside her and ran his hands through his hair. He knew it was for the best that they were parting ways now, but that didn’t stop his heart from breaking for what he’d done to her.

  He sighed remorsefully, his body on autopilot as he got out at his stop and climbed the stairs to the world above ground. He’d known he was selfish in that moment when everything came apart. Marta’s soft sobs as she got out of bed were drowned out by the disappointment he knew his parents would feel when he told them about the breakup.

  Man, did he have them pegged. His mom…fuck, his mom had been heartbroken. No grandkids after all. She’d loved Marta, most of all because she was a means to settling Gabriel down. And his father had gotten all the confirmation he needed yet again that his son was a reckless, emotional man-child. The fragile peace Gabriel had cultivated was broken and he was once again the disappointment. And free. They seemed to be synonymous in the end.

  It damn near broke his heart how they resigned themselves silently to him moving on. So he dove into his choice head first.

  He chose music. He chose uncertainty and fucking someone new every night. He chose getting high and drunk every once in a while, and working his job just until he could save up enough money to start touring. He chose moving in with Jackie and Ian, which he’d done not long before the break-up, so he could save up some change, everything he could to pinch a penny. And he chose to be the good guy who stayed good by keeping his distance emotionally. Because anything else was just going to hurt yet another unsuspecting girl.

  The last thing he ever expected was that Nicole Langley might become one of those girls.

  He remembered the shock and the beginnings of anger rolling through him when he walked into the apartment and heard the porn he had been watching the night before blasting from all the way down the hallway.

  Who the fuck was in his room putting their hands on his shit?

  In hindsight it was a pretty stupid question. Who else was there during the day but Nicole? Nicole was in his room rummaging through his things! He never pegged her for the type that would be so disrespectful of someone's personal space. And she was watching the porn he’d used the night before to get off. How fucking embarrassing. His day had already been shitty and his fuse was already short. He was just starting to storm down the hallway, prepared to confront her¸ when he heard it.

  That moan.

  It happened so fast and it was mingled with the sounds of the girl on the DVD. But as soon as he heard it something low in his body stirred.

  She couldn't be...she wouldn't be...

  "Gabriel! Fuck me, Gabriel!"

  He felt his whole body rush with a heat that had nothing to do with the weather he had just escaped. His eyes were focused on the floor as if he could hear her better if he didn't stare down the hallway towards his room. He realized he was moving, and then he realized he was purposefully keeping his footsteps quiet, slowing his breathing so it didn't interfere with the sound of his bed moving or the sound of Nicole's moans. She was moaning in between high-pitched gasps that made his cock twitch. He could hardly believe she was masturbating in his room to his porn, let alone that she was obviously thinking about him. And the hunger in her voice nearly killed him.

  He approached the edge of the door, peaking around the side as slowly as possible. The door was wide open, the TV clearly visible. The girl on screen was getting pounded from behind. There would be a cum-shot soon, he knew because he had seen it. Even though he felt himself responding to the quick flash of images on the screen he was more concerned with the hand gripping a metal rung on his bed, with the glimpse of dark hair coming into view. He nearly gasped and retreated when she turned her face in his direction. But then he saw her eyes were closed tight, her lips were parted and her breath was labored. Her body was moving her back and forth on the bed, her left arm jerking quickly against her side. He had to hold his breath to keep from groaning out loud when she bit her lip and moaned, pressing her forehead against his mattress.

  She was close.

  "Gabriel," she whimpered, and he wondered if he would have heard her if he hadn't been able to see her. He was moving without even realizing it, almost as if he wanted her to find him watching. A strangled cry escaped her throat and her hand moved faster, her hips rolling under that skirt. It was the only thing she was wearing and something about just barely being able to see her full ass peeking out from underneath it, made his cock vibrate with need. Her back looked so smooth and soft, her wide spread thighs making his hands ache to feel her skin under his fingertips. He could only see a sliver of her breasts every time she rolled into the fingers hidden and smacking against the sensitive flesh under her skirt. He didn't remember ever wanting to see a girl’s pussy so bad, didn't remember being so turned on with so little to work with. He watched her moan, watched her shake and come. He watched and he listened, and he could almost feel an invisible curtain drop to reveal the real Nicole to his gaze.

