The Right Thing Easy

by Laina Villeneuve

  She chided herself for the swearing and genuinely immersed herself in the service, enjoying the music, listening to the ward business. During the sacrament, she watched the church members bend their heads and felt their collective relief in asking for atonement. What was it about this building, this space, this belief that created such peace? She couldn’t think of another place on earth that felt the same to her.

  Bishop Moore turned his square head as if he sensed her unrest. When his strange bulgy eyes stopped on her, she bowed her head guiltily, feeling like a child chastised for not paying attention. For all that the space felt peaceful, it didn’t seem to help her. She closed her eyes, willing herself to gain control of her thoughts and the way her body responded to them. How did this work for all the others around her, how was it that she didn’t know how to do it after years of dedication?

  The trays of bread and water came down the row, another ritual that felt like a homecoming. Her sister caught her eye and smiled, grounding her, helping her hear the talks on overcoming the trials of life, how Sister Amy strove to be cheerful with the neighbor who had grieved her and Sister Rebecca forgave her friend after she’d unfairly imposed on her. What about desire, she wanted to ask. What if you were attracted to the neighbor when you shouldn’t be? What if you fell in love with your friend and she happened to be a woman? What then? Could these women or anyone in the congregation have faced that with cheer or gratitude?

  The problem was that these women were supported by the church, and the church had answers for making their lives easier. She supposed that the church had answers for her as well. Not to think about the curve of the professor’s lips and how soft they would be and how much she wanted them to explore her body. Her body flushed at the thought, and she, again, looked around guiltily, knowing how disappointed her community would be with her if they knew that she sat there in church wishing she were lying naked with another woman.

  She shifted in her seat uncomfortably, trying to feel the spirit, honestly trying to offer up her trial and ask for help in her search for an answer. Could she sacrifice her spirituality to fulfill the aching need she felt every time she saw this woman? Equally challenging was the idea of sacrificing her sexuality for her faith. She’d spent so many years looking for balance and had only ever received input on the importance of living true to the church as if not one other member of the church felt a pull in a different direction. She couldn’t think of one person in Quincy who had left the faith and could talk to her about what that would mean.

  If she spoke to the new bishop about her dilemma, wouldn’t it be his job to pull her back into the fold? The drive home was as quiet as the drive to church, and she felt as if she’d found more questions than answers by attending the service.

  Chapter Six

  I shoved my feet into my boots and downed the last of my coffee, ready for church. Well, what I consider church, anyway. I’d missed a bunch of Sundays, because I felt too self-conscious to perform my morning meditation with Daisy. After three days at the Owenses’ place, it already felt like home to me, and the privacy I felt there beckoned me. I crossed the drive, my eyes on Daisy, wondering when she’d hear my footfalls. On cue, she raised her head and let out a low whinny, crossing her corral as I climbed the fence.

  “Morning, girl,” I said, rubbing her broad face. I’d left Eights on campus, hoping to make a training project out of her for one of my classes. Daisy turned back to her feed, and I grabbed a handful of mane and swung aboard her bare back. I caressed her shoulders and neck, making sure she wasn’t going anywhere before reclining with my head on her rump, legs crisscrossed over her neck, staring up at the sky as it lit up with the sun.

  I took a deep breath of morning air, listening to the sounds of the stable that I loved, sounds my family never understood. Every chance I got, I’d ask my parents to drop me at my riding school first thing in the morning. I’d hop from pony to pony in the little corral, figuring out how to control them with just my legs, learning to communicate with them without any book or trainer.

  I smiled, thinking of those days spent hanging out with the other barn rats, remembering, too, the way my parents would roll down the windows when they picked me up, how my siblings complained about how I brought the smell of the barn home with me.

  Wherever I went, the barn was my grounding point. On the road for rodeo, I drove Candy nuts wanting to hang out with the horses instead of hitting the bars and dances. More often than not, she’d storm off, leaving me where I was happiest, resting backbone to backbone reading my horse, every shift of her muscles.

  I dropped my legs back down around Daisy’s belly, wrapping my arms around her neck, watching her tickle her way through the stems of her morning feed down to the tender flowers.

  “What’ll we do here in Quincy? You going to miss the crowds? The hullabaloo?” I stroked her neck. “It’s good out here, don’t you think? It feels like home?” Her head swung up, and I followed the turn of her neck to the stud corrals. I laughed, remembering Gabe’s words about this being the place to get pregnant.

  “So you’ll be the one to get knocked up? That’s what you’re saying?”

  I angrily wiped away the tears that sprung to my eyes, wondering when I was going to stop thinking about how that seemed like an unattainable dream now. Candy and I had been together for three years. We were stable. We were ready to have babies.

  I was ready to have a baby.

  Now look at me. Single and without a clue as to how to meet anyone.

  Okay, so that’s my prayer, I said. I cupped my hands in front of me and thought through every single thing I wanted. When I find someone, she’ll know who she is. I curled a finger in, keeping track of my desires.

  She’ll be close to her family.

  She’ll be a homebody.

  Love to read.

  And be outside.

  I kept folding my fingers in until I had just one left. She’ll want a baby just as much as I do.

  I took a deep breath and flung my fingers out, sending each wish out to the universe, hoping I wasn’t asking for too much.

  Chapter Seven

  “Female!” I shouted at the steering wheel. “Weren’t you listening when I said ‘she’?” I drove too fast on the back roads just wanting to get home and shake off the dirty feeling that followed the first meeting with my mentor. He obviously had decided that part of his mentoring of this new faculty member included taking care of my love life, which was most definitely not what I had tossed out to the universe.

  How had I not questioned his inviting me off campus for our meeting? What possessed me to accept an invitation to his home? For some reason talking about campus politics and how to approach my first year teaching over dinner hadn’t sounded like anything flirtatious. It could have been innocent, I rationalized again. Logically, the Hispanic professors on campus should stick together, but for me that didn’t automatically suggest something more. I wasn’t a complete moron for having accepted, was I?

  I knew I was in trouble the minute I stepped into his home. There in the entryway was a poster-sized print. It was lovely and looked like local scenery. The rock faces matched what I had seen driving up the canyon from Chico, so I looked at it more closely. He stood there in his neatly pressed outfit, crisp white shirt tucked into chinos that were an inch too short. He’d taken special care in the way he sculpted his black hair reminding me of my vain younger brother. He didn’t usher me past the print. Instead, he stood there admiring it with a big smile on his face, happy I’d stopped to appreciate it. And there she was. A nude woman perched provocatively on one of the rocks. I couldn’t help staring wide-eyed. He smiled. “Former girlfriend. We had a thing about finding places to pose.”

  He continued down the hallway, tossing casually over his shoulder that she was in several more hanging about that I was welcome to look at as he put dinner together. I shuddered again remembering how I’d tried not to look but found myself staring like a rubbernecker on the highway. To mak
e things even more uncomfortable, he’d served dinner on the coffee table. I didn’t feel like I could move, and he’d sat much closer than was polite, asking me all sorts of questions about myself, ignoring every attempt I made to talk about what committees would suit me best.

  Without a thought to Gabe or his family, I screamed up to my place, sliding a bit as I slammed on the brakes and skidded to a stop, the second set of rear tires kicking up a good amount of dust around my large truck. Reality tried to creep into my brain, telling me that I didn’t have to be an idiot driver just because I’d been uncomfortable. But he’d stepped way beyond professional when he’d hugged me as close as he did, and if I hadn’t already had a read on him, I wouldn’t have been able to duck out of the kiss he tried to plant on my mouth. Angrily, I scrubbed at my cheek with my hand.

  I jumped at Gabe’s voice.

  “You want me to set up some barrels in the drive, so you can get some practice in?”