  A powerful shiver coursed through her that his body echoed, and a little laugh escaped her lips. She sat up and his throat was suddenly so dry it felt like he was swallowing sandpaper. Her breasts were full, round, and the dark chocolate nipples pointed high. They swayed softly as she lifted her hand to run her fingers through her hair. He watched the place where her fingers were still hidden under her skirt and he watched the skirt shimmy over her thighs as she continued to rock her hips over those fingers. Her eyes flitted over the screen for a second, and then she pulled those fingers out of her skirt, smiling as if she had done something very bad and gotten away with it. She brought them up to her face, inhaling her own scent quickly, and then dabbed her finger lightly over her full bottom lip. The moment her tongue darted out over her lips to taste what she had done, he made his decision.

  He was going to fuck her.

  He made the slightest of movements to enter his room and do just that when she turned towards him. He froze. Licking his parched lips, he watched as she realized he was staring at her, that he was turned on and he was going to act soon. Then she screamed like she was next up to die in a horror film and did a free fall off his bed, nearly giving him a heart attack. He forgot who he was or
what he had planned to do for a moment, and that was all the time it took for things to go downhill.

  He didn't think he had ever seen a two-legged mammal move so fast in all his life. Before he could calm her down she was in the bathroom with the water running to cover the sound of her cursing and sobbing. It gave him time to think, to realize he had almost let his dick make a big mistake for him. This was Nicole he was thinking about. She was just a cute little college girl. A cute, relatively innocent college girl.

  One that was fucking herself on his bed while watching some pretty hardcore porn.

  He sighed and closed his door, running his hands through his hair as he stared down at his rumpled bed where she had been only moments before. He flopped down onto his back with a tortured groan, cupping his dick in his hand. What should he do now? Should he go knock on the door and try to convince her there was nothing to be embarrassed about, that he would be more than willing to take care of her needs for her? Should he just ignore it and pretend it never happened? She would be leaving in a few days so it wouldn't be hard to put the whole thing behind them.

  Gabriel turned his head and sighed deeply, and as he did he inhaled the scent of her on his sheets. The smell was faint and flowery, like lilacs and the sweet smell of what she had been stroking between her long brown legs. Both of the Langley girls had great legs, but it was Nicole's he couldn't get out of his head at that moment. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. He couldn't believe how hot she had looked with that coy smile on her face as she tasted her own come, and the way her glowing skin looked like it was meant to be touched by his hands for hours. He wanted to wrap his lips around those perfect tits he had seen only too briefly, to suck and bite on those dusky nipples. He wanted to lick the sharp incline where her hips met her waist.

  His hand closed firmly over his cock through his dress slacks as he imagined lifting her skirt and sucking on the sweet hidden flesh beneath it. He knew what she would sound like when he sucked on her clit. He knew exactly how she would moan his name when he fucked her with his tongue.

  Just thinking about it made his cock leak beads of pre-come. His tongue swiped across his bottom lip, his breathing heavy as he unbuckled his belt and undid his pants. He slid them and his boxers down his hips. Immediately, he covered his hard length with his hand, gripping it tightly and close to the leaking tip, rubbing his juices into the shaft to ease his stroke. It didn't take him long to start stroking fast towards release. The image of her with her teeth gritted and her breath coming out in hungry pants had his hand making squishing sounds over his dribbling cock. If she hadn't left, he'd be watching her doing this. He would have her wrap her lips around him and suck him off until her mouth was filled with his come. He'd slap the head of his dick against her pussy, making her moan and writhe just before he shoved it all the way in and made her scream. He wondered how tight she was, how long she had been thinking about him. He had been able to smell her desire for him. Did that little pussy taste as good as it smelled?

  He bit down on the fullness of his bottom lip, bending inwards and grunting as his come shot out in three quick, hot spurts onto his stomach and dress shirt. He made sure to keep his voice down so she wouldn't hear him even though that was the last thing he wanted. He wanted her to hear and feel and taste just how excited she had made him because his hand wasn't enough. He was tempted to go bang on the bathroom door and drag her back into his room to finish what she had started. But he didn't want to scare her or make her feel even more humiliated than she must already feel. He steadied his breathing, sitting up to clean himself off with a tissue on the side of the bed. He would give her some time. He would let her come out of the bathroom. Then he would make sure they talked it through. He sat for a moment looking at himself in the mirrors on his closet. That would be a disaster. He could already hear his ulterior motives sneaking in as he tried to comfort her. And what the hell would he say to her anyway?

  Um, Nicole, remember when you were stroking your pussy on my bed a little while ago? Well, really, there's no need to be embarrassed. We all do it. In fact I just finished up. So, you wanna fuck?

  Yeah, that would go over really well. She would think he was a complete pig trying to take advantage of what he now realized was her huge crush on him. How long had she felt this way about him? How had this slipped past him? Had he just not been paying attention, or had he been consciously trying not to?