  “God, Gabe. You scared the shit out of me.”

  His laughter filled the valley. “You want to come tell my mother that?” He lifted his eyebrows and stepped back when I opened the door, jumping down from the driver’s seat.

  “Bad day,” I said weakly. I didn’t know these people well enough to lose my cool like I just had. “I’m sorry. Should I go apologize to your mom?”

  “You need a better story. Tell you what. I’ll tell her you were racing back here to help me with the stock and was scared that I’d chew you out if you kept me waiting.”

  “Just because you’re twice my size doesn’t make me scared of you,” I said, appreciating that he seemed to be on my side. “Do you need help?”

  He shrugged. “I’m taking some stock down to the lower pasture. Never hurts to have an extra hand.”

  As we passed the house, I stepped to the other side of Gabe, hoping to hide behind his shadow, self-conscious at having lost my temper so completely.

  “You think hiding is going to save your tail?”

  “If she can’t see me, maybe she’ll forget.”

  Gabe laughed again. “She forgets nothing.”

  “Super.”

  We walked in silence and haltered up five near-black mules Gabe wanted to move to a pasture down the road. I appreciated that he hadn’t asked about my day again, that he’d given me an outlet. Suddenly, I laughed, seeing how he’d redirected my energy.

  “What?”

  “Nothing,” I said, coming back to myself. “Just…I thought I had a good handle on my bad mood, but it seems to have gotten away from me.”

  He smiled warmly. “Busy hands, busy feet. That’s the way to forget your troubles.”

  “Ain’t that the truth,” I agreed, studying him, wondering what it was about him that already made me feel so comfortable. He continued walking, and I knew I could keep talking or not say another word, and either would be fine with him. I’ve always been one to trust my gut, so I kept talking. “I had what I thought was a meeting with one of my colleagues at the college. It turned out to be a date.”

  We led the stock through the gate and shut it.

  “Martinez?”

  I stopped, surprised.

  “He hits on everyone. My sister Kristine got this thing set up with Tim’s students from the college to intern at our ranch. He shared all sorts of stories about his favorite colleague. I guess you got an eyeful of his nudie pictures?” His broad smile teased me.

  “How do you know about those?”

  “Whole town knows. Tell Mom it was Martinez. She’ll understand.”

  “Sonofabitch,” I whispered. Gabe tipped his head to hide a smile.

  “He try his wine trick on you?”

  “Oh, yeah. I stopped drinking it the third time he topped it off. ‘Have a little more wine,’” I imitated, trying to mimic his smarmy delivery. “I got up and helped myself to a glass of water. Trouble with that was needing a restroom at some point.”

  “Don’t tell me he still hasn’t fixed the front one, but you were ‘welcome to use the master bath.’”

  “Who hangs a nude picture of himself!” Though I had to join Gabe in his doubled-over laugh, I was still deeply angry. For so many reasons, I didn’t need the image of that man naked in my head. “I can’t believe that man is allowed mentor new faculty.”

  “You going to complain?”

  “I’ve already got a draft of the letter I’m writing to whoever chairs that committee.”

  He nodded, pleased with my answer.

  “Do you think that’s stupid of me? I don’t want to lose my job.”

  “Not that they’d fire you over speaking your mind, but would you really want to work somewhere if you had to stay quiet about something like that?”

  I sighed away stress that I hadn’t realized I’d been carrying, knowing and appreciating that he was right. We slipped halters off the stock and watched them amble out into the fresh pasture. I fiddled with the halters, wanting to tell him that had it been a female colleague, I might have entertained the idea of a date, I didn’t want to risk losing my little house if he didn’t like the idea of a lesbian living there. Gabe’s eyes were still on me, waiting for some kind of response, still letting me decide the course of the conversation. The sleek mules were trotting now, heading up a small hill. Those in front moved into a canter, stretching out their dark slender bodies.

  “Is there better feed on the other side of the hill there?” I asked, not understanding why they’d be running.

  The moment he redirected his gaze, his whole face rearranged itself. “The gate! Flying shit biscuits! The other gate’s open.” He was already running, but so were all the animals, now at a full gallop. I thought about telling Gabe that flapping his arms about as he ran might be part of the problem but decided it was his show, and it was a good one, like a giant chicken running from slaughter. As they hit the gate and slipped through, Gabe stopped. “Maybe they’ll hang a right and go back to the barn.” The mules turned left. “Oh, I’m fucked.”

  “They’re headed to town.”

  “Yep. I’m going to go back for the truck, some grain. That’s the only way we’ll get them back.”

  “Give me your halters. Maybe they’ll stop on the road. I’ll see if I can’t get ahead of them.”

  “Okay, great.” He turned, still swearing, running for the house.

  I jogged to the gate and swung it wide open. If I could get in front of the mules, I could maybe herd them back into the pasture. I continued on the road whistling the call I used for Daisy even though I couldn’t see any trace of the animals. The heavy halters dug into my shoulder, the leads smacked at my calves, but I kept running. Around the first bend in the road I stopped so quickly my heart nearly flew out of my chest.

  Five rumps surrounded a blue sedan parked diagonally across the road. They pushed against each other, jockeying around someone backed up against the car, sprinkling cereal on to the hood. She turned, and I recognized the angel who had sent me to Gabe’s, the one who seemed to be wherever I was. My body buzzed like I’d been jolted by a hot wire on a fence. It was the running. That’s why I was panting. It wasn’t the way the light caught her honey-colored hair or the look of gratitude she shot at me. I edged forward, not wanting to spook the stock, wondering what kind of mule magic she was working to keep them glued to her.

  “I was hoping someone would be along to rescue me,” she called. Her voice, as warm as her image, washed right over me.

  “You’re the one rescuing me,” I said, unable to peel my eyes away from her. As I circled around closer to her, I felt her stiffen.

  “Where’s Gabe? I thought for sure it would be him looking for this bunch.”

  Gone was the calm I saw when I’d first approached. The closer I got, the straighter she stood, to the point where it looked like she was leaning away from me. You’d think five mule muzzles butting at the box in her hands would have intimidated her, but, no, it was me.

  “He’s right behind me,” I explained. Her shoulders lowered e
ver so slightly, and I felt strangely wounded, wondering what threat I posed that she felt better knowing Gabe would be joining us soon. I searched for something else to say to put her at ease and tried distracting her with the herd surrounding her. “How’d you stop these crazies?”

  She rewarded me, her shoulders coming all the way down from her ears. “I saw them loose on the road and didn’t want them getting to town. I thought if I blocked off the road and bribed them, I could get them to stop. I just picked up some groceries for Mrs. Wheeler. Honey oat clusters are her favorite. They’ve just about burned through the whole box,” she rambled nervously.

  “Smart move. Shake what you’ve got left around in the bottom. Keep them interested.”

  She did as I asked, remaining calm as I slipped a halter onto one of the mules, taking a moment to stroke its muzzle where it lightened to brown. I pulled that lead through my belt and got to work on number two. I could feel her eyes on me. When I turned to confirm what I felt, her eyes snapped back up to mine. Did she look guilty? Scared?

  “Here’s Gabe,” she said.

  Sure enough, I heard the rattle of Gabe’s diesel engine coming up the road and wished there was some way to tell him that I could handle it, that the angel and I could. I wanted a chance to thank her.

  “Hope!” he called, stepping from his rig. “You’re a lifesaver!”

  “So I’ve heard,” she said, meeting my eyes again for a fleeting moment. I couldn’t even gauge what color they were. “Just in the right spot at the right time, I guess.”

  I thought of the string of events that had led me here to a back road and extended my hand. “Hope, isn’t it? I’m Dani. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve been fixin’ to come by and thank you for giving me the line on Gabe’s place.”