  Then there was the fact that Jackie would lop off his dick and toss it in a field somewhere if he even looked at her funny. She loved Gabe but she knew he wasn’t looking for a relationship now, and she was highly protective of Nicole, calling her soft as a turtle without a shell when it came to love. He would have been relieved that it had more to do with her fears for Nicole than whether she thought Gabriel wasn’t good enough, if he hadn’t figured out a while ago that he was bad news for any girl looking for more than a quick, hard tumble. Jackie was getting that impression these days too, watching him with barely contained disapproval as he ran in the opposite direction of anything resembling love.

  If he ever hurt Nicole, he knew at the very least she would make him bleed; he had seen her fight a grown ass man in a bar once and the guy had looked really freaked out, like most people ended up being when they got on her bad side. Bad. All of this was very bad. He would be pissed at Nicole for putting him in this quandary if he didn't want to stick his dick in her so badly.

  He decided to change and then think through what he was going to say when she came out of the bathroom. He was pulling on some boxer briefs when he heard the bathroom door click open. There was silence and then lightning quick footsteps down the hallway. They paused in the living room and then he heard the front door open and thud shut. He stopped dressing, a shocked laugh stuttering out of his mouth as he shook his head.

  So much for talking it through...

  And when the fuck did she get so fast?

  It was obvious she was horrified and any plans to act on what he saw were just out of the question. He decided a happy hour with friends would be in order later, and he stayed out as long as he could to try and distract himself from that nagging devil’s voice in his ear, the one making him remember how good she smelled and wonder how delicious she must taste. It was when he finally came home and saw her getting ready to go to sleep on the couch that things shifted. He couldn't stop staring at her, not now that he had gotten a glimpse of what was underneath that tank top and shorts. His gaze caught hers, and the look in her eyes was a strange combination of embarrassment and wistfulness, as if she were saying goodbye to the possibility of him looking at her like a normal human being again. And there was something else.

  How had he missed that? How had he been able to ignore the way her rich, earthy brown eyes practically devoured him, the way they glanced up and down his body so efficiently, as if she were used to catching and relishing quick glances of him. That was pure lust he saw beneath the embarrassment just before she turned away. It made him want to put his arms around her, rip off her clothes and taste her full pink lips. But when she looked away he knew he wouldn't be able to get over the barrier of her humiliation. It occurred to him as he headed down the hallway that she thought he wouldn't want to have anything to do with her. It made him pause long enough to say ‘goodnight.’ When she looked up and quietly said ‘goodnight’ back, he felt something stir in him that he knew would make it hard to sleep.

  He held out as long as he could, before all the rationales and all the things that should deter him took a back seat to the throbbing between his legs, and the fire her eyes had ignited in him.

  He was paying attention now, and he was going to show her.

  For the briefest of moments, Nicole contemplated trying to talk to Gabriel like an adult. He’d never been unkind to her, or uninviting. In fact he’d been so perfect, so handsome, so kind that in the beginning she was disappointed to learn that this was just his personality. There was no ulterior motive, no attempt to get in her pants by using his se
nse of humor or manners. What a fucking drag that had been. Whatever spark she might have deluded herself into thinking they had was nothing but static electricity. Literally. She had the memory to prove it.

  During one of her summer visits a few years back she went out to dinner with Jackie and her new boyfriend Ian. She’d just turned 18 the month before and a few of her sister’s friends had tagged along to celebrate her belated birthday. They were already sitting in the booth when they arrived at the restaurant. Gabriel had turned around, his arm stretched out over the length of the booth and smiled in their direction.

  It was a flash. White teeth. Dark eyes, dark hair, tan skin, and a dimple in his chin that she unconsciously decided in that moment was a feature every man should have.

  Nicole had forgotten her name for a few seconds as she watched him stand, his full height causing her to stare upwards. Her eyes processed the leanly muscular length of him, the broadness of his shoulders and the strain of his toned arms in that black long sleeved shirt, the narrow hips served up like an appetizer to the toned muscles of his thighs, which she could make out in his loose jeans. Her loins responded. She watched him bend to give Jackie a hug, watched him give Ian that obligatory hug/back-slap guys always gave each other. Then he turned to her.

  “You must be the little sister,” he said with a broad grin. She winced internally. The ‘little sister’. She’d have taken birthday girl over that sexual douse of cold water.

  Then, he’d pointed to his broad, defined chest and said, “Gabriel.”

  “Nicole,” she said and reached out to shake his hand. Hers was trembling slightly, she could see it when she looked down to avoid how crazy beautiful his face was